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Things I Have Learned Today

Things I Have Learned Today

February 21, 2006

1) Exercise is hazardous to your health. When you are running on your treadmill and your children start fighting near you, turning to yell at them will result in you misstepping and falling. You will be flung off of the back of the treadmill and the ear phones will be ripped out of your son’s Ipod. As you lay broken on the floor, your son will rush to the aid of his Ipod.
Also, the black and blue bruises will match your new black dress perfectly and giving the entire ensemble a level of classiness you never could have imagined.

2)You can not turn your music up loud enough to mask the screams of a two year old. Unless you turn it up so loud as to cause your eardrums to burst. In which case you will rendered deaf. Not that it would necessarily be a bad thing.

3) Before telling yourself that you will run until the next song is finished it would be wise to know how long the next song is. I can run a half a mile to Californication by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I didn’t really want to. The song kept going on and on and I was screaming in my head, “Just shut-up already, Anthony” alternating with “God, I hate exercising”

4) Similarly, singing out loud to this song while trying to run will result in a sound that resembles a wounded sheep and will cause your family to gather ’round and stare at you, slack jawed. They will imitate you later on.

5)As much as I like my large, relatively speaking, nursing boobs they are a pain, literally, when trying to run. And running while holding them in place is not very easy for the uncoordinated like me. (see number 1 above) Thank God I run inside my house where no one can see me feeling myself up.

6) I have a new body part to fixate my hatred upon… I have deformed ears. The reason I know this is that the ipod earbuds will not stay put inside my ears when I run. I have not noticed any one else having this problem.

7) Bladder control is something I should have appreciated more. In fact I think that might be my new tagline, Gaining A New Appreciation For Bladder Control. Too much information? Yeah, I thought so.

Posted by Chris @ 8:00 am  

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Comments

  1. Jaybird says:

    The ipod earphones that came with ipod—crap. I curse their little white bodies every day.

    I can’t believe they watch you exercise. My kiddos scatter to the four corners.

    You are a better woman than I. Yessiree. Doughnut?

  2. runningfordearlife says:

    iPod earphones (or any in-your-ear earphones that I have tried) don’t go in my ears without falling out either..or my sisters.

    I have ones that hook over my ear (and probably make them stick out more than is strictly attractive) and they stay in place fine.

  3. runningfordearlife says:

    sorrys sisters’ (as in sisters’ ears)…I only have one sister.

  4. runningfordearlife says:

    oh dear - I am terribly stupid - “sorry”, not “sorrys”. I am done now. Be glad I usually lurk and don’t comment!

  5. Anonymous says:

    OK, I am finally delurking because that is just too funny. The other day I swallowed a grape wrong and had a coughing fit. I then had to tell my husband that I had just peed my pants a little bit. He was horrified. I had two kids within 18 months and can’t run or sneeze anymore *sigh*. If I had had 7 I probably wouldn’t be able to stand up.I will get to those kegels one day.

    As long as I am delurking, I want to tell you I love this site. In fact, I feel like a traitor to the other mommy blog site which I USED to go to first until I found this one a month ago. I truly enjoy reading and appreciate the time you take to share your insights (and travails and funny stories and tough times).

  6. novaks8 says:

    I think they are technically “earbuds”

    Are they supposed to snugly fit in your earhole or are they supposed to gently sit there?

    I cant get them to work either way.

    The ones with the hooks are better but I love my son’s old style headphones that came with his amplifier!

    I think they make the earbuds because the kids want to try to sneak the players into school and listen.
    They even make backpacks with special slots to run the cords through!

  7. Jennifer says:

    you are so funny! this was a hilarious post, and i loved it.

    as for the earbuds, only the right one will stay in. i can never get the left earbud to stay in. not with the ipod or any other earphone that has to be stuck inside. so i only have one deformed ear. the right ear is fine.

    i am still laughing over the part about you feeling yourself up.

  8. Meg says:

    You know, taking the little foamy things off my earbuds seemed to help a little. But maybe I have abnormally deep earholes that allow the earbuds to stay put…

  9. Jessica says:

    Delurking here too to say that the ear thingies don’t stay in my ears either.
    I once looked at my husband’s ears (with ear thingie in them) and said ‘Aha’! On him, the little flappy thing that kind of sticks out (you know, on the side of the ear closest to the cheek?) folds IN towards the ear, thus snuggly holding the ear thingie in. Mine just sticks straight out and the thingie falls out.
    Maybe in the end it’s like the tongue rolling thing, some got it, some don’t.
    I take the cord of the ear thingie and wrap it around my ear once to hold them in place.

  10. Liz says:

    I am with you on #7 and think that would add a touch of irony to your blog title.

  11. Heather says:

    Laughing WITH you about the treadmill thing. My experience was similar as far as falling off of it,several times I will shamefully admit. However the culprit to my bumps and bruises,was a 2 year old that loved to throw whatever he was holding on the treadmill, to watch IT fly off,which would cause me to trip over it, and go flying myself. He would then laugh and say bye, bye mommy! Evil, evil child. LOL..He soon became best friends with his playpen while I ran..

    And I have to share with you, my husbands sick,sarchastic, whatever you want to call it, sense of humor. During my breastfeeding
    Year(s), anytime I would exercise that involved running,he would hollar, “Hey Gabe, mommys making you a milk shake buddy!” Men. They. Are. Truly. Shameful!

  12. Isela says:

    The earphones they give out with the Ipods stink, I had to go and buy me a decent set (yeah, like the Ipod’s price tag is not big enough, they make you spend on some other ones). I got me a pair that you put over your ear, they have a flippy thingy that goes over your ear so they do not fall.

    My kids love to see me exercise too, they both gather around my elliptical and they just watch it mesmerized. I think they wonder why in heck I want to go on a thing that doesn’t go anywhere.

    Californication is a really long song, very long indeed.

    I alternate between songs and movies–movie has to be a power/kicking movie though–usually an action flick.

  13. InterstellarLass says:

    Get thee a good sports bra! I’m rather blessed myself, and Brooks makes an awesome underwire sports bra that really holds the twins steady. It’s well worth the money!

    At least you’re exercising!

  14. B.E.C.K. says:

    Heh. I feel myself up when I run down the stairs. Glad to know I’m not the only one doing this. And thanks for reminding me to do my Kegels. ;^)

  15. Riley* says:

    ipod? i still use a walkman.. LMAO!!

  16. Larissa says:

    oop, I am “anonymous”, meant to leave my name, FWIW!

  17. Tuesday Girl says:

    Oh god, how I miss great bladder control.

  18. Carmen says:

    HAHAHAHA!!! You mean I FINALLY have something over you?!?!?!?!

    Cuz, those earbuds? They fit in MY ears juuuuussst fine, thank you.

    But I am with you on the bladder control thingie.

  19. Amah says:

    I’m 51 and sure wish I did my Kegels after my first set of kids!! Love your Blog - I check it every day - I have 5 under 4 so you and MOTSYM both highlight my day!!

  20. Jennifer says:

    Ugh….I had a sneezing fit outside Target today, and had to keep stopping and standing with my knees together so I wouldn’t pee myself. My husband thought this was hilarious, naturally. One of these days I’ll do it when I’m going IN the store, and he will be humiliated by being forced to shop with a wife with wet pants.
    Care for a Depends?

  21. Buffi says:

    Those stupid earbuds make my ears hurt. I finally got some Koss earbuds that are made of that soft, squishy stuff like earplugs are made of. They form to your ear & stay in better. They also block out the children’s screams much better!

    Honestly though, for as much as the damn ipod cost, you’d think they have better earbuds.

    And bladder control? I have fond memories of bladder control.

  22. Mrs. Darling says:

    I hear ya. I am so sick of peeing every time I sneeze or laugh at a funny joke. I’m not even sure I have a bladder anymore.

  23. Libragirl says:

    I can’t use the earbuds either. They don’t fit right.

    Excercise and 7 kids. You are amazing

  24. nextcommercial says:

    Runningfordearlife!! Your additions to this post made my entire day! Thanks!

  25. lipstickface says:

    My first month with my ipod i was wearing them while shopping at whole foods. In the wine section a lady offering samples began speaking to me. I took my ‘ear-buds’ out to hear her and noticed she was holding back some laughter while repeating her offer of spit cup sized wine to me.

    A few aisles later i went to put my earbuds back in my ears and noticed the black foamy covers were missing. I put my hands up to my ears and realized the stupid black foamy things were still in my ears - sticking out no less.

    I just finally got around to replacing my earbuds and I LOVE the pair I got to replace them. They are apple and ocme in a case you can carry them around in. They have rubber covers on them and are so comfy and somehow completely block out all outside noice. I got them at Target and theyre officially called “In Ear Headphones”. Thats what it says on the box anyway. So comfy!

    Email me your address and Ill send you my latest workout playlist - its good for at least an hour. Im all proud of myself for coming up with a decent playlist!

  26. baby's diner says:

    K…I’m delurking to say “You Rock”! I totally get you on the bladder control…we just bought our children a trampoline because i thought it would be a great way for me to get exercise except i cant jump for trying not to pee myself. Oh and the boob thing…double up on the bras while your running(yes I just said wear two…)helps keep em steady…

  27. HangerMom says:

    LOL!

    If you know of a good bra for REAL support for nursing breasts (or just big ones in general) do tell. I’d love to get some exercise occasionally but it’s too uncomfortable and embarrasing. InterstellarLass mentioned a brand, but I’m not familiar.

    And all the rest of your points are right on as well!

  28. meredith says:

    I have tried and tried to crank up the radio volume over children’s screams in a hopeless effort to remain calm, but, they can always outdo my old JVC.

  29. Erin says:

    I guess I’ll just refer to this post if anyone wants to know why I stopped exercising…

  30. Paula says:

    I’m running, too, and the bouncing bosoms is a big problem. Even with a good sports bra. Title 9 Sports rates their bras and has some that they claim really “mash” you, that are good for larger breasted women (that would be me) but I can’t wear underwires or something TOO tight while nursing or I end up with a plugged duct. UGH. Much as I love nursing, breasts are nothing but a problem IMO.

    I know you don’t want to be seen in public, but have you considered running outdoors? It is SO nice to be outside, especially if you get lucky and the sun is shining. Just wear long johns if it’s cold!

    As for those earbuds, like most technology, they’ve never worked for me either, so I run in silence.

  31. Virenda says:

    Oh no, I have done that so many times on the stupid treadmill. ~sigh~

    I go to the gym, trip on my towel or turn my head and fall right off, I have balance issues.

    I hate “ear buds” I have ones that fit over my ear and they work perfectly.

    LOL @ nursing boobs, oh I know how that feels ( 3 kids) and it’s not nice. I ended up having to go to the gym and do a forearms under the boob thing, yes people did give me the “weird” eye. (and I liked it!)

  32. noelle says:

    feeling yourself up? ROTFLMBO

  33. novaks8 says:

    Anxiously awaiting a dentist post!

  34. HolyMama! says:

    those ear things don’t work on me either.

    and, worse, the times (yes, plural) I’ve fallen off a treadmill into a pathetic heap - were AT THE GYM.

  35. Mama says:

    I just started blogging this week and have been searching through the mommy blogs, and this one is just what I needed! I have six kids and my youngest is a fourteen month old boy as well. So your blogs are like the sunshine in my dark hole of “being the only one”, if you know what I mean. I really loved the fourteen month old one! How inspiring! I love this blog!

  36. The Daring One says:

    You are so funny. I do the treadmill at a gym and the knockers are a serious issue. There is no bra tough enough for the nursing rack.

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