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I Can Only Hope You Are Not Eating Right Now

I Can Only Hope You Are Not Eating Right Now

January 30, 2006

Lesson learned this weekend:

When your child says that they feel sick, it would be wise to believe them and pull the car over. Saying, “knock it off” doesn’t make the child stop whining and only serves to make you feel like a class A jackass when he then vomits all over himself.

When my two yr old, still strapped into her carseat, looked over at him and gagged, I snapped, “Oh, no you don’t. Knock it off.” I am nothing if not consistent in my empathy. But I could not take a chain reaction. As it was I barely able to stop the contents of stomach from spilling out all over the car.

I was relieved that I only had three kids with me when I had to strip him down to just his jeans. Jeans that were now soaking wet because I had to clean them with baby wipes, many, many baby wipes. I bagged his shirt and winter coat up in a shopping bag that was in the car and tossed them into the trunk, where they would bake and later require scraping to get the encrusted vomit off of them. But that wasn’t until later, at this point I was just happy to postpone dealing with any more vomit.

Luckily I had pulled in and found a parking spot right in front of the GAP. I directed him to stand on the sidewalk while I got the other two out of their carseats.

A woman walking by looked at him, and then at me with such disgust on her face, and said that it wasn’t that warm outside yet. I mumbled something back about him throwing up all over himself.

Honestly, I was taken aback. It was a warm day, unseasonably warm in the high 40’s, but there is still snow on the ground. And further more, even when it is 100 degrees outside, people don’t usually take children of his age out in public shopping without shirts on. She was several yards away before I thought of a a snarky comment to say back to her. I hate when that happens. I decided not to chase her down and say it, since I think it would have lost something and only served to make me look more crazy than I already appeared.

Once inside the GAP, we quickly had him re-outfitted, and we were able to soldier on with our shopping.

I found a dress for my daughter at a department store that was 80% off of the already marked down clearance price. So I bought her two dresses and a faux fur stole that almost makes me cry due to it’s unbelievable cuteness.

And I bought myself a pair of shoes and a pair of tall black boots, because can a girl have too much footwear? No, she can not. Especially when they are free, or 80% free. It was like they were paying me to take the inventory off of their hands. At least that is what I like to tell myself. Considering I had picked chunks of vomit off of my child’s clothing and carseat with baby wipes, while pretending it wasn’t at all disgusting, and not once gagging audibly, well I deserved new shoes.

Of course when I told Rob this he wanted to know if they were paying me to shop why did I give them $250. Such a man.

Posted by Chris @ 7:52 am  

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Comments

  1. nabbalicious says:

    I once threw up in the back seat of my parents’ car, and got in trouble for not telling them I was sick. I had only been moaning about it all day and screaming at my sister to stop talking about food (which she was doing on purpose). I threw up right after she said, “Butter.” I’ll never forget it.

    I hide shopping bags in the car until the Mr. is safely occupied, then I hustle them in. And everything costs $25, ALWAYS. Sometimes it’s even, “It was originally $25, but I got it on sale!” He still doesn’t know how much my favorite pair of jeans cost. He’d throw up all over them!

  2. owlhaven says:

    Oh, man…I can sympathize. When I am an old lady I’m really going to try to give young moms the benefit of the doubt… And as for now.. well, my kids clothing looks odd some days too. Last night my 39 lb 3 year old returned from a birthday part in a size 18 mo pair of pants because she had, ah, imbibed a bit too much punch at the party. The pants were as tight as 80’s spandex, but I was just grateful I happened to be someplace where we could borrow something remotely close to fitting.
    Mary

  3. Audrey says:

    the funny thing was that I had just taken a big-ol bite of my egg and sausage burrito, as I read the title…I hope your not eating right now…..well, I was, but the curiosity kept me reading and as a testimony to mothers all across america, I could easily eat my burrito and read about puke with no problem at all. LOL

  4. B.E.C.K. says:

    It’s amazing the way people who have no idea what the real situation is will snap-judge moms who are dealing with complicated messes (literally and figuratively). I’ve already decided that the next time someone does that to me, my response will be to look them in the eye and just say, “Wow, that was amazingly rude.” Might not solve anything, but might help me feel better.

    I hope your little guy is feeling better now. I had to laugh a little, though, because yesterday I was a mean mommy and made my kiddo eat a generic vitamin (which he hates — he likes only one particular brand and the store had run out). He drank some milk to wash it down, and a look of panic crossed his face. I told him to just swallow the darn thing…and he threw up all over the table (as I cursed myself for not taking him seriously). I think I’ll go back to the store to see if they’ve restocked the brand he likes yet. ;^)

  5. Mrs. Darling says:

    Yep I’ve had kids puke in the car too.

    Everyones telling me abput the wonderful sales going on at the mall now. I really need to get there and buy some stuff. But I’m afraid I’ll overspend. Oh the dilema!

  6. MamaGeph says:

    $250 is dirt cheap for vomit duty.

  7. pink says:

    just found your site thru thebestofblogs.com site. enjoying my stay. put on another pot of coffee wouldya? i might be here awhile…

    cool reading so far. stop by anytime. check out the 2nd entry on my “camping w/junior” page (more stuff).

    i think you paid yourself nicely. i got nuthin for that cleanup call. humph.

  8. HolyMama! says:

    I second what MamaGeph said. You’re underpaid, girl. What should be the going rate for Vomit Duty? I have no idea, but I like the concept of new shoes for Car Puke. Which, let’s face it, is WAY worse than At Home Puke. So, did you throw any food at Rob for his comment? ;)

  9. Jenni says:

    “almost makes me cry due to its unbelievable cuteness”

    That made me laugh. I bought T-boy a flannel shirt from the Gap before he was born that had the same effect on me.

  10. Margaret says:

    Tall black boots at 80% off? You should have bought an extra pair! They never have my size when stuff’s on sale, though, it’s my own personal Murphy’s law.

    Was the kid sick again later? Great thing about being a kid– throw up once, randomly, and then you’re all better. Whenever I’m sick I know I’m going to be that way for the next 48 hrs.

    I tell you, if I had a dime for every buttinski who had to comment on me or my parenting, I’d be rich (or even richer if I counted people who said stuff to me personally, like ‘Smile!’ which men usually say to me, or ‘You look tired,’ which strange women often say to me, like THAT’S helpful). It’s a good thing I don’t carry a weapon is all I’m saying, especially when holding a poopy, vomity baby under one aching arm, trying to catch my 4 year old with the other, and telling my 6 year old for the tenth time that she can’t have any candy.

    When people say stuff to me now, I either a) am too stunned to say anything or b) say, “Thank you, that was very helpful!” but next time may well say “are you the stupidest human being on the planet?” which is really the honest truth.

    Anyway, bottom line, you never know WHAT people are dealing with. The only time I’ve said stuff to parents is when they aren’t controlling their kids and those kids are actively trying to hurt my kids.

  11. InterstellarLass says:

    I was shopping with my mom and my brother when he was just a toddler. Sitting in the foodcourt at the mall, he puked. Did I mention the food court was positioned over the skating rink at this mall? And that we were sitting next to the rail? To prevent disaster to the masses below, my mom stuck out her hands and caught said puke in her hands, then proceeded to dump said puke in a pile of napkins on the table. I, in horror and disgust, could barely contain my own wretching stomach. I swore then and there that I would never, ever stick my hands out to catch my kids’ puke.

    Fast forward quite a few years. Sitting in an exam room waiting for the doctor, my son begins to wretch. I stick out my hands and catch it. I have become my mother.

  12. Liz says:

    Oh boy. My 8yo daughter did that in the car the other day too. This is the kid who NEVER gets carsick, even after reading or playing with toys for hour-long trips (I, of course, get sick even thinking about sitting in the back seat of a moving car). I didn’t believe her. I will next time…

    cheers, Liz (outing her blog after signing off as Liz in Australia for the last couple of comments)

  13. Jennifer says:

    I’m not the most sympathetic mom, either, especially since my kids are a bit on the hypochondriacal side. If they think dinner looks suspicious, they instantly break out in a stomach ache. They can do it at the drop of a hat. I’m usually clueless that it’s the real thing until someone pukes. Oy.

  14. Heather says:

    I can sympathize with the vomiting in the car thing. I think the worst is when they throw in IN the carseat and it just goes in every knick and cranny. Throw up and cars just dont mix. It seems like it takes forever for the smell to really go away if it embeds in the carpet at all. Hope he is feeling better. You so deserved the $250 dollars you spent. Just justify with your hubby that it was 5 bucks for every baby wipe full of puke you had to endure. :)

  15. Kris says:

    Oh, of COURSE you deserved shoes! I probably would have wussed out and gone home. You’re my hero!

  16. Darren says:

    I admire your restraint with that woman. I’m thinking about printing up some shirts that say “I judged you first.” Do you want one?

  17. Chris says:

    darren,

    sure do. But only if you put on the back of the shirt “But I was smart enough to keep my f*cking mouth shut.”

  18. Anonymous says:

    Amen. The most recent one of those, I was so irritated already that I just said, “Mind your own business, lady.” You should’ve seen the look on her face.

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