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Join Us Here Each Week My Friends

Join Us Here Each Week My Friends

March 21, 2006

Sit right back and you’ll hear the tale
the tale of a fateful trip
of going to the doctor’s
for kids that felt like shit.

The father person had the strep
The mom she knocked on wood,
brought her sick brood to the doctor like
a good mother should
(a good mother should)

We sat in the tiny waiting room
a festering petri dish
For two long hours we did wait
before we had our turn

The kids they touched every single toy
every handle, every knob
they used the bathroom, licked the chairs
my head began to throb
(I’m glaring now at Rob)

Finally they all went in
had their throats swabbed one by one
It was by this point we were having
so much goddamn fun
(so much goddamn fun)

Fifteen dollars for each kid
A hefty check I wrote
And sat back down in the petri dish
while waiting for results

No strep! No Strep!
the doctor said, “Not a single strepy germ”
and so the seven circus clowns
went a tumbling out the door

We said good bye, but do not fear
I’m sure we’ll soon be back
to give our dying bank account
another good ole whack.

And now I wonder what they’ll get
from the germy waiting room.
Can I dunk the kids in a vat of bleach
to disinfect them good?
(like a good mother should)

Posted by Chris @ 7:40 am  

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Comments

  1. Wicked Stepmom says:

    LOL! Wonderful news!

    And thanks so much for implanting the Gilligan’s Island Theme Song in my head for the REST OF THE DAY. :)
    I needed a smile this morning… preschool, apparently, is an evil, evil, place. At least according to The Boy. :(

  2. Lori says:

    Thanks…now my 12-year-old will be humming the theme song to Gilligan’s Island all day!

    Be grateful that your co-pay isn’t $30/head like mine is. We suddenly haven’t been so sick lately…

  3. TBG says:

    Glad it is not strep. I am hoping they dont contract anything from the waiting room!

  4. Dot says:

    Sounds almost like my day, yesterday. #4 had a fever since Friday, #5 refused to go to school since #4 was home. Went to doctor’s. Took over an hour to get into a room. Strep culture was POSITIVE for #4. #5 didn’t even have swollen nodes. At this point #6 (14 month old Myles) was very.much.needing.a.nap! My co-pay is $20/each.

    I really hope your kids don’t get infected!!! And your lyrics are awesome!!!

  5. meredith says:

    Thanks for making me laugh today.

  6. Sarah says:

    Oh My! I laughed so hard I nearly fell out of my chair! Three children is not nearly this funny…or maybe it’s you! Much love and hopes for a quick recovery/continued health.

  7. Sarah says:

    Oh My! I laughed so hard I nearly fell out of my chair! Three children is not nearly this funny…or maybe it’s you! Much love and hopes for a quick recovery/continued health.

  8. BlondeMom says:

    Oh God that’s hilarious! The Gilligan’s Island ditty, but not the situation. I always find myself cringing every time the baby wants to CRAWL on the floor at the doctor’s office God forbid. Hang in there! (maybe a dip in that hand disinfectant would work?)

  9. Deb says:

    we are in the same boat over here and thanks for gettting that damn song stuck in my head for the whole bloddy day!

  10. Lori says:

    You are an amazing woman! Hang in there and I hope everyone is feeling better soon.

  11. Claudia says:

    Sorry about the illness in your family… sent my son off to school today with his very own box of tissues….
    and yes THAT SONG is now stuck in my head too, made worse because I know all the words from exposure to family nerds …if not for the courage of the fearless crew the minnow would be lost… theminnowwouldbeloooooosssstttt.Crackthunderetc

  12. Nanjowe says:

    I just found your site today.. I shouldn’t be complaining about my days.. you are one buys momma!

  13. Island Girl says:

    I just wanted to leave a qucik comment and tell you that I Love your blog. :) Glad the kids do not have strep! :a)

  14. Xangelle says:

    That was WAY TOO FUNNY. So glad your kids don’t have strep - that would suck. Hope everyone’s feeling better soon.

  15. Jessica says:

    Thank goodness it was not Strep. Love the diddy.

  16. Jennifer says:

    you are so clever!

    sorry to hear the troops aren’t feeling well, but what a relief it’s not strep…and let’s just hope they didn’t pick it up from the back of those chairs. i’ve hear of medical clinics brushing the waiting room furniture down with all sorts of expensive illnesses. you know, to ensure a return trip.

    KIDDING!

  17. Aj says:

    *Applause! Applause* Glorious! The feel-good song of the year!

    Dude: that’s no fun. I’m glad the brood’s not infected, but it stinks when it takes depleting the bank account to get that validation.

  18. Michelle says:

    Love it! Totally cool that the kids don’t have strep but yeah, it sucks wondering if they picked up anything while waiting, licking and touching.

  19. Silly Old Bear says:

    Woot!

    Great tune!

  20. Mom2the5rs says:

    Chris, you are just plain brilliant. I love the shocking swear words you throw in for emphasis. They make me laugh the most.

    Jules

  21. Jordana says:

    Snort! It’s great news that the kids are strep-free, but some how it stinks even more to drag them to the doctor and find out they are fine, or at least that there is nothing the doctor can help with.

    I hope they stay strep-free.

  22. Jody says:

    LOL! Was it a three hour tour?

    I am sorry you guys are all sick. I hope everyone feels better soon.

  23. momofalltrades says:

    Glad they didn’t have strep. You are my daily dose of funny, what a genious!

  24. caroline says:

    Hilarious … you are brilliant .. absolutely brilliant. I loved it. Sang it to myself in fact. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again … I would buy a book of your daily writings … a big, hardcover first edition … definately.

  25. Bobita says:

    I HAVE TO PRINT THIS OUT!!!

    G-E-N-I-U-S!!!

    Wonderful…I LOVED it!

  26. Maddy says:

    LMAO You are just soo funny, only a genius mother of seven could turn a day at the doctors into a hilarious song.

  27. The Green Family says:

    Oh my gosh that’s the flippin’ funniest thing I have ever heard! You are toooo good! I will now be singing this for the rest of the day.

  28. DollyMama says:

    Priceless!

  29. lipstickface says:

    If they do get sick maybe you can dip them in coconut milk.

  30. Lisa says:

    How the heck do you think of this stuff? LOL

  31. maria says:

    OMG - I “only” have 3 kids but I read your blog every day. You make me laugh and give me perspective. (By the way - if you look great after 7 pregnancies -what excuse do I have that I don’t;)

    This was so funny and took me back to 2 yrs ago Christmas when DS - then 2+ and 2 months after his 3rd open heart surgery - coughed and coughed and may have choked on a small toy. By the time we realized what could have happened the danger was gone. My husband INSISTED we take him to the ER - even tho he was running around happy as can be. Now - the plastic toy we were concerned about - doesn’t show up on an x-ray - we were in the middle of a big flu outbreak and I have a kid who gets sick if you look at him funny - I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN an ER waiting room - but we go. Nothing on the x-ray - but just for fun let’s look at his ears - sure enough yet another ear infection…

  32. caroline says:

    Chris - My husband finally tired of me reciting everything I read on your blog and decided to check you out himself. I caught him laughing outloud. Just thought you should know. :-)