Quote of the Day
October 6, 2005
said by me to my 10 yr old son as I pop his CD of choice out of the CD player in the van.
“I just can’t listen to Radiohead this early in the morning. My nerves can’t take it.”
Presented as evidence that I am turning into an old fart.
Posted by Chris @ 8:40 am
And We’ll Have Fun, Fun, Fun ‘Til The Mommy Goes Crazy
October 5, 2005
Do you ever have one of those times when you wish you could just leave your body and float far far away?
I had just that experience today. Why you might ask?
I had to bring my van to the auto repair shop to have the annual emissions testing done. Today was the last day that I could have it done for $20, after today it would be $20 plus a $20 late fine. The fine would have been worth the price of my sanity.
If someone offered me $20 to sit in a crowded waiting room for an hour and a half with my wild children- why oh why did I feed them pop tarts in the van on the way over there- I would have laughed in their face, yet that is essentially what I did. yes I realize I could have gone and had my van inspected any time during the sixty previous days and avoided such a scene, but what can I say, other than, “shut-up. Just shut-up.”.
The highlights of my day included:
A 4 yr old who kept (loudly) calling the man in waiting room with a long black coat, black hat, black pants, black shoes, and black shirt, Indiana Jones and questioning where he kept his whip. But it did give my 9 yr old the idea for a Halloween costume, and now I only have to sew him a faux leather jacket. Good Lord, I only agreed to sew it to make them stop talking about Indiana Jones in front of this poor man. (Personally I thought he looked more like Neo, from the Matrix, but the kids have not seen that movie.)
A 4 yr old who kept (loudly) commenting on the appearance of everyone in the waiting room, like gee that lady has big legs, doesn’t she?
A 4 yr old and an 8 yr old who got into a knock down drag out brawl over a chair, though there were numerous other vacant chairs to sit on, especially since all the people were all scared off by the 4 yr olds running commentary… or maybe the 8 yr olds hacking cough and his refusal to cover his mouth.
A 6 yr old who questioned whether wearing earrings made a boy look more like a girl, in front of all the men who work in the car shop and all wear earrings.
A 6 yr old who licked, yes licked, the glass front door of this auto repair shop.
A 2 yr old who kept spinning the magazine rack so fast that all the magazines kept flying off of it across the room.
A baby who made a stinky stinky room clearing poop with the knowledge that I had left the diaper bag in the van which was at that point in the air and inaccessible. Okay, maybe the baby didn’t really know I had left the clean diapers in the van, but he should have. He is nine months old afterall, hardly a newborn anymore.
A husband who calls me in the midst of this “fun” and says, just give it an hour or two and you’ll find the humor in it.
I’m still waiting.
Posted by Chris @ 3:49 pm
Post Partum depression, nine months later
(originally published at dot-moms)
I’ll be the first to admit it. When I read about the impending Tom-Kat baby, my first thought was, “Ha, I hope she gets post-partum depression. Maybe then the Tom half will get a clue.” But as quickly as I had that thought, I repented.
I don’t wish PPD on anyone.
I have had seven pregnancies and given birth to seven children. I never had any serious post-partum depression with the first six pregnancies, I had no reason to think the seventh would be any different. But it was. I was depressed, overwhelmed, and angry. I couldn’t sleep, convinced that something would happen to my son. When I did fall asleep I would wake up panicked that he was dead and I would have to rouse him. I wished I could disappear. Well meaning people told me to get away, but they couldn’t see that my children were my lifeline. It was beyond depression and into despair.
I wrote many things during that time that I never published anywhere. I was recently reading some of things I wrote and came across the following, which I think sums up the feelings better than I could ever do now. I have resisted to the urge to go back and edit it and clean it up; for better or worse, here it is.
There are good days, and then there are others.
The fog surrounds me
and I can’t seem to catch my breath or see clearly through it.
The times when I am reading a story out loud
and my voice wanders off
finally my 6-year-old reaches up and touches my face.
I can feel him willing me to look at him
and when I do he smiles.
“I love you, Mommy.”
And I have to remember to smile back.
We go outside and feel the warm sunshine on our shoulders
the heat on the back of our necks
We pick blueberries off of our bushes
So many blueberries this year
a rebirth, of something, I hope.
We gorge ourselves
until we feel that sick sweet sticky feeling in the pits of our stomach.
It’s the taste of melancholy.
I put down the bucket and stretch out on the grass
On my back, arms straight out,
the crucified martyr.
The children run around the bushes
Around and around
Screams mixed with laughter
“Look at me, Mommy!”
I close my eyes and am taken back 30 years
the smells of sunscreen, berries, and freshly-cut grass evoke memories
of days like this day,
only without the profound sadness.
A place when time stretched before me as an eternity
And I could be anything I wanted,
I open my eyes and I am here.
From this day on
Will blueberries always taste like tears?
A small sticky mouth kisses me
and tiny purple stained hands grab my face and pull it close.
pulling me out of myself.
“Mama,” the voice says.
And I have to remember to smile.
So much to be thankful for
Why can’t it be enough?
Posted by Chris @ 2:57 pm
Pictures From the Weekend
October 4, 2005
It’s so GREEN!
Posted by Chris @ 10:03 am
Answers to the burning questions of my weekend
October 3, 2005
1) “A vat of lemon/lime gatorade, a basket of granny Smith apples, a recycling bin filled with 1L bottles of Sprite, a circa 1982 sweatshirt with the neckline cut off emblazoned with the words RELAX, and the newly painted family room in my house”
2) “A ton of wood pellets to be used as alternative heating source, 1 car with a driver’s side window made of plastic sheeting and duct tape, and 2 babies wearing nothing but soggy diapers hanging down to their knees.”
3) “An old upholstered couch.”
4) “You’re not dressing as a serial killer. Get the batteries out of your nostrils. What did you think would happen when you threw a rock at the window of the car?”
5) “3, 526 and 3, 525″
6) “The baby’s head”
7) “Wah, Wah, Wah….gurgle gurgle, gasp, gasp….. silence… WAH WAH WAH”
“Number of reasons chris will learn to love the green paint and has taken to calling it soft apple green instead of neon dayglo green”
1) “What are places Kermit the Frog could hide camouflaged in plain view?”
2) “What are things located in front of the house in order to keep with the crack house feel”
3) “What is the only thing missing from the front of the house to fully give it that ghettoized feel.”
4) “What are things Chris actually said this weekend”
5) “What is the number of square feet painted by chris this weekend versus the number of square feet she actually intended to paint.”
6) “What is the location of the extra square foot of paint?”
7) “What are the sounds that a nine month old makes when having green paint scrubbed off his head.”
“What is 3,525″
Posted by Chris @ 4:10 pm
What’s In A Name
October 1, 2005
My latest post is up over at dotmoms in which I write about my unresolved feelings I still have over the traditional “changing your name when you get married”.
For the record, let me just say that I have no issues with women who change their names or women who chose not to. I don’t think that changing your name implies a deeper commitment to your relationship, nor do I feel it compromises feminist ideals. What I wrote is strictly from a personal perspective.
I like tradition, I do. And that is why we have turkey every Thanksgiving.
Posted by Chris @ 8:25 pm