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How to cut a toddler’s hair in 25 easy steps

How to cut a toddler’s hair in 25 easy steps

June 19, 2006

1. After looking at he sweaty haired toddler, determine he desperately needs a haircut
3. Get out the haircutting supplies while feeding self delusions of grandeur
4. Put cape around toddler, which he promptly tears off
5. Pick up the first piece of hair, hold it lovingly between fingers
6. Begin cutting the perfect hair cut
7. Toddler shakes his head furiously
8. Resulting in a bald spot
9. Delusions of giving the perfect haircut, where strangers would approach and ask for the name of my toddler hairdresser and then look at me incredulously and utter, “wow, you cut hair? You are amazing!” are shattered
10. Pin toddler between knees
11. Let toddler lose exactly 3.5 seconds later after fearing the neighborhood windows will shatter from his piercing screams
12. Scream, “Baby you’re so going to lose an ear if you keep up the writhing!”
13. Employ new method of haircutting, a.k.a how much worse could it look
14. Grab and cut random patches of hair
15. while following behind the running toddler
16. Running with scissors near son’s head
17. now THAT is behavior you hope your children will model
18. Encourage 3 yr old to have a turn cutting toddler’s hair
19. good parenting at it’s finest
20. This way when people ask if a child cut the toddler’s hair the answer is truthfully, yes
21. Wonder how a baby crew cut would look
22. Decide, wisely, against getting out the clippers
23. Realize there is a special place in hell for people who cut their own toddler’s hair
24. At least he has those dimples to distract people, and a cute sun hat
25. And really, does anyone who still craps their pants care what their hair looks like

Posted by Chris @ 7:35 am  

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  1. MommyHAM says:

    Oh, this could be me!! I tried this with dd when she was a toddler - bad move! Recently, I’ve been tempted to do this with ds, but your post just reminded me of the trouble it is! I’ll just wait til MIL is here this weekend, b/c she *does* cut hair.

    And, no, they don’t care what their hair looks like - even after they quit crapping their pants, appearance is a totally subjective thing to them. That’s the only way to reconcile my kids’ atrocious clashing of patterns, 7 ponytails, skirts over pants, and 3 layers of shirts dressing style - in my mind.

  2. carrien says:

    NExt time try strapping him to his high chair in front of a show that he likes with non messy finger food, then go as fast as you can because you only have 10 minutes max. Works for me. Well, with fewer bald spots anyway.

  3. Woman with kids says:

    The only thing to do now? Take lots of pictures. They’ll be priceless for blackmail in a few years. Poor Boy 1 spent half his toddlerhood in hats due to my delusions of capability.

  4. Mir says:

    Oh. Um. Oh no.

    Two words for you: Video. Candy. The former during, the latter afterwards as a reward for being good.

    My 6- and 8-year-olds still demand candy after a cut. ;)

  5. moe says:

    My son doesn’t understand the concept of hold still. Videos and candy I doubt if they’ll keep his head still. My husband doesn’t want me to cut my son’s blond hair but, I do trim it. My trick? move fast. Snip, snip, snip ok, well… good enough.

    I cut my daughters hair too. Once my ’special’ middle child decided to get gum out of her hair by herself. she cut it to less than an inch long right on top. I cut layers all over her once long blond hair. It turned out so nice, people thought I meant to cut it that way. (see my delusions can be real)

  6. ktcakes says:

    errr….where are the pictures?

    But hey! At least you didn’t pay for it! right?

  7. adena says:

    That right there is PRECISELY why my son’s hair hangs into his eyes, and gets all gunky w/ milk.

  8. lilly says:

    I’d love to see photos of him, with and without the sun hat. That kid is so cute he can wear ANY haircut even a shaggy doo.
    I’ve always cut my son’s hair… For a while I gave him kid scissors and let him cut up a magazine while I cut his hair. For some reason that worked. He has wavy hair that is very forgiving and dimples like your babe so it always came out looking fine.

  9. Lilorfnannie says:

    I found it helped to start by introducing them the electric hair trimmer. Let them hold it for a bit (I put one of the guards on the blade part). I dunno, I never had a problem- Mine is 3 & I’ve cut his hair for something over a year now (he has fine hair). Of course it helps that I just use one guard for all of his hair (usually 3/4 inch or so), and the slanted trimmer guards for around the ears, and just snip a little bit (badly) around the ears & in the back. Quick & easy, and they think the buzzing trimmer is fun.

  10. Emily says:

    I bet he looks adorable nonetheless. Would love to see pics as well. We started buzzing our son’s hair when he was six months old because he had that terrible comb over that a lot of babies get, and my husband just couldn’t take it any longer. I wavered for a while, but am actually glad that I gave in, because he looks adorable. However, now that he’s 1, he’s not such a fan of the electric clippers, so he might be growing it out for a while.

  11. cheeriobutt says:

    Ha Ha! This is funny! I tied that a couple of times and it turned out just the same! So my hubby went out and bought an electric shaver for all of the times I mess up the boys’ hair! I’d hate to picture actually taking a an 18 month old to a barber’s to get a haircut. yikes!

  12. Mary O says:

    Good God! I was already cracking up…but #25 made me lose it (well, almost!).

  13. Gwen says:

    Yeah, that’s always fun to try to cut the toddler’s hair. I’ve found that the video and candy work best for my 3-year old, although he didn’t start that until he was almost 2. Anyway, good luck!

  14. mummyv says:

    um… we need PHOTO evidence of said haircut please!?!

  15. Lola says:

    My mother cuts hair for a living, and it still takes her and three other adults to cut my 22 month olds hair. And she frets about what it looks like, even though it is a summer buzz cut.

  16. mmc says:

    Funny, but funnier when it’s NOT me.

    Here’s my version of this melodrama from last summer.

  17. Mary says:

    I did this once. And then I looked at the pictures and realized that “my crappy childhood hair-dos” was not going to be a subject for my kids’s therapy like it was for mine.

    Now I spend more money on their haircuts than I do on my own. I’m such a martyr.

  18. InterstellarLass says:

    I never attempted to cut my kids’ hair. Not after the fingernail incident. Oooh. The quick bleeds!

  19. owlhaven says:

    (How bad could it really be?)

    toddlers are the toughest haircut getters!Mary

  20. jenB says:

    RUNNING WITH SCISSORS! ahhh, have done it. and yes, pictures please? :-)

  21. Kristi says:

    They may not care, but we do. We must have pictures!

  22. Danielle says:

    I learned that same lesson with my oldest. It took me two years of haircutting to figure it out but I think that I learned it. I just hate paying for them to have their hair cut. There is a shop across the street from me and she only charges $7 but come on. I need to just by clippers and buzz them. I guess with the Florida heat that will work better after our move.

  23. Marie says:

    This is why we bought a Flowbee — we have two little boys and it’s perfect. Cheesey and 70s-riffic, but perfect. :D

  24. Jordana says:

    I was never brave enough to start cutting my children’s hair until they reached the point where they could either sit still or at least understand what would happen to them if they didn’t sit still for a while. Not that I would ever resort to threats…no…of course not…

  25. MG says:

    This is exactly why my now 16 month old son with very thick golden hair has his haircut by a professional. His first haircut was at 10 months and there was no way he was going to co-operate for me. $15 Australian dollars for 5 minutes in front of a DVD of the Wiggles for a very quick but good haircut. You girls are far too brave for me.

  26. Heather says:

    Oh boy, my children have been victims to their mothers “wanna be” hairstylist days. Now they are old enough and wouldnt let me within 10 feet of them. Hoping to see a picture! LOL.. :)

  27. Susan says:

    Yep, that’s pretty much how my first son wound up with a mullet. Although I seem to recall that at some point in the whole process, he was flopping around in the tub while I pursued him with the scissors.

    Oh, and they were NAIL scissors, if that matters.

  28. Shelly says:

    Try giving food…oops! It would be covered in HAIR!

  29. meredith says:

    Even if you went to a barber shop, the result might not be any better.

  30. Ashley says:

    Duct tape! (kidding..)

    I’ve cut all of my kids hair. The easiest was my sons hair because it was so curly. Curls are very forgiving.

  31. Alissa says:

    i agree with the others. this post needs to be accentuated with pictures!

  32. R says:

    Yes, yes….I did this exact same thing to my 14 month old recently. Now he just looks like a friar in a diaper.

  33. Wicked Stepmom says:

    Hee Hee… baby haircuts are fun! But after 7 children, you KNOW this already. :)

  34. Jennifer says:

    Aw, I used to cut my kids’ hair all the time, and did a great job, I though, and nobody was ever impressed ;). I finally gave it up and let the salon do it (yeah, I had to pay for it, but it was worth it not to have the aggravation ;)). End result? My son wants ME to do it from now on…hates what the salon does to him…never thought I’d hear a teenager say that!

  35. Tracie says:

    See-this is why I make my husband cut our toddler’s hair!! You had me accually laughing out loud!

  36. Alexandra says:

    Argh. I just did this to my 3 yo boy. We were about to visit family and I thought “Hey, the boy needs a haircut,” somehow hoping that a new haircut would obscure the fact that he is a TERRIBLY behaved toddler. It was a tragic cut and in the end I’ve learned that a rotten haircut will make a bad boy even harder to love by family that rarely see him. Next time I’ll spend the $10.

  37. the Smocklady says:

    Fuinny. But marshmallows, Dear, marshmallows. That’s the trick. And while my current littlest is trying to learn NOT to crap his pants, he hates his hair touching his ears and asked fo rme to ‘cut off it, now, please.” So I guess he does care how his hair looks.

  38. michelle says:

    I’ve been through the same thing. I found that if you do it during bath time, my little one is to distracted to notice me combing my fingers through his hair, and clean up is soo much easier.