December 29, 2005
This morning I woke up determined to right the wrongs that I did yesterday. The kids were still asleep and they all look so cute and innocent and QUIET when they are sleeping. Today was going to be Good Mother Day.
I took the leftover ham bone and made it into split pea and ham soup. I let the kids help me. Oh what fun was had by all! We chopped together, measured together, chopped some more. Oh so much damn fun I could hardly stand it! But wait, the day was just beginning I had much MUCH more fun planned.
Then I played Animal Yahtzee. Not once, not twice, but four times. And considering how much I hate games, this was an impressive showing. And then, because I was playing Good Mom today, I played Animal Rummy. I didn’t let my eyes roll back in my head once and stifled the urge to say, “Hurry up, discard!”
Then the kids smashed open the geodes they had received as stocking stuffers. That was FUN! What a great present that was for indoor use, because you know that you can never have enough tiny rock particles all over the house. And excited children running around waving hammers is always a recipe for success.
I ooohed and ahhhed over several Lego creations and proclaimed my love for them, saying I wanted to marry them I loved them so much.
Since I was also trying to work the good wife angle as well, I baked bread. The little kids helped knead it and only once did I have to remove a child from the table who decided that jumping on the dough would be a much more effective way to knead it.
My daughter ate obscene amounts of candy all day long. But she did use the potty. I had to resist singing the song “Bigmouth” by The Smiths when she was eating two lollipops simultaneously, because it was good mom day. And good moms don’t sing songs like that. They sing songs like “Who is Captain Feathersword?” and they sing it without making any innuendos about what Captain Feathersword is tickling with that sword of his.
And we made homemade root beer with a kit my 9 year old got for Christmas. And then made some slime that my 8 year old got for Christmas. We learned that food coloring stains.
When my 8 year old told me that he had broken the faucet in one of our bathrooms by using it as a handle to hoist himself up onto the sink. I just smiled and walked away. This unusual reaction prompted him to follow me and ask, “Did you hear what I just said?” But I didn’t want to spoil Good Mother Day by shouting, “Are you freaking kidding me?”
Just when I thought the fun was coming to an end, someone suggested painting.
Before I could answer my brain exploded and began oozing out of my eyeballs. And my children grabbed their spoons and scooped it up and ate it. It was green. Now it is gone.
Here I am trying to hold my brain matter back in my eye sockets.
This Good Mother Day was tough. I am looking forward to tomorrow when once again mediocrity can reign. Long live the good enough mother, I like her best — what with her intact brain cells and all. A solid C, that is what I am aiming for.
A Day in the Life set of photos is here.
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