Color Me Crazy

February 15, 2005

I got into my van in the grocery store parking lot this afternoon and realized I had lost my sunglasses while shopping. Grocery shopping with all my children. I didn’t go back in to look because I have no idea when I dropped them and I would have to be insane to step back in the store after we all made it out alive.

Could have been when my 1 yr old threw everything out of the back of the shopping cart and I had to bend down and pick it all up. (She was sitting in the back of the cart because I was only going to run in and buy a few things, $275 later we had our few things.)

Could have been when I was picking up the boxes of cake mix she grabbed and gleefully threw off the shelves as she ran down the aisle. (This was after I took her out of the cart and let her walk so she would stop throwing our groceries at other unsuspecting shoppers.)

Could have been when I bent down and picked up a case of beer, which I earned on this trip and therefore has no calories. (No,I didn’t make that up… it’s true. Honest.)

Could have been when I bent down and hissed at children, who are old enough to know better, that just because the fruit and produce are not in hermetically sealed packages, doesn’t mean it is your personal snack buffet.

Could have been when I was digging down into the bottom of the grocery cart to find my wallet, because the cashier wanted to check my ID and held up the conveyor belt until I produced it. WTH!?! (And I know I was flattered last week when this happened, but I’m so over that now)

Could have been as I bent down and dragged the 1 yr old away from the candy display, while she flailed, kicked, and beat me about the face and head with her tiny fists.

Could have been when I chased down the running 5 yr old in the parking lot, holding the screaming flailing 1 yr old, and pushing a full grocery cart with the infant seat attached to the front, a trail of children running behind me screaming for me to slow down, and my 10 yr old hitting me in the backs of my ankles with the second grocery cart we had picked up along the way.

:: Pausing to allow everyone to fully grasp the scene that particular incident created::

But hey, looking at the bright side, I did learn that you cannot be killed by being hit by a shopping cart, despite repeated attempts by my 10 yr old son to test this.

Could have been when I was unpacking both the grocery carts and realized that the bread and fruit were UNDER the canned goods. (A steady stream of expletives poured out of my mouth over that one, and I was not the least sorry about it.)

As I sat in the van, I noticed my husbands sunglasses he wears when he goes flyfishing. They are these huge wrap around kind of glasses. So I got to drive home looking like a 75 yr old with cataracts.

Could have been that I had the sunglasses on the top of my head the entire time, so I drove home looking… well, just like a freakin’ lunatic.

Sigh, at least I have an entire case of calorie free beverages to drink tonight.