In Which Everyone Will Wonder Did She Google That
May 10, 2006
1. I pray for rain every day. Not because my flowers need it, but because I want baseball practice to be cancelled. I know. I feel bad about it. I feel like a traitor. And yet I can’t help but feel giddy when it is clouding over in the late afternoon.
2. David Blaine scares me. He makes me want to hold a large crucifix out in front of me, shout Latin incantations like In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen, and throw holy water on him. I’m not even Catholic.
3. When I was younger I imagined that there would be a point in time where I would have perfect skin. You know after pimples and before wrinkles. Why didn’t anyone tell me this was not the case? Why didn’t anyone tell me that I would spend my mid 30’s looking for an anti wrinkle cream that also contained benzoyl peroxide?
4. My 11.5 yr old can be so mature and funny, and do incredibly sweet things like bake me a birthday cake completely by himself. But then turn and be so exasperating that I slam my fist down on the kitchen table and shriek, “I wouldn’t say another word, mister!” Causing me to wonder how I turned into a person who says things like that.
5. Speaking of my 11.5 yr old, he is the same size that I am and definitely physically stronger, which is nice when I want something heavy carried. Somehow though, in his mind he believes now that we are not equals, like his previously deluded self thought, but that he is in fact in charge of me. And I have found myself saying very mature things like, “you are not the boss of me” to him.
We have been having lots of conversations about how size doesn’t matter (insert my own school girl giggles here), respect, and the qualitites of a good leader. Also I have reminded him that I am in charge. This is not a democracy. It is a dictatorship, and while I try to be a benevolent dictator, and foster the illusion that I care about your opinions, I will crush any and all attempts to bring down my leadership.
With that in mind, he challenged me to race the other day. At first I balked, because I wasn’t sure what sort of message it would be sending to him. But he kept on. And on. And on. Talking about how much faster he was then me. How he could beat me in a race. My competitive side took over.
So we lined up on the driveway and got into position. The other kids were on the sideline. On your mark, get set, GO… and we were off.
I won easily. Despite having to hurdle a toddler on a tricycle that was in my path, I won.
And I was very mature. And only screamed and danced around the driveway a little. And I think I only said, “Uh-huh, who’s talking now” once. Okay maybe twice.
6. I got a new cellphone. I know that you all wanted to know that. But I am very disappointed with the ringtone selection. I liked the ring I had on my old cellphone which sounded like an old fashioned phone ring.
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