The Best Birth Control
October 28, 2005
I am about to patent the Best Birth Control Ever®. But Chris, you ask, didn’t Rob just have an operation so that you wouldn’t have to think about this?
Why yes, yes he did. But we have only recently realized that it was entirely unnecessary and superfluous as we already had access to the BBCE®. We have now begun using it to it’s fullest potential.
And I am excited at the prospect of sharing my new found knowledge with others, so that they may partake in the BBCE®.
It is a barrier method that has at it’s core an ultra sensitive heat sensor. The heat sensor senses how close the barrier is to the two consenting adults. The BBCE® can be placed entirely on top of one of the adults, or can be placed equidistant between the two consenting adults. The choice is not yours, but rather determined by the barrier device itself. The choices occur in random order so that there will be little temptation to try and outsmart the barrier.
Should anyone try to get out of the bed, causing the temperature in the bed to dip slightly, it will cause BBCE® to immediately sound an alarm. This alarm can only be quieted by both parties resuming their positions on opposite sides of the BBCE® barrier.
If you would like the BBCE®, you should act immediately as it can take up to ten months to recieve one. Construction of a product as effective as this one can not be rushed. Each one is individually crafted specifically for you!
This photo is shown as a representation of the product. Your own BBCE® may vary slightly from the one pictured, but rest assured the slight variations in appearance will not impact it’s performance.
There is no warranty or guarantee, real or implied. The BBCE® is not returnable. Results mentioned are not to be considered typical and your results may vary. Proceed at your own risk.
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Ohhhhh! I’ll take two!
October 28th, 2005 at 11:02 amIf those really worked so well, you wouldn’t have seven of them.
October 28th, 2005 at 11:20 amBeagles also work.
October 28th, 2005 at 11:39 amMy first four were somewhat ineffective. The maintenance on the BBCE is much higher than implied in the documentation. The warantee period is extremely short and returns are near impossible. The look of shock at the mere mention of returning a BBCE is enough to make a grown man cower and cry. All that said I would still encourage everyone to get a BBCE or even two or more!
October 28th, 2005 at 11:41 amAhahahaa!! Been there, done that. Still got six kids! =)~
I so sympathize with you on this one. And to think Rob is thinking, “MAN!! I went through that for nothing!” =)
October 28th, 2005 at 11:41 amThat’s the only type of birth control I’ve ever used! Trust me–it works.
By birth control you mean trying to have as many babies as possible, oui?
October 28th, 2005 at 11:52 amJordana,
October 28th, 2005 at 12:05 pmThis is the first one I have gotten with the new improved super duper heat sensor.
Haha
They also work well for curbing that addiction you may have to enjoyable tasks like knitting or sewing, typing with two hands, or eating.
October 28th, 2005 at 12:07 pmyes, it works great, I received two in the past 3 years. My older model(13) was starting to become ineffective.
October 28th, 2005 at 12:18 pmOK, I’m an idiot. I kept trying to figure out what BBCE stood for (I thought you were being extra clever) but the best I could come up with was “Baby Between Consenting … Edults?”
October 28th, 2005 at 12:48 pmThis post has been removed by the author.
October 28th, 2005 at 1:07 pmOMGOSH! I haven’t laughed that hard in… forever!
I already have five of them. Although they must be the older models as they are not equipped with the heat sensors. Hopefully I won’t be upgrading anytime soon!
ROFLOL!
October 28th, 2005 at 1:17 pmI’m sorry; we already hold the patent on your invention! Our model is called Thaddeus and he is very sensitive. Thus, not only is there birth control . . . he also prevents those annoying middle-of-the-night restroom trips, mind-deteriorating pleasure reading, weight-gaining midnight snacks, marriage-building talks, etc., etc., etc. See our model at http://ThadWatch.blogspot.com/!!
October 28th, 2005 at 1:57 pmOh God-that made me laugh out loud-I needed that-and I love the picure of him, all snuggled up in your sheets with his mouth wide open.
October 28th, 2005 at 2:30 pmToo funny for words.
That’s all we use.
October 28th, 2005 at 3:05 pmCuteness! Mine worked like that but some how they have been upgraded to “Mommy and Daddy alone in their bedroom” sensors. I know I didn’t order that feature!
October 28th, 2005 at 3:15 pmadorable. adorable. adorable.
October 28th, 2005 at 3:21 pmI’ve put in an order, but was informed that there is a wait until sometime in May. However, apparently I can’t get pregnant in the interim. That is one amazing product!
October 28th, 2005 at 3:29 pmHilarious. We’ve got one, too.
October 28th, 2005 at 3:35 pmMy fourth one functions just like that-my earlier ones didn’t. She should be grateful, she might not be here if they had.
October 28th, 2005 at 4:22 pmOhmygod! AAHAHA! Best post ever. Jurgen (my dog, for those of you who may think I’m talking about a kid) actually watches sometimes. It’s so weird…he just sits down and stares. Very difficult to concentrate. We have to give him a few treats and shut the door and hope he doesn’t bark and claw at it. Jesus Christ. A little privacy, please??
October 28th, 2005 at 9:40 pmthat baby is a horrible birth control method. i mean really, could that child be any cuter? heck, my ovaries are churning just thinking ’bout that sweet picture. warm and cuddly ta boot? sheesh.
October 28th, 2005 at 10:04 pmI live in fear of the few times the BBCE actually fails… That’s how I got pregnant with #2.
October 28th, 2005 at 11:34 pmOMG, how utterly adorable. I want another one.
October 29th, 2005 at 8:15 amHa! Awesome. Corgis are also effective. Especially when the female corgi thinks your husband is HER boyfriend.
October 29th, 2005 at 3:27 pmNow STOP that! You’re making me think that five is a nice number and I SO know that FOUR is the absolute perfect number so there. Stop I said, STOP! (that is one damn cute BBCE)
October 30th, 2005 at 1:32 amHA! At some times, I have three BBCE devices in my bed at once, and STILL The Hubster wants to get it on.
October 30th, 2005 at 7:07 amEw isn’t that illegal?
Too damn funny. Cute heat seeking device.
Template looks great now in Mozilla
October 30th, 2005 at 8:20 amIn our house, we call it snuggle radar. Up there with food radar for when you want to sit down to dinner after a long day of running around…
October 30th, 2005 at 10:33 amAh yes. I am familiar with BBCE as well. However, for people such as you and I will the size families we have, I suppose we are craftier than most to have been able to work around it as well as we apparently have.
October 30th, 2005 at 2:06 pmI was just browsing various blogs as I was doing a search on the word halloween, and I just wanted to say that I really like what you’ve done with your blog, even though it wasn’t particularly related to what I searched for. I appreciate your postings, and your blog is a good example of how a blog should be done. I’ve only just recently started a Posters website - feel free to visit it when you get a chance if you wish. Much success, antonio.
November 7th, 2005 at 11:08 pmNow this is funny
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December 30th, 2005 at 12:48 pmoh, that’s wonderful - and I’ve been using mine for months now with fantastic success! in my experience, though, they only work for a year or so.
January 18th, 2006 at 1:06 amOurs comes in a particularly effective embodiment (which I believe I’ll patent as an improvement on your “prior art”), known as the “H” style.
January 18th, 2006 at 7:19 amOurs comes in a particularly effective embodiment, which I’m claiming as improvement on your “prior art”; it’s known as the “H”-style. We also get the “Z”-style sometimes, which tends to collapse, and once in a while the “Pile of Logs” style, which tends to actually reduce Oxygen levels altogether in the room, making it easier to sleep.
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