Things that defy explanation
May 24, 2006
Alternate title, Things I’ll be muttering about when they lock me up in the asylum.
I don’t know why I bother asking questions.
Do I like to hear myself talk? I don’t think so, at least not at the decibel and frequency that these sorts of questions require.
Yet, I can’t help it. I long for answers, where there are none to be given.
Here are the top five ridiculous questions (that I can remember) that I have asked my children this week and their answers. Identity of children is not being disclosed to protect their
innocence, future ability to find dates identity
Me: “Why did you think it was okay to poke your brother in the back with your fork because he was breathing near you?”
Me: “You are breathing near me and I’m not stabbing you with my fork.”
Child: “Well, I bet you want to.”
Me: “But the point is that I’m not”
Me: “Why is this shirt on the bathroom floor? What’s that on it? Oh no…. no…. is that poop? Is that poop all over the tshirt? Why would someone do that? WHY?”
Child: “Maybe there was no toilet paper.”
Me:”I think I have animals for children.”
Me: “What do you mean you didn’t want the hamburger anymore? Did it not occur to you that the garbage can would be a more appropriate place for it than under the couch cushion?”
Child: “Well, I might change my mind and still want it.”
Me: “Oh puh-lease, were you really thinking you would eat it later?”
Me: “Why did you just trip him?”
Child: “I didn’t think that would happen!”
Me: “Well, how about you clear this up for me. Just what did you think would happen when you stuck your foot out as you brother ran by?”
Me: “Why would you think it would be okay to dry your wet body by rolling all over my bed? Wouldn’t it have been easier to walk to the linen closet and get a towel?”
Child: “What’s a linen closet?”
Bonus Scene inside my head:
Me: Why did you wax your own eyebrows?
Myself: It seemed like a good idea.
Me: But you have trouble handling the tweezers.
Myself: Yes, I remember that now.
Yet Another Bonus scene that occurred as I was typing this:
Rob: Why did you take a stick and beat all the plants and flowers that were just planted in front of the house?
Child: I don’t know why.
Rob: What were you thinking?
Child: I don’t know.
Rob: Were you angry? Is that why? You obviously did it on purpose. What were you thinking?
Child: No. I just thought of doing it and did.
Finally, one that isn’t related to my children.
Why am I the number two result in this google search: how to bring shape in big hanging boobs in India. Why, I am shouting at you internet.
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