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I can’t help myself

I can’t help myself

July 21, 2006

I swore that I wasn’t going to write about little league baseball anymore. But last night I think was the worst time I have ever had. And quite possibly the worst time ever had by anyone attending a little league game.

It could have been:

1) Due to the oppressive heat and humidity

2) The fact that all of the ground surrounding the bleachers where we sat was just dry dust because there is not a speck of shade to be found. Honestly, I contemplated climbing under the bleachers.

3) As soon as we arrived the baby pooped his diaper, and I, of the always prepared for every inevitability, had no diapers. Nope, not one. And so I put him back into his shorts overalls commando.

4) That I had to chase my daughter down every five freaking minutes when she decided she wanted to go to the playground instead of watching the game, but it was in the sun too and all the metal playground equipment was too hot to touch.

5) As soon as I would reach her, my 19 mos old son would take off running in the opposite direction

6) And within five minutes of being diaperless, my son peed. Not that anyone could really tell since he was saoking wet with all the water and gatorade he had poured all over himself. But I knew, and definitely didn’t want to be carrying his pee pee self on my hip. This made bringing him back to the bleachers after he ran off that much more difficult.

7) That and the fact that sweat made their little arms slippery so every time they acted like they had been deboned they would slide right to the ground and make a break for it again.

8) So to all others I appeared to be a sweaty dirty yelling lunatic.

9) Some nice, though misguided person gave my 19 mos old a strawberry to eat. And then he had to wipe he face and hands off on the back of my light blue Ann Taylor tshirt.

10) I was covered in dust, so that it looked like my legs and sandals had purposefully been dusted, except for where the sweat was running down my legs, leaving trails of mud into my sandals.

11) When the game finally ended and we were, surprisingly, still alive we headed to the van where I sprinkled all the little sweaty kids with baby powder, in an effort to cool them off and make them less slimy until we could get home and have baths. And, because I was so sweaty I liberally sprinkled myself with baby powder too.

12) I discovered, after interacting with numerous strangers and acquaintances, including the drive through person at McDonald’s and the people at the gas station pumping gas, that my face resembled Al Pacino in Scarface, after he has his face on a desk full of cocaine. But that’s just me, spreading a positive image of mega motherhood everywhere I go.

Posted by Chris @ 10:13 am  

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  1. Kbeans says:

    I can’t believe you can do this-I’m so impressed. I made it through 2 soccer seasons with my now 12 yr old when I only had to drag one along. He didn’t exhibit much aptitude,but even if had I would have bailed after just the 3rd one. You are one of my heros.

  2. Jessica S. says:

    My mom used to be the secretary for a Little League group. I remember those “too hot” days all too well. And, even though we didn’t play, we had to stay because noone was home to watch us. UGH!! The things we will do for our kids.

  3. Meg says:

    Here’s a hug for you just because that made me feel miserable and sweaty just from reading…

  4. speckledpup says:

    dude…I was so gonna borrow that Anne Klein shirt…

    way to mess up MY weekend.

  5. Jiffy says:

    What about sitting in the car w/ the a/c on? Is that wrong?

  6. Suebob says:

    If I had 7 kids, this would be so exactly my life. As it is, I managed to break pens and get ink on the side of my neck without any help at all.

  7. Lilly says:

    I can feel the sweat and dust just reading your description. Of course I can feel the sweat anyway because it’s so darned hot and humid here today. I hope you’re sitting with a cool drink and a fan on you today and taking it relatively easy.

  8. meredith says:

    I think I am glad I have girls that don’t like baseball.

  9. briana says:

    With a one year old, I am sitting in safety of not having to deal with little league for at least another couple years. But then I’ll be sharing in your pain, I’m quite certain of that.

    Is the entire country going up in flames this week? I swear I could melt with how hot it has been!

    Good luck to you. Keep cool and thanks for bringing a smile to my day!

  10. MomofAllTrades says:

    You have my condolances. We were lucky, sort of. Our older boys dropped baseball in favor of wrestling around the sixth grade. We had to spend all day every Saturday in a gym somewhere worrying about the babies falling through the bleachers, but at least we were inside. Commando babies at sporting events were a regular thing for me, I’m afraid. Even if I did bring diapers, something else would go wrong, guaranteed.

  11. Missi says:

    OMG, can I ever relate. I had 2 boys in little league this year, on 2 different teams that played on different days. I was at the ball field 4 days out of the week!!! I had a toddler and 4yr old to take with me. By the end of the season, I found ways to stay in the VAN and watch the games. LOL I lived for the games on the field next to the parking lot!
    They may not have acted any better in the van, but they couldn’t run away!!!!

    Good luck to you! I am not looking forward to our next season either!

  12. InterstellarLass says:

    I can’t wait for the day when you can watch little league ball close-circuit from the coolness of the car. Kind of like a drive-up. Plug the car into a receiver and bam, your in-car-entertainment systems has Little League Live.

  13. Susan says:

    Living in the desert (nothing BUT dust year-round) and trying to survive little league games in the 100-110 degree heat, we too have resorted to sitting in the car with the A/C running. We even plug in the DVD player and the younger sister is occupied for hours. Hardly qualifies us for Parents of the Year, but ya do what ya gotta do!

  14. Maddy says:

    LMAO, I am going to giggle all day picturing you at the McDonalds drive through with a powder-coated family.

  15. Sheryl says:

    LOL it’s a pain to chase wee ones all over the ball field. Precisely why I refused to enroll my kids in outdoor sports until my youngest was 3. I can just see the drive-thru cashier at McDOnalds, “Yo, would you like a straw for that blow?”

  16. Gigi says:

    Every molecule of my being feels your pain. Was that hell? I mean, could that be what hell is like? I guess the baby could have pooped again whilst going commando- now THAT would have been hell.

  17. peepnroosmom says:

    That made me feel all sweaty and dusty, too. But of course it’s so hot and humid here in GA, I feel sweaty all the time anyway. I’m not looking forward to football season starting in 2 weeks. I have an 11 month old to chase around the field while big brother practices.

  18. Mary Tsao says:

    Ha ha! I’m sorry that your pain is my gain. It’s hot here, too, although I have no games to go to and none of that humidity to deal with. You are a great mom to go to games and deal with all of that. You need your own cheering section!

  19. Jen3 @ Amazing Triplets says:

    But - were you wearing shorts?

  20. Chris says:

    Okay, I about peed my pants while laughing on #12.

  21. EK says:

    Oh I would love this all on video.

    One day I found (after getting home, of course) that I had white marks all over my shirt, nose, cheeks, and yes - even my glasses…some soap had sprayed up on me that I had been testing at the health food store. Did no one think they could say “excuse me - but…”

    #12 IS funny, and I would like to participate in dinner time that same way.

  22. Jennifer says:

    I would hug you, but ick…you’re a mess, girl!
    I’m so glad I”m not the only mom of many who’s ever gone out without a spare diaper. I finally started keeping a mini-stash in the car, just in case. With the last baby, I didn’t even carry a diaper bag much. Just threw a diaper in my already overflowing purse. It was so liberating when the youngest baby was finally potty trained and I could buy those cutie tiny little pocketbooks!

  23. Amah says:

    Gee, you described what it’s like in Florida all day every day during the summer. I finally bought a beach umbrella with a screw in base and 2 sets of toddler “leashes”. The kind they sell at Walmart that has the little backpack shaped like a dog or monkey and the tail has a handle on it. I also put thier cup and diapers in the little packpac so I always have an extra when the diaper bag is emptied by my husband. Sorry your fun time got so stressful. Aren’t kids wonderful?????

  24. Rae says:

    I love this: “spreading a positive image of mega motherhood everywhere I go”. That’s awesome. That’s how I often feel, although not a mega mama, like everywhere I go I’m fulfilling everyone’s stereotypes about frazzled young moms with kids too close together.