For My Husband Who Is Away
February 3, 2006
on a business trip
eating in top notch restaurants, sleeping in 5 star hotels, having interesting conversations with people who don’t have stains on their clothing suffering endlessly because he misses me so
There are some appealing aspects to having a spouse who travels occasionally for business.
1) I can watch as much HGTV and Sex in the City reruns as my heart desires
2) I can eat as much fart-astic food as I desire without giving any consideration to another person and their olfactory system. Last night it was bean dip, yummy! Also, excuse me.
3) I can have the entire bed to myself (which is important because of #2 above)
4) I don’t have to clean up the kid’s toys that are strewn about the house, because it doesn’t bother me in the least. Nor does the “toy clutter” hamper my ability to relax on the couch and enjoy the aforementioned fart-astic food.
5) I can watch television and play with my laptop and not have to pretend to make conversation or feign interest in the weather forecast
But then there are the drawbacks:
1) I have to go around the house and lock all of the doors and then check them all again. And I have to remember when I go out that I have locked all the doors so that I remember to bring my key with me. Or else we will be locked out and I ‘ll be forced to walk around the house to find an unlocked window that I can hoist one of my smaller kids through.
2) Even though I have the entire bed to myself I can’t sleep and spend the night tossing and turning and the sheets feel cold.
3) The strange noises that I inevitably hear in the middle of the night, which convince my overactive imagination that someone has broken into my house and is going to murder me in my sleep. Therefore, I must sleep with the regular phone AND cell phone under my pillow. I’ve seen enough of those Law and order type shows to know the criminals always cut the land line, and so am prepared for this possibility.
4) Eventually I still do have to clean up the toys, because even I get tired of kicking a path.
5) How much fart-astic food can one person eat before they become offensive even to themselves?
6) I want to be the one to see Ted Danson eating out in a restaurant wearing some fake white hair on his head. Yes, my life is that uneventful that it is things like this of which I am am immensely jealous.
It might be a close toss up, but in the end, I much prefer him to be home to warm the bed, protect me from an untorrid death, and take out the trash. Even though it means
fighting over sharing the covers, cleaning up the house every day, and saying “Wow, that’s interesting!” when I really have no idea what he is talking about.
And really, isn’t that what marriage is all about?
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