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Things You Would Have To Step Over On Your Way Into My House After Walking In My Front Door

Things You Would Have To Step Over On Your Way Into My House After Walking In My Front Door

March 30, 2006

(assuming, of course, you were able to make it up to the front porch over the pile of bikes, skateboards, scooters, and pieces of chalk strategically placed to cause maximum slips and falls)

  • glove belonging to son #3
  • pair of dirty socks
  • snow hat belonging to son #4
  • crumpled paper airplane
  • shopping bag with pants to be returned to Filene’s, but by the time I get around to it will no longer be too big for son #5, so I should just put them away
  • pasta colander
  • pair of sneakers that don’t belong to anyone, having been removed from the Goodwill bag by that horrible child named Not Me
  • string cheese, half eaten still partially in it’s wrapper
  • heart shaped princess melamine bowl
  • tupperware and lids, none of which are pairs
  • stuffed bear
  • washcloth, wet
  • discarded granola bar wrappers
  • sippy cup, leaking
  • ripped up bits of construction paper
  • crumbled up crackers that have the appearance of having been stomped on
  • broken pencil
  • piece of crown molding
  • one Land’s End slip on shoe
  • several plastic Walmart bags that I like to keep in a basket under the kitchen sink, but the baby likes to keep anywhere BUT there
  • empty medicine measuring cups
  • several construction paper fans
  • baby gate laying on it’s side in the doorway, obviously knocked down and stepped upon
  • couch cushions, unzipped with stuffing coming out
  • pin cushion, complete with pins sticking out
  • area rug that belongs in front of the sink is instead crumpled up into a ball and cast aside
  • an empty box of baby wipes
  • an entire box worth of baby wipes on every flat surface
  • one pink sock
  • a banana peel
  • a 10lb weight, which subsequently was dropped on a pile of slate tile that had been sealed and was waiting installation, breaking 3 of them
  • an upside down laundry basket pushed up to the counter like a stool
  • a toy cell phone
  • spy goggles
  • wood pellets that missed being vacuumed up after a pellet fight last night, no it was not allowed
  • a rock
  • several sticks
  • and last but not least, dried mud… everywhere, giving the appearance that we live in a dirt floored dwelling

It’s seven against one here. I fear they are winning.

Posted by Chris @ 12:53 pm  

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Comments

  1. Meg says:

    You know, I think the fact that you have a mess made up of spy goggles and partially-eaten string cheese at your house shows that you are perhaps my dream parent. Do you need an extra kid? Because I’m on my way…

  2. Erin-erin-bo-berin says:

    With three girls that I consider ‘boys in floral prints’, keeping the house tidy (not cleaning) is a perpetual chore. I’m thinking of creating a sign to hang on my front door that reads ‘Martha Stewart doesn’t live here!
    Want one for your house?

  3. stacydh says:

    I say put the kids to work! they are all old enough to help clean it up, even the littlest, although he won’t accomplish much.

  4. owlhaven says:

    You make me feel so much better! (not better than you, just better about my place also being trashed half the time). And yes, at the moment it looks like my kids are winning too. If we actually want to get some school accomplished in the day, I can’t give them cleaning jobs til after lunch. Til then, the youngest 4 work on active destruction. Or so it seems some days

    Mary, mom to many

  5. novaks8 says:

    lol

    “Put them to work”

    sounds like my husband.

    Yeah right.

  6. Chris says:

    mary,

    that is exactly what the problem is. My mornings are spent doing school with the bigger kids, computer stuff, and meal preparations… the little kids trash things faster than I can keep up!

  7. Katherine says:

    Hmm, not sure whether to admit to this, but that’s sounding very similar to my house, and I only (!) have 2 kids. You are outnumbered. Outmanned. Outmanouevred. Perhaps if you built your own kid-free bunker out in the backyard, you could have it all neat, tidy, and pretend that you’re Martha Stewart. Of course, you’d need a water cannon to keep ‘em out of there… Well, I was struggling to keep up with my son, (let’s call him Tornado), and now my daughter is crawling, cruising and joining in with the chaos. They can mess faster than I can tidy. I figure as long as I don’t invite anyone over, ever, I’ll be fine. Or maybe I should invest in some tasteful throws, to throw over the mess (guess that’s what they’re named for.) I’m feeling a little disappointed that you didn’t choose to photograph this entry (!) Have you heard of the Flikr group “Corners of My Home?” No, I’m not a member, either!
    Keep blogging, you always make me smile!

  8. judi says:

    sounds like my house minus the piles of dog hair floating around on the floor.
    the kids always win- that’s the only way to play the game. wave the white flag now and surrender- it is more fun that way.

  9. Leah says:

    Haha! I was about to ask if the trash bag had exploded.
    But then I remembered a conversation between beloved and I last night about once having a very nice, clean, tidy house. Then one day, I said, “I’m pregnant!” and the house has never been the same!

  10. Kristina says:

    I can relate to the never ending pile of crud which seems to permeate throughout my home… and I only have THREE!
    Lord have mercy on your soul.

  11. Mel says:

    Suddenly, my house looks so much cleaner, despite my four kids, three daycare babies, and the mud from the baseball cleats!

  12. Deb says:

    Sounds like home! It would be so nice to come over and see all this. I know YOU would not love it, but it would be so relieving to me. I don’t know why but i have such a huge judgment around this house cleaning thing. I am constantly fearing that CPS will be here any second to take my kids away from the filth and on the news they will show pictures while the anchor expresses horror that children were living in such a place!

  13. Cari says:

    My Dad always told my Mom we should have another house that was the company house. It would just stay neat and tidy all the time, and if anyone wanted to come over we’d give them that address instead of our real one.

    That’s what you need, a company house! It suppose it would only work if the kids weren’t allowed inside with the company though. Maybe the water cannons Katherine mentioned would work. Or maybe those invisible electric fences people use with their dogs. :)
    I’ve only got one and he can definitely mess things up faster than I can clean them. I think you’re doing great with 7 if you can actually still find the floor!

  14. Amber says:

    Good gracious! I’m barely surviving with a 1:1 ratio. What’s going to happen in July when baby #2 comes and I will officially be OUTNUMBERED?? :-)

  15. halloweenlover says:

    Umm, I don’t understand. It sounds just like my house, and I only have two dogs. What am I doing wrong?

  16. Meepers says:

    I agree with the above poster - my house is similar, but with wood floors (80+ years old, badly in need of refinishing, but to thin to do so, which means: New floors soon! Oh boy!) and two cats. More fur, possibly less noise, but I’m really not sure. Keep fighting the good fight!

  17. Carrien says:

    This post has been removed by the author.

  18. Carrien says:

    Somehow I find myself in a blessed state of tidy children. I don’t know how this happened, I take no credit for it, except in my fantasy mom of the year acceptance speeches, yeah right. But my four year old enjoys cleaning right now. He runs to his room and sets his own timer and sings the clean up song at the top of his lungs while picking up all of the lego. His little sister wants to be just like him so she runs around excitedly putting things away, they even fight about the premium things to clean up both wanting to do it.

    I have spent the past two years wading through a pile like yours everyday, but when we gave him his own room something turned and I hope, against all reason, that he will keep this up until he moves out.

    Of course yesterday, he peed on the floor.

  19. Citizen Mom says:

    Hahaha! Wow, sounds like you got robbed, by… a bunch of monkeys! :)

  20. Jamie says:

    What a visual! Do you have dogs? We have two that are indoor/outdoor and I find that they make excellent vacuum cleaners in the kitchen…my house may be messy but there are NO crumbs on the floor. ;)

  21. Heth says:

    You mean my kids aren’t the only ones who push down the gate and then step on it like it’s not there?

    I don’t know why I even bother with the “child safty gate”. Every single one of them can knock the thing down, or climb over it.

    Thanks for keeping it real. I think I would have to hate you if your house was immaculate.

  22. Ficklechick says:

    That’s what you want them to think, but really, you’re in charge.

    Right?

  23. melissaannie says:

    Can you see all of that from the couch? :) I only have two and they can trash a house very quickly. I can only imagine how fast it happens at your house.

  24. Annalise says:

    Particularly like the image of the trodden-upon baby gate :-) Your kids are great :-)

  25. Shelly says:

    So glad to know my home is normal.. Thanks!

  26. Anonymous says:

    Things could be worse. Y’all could be living in a tepee!! Eileen

  27. Titanium says:

    Sounds like my house.. here it’s 3 to 1. I’m glad I’m not the only one!

  28. meredith says:

    Photo please, just to make me feel better about my own mess.

  29. Silly Older Bear says:

    Say, I’ve been looking for a broken pencil and some spy goggles. Have you seen them anywhere?

  30. Paula says:

    My first comment is about the family photo–what a gorgeous group, including you! About the double chin: You don’t really HAVE a double chin, it just looks that way. Next time, tilt your head up a little. But don’t tip it up too much, because I did that recently and the man taking the picture showed me how silly I looked (I admitted that I was doing it to avoid a double chin!)

    About the items on the floor of your house, by the front door? The list is so similar to mine that i’d swear you must have visited! Except there would be numerous orange peels mixed in, since my 1 year old LOVES oranges.

    But you can’t really just blame the little kids. I often have it all picked up when the little ones nap, only to have it trashed again when the big ones get home from school. The granola bar wrappers, etc. WHY do they think they can just throw trash on the floor?

    And you’re right–keep those pants. They’ll eventually fit him, or Myles in a few years.

  31. sillypants says:

    Huh. That’s weird. That same “not me” kid lives here as well. What a crafty son of a gun.

    Ah, this post cheered me up something big…

    XOXO

    silly

  32. Wicked Stepmom says:

    Holy Crap!

    I don’t know what else to say.

    Except,

    Holy Crap!

    I will never again complain about the stuff left on my floors. At least I will TRY not to. ;)

  33. lorraine says:

    I don’t see very many other houses with kids (most of our friends aren’t parents)… But my husband is too embarrassed to have a Voyagers meeting (it would be 5 first graders and their dads!) at our house. Thank you for making me feel normal!

  34. Robin says:

    I am the mom of 18 and have been up since 4 a.m. due to the fact two of my children rarely sleep. (not kidding)
    Someone posted your blog on a website that I frequent and here I sit, 3 hours and 13 minutes later, still reading it. I have sent links to numerous friends already.
    I haven’t laughed so much in a long time. Gosh, you are funny. When is the book coming out? It would be a best seller.