a pain in my ass, literally
July 19, 2006
A few days ago I was sitting outside in the backyard when I felt a prick on my butt cheek. And it hurt. So I jumped up and screamed, “ouch, my ass.” It felt like a bug of some sort bit me. But I didn’t see any bug. And not wanting to strip naked in my yard, I let it go.
But, later on in the evening it still hurt. I tried to contort my body and catch a glimpse of my own rear end, but it wasn’t working. So I stood up on my bed to look in the mirror over my bureau, but nothing seemed amiss. Granted, I had to stand about 10 ft away from the mirror and bounce on my mattress to get a look.
Fast forward to last night. It still hurts. So I jumped up on my bed to have a look at my ass and there is the strangest looking bruise I have ever seen. So strange, in fact, that I had to wake my husband up from a sound sleep and demand that he look at my ass right that minute. No, the bouncing on the bed and bright lights do not hamper his ability to sleep soundly. Neither do crying babies,alarm clocks, or screams of terror for that matter.
I wish that I could show you all the bruise, but that would require me to show you my backside, and well this isn’t that sort of blog. Also, I don’t want to scare you. So you will just have to trust me and be content with the knowledge that I have a weird bruise on my ass.
And why you would even care, I have no idea. But this is the internet where people like me feel compelled to share minute details of our lives, and people like you (and me) read the minute details of the lives of strangers.
Like what I had for dinner last night at 9:00 pm when we got home from hell on earth, a.k.a a baseball game in 100 degree heat where I was forced to sit with my two youngest children while they rolled around in the dust and it stuck to their sweaty bodies. (cold leftover pasta salad eaten with a fork out of the serving bowl)
or that I went to the beach yesterday with stubbly legs and a bikini line that needed attention and tried to convince myself that I was making a statement, I am a woman and therefore have pubic hair, deal with it. But really I think the statement it made was, I am lazy.
Or the fact that I have bought business cards, thereby achieving total dorkitude.
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