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Barely Coherent

Barely Coherent

March 23, 2006

I had a serious post I was going to put up about throwing away my scale, because it hates me and MAKES ME FEEL BAD. And yet I still torture myself with it daily. It’s a sickness.

It’s one of those old style scales with the dial. If I stand toward the front of the scale I can weigh about two pounds less than if I stand on the back of the scale.

Don’t think I don’t do that. I do. Along with exhaling all that heavy oxygen in my lungs. And worse yet, I convince myself that I weigh less when I do it. I play this little game in my head and as long as I don’t stand on the back of the scale first and see the higher number then I can believe I weigh less.

Also, I am allowed to deduct a pound for the uneven tile floor. Another pound for my underwear. And up to two pounds depending on how long it has been since I pooped. Too much information? Probably, huh?

I don’t know why I am surprised when I go to my obgyn and find out I weigh ten pounds more than I have convinced myself that my scale at home weighs me. But my doctor’s scale is off. Lalalalala… I can’t hear you.

So where am I going with this post that reads as if I am all jacked up on caffeine and haven’t slept properly in over eleven years?

Ah yes, if you happen to be in your obgyn office or maybe your pediatrician’s office pick up their copy of Babytalk magazine. Oh not getting a pap smear or strep test anytime soon? Then go read here. I’ll wait.


Yeah, I am trying to act all cool and like it is not big deal, like my blog is always mentioned in magazines. But that’s because Daring Young Mom and I already held hands and jumped up and down, squealing like giddy school girls.

Oh and any new readers stopping by. Welcome. If you are wearing white socks, you’ll probably want to keep your shoes on. Kick a path through the legos, toys, and random clothing items my children drop through the house like Hansel and Gretel.

If I’d have known you were stopping by today I would have cleaned up a bit and maybe baked something. At least that is what I always say the first time someone comes over. By the second visit all pretenses are gone and I’ll feel completely comfortable serving you a store bought pastry on a melamine winnie-the-pooh bear plate.

* the author of the article, Meagan Francis lost her old blog in an unfortunate blogging accident. You can find her new one here: momwithmore.blogspot.com

Posted by Chris @ 5:16 pm  

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  1. Whinger says:

    Oh my gosh!

  2. joy madison says:

    You’re famous, you’re famous….a famous person comments on my blog sometimes, now I’m famous by association!!! Woo HOo!!!!!!!!!!

    In all seriousness, that’s HUGE, and super cool! Congrats!

  3. Denise says:

    Congratulations! I like yours best of the four she listed! She has good taste in bloggers.

  4. Jordana says:

    Wow! That’s awesome. Congratulations! And a well deserved honor it is.

  5. Kether says:

    I’m delurking to say how cool I think that is. You’re definitely one of my faves since I discovered you.

    I bet your scale has never been in a magazine. Just tell it that next time you step on..

  6. Chuck Pierce says:

    Wow, that is cool. They never profile stay at home blog Dad’s though.. sigh.

    But that is very very cool

  7. owlhaven says:

    How thrilling!! You’re famous! Congrats- you deserve it!

    Mary, mom to many

  8. Michelle says:

    That is so cool!!! I’m happy that I can say “I read her when” ;) LOL Congratulations, you’ve always been one of my favorite bloggers, even before the fame!!!

  9. kim in mi says:

    I know someone famous!
    Er … I’m an imaginary friend of someone famous …
    er … I’m an imaginary acquaintance of someone famous …
    er … I … am very impressed! Way to go! :-D Kim

  10. Anonymous says:

    I am sitting here with my 4 year old in my lap, surrounded by the rest of the children. We are laughing together because your house sounds like our house only louder. Keep writing. Laughter is what keeps us sane.

    Samantha (13): You write with such strength and humor. You amaze me! Keep writing, I love your blog!

  11. Melissa says:

    I think it’s cool that you were mentioned. And um… all doctor scales are off. ;)

  12. momofalltrades says:

    WAY TO GO!

  13. Kathy says:

    Wow, can’ I say I knew you when…..LOL

    Congrats Chris. That is really cool:-)

  14. nabbalicious says:

    WOW! Congratulations! That is so awesome.

    P.S. Our scale is digital, and I believe that if I step on it a moment too soon or too late, it’s given me the wrong (higher) weight, so I deduct a pound when that happens.

  15. "D" says:

    Congrats - you certainly deserve it. I’d be jumping up and down too!

  16. TBG says:

    Dont forget your original readers now that you are famous!

  17. Wicked Stepmom says:

    Very exciting. Heck, I did a little happy dance when I found my site linked off of Oh! Baby’s Opinionated Parenting Blog (which is being cancelled… GRR).


  18. Peggy says:

    Congratulations!! I love reading your posts… especially when I need a good laugh or having a bad day…. cause I always leave here with a smile.

  19. Paula says:

    Wow! Very cool to be named in the magazine.

    OK–I exhale too, and weigh myself 2-3x to take the average and make sure scale isn’t acting up. But I only credit myself with 1 pound for pjs. Does OCD run in your family too? LOL

  20. novaks8 says:

    How cool is that Chris?

    You have been my favorite blogger since the first time I read you.

    I remember sitting here reading your archives like it was a great book or something!

    You totally deserve it.

  21. pink-diamonds says:

    Ack! Your famous! Congratulations!

  22. Ms. Mamma says:

    Congrats! Congrats! Don’t feel bad about the scale. If you makes you feel any better, when I looked at the Teletubbies this evening I thought I saw a resemblence to myself. You go, girl!

  23. The Daring One says:

    Oh, yes! The squealing and squealing. It’s amazing how holding hands with you is never awkward.

  24. Maddy says:

    CONGRATULATIONS, now how bloody cool is that! (it’s ok, I can say that I’m an Aussie) Way to go, you are such a great writer, good on you.

  25. Lisa says:

    ROFL! Congratulations! That is really cool.

  26. Jennifer says:

    i knew you’d make it to stardom, chris. congratulations!

    who cares how much you weigh? you’re FAMOUS!

  27. The Green Family says:

    Lucky!! (Napoleon Dynamite voice)

    That is sooo cool! You are my hero!

  28. Citizen Mom says:

    Wow thats awesome.. Im surprised DOOCE isnt on there! Where do you NOT see her face???

  29. Katie says:

    Wow, congrats! Also my scale died! I think it needs new batteries, I’m trying not to think that I might have killed it with my obsessive weighing.

  30. Lori Ann says:

    Totally cool. I can’t believe for once I am hip before it is hip to read you!
    I guess all your earlier readers already knew that!
    Way to go Chris!

  31. Kim says:

    Woohooo! Congratulations Chris. I was laughing at myself because I was thinking…And I knew and met her BEFORE there was a blog. Like it makes me some bigshot. *rolls eyes*

    I was sharing this with my oldest dd Michelle and she said…Is that the one with all the boys. LOL I told her she was thinking of the right mom. Then I clued her into the fact that there is a bit more estrogen in the house now.

  32. Jody says:

    How incredibly cool Chris! You totally deserve it!

    As for weighing, not happening here for a long time after eating cake, cake and more birhtday cake for the last few days. I am going to explode.

  33. Titanium says:

    Congratulations! That’s awesome!! :)

  34. Sandra says:

    My first time by your blog, CONGRATS :)
    You had me laughing with your comments about the scale, I do the exact same thing. All things go into account, how long my hair is because that must add at least half a pound right? LOL
    About 5 pounds for my clothes, another 2 for the shoes. So on and so on.

    LOVE your blog :)

  35. Sheryl says:

    yippee for you!

  36. Journey Mama says:

    I’ve tried to tell them at the doctor’s office that their scales are off, but they always give me this LOOK. Congrats!

  37. Meagan says:

    Thanks for linking to me, Chris. They did change the address to my new blog on the site, so that’s something!

    Your blog deserves lots of exposure!

  38. Gigglin' And Screamin' says:

    Wow! I didn’t know you were famous! Very cool! Can I be your best friend? :) Congrats!

  39. Clothing Specialist says:

    Interesting blog, be sure and check out my site / blog when you get a chance at http://www.shoes-apparel-discount-fashion.com Thanks and have a great day.

  40. Anne says:

    I am SO SO upset that my subscription lapsed and I only saw this-this month-MAY!

    Anyhoo-I ran off to tell my two oldest daughters (since they know full well who you are) and they were as excited as I am :o)

    CONGA RATS BABY! You SO deserve it ;)