I’m Very Afraid
February 7, 2006
You know how whenever you go to the grocery store you end up in the checkout behind some woman who is quibbling over the price of an item when it is rung up. She insists there is a sign she saw somewhere in the store that makes her item on sale, and yes she does want someone to go and find the sign thankyouverymuch.
When the woman turns around in line to look at you and mumble an apology, you refuse to make eye contact, because you are NOT on her side, you just want to hurry up and get out of the store, and why do you always get stuck in the slow line. Why?
So they send the bagger to go find the mysterious sign; he is not exactly a rocket scientist. And he comes back to the cash register, but can not remember exactly what the sign says after that l-o-n-g trek though the grocery store, so he has to go back and look at the sign again. And at this point you think you might have died a little.
And then the cashier is arguing with her over whether or not said item is on sale, and then they bring the store manager over to look at the item and the sign. And the store manager begins to quibble over the wording of the sign with the woman. And you use your laser beam eyes to burn a hole into the back of that woman’s head.
The store manager and the woman go back and forth, back and forth, and you wonder if the store manager is working on commission, because why the hell does he care so much. And when he finally agrees with the woman he acts like he is doing her a favor, instead of abiding by the sign that was hanging up.
And the entire time you are standing there trapped behind this woman in line, holding your tongue from blurting out, “Good Lord woman I’ll pay the 50 cent difference*, just get on with it!”
Well today, that annoying woman who holds up the entire line, was me.
For all those people who had their food go bad and their ice cream melt into puddles while this was taking place, I apologize.
*in my defense, it was a $10 difference on boneless chicken breast. $1o makes it worth it, no?
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