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2006 February

Not Disorganized, Lazy

February 17, 2006

Yesterday Rob called me from his office, almost giddy with excitement.

I had just emailed him a list for grocery shopping, a task which he has been taking on with much greater frequency.

“I just heard the most fabulous thing.”

“What?”

“My co-worker, D., came up with this fabulous time saving grocery shopping system. She made a list of all the aisles in the grocery store and the items that she typically buys in each of those aisles. Then she put it into a spread sheet and printed it out. She then hangs this up in he pantry and as she comes across something she needs she just checks it off on the list. The beauty of this is that when she is at the grocery store she knows exactly where each item is located and never has to back track through the store hunting for that one elusive item.”

“Wow.” Admittedly my brain went numb after the word spreadsheet.

“Amazing isn’t it?”

“Who the hell has time for that? This is why I need a job. So that I can ignore it and have time to do things like this.”

“But don’t you think it is a great idea?” he asked.

“Sure.”

“Do you want to do it? I could get the list of what is in each aisle from the grocery store tonight. And you could…”

“Oh see, I was thinking more along the lines of you photocopying her list and shopping at her grocery store from now on.”

“But she doesn’t live near us and her list has the foods that her family eats.”

“Change is good.”

Posted by Chris @ 12:16 pm | 28 Comments  

At Last

February 16, 2006

I just found out that my post is up over at dotmoms, Rules for two year olds and tweens.

I’m going to have to go read it; I feel like I wrote it so long ago I can’t even remember what I had to say.

Posted by Chris @ 5:10 pm | 2 Comments  

Fourteen Months Old

Fourteen Months Old

This past month you have turned into more of a person, stepping even further away from babyhood, and showing us your developing personality. You make you wants known and express your displeasure when things don’t go your own way. Often this results in you stamping your feet before flinging yourself prostrate onto the floor.

You notice now when we all laugh at something and you join in by screwing up your face and making a very loud fake laugh. If you do something that causes us to laugh you will continue to do it, testing out your newly developed sense of cause and effect.

Your newest loves:

Bananas, you love eating them almost as much as squeezing them between your fingers and smashing them into the rugs and furniture.

Toilet brush, you try and push people down and out of your way when they open the bathroom door so you can go get it… and brush your hair.

The pile of garbage and dirt that results when one sweeps the floor, you try to grab the garbage out from in front of the broom and run away with it. I have to literally hold you back with the broom and sweep like I am an Olympic hockey skater going towards the goal. Who knew sweeping could be a full contact sport.

On and off switches, especially the one on the vacuum, which makes vacuuming a longer and infinitely more frustrating experience.

Laundry baskets, you love to push them around the house. It borders on an obsession. Any clothing that happened to be in the baskets you grab out while pushing and throw around the house, leaving a trail of clothing in your wake.

Ripping pages out of books and magazines, this just never gets old for you.

As I have said before, you don’t like to sleep at night. But I’m okay with that. And so is your father. Last night, when you woke up for what felt like the 50th time, and Rob sat up in bed and yelled, “This is bullshit!” he meant that in a nice way.

You don’t like to talk, preferring the point and scream method of communication instead. The one word you do say is “Eat” , though it sounds more like “EEEEEEEEEEE” You walk over to the cabinets where we keep the food and scream it.

You are never silent. You walk through the house with such purpose, swinging your arms and pointing at random things. Sometimes I like to “translate” your baby speak into what I think you are saying. For example, this morning your walked into the dining room and pointed to the fireplace mantle. I think you said, “What is that up there? You call that decorating? Why the hell do people put their wallets, toys, and papers up there?” Why indeed.

Those little teeth

You are still teething, getting your fifth tooth in right now. It doesn’t really seem to bother you. And aside from the constant stream of drool pouring out of your mouth, one would never know that you were teething. It amazes me the variety of foods you are able to eat with only those four little teeth. You eat everything that we eat. This past month, in a belated celebration of you being a year old you ate part of a peanut butter and honey sandwich. We throw caution to the wind here, botulism and allergies, we laugh at you! Ha!

You are such a happy baby. You constantly laugh and smile, from the moment you get up in the morning we are greeted with your grin and dimples. I don’t think I have ever seen a baby smile so much. Surely your cheeks must ache by the end of the day. Just this morning when Rob’s alarm went off you popped up in bed and looked back and forth from your father to me smiling. “How can anyone wake up so happy?” Rob had asked. You laid back down and closed your eyes for a few minutes before climbing over us to try and get the books off of our bedside table.

I look forward to the day when you can eat without having to take the chewed food out of your mouth and examine it every few bites. Similarly it would be nice if you could understand the concept of a napkin instead of using your hair. Though since most of your siblings still haven’t grasped the whole napkin concept, I realize this will be a long time coming.

You like to clap your hands, give high fives, and wave bye-bye. But on your own terms. You don’t like to perform like a trained circus animal, much to the disappointment of your siblings.

Fourteen Months

As I was sitting here typing you walked over to me and reached up with your chubby arms. I picked you up and held you close. You wrapped your sticky hands around the back of my head tangling them in my hair. You brought your face close in to mine. I smelled your sweet baby breath, a mixture of your morning nursing, pancakes with syrup, and magic marker. I thought I was going to be the receiver of one of your highly coveted, not often given, kisses. Instead you head butted me.

And then you got down and walked away, laughing and babbling. I think you were saying, “She falls for it every time.”

Posted by Chris @ 8:40 am | 25 Comments  

A Letter

February 15, 2006

To my 14 month old son,

I am sorry that I appeared overly excited about you sleeping through the night a few days ago. I deeply regret writing about it and appearing to be thrilled about spending less time with you during the middle of the night. That is not the case.

How could I ever not want to spend quality time with you, in the dark, while the rest of the eastern seaboard is sound asleep? I so enjoy your company that I am completely willing to sacrifice my precious few hours of sleep and the tenuous grasp I have on my sanity in order to be awake with you.

Now can you please stop waking up every hour on the hour ALL NIGHT long to show me the error of my ways. Please.

I hope this apology is sufficient. If not tell me what additional penance I must do to win your favor, preferably during daylight hours.

Love,
Your very sleep deprived mother

PS- Before you think of disregarding this apology and making a habit of the night waking, I want to remind you that I have a crib and an attic, and I am not afraid to use them.

PSS- Yes I realize that it is cold in the attic and that I would be very cramped in that small crib, don’t make me do it.

Posted by Chris @ 7:38 am | 22 Comments  

Quote Of The Day

February 14, 2006

“You don’t get money on Valentine’s Day. You just get lots of love… and candy, definitely candy.”

said by 6 year old son in response to his younger brother who asked if he was getting money.

I matted and framed this photo for Rob.

Seven Heads

Just slightly better than the dark glasses and mustache.

Yes, I gave Rob the version with the words all over it to being to his office. I had to make sure none of his co workers would try to take the photo and do something with it. Can’t be too safe these days you know. The world is full of crazy people. CRAZY! And I am sure when they see the photo I’ll seem very sane.

The children got Valentine beanie babies, mugs filled with assorted treats, including a package of hot chocolate, the good kind with mini marshmallows. Yeah, they are worth it. At least that is what I tell them.

Anticipating

The hyperactive sugar frenzy is beginning already. I really should stop eating the candy.

Posted by Chris @ 6:04 am | 20 Comments  

Me, Me, and Even More Me

February 13, 2006

Mommybloggers is doing a four day love fest. It sounds like something that people would have been doing in the 60’s while smoking bongs, burning their bras, and growing their armpit hair. But it’s not. Not even close.

Every hour on the hour for four days mommybloggers will be posting an entry written by a mother on the topic of love, 40 moms in total.

Um, it has already been going on for two and a half days… me so bad at posting. But hey, you all have nothing else better to do than to head on over there and catch up by reading 25+ posts, right?

Rumor has it that mine will be published tomorrow at 2pm CST.

And in case you can’t get enough, and trust me I’ll understand if you have because I am getting a little sick of myself too, my latest post should be up at dotmoms tomorrow. I have no idea anymore when it will be published. I’ll let you know when it shows up.

Posted by Chris @ 5:14 pm | Comments  

When Being Hot Refers To Hot Flashes

Saturday I was driving home from the dentist when I realized that I was on empty and had better get to a gas station.

I pulled into the gas station and got out of the car to pump my gas. There were a group of three guys, college age I am guessing, at the next pump over who were looking at me. I pumped my gas and as I went to get back into my car I noticed that they were turning and smiling at me. It’s not everyday that I get noticed by men. I think the whole seven- kids- hanging- off- of -every- available- appendage- or- else -whining- about- something is a real turn off for men flirting with me. I don’t know why, because seven kids, a mom van, and stained clothes scream, “WHAT A CATCH!” to me.

So, I began to get a little big headed, thinking to myself that even though I am 8, 10, 12, 15, 20 years older than they are (Oh dear God, I just realized that I could, in theory, be their mother. Eeeewww) I still have it going on.

I smiled back and got into my car and began to drive off. One of them waved and as I went to wave back I glanced into the outside mirror and realized that my gas tank was open and the gas cap was still sitting on my trunk.

I pulled the brake and got out of the car to close it all up, which involved chasing down the rolling away gas cap. I gave a little wave and laughed, happy that I didn’t slip and fall like I typically do, because that would be embarrassing.

I got back in the car, feeling like I was all that and a bag of chips. I looked into the rear view mirror to adjust my sunglasses and noticed that I had drool coming out of my mouth and down my chin.

And then I came to the sad realization, they weren’t looking at me because they thought I was hot, they were looking at me because they we were wondering what a retarded woman was doing driving a car.

A retarded woman who was old enough to be their mother.

Posted by Chris @ 8:51 am | 20 Comments  

Incognito

February 12, 2006

incognito

Why, no I don’t think I am over reacting. Why do you ask?

Updated to add: If you want to be a “friend” on my flickr contact list you have to sign up for your own flickr account. It’s free, easy, and you don’t have to put up any photos if you don’t want to. When you add me as one of your contacts I will be notified and can then add you as a friend. I realize that there are still some public photos over there. The rest are marked private for now.

Posted by Chris @ 12:52 pm | 25 Comments  

After Some Thought

Well, after lots of consideration I have changed my Flickr account so that my photostream is only visible to people I designate as friends.

It is true that once you put pictures out there on the internet you have no control over what someone does to them and while I can accept that to some degree, I also think I have to make an effort to make it more difficult for people to take them.

At least that is what I think right now at this moment. I may change my mind. I might watermark them. The pictures that is, not the children. Though now that I think about it, it might just be easier to write in permanent marker on the kids’ foreheads than to add a watermark to each individual photo.

I did email the flickr people, for those of you who have asked me, and told them I thought they should ban him from using flickr. They haven’t responded yet. I don’t expect much, there isn’t anything illegal in what the man did, as creepy as it might be.

So if you want to be a friend and I don’t already have you designated as one, send me an email.

Then I can invite you over for slumber parties, where we can do each other’s hair, make prank phone calls to all the cute boys, tell stories and giggle loudly until my parents kids come downstairs and tell us to keep it down, or else! Oh, and put the bra of whoever falls asleep first in the freezer!

And of course we could take pictures and I could put them up on my website where someone will find them searching for women sleeping together, and then we could collectively freak out and begin the hand wringing anew.

Posted by Chris @ 7:30 am | 24 Comments  

Why I HATE People

February 11, 2006

alternate title : Just when I thought my estimation of mankind could not sink any lower

I got home from the dentist today and was all set to write something funny. It involved drool! I checked my email accounts and then went to my flickr account. I had sent the link to a friend (a real one, not imaginary!) who hasn’t seen my kids in a while and wanted to see some photos. I was curious if she had looked at them yet.

I noticed that someone, who had a user name I didn’t recognize, had added some of my photos to their favorites. It struck me as odd for several reasons: 1) They were not the sort of photos that someone would have an artistic interest in, 2) They were only of my daughter, and 3) Why do you want photos of some kid that you don’t even know?

I thought it was odd when someone favorited my photos of the Wiggles, but I thought, ‘Hey, whatever floats your boat’ and really I just assumed that some parent did it to show their child, not some man who wanted to masturbate to a picture of Dorothy the Dinosaur. I might just be naive.

I went and viewed this person’s photos and it was a fat old man who only had a handful of his own photos up. It gave me the creeps. I went and looked at the other photos he had favorited around flickr and they were all of little girls. Picture after picture of little girls.

Excuse me while I go vomit.

I had always thought there was a contingent of people who over reacted by not allowing their children’s photos on the internet, but now I understand it a bit better. I have turned all my flickr photos to private while I decide what I am going to do. They should still be visible here where I have them in posts.

It was bad enough last week when Rob and I watched that Dateline show about the pedophiles. I spent the entire next day that I was at Home Depot wondering if every man I made eye contact with was eyeing my boys up as potential sex partners.

I am left sitting here thinking, What the fuck*? Is this really the world we live in?

*I just told blogger spell check to learn this word. I feel the urge to use it more.

Posted by Chris @ 3:43 pm | 64 Comments