Laugh Last, Laugh Best
January 10, 2006
I think I have the most lazy children on the face of the planet. Seriously, if there is some sort of contest I would win it hands down.
Every day when the children come inside from playing in the snow I say the same exact thing. Take off your wet stuff and put it in the dryer, line your boots up neatly, and put your gloves flat on the counter. Every. single. winter. day. It isn’t like these
demands, requests, pleas come as a surprise.
And yet every day I go into our mudroom and there in the middle of the floor is a huge pile of wet outerwear, mixed with boots, boot liners, scarves, gloves, socks, and other randomly discarded articles of clothing. I just don’t get it. They literally disrobe with the dryer two feet away from them on one side and the closet two feet away on the other side, but they just leave their things on the floor.
This morning I was in the laundry room/mudroom trying to fold clothes and put them into laundry baskets when my aggravation peaked. I opened up the closet door, picked stuff up off of the floor, and began to throw things in the closet, one item at a time. I paused very dramatically for effect between items, announcing what the item was for all the world to hear.
“Oh look, a BOOT!” as I threw it in and it bounced off the back wall of the closet.
“And here a crumpled up pair of soaking wet snowpants. Those will be nice to put on later!” as I held them up in the air for everyone to examine and feel filled with remorse.
This went on for quite a while. Even though my children, like most human children, only have two hands, there were at least twenty pair of wet gloves in the mix, as well as several more hats than they have heads.
When I finished I slammed the closet door. Six pair of eyes were looking at me. I yelled, in a way that I am sure will be the source of much ridicule for years and years to come, “There, how do you like them apples.” Six children dissolved into laughter.
For some reason my tantrums never have the desired effect. I never have contrite, apologetic children. Instead they mock me.
But that’s okay. They can laugh all they want. Next time I am throwing the clothes outside into the snow. We’ll see how funny that is when they are getting dressed outdoors and freezing their apples off.
I’ll be laughing last. And them’s the best apples of all.
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