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How I Plant A Tree, With Children and a Husband

How I Plant A Tree, With Children and a Husband

June 8, 2006

  • Tree we transplanted last year doesn’t make it through the winter
  • Decide we need a new tree
  • Go to nursery and pick out a large tree
  • Realize it can’t fit into any vehicle we own and arrange for shipping
  • Find out the price for having them dig and plant the tree
  • Decide that we can dig the hole ourselves
  • Because I am stupid frugal
  • 36″x 30″ deep doesn’t sound very big at all
  • We own shovels
  • I have children who like to dig
  • Arrange for tree to be delivered on Wednesday
  • Ignore digging the hole for an entire week
  • Realize Tuesday that hole has to be dug today
  • Organize a digging party with children
  • Hand out the shovels
  • Children act like they have never seen, much less used a shovel, before
  • Spend the time asking children to get their shovel out of the way
  • Get their heads out of the way
  • To stop dueling with the shovels
  • Ask children to stop jumping in the hole
  • Inform children that there is no treasure buried in our yard
  • or corpses
  • or dinosaur bones
  • or anything worth diving into the hole in front of my shovel
  • Get hit in face with shovel handle
  • over
  • and over
  • and over again
  • Take a break when 7yr old gets hit in the eye
  • and scratches his cornea
  • get out eye injury supplies
  • Doesn’t everyone have an eye injury kit?
  • You would if you had six sons.
  • Patch up his eye
  • Continue digging
  • At 26″ hit a huge rock with the shovel
  • Decide to raise the level of the yard 4″
  • Try unsuccessfully to keep small children out of the hole
  • Planting A Toddler
  • Rain for next 24 hours
  • Yard is a slippery mud pit
  • with a mud pool in the center
  • Crew arrive to deliver tree in the pouring rain
  • Delivering the Tree
  • Realize that the tree looks much much larger when not surrounded by other trees
  • Thankful that they will plant it
  • Three Men and a Tree
  • Crew inform me that the hole is too deep
  • But it isn’t wide enough
  • They drop the tree NEXT to the hole
  • Did I mention the pouring rain?
  • And the mud?
  • The Tree Waiting to be Planted
  • Stand on the porch shocked
  • Wonder how I will get the tree into the hole
  • Realize too late that I should have cried
  • Told them about the surgery
  • And the sad story of my husband’s thumblessness
  • Offered them cash, the great motivator
  • Instead I say bad words.
  • Wait until afternoon, hoping against hope for sunshine
  • Resign self to plant tree in pouring rain
  • begin the shovelling, again
  • Am joined by helpful children
  • Who enjoy the mud more than I want them to
  • I feel like I am in a Tide commercial
  • Except I am not smiling and happy about my laundry situation
  • Husband who has his arm in a sling “helps” by giving instructions
  • Until he can take it no longer
  • Then he helps us lift the tree with his one good arm
  • It was much more of an ordeal than it sounds
  • All the twisting, lifting, turning, straightening
  • Backfill the hole
  • Stake the tree with the wire and stakes provided
  • Tell children to stay away from the tree
  • Stand back near the road to admire tree
  • Pose for photo lest we forget the fun
  • Victorious in the Pouring Rain
  • Collect shovels laying around the yard
  • Trip over the wire securing the tree
  • Fall in the mud
  • While laying there glance up at flowers
  • The drought resistant flowers
  • the heat tolerant flowers
  • that could withstand the unrelenting summer sun
  • and me never remembering to water them
  • the flowers are now drowning and cold
Posted by Chris @ 9:13 am  

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  1. aka meritt says:

    I’m missing the whole point of your post (or at least you will THINK I am) when I say; I wanted to buy tree’s about that large for our yard (instant gratification instead of waiting 4 years for them to grow). How much are tree’s that height?????


  2. Silly Old Bear says:

    What you need is ‘Extreme Makeover” shirts for all the kids, and your husband can be Ty with the bullhorn yelling “let’s get going people!” and then video it all and get rich.

    Only I don’t think I could laugh any harder than I already have. I’m laughing WITH you, of course…

  3. Ashley says:

    I just finished wiping the spewed tea off of my keyboard. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the belly laugh!

  4. Melissa says:

    I just landscaped my in-laws garden as a surprise for them while they were out of town. They had talked about wanting a raised be garden, so I lowered their entire garden by 4 inches and then used the dirt to make the raised garden beds. Lest you think this was a little flower garden, allow me to enlighten you, it’s a food storage garden, so it’s HUGE (about a quarter acre). I feel your pain, literally, in every.single.muscle. I’m just glad I made my husband watch the kids at our house so that at least I had peace of mind while I had strain of body!

  5. Party Girl says:

    ah, life’s little pleasures. Right?

    Great post. Found you by way of Bre.

  6. nenners27 says:

    and to think, i want to get RID of that exact same tree in my yard (i HATE brown trees… i want a GREEN one. that FLOWERS in the spring!). hmmm… maybe i should think twice about digging that one up.

  7. Chris says:

    It’s not brown. It’s red.
    It’s a flowering cherry tree or something like that.

  8. Carola says:

    So funny!! and loved the final picture, everyone looks so proud…and wet.

  9. Melissa L says:

    You are too funny. Just what I needed today when my 2 year old has turned into the most obnoxious child ever to be born. I needed that laugh and to know that others suffer though the same stuff too.

  10. Diane says:

    It really *is* a pretty tree. I loved the picture of the “planted” toddler - you are surely growing wonderful children with all the memories you are (planned or not!) creating with them.

  11. DollyMama says:

    I guess I am one son shy of needing that eye injury kit. Please do tell, what is in it??

  12. Diana says:

    The tree is beautiful, but the story that goes with it is something you can enjoy for years.
    Great post, I was tired just reading it. (Though what a**holes they are for just throwing it next to the hole!)

  13. Katie says:

    Note to self: be patient and plant little trees…

    Love the picture of Miles in the hole. hehe

  14. Cheerio's on my butt? says:

    Wow! Been busy since I was gone! Tree planting, writing, surgery….
    How’d the sugery go? Loved your tree planting post! Ha! And I gotta check out your writing at that large family site. Cool!

  15. Darren says:

    Looks great!

    And the flowers aren’t the only ones.

  16. halloweenlover says:

    I love the tree! BEAUTIFUL!

    Perhaps you could have buried a couple kids while you were out there? Or perhaps buried them up to their heads, then you’d get a break but they wouldn’t actually be injured.

  17. Mary says:

    Funny, funny, funny!

  18. Randi says:

    I know that feeling! We’re re-doing our bank (I use this term loosely) and I know how that feels! Beautiful tree though!

  19. Jen3 says:

    I didn’t have time to read this entry last night … I only had a moment and was sidetracked with your stoned signs. (Could you add a doobie in to your scheme?? Or even if you said “Dude. Stealing Stones is Illegal. And, if you steal my stones, you’ll get stoned. And not the GOOD kind.” Actually, that might not be too appropriate w/ kids at home. But, hilarious, nonetheless.)

    Where would you be w/o a blog and loads of people around the world who can commiserate with you? Really, I truly believe that blogging allows us to see the humor in a life that otherwise, would make us want to lay down, if just for a moment, in the “hole that was specifically dug for this tree, and yet is the wrong size, but might work as a grave. Temporarily.”

    Good Lord. Every SINGLE day, as I’m in the midst of pure chaos - I can’t help but think … THIS will make a good blog posting. What’s really nuts is when you have more *material* than you have the time - or energy - to write about.

    BTW - it looks like a lovely tree. Hopefully the hole is the right size and the tree doesn’t die on you. Don’t forget to fertilize!

  20. nenners27 says:

    well, ok - i’ll concede it’s not *brown*, it is *red*.. it looks like the red maple we have in our front yard.

    but i still say i want mine gone :D

  21. jm says:

    Okay, I was laughing hard but silently until the last photo with everyone posing…and the toddler running around in the background. Now I’ve woken up my DH and will have to pay for this tomorrow.

    God, I needed that laugh. Seriously. Thanks for writing that up.

  22. savvy saver says:

    Beautiful tree and beautiful family!

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