it’s like shopping and a show
July 12, 2006
Dear my lovely sons,
Grocery shopping with all of you is always fun. I especially love the game you boys play. What game, you ask me with your eyes wide and innocent? The game I like to call, Try-To-Get-Strangers-To-Call-CPS-On-Our-Mother game.
You know the one I am talking about. The well orchestrated game where all of you wait for a crowd of people to be around us and then one of you will hold up something obvious, in the case of today, a banana and loudly say, “What is this? I have never seen this before!”
Then I will reply, “What are you talking about? Of course you have seen a banana before!”
And then one of you will say, “Baaaa-naaaaaa-naaaahhh” like you are a five year old struggling with phonics, and hold it up in the air for all your siblings to admire. And then those siblings will oooh and aaaah like you are holding the holy grail, or the newest Lego Bionicle, above your head.
I am always amazed at how well you all work together in these situations. At home trying to get you all to play a game of Clue, cards, or even sit on the couch near each other is an invitation for a wrestling match to break out that would make the WWF look tame.
I’ll say even louder, “What are you doing? You have so seen that before!” I will look around at all the people staring out of the corners of their eyes at me and laugh nervously.
Then one of you will loudly say, “No, Mom. We have never seen this…. what is it called again… oh yeah bananan before.” And the rest of you shake you heads in solidarity.
You boys are good, in a band of roguish brothers sort of way and I am oddly impressed. But you must remember that when it comes to perfecting your evil ways, I am your master. You still have much to learn my little grasshoppers.
And I say, “It’s a BANANA. A GOD FORSAKEN BANANA. And the reason you have never seen them before because the bananas will go bad in the basement where I keep you shackled to the drain pipes. Now let’s finish shopping.”
You will never win, though I love that you try,
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