Precariously Close To The Straight Jacket
January 26, 2006
If I ever have a complete and total nervous breakdown, it isn’t going to be the direct result of some major event. It is going to be an everyday occurrence that finally pushes me right over the edge.
It is going to occur because one of my children turned the toaster to the darkest setting after using it and I was the unfortunate person who tried to make toast next and ended up with the last two pieces of bread in the house turned to charcoal.
Or it will be that upon entering the shower I discover yet again that the brand new bottle of shampoo is empty and the bar of soap has been broken into hundreds of tiny pieces and stuffed into the drain.
Or it will be because the baby gate has been knocked down from the staircase and is laying on the floor at the bottom of the stairs and people are ignoring it and STEPPING ON IT rather than picking it back up.
Or because I go to buy some fancy pants clothing for my children to wear to my niece’s night wedding and the sellers want to charge $15 shipping per item. What are they smoking? And more importantly, will they be mailing some of it along with the fancy pants clothing? Because maybe I’d consider it then.
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This morning I screamed “If my dead body was lying on the floor would you step on it?!” My smarta** 11yo said not until the will was probated.
January 26th, 2006 at 10:51 amAhh how nice to know that every mother has crap like this going on!
My favorite is when I realized that someone had turned the dial inside the refrigerator to OFF!
January 26th, 2006 at 11:06 am$15 per item! YEAH RIGHT! That is ridiculous!
January 26th, 2006 at 11:14 amOh, that blows! I’m so sorry - fancy clothes ain’t worth that…
January 26th, 2006 at 11:27 amlove love love coming here… your “morning routine” had me LMAO…as did this current post! Happy place, happy place, happy place…
January 26th, 2006 at 12:47 pmLOL! This is why I come and read your blog–thanks for putting those annoying things into fantastic words.
January 26th, 2006 at 12:49 pmsee, when I first read through I thought you said the BABY was knocked down and being stepped on.
January 26th, 2006 at 1:08 pmno wait…that would be my house.
I have been known to pick up the phone with a ‘Hello, this is the asylum’…
Karen
January 26th, 2006 at 1:44 pmWhen my mother would be going somewhere when I was young and we would ask, “Where are you going?” She’d say “Crazy, want to come?” I sooo understand now.
January 26th, 2006 at 1:52 pmThe straw that broke the mom’s back, eh? Kids…as Bill Cosby once said…they are brain-damaged.
January 26th, 2006 at 2:26 pmI always yell “You are driving me crazy!” and my 8 year old has picked up my husband’s habit of replying “Short drive.”
January 26th, 2006 at 2:32 pmI’m like Tiffany’s mom. When my oldest son (who is all of 4 1/2) asks where we’re going, my standard answer is, “Crazy, you’re driving.”
January 26th, 2006 at 3:31 pmAAAHAH! You’re awesome.
January 26th, 2006 at 3:35 pmSO good to know it isn’t just my family. Around here, any item that falls (gets flung, dropped, etc) on the floor becomes instantly Invisible. I have tested this, and my beloved children and husband will step on or over items such as spoons or underwear for Days. Furthermore, when I say, in my sweetest, calmest tones, “Will someone PLEASE pick up this mess?” I invariably hear “What mess?” They just can’t see it.
January 26th, 2006 at 4:47 pmCordially,
Melora
For $15 per item they should be MADE of whatever they are smoking. Ridiculous.
January 26th, 2006 at 5:04 pmMy daughter continually turns the toaster down, not up. It’s still annoying when my bread remains wan and obstinately untoasted even when it has popped up twice, but at least it can be remedied.
January 26th, 2006 at 5:07 pmlast time they did the toaster thing to me I served well done poptarts for two meals in a row.
didn’t fix them, but it was fun.
kids, can’t do without ‘em.
my life would be so dull if I were childless….
January 26th, 2006 at 5:17 pmLOL… but yeah, we all understand.
As for the shipping $… can you call them and get them to combine shipping for you? I mean, you ARE outfitting a family the size of a small third world country. *wink*
Oh - and sorry to tell you it doesn’t get better as they grow. Mine are now teens down to 10 years and NOPE… still don’t know how to pick up without being ‘reminded’ they just stepped OVER their bookbag and jacket laying on the floor.
January 27th, 2006 at 8:47 am