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All Male Readers Will Want to Skip This One, Trust Me

All Male Readers Will Want to Skip This One, Trust Me

April 7, 2006

For the first time since June of 2002, and the sixth time since early 1994, I got my period.

(Okay male readers, who thought they would stick around and read anyway. Don’t hurt yourselves clicking the red X up in the corner there. Single file, no pushing please.)

It’s been so long, in fact, that when first noticed my initial thought was, ‘Ohmygod I’m bleeding. I must have some sort of cancer. I must be dying.’ Then I realized with increasing clarity that I was going to have to deal with this every month. Every. single. month.

I had no supplies of any sort in the house and had to run out to the local convenience store, where you pay an exorbitant amount of money for the convenient factor, and my son wanted know what those wrapped up stick things were and why I needed a box of little pillows. And I answered, “Hey what is that over there? a whole aisle of candy?”

I had half hoped that I would just skip into an early menopause and never have to deal with this whole menstruating thing again. It’s is just so pointless now that I am done having babies.

Then when I came home I realized that all of our bathrooms have pedestal sinks with no real storage to speak of. Unless I want to find all the maxi pads stuck to the wall and the tampons floating in the sink, I will need to keep them out of the bathroom.

Thus concludes the TMI portion of this post.

This next sentence I am almost afraid to utter out loud… or type, for fear of retribution, like that last time I mentioned it and was forced to issue an apology.

For the past two nights my 15 month old has …. lept-say ru-thay the ight-nay*.

Did you get that? As in eight or nine hours straight. Yessssss!

*My kids asked me if pig latin was a real language and could fulfill their foreign language requirement.

Posted by Chris @ 9:10 am  

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Comments

  1. pink-diamonds says:

    As one who has gone since Nov ‘03 without one, I am dreading the return as well. However, I plan on ordering these: http://www.lunapads.com and I hope that it makes the return of AF a little easier to deal with. Ugh.

  2. TBG says:

    Welcome back to the world of menstration. It is horrible!

    And way to go Miles…I hope he keeps sleeping!

  3. Heth says:

    I love your initial reaction. “I’m bleeding!” Too funny!

  4. novaks8 says:

    mine came back a while ago (i’m still nursing a little too!)
    and it is horrid.

    But every month I remind myself what the alternative is and it eases the pain!

  5. Erin-erin-bo-berin says:

    I went from 1998-2004 with not one visit from my Aunt Flo. I was either pregnant or nursing for that seven year timeframe. When she finally returned, my DH said “DAMN!”

  6. Darren says:

    Eh. I read Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret in fifth grade. I can handle anything.

  7. Ms. Mamma says:

    I’m with the previous girls. It’s a gigantic downer. I watched “primetime” last night and it was freaky… there was a segment on people obsessed with amputating their healthy legs… Through killer cramps, and bloated toad syndrome, I’ve often pondered elective hysterctomy. Does that mean I’m a little like them? Yikes!

  8. halloweenlover says:

    Awwww, Chris. As someone who looks forward to pregnancy because it will mean a break from this monthly visitor, I can totally sympathize.

    Miles is the best! Keep it up!

  9. Carrien says:

    Mine started again recently after an almost 5 year hiatus. (two children)I’m still knocked sideways by the monthly hormonal craziness. It continues to come out of nowhere and surprise me. I think it’s time to get pregnant again.

  10. kalisah says:

    I have a pedestal sink in my downstairs bathroom and when I noticed that this bathroom was getting cleaned far less often than the ones upstairs (where storage is available under the sinks) I bought a medium sized storage bin with lid and now keep some supplies in the corner.

  11. Jordana says:

    I hung a cabinet on the wall in our bathroom just to hold supplies that I didn’t want little people to play with. I’m dreading the ulitmate return of my period. I should have another two years or so without, but then probably will have twenty more years to deal with it. Blech.

  12. Gretchen says:

    My condolances. I’ve been in the same spot since last August, after having maybe 8 total in 11 years, and I HATE it! I hate the mess, the discomfort, but most of all the fact that I wouldn’t be getting them if it were up to me. AF was a huge factor in my wanting to be pregnant and to nurse past 12 months. The worst part is the lack of sympathy on dh’s part. I have offered to feed him bad beans, so he can bloat and have cramps and the runs, and cut his arm as well, and let him bleed freely for 5 days, only allowing him to wipe up the blood, but no bandages or even applying pressure. See how he’d feel after a week. Hmmm. He didn’t take me up on it.

    Oh, and having cabinets doesn’t necessarily help. My 3 yo pulled the carefully wrapped and pushed to the bottom of the can trash out, and unwrapped them. EWWWWWWW. He also stuck a clean one to the wall. I’m glad it was the clean one. LOL

  13. april says:

    I like to display the huge bag of pads in plain sight on the back of the commode so everyone is aware of what I’m dealing with, this has yet to warrant any sympathy.

    And what I pay for when I’m not looking…. one of my sweet baby boys came out of playing in the bathroom sucking on the plastic disposable thingy….yes it had been previously used….I had a good long freak out session and didn’t kiss him for a loooooooooong time!

  14. meredith says:

    I have this great IUD where you don’t get your period. I highly recommend it, it’s good for five years.
    This, after my two year old unwrapped all my maxi pads and stuck them to a wall. Is this genetic for all children?

  15. HangerMom says:

    I’ve only had one period since the start of 2003 thanks to my two daughters (though I’d never before quantified it that way and am a little shocked at how long it’s been!) and am not looking forward to the return of the monthly ordeal. Though I was expecting to have it start a month or so ago, so mostly I’m just on the edge of my seat now and wishing it would start so I could quit being paranoid about having an accident during work.

  16. irreverentmama says:

    I cannot believe all the lucky, lucky women around here. I breastfed my three children for substantially over a year each. I never started solids before seven or eight months (the bagel pieces their grampa slipped them on visits don’t count), I nursed on demand, and never used soothers, and my periods always, always started when the child was six months old.

    Always.

    p.s. Not all men are such wimps. My partner not only does the grocery shopping - and with it buys my monthly supplies: tampons, pads, and liners - but, since my usual brand changed its name a year ago, on the rare occasions I actually buy my own, he has to remind me which brand I use! (And once, in an emergency when no adults were around, my 16 year old son actually went to the drug store for his older sister. I was so proud. No menstrual wimps in this family.)

  17. Leah says:

    yeah, the doc asked me the other day when my last mentral period was, and I said, “Uh…Sptember 2003, I think, I can’t be sure.”
    Baby is only 9 months now, and I can usually go until 16-17 months with no period (hopefully).
    So, did you get a tubal, how do you know you finished having kids?

  18. Claudia says:

    On the Miles sleeping thing… Lucky Miles to have a mom like you, loving and good humored… even when she’s sleep-deprived! I think he’ll be a happier human for the care and nurturing he’s getting now.

  19. J says:

    ::cough::Diva Cups Rule! ::sneeze::

  20. Anonymous says:

    I think you are lucky. I always start my period within 4 months of the babies birth. And I am a breastfeeding mom. No bottles. Breastfeeding from 12-18 months at least. Sheesh.
    Sorry you have to deal with it again, but be thankful for the Break!
    Karen, Mother of eight.

  21. Dot says:

    There is always Instead cups. They are disposable, but I rinse and reuse one for the week. Cheaper for now, than Diva. They are great!!

    Keep on sleepin’ on Miles!!!

  22. Anonymous says:

    AHH congrats on the 15 month old situation, I wish better luck than I had. My ten months old slept for two whole nights in row, and I was on top of the world then last night…..at 3 am right on time…

    it was snack time

  23. Jennifer says:

    oooh, i’m sorry. i haven’t had mine since july 2004 and i am not looking forward to the return.

    as for miles, AYYAY!

  24. Sue Richards says:

    This will sound whacked. But after 35 years of regular periods, and the onset of peri-menopause, I miss mine. Hence my quest with my blog…how to punctuate life without a period.

    Sue Richards

  25. Carmen says:

    Ugh. I always get mine within three months of childbirth. and then every 25-28 days.

  26. Bryanne says:

    depo-provera… got rid of mine for years until I had to stop taking it due to my blood pressure. The depo didn’t increase my blood pressure, but its not good to take birth control when one has high blood pressure.

  27. carrie says:

    Hey! I just found your blog through DYM awhile ago, and have been reading the archives. I hope my family is as funny as yours is! ;)
    But anyway… This first-time mommy has not had a period since september 2004 and I am so dreading the return of aunt flo. I’m hoping that we just get pregnant the first time I ovulate and I’ll never know the difference. Or, I’m sure if I do have a period, it will be so horrible that I can convince my husband to just get preggo right away. ;)
    What a way to introduce myself! :)
    Carrie

  28. Antique Mommy says:

    I thought I was done with periods and my uterus too. As I was trying to scheduling a hysterectomy I found out I was pregant - with my first. And probably only. My boy is two now and I’m wondering if I can do that again and get another one!

  29. Maddy says:

    Welcome back to the club, watch your head on the PMT as you enter.
    I think your two posts go hand in hand, God gave you back your nights sleep to compensate for your periods return … I try real hard to look for a silver lining to any dark rain cloud that comes my way.

  30. blackbeltmama says:

    My daughter has slept through the night since 3.5 weeks. Honestly. Bring on the hate, but not too much because my first daughter, didn’t sleep through the night or on her own until after age two. I DESERVE this second child’s sleeping habits.

  31. Denise says:

    Why can’t I be so lucky? I have nursed all three of my kids for LONG periods of time and I always got my dang period. I’d love to have a hysterectomy…I don’t want anymore kids!

    Yay Miles! I think writing it in Pig Latin will make it OK.

  32. onetallmomma says:

    I had my 4th and last at 41. I am now 45 and have stated having hot flashes at night and man do they suck! Don’t wish for menopause unless you want to do some heavy sweating…a period is way easier!

  33. The Daring One says:

    TMI from the DYM, just this week I’m getting “girly” again for the first time in 4 years. I love when they ask me that on a medical questionaire at the doctor’s office. Last date of…

    Sometimes I just want to put a smiley face.

  34. Erin says:

    After letting my son cry for an hour he finally fell asleep for his nap. He woke up crying, after only 30 minutes of sleep, while reading this post. I’m not saying I blame you, but I’m not saying I don’t either.
    Hmph.

  35. Mama Mia says:

    I just started my period this month as well. :( I dedicated two blog posts to it as a “tribute.”

    For some reason, I was shocked when it came back. (denial) But what was more shocking was the TOTAL lack of sympathy from the hubby.