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the un-blogher post

the un-blogher post

August 1, 2006

I arrived home late last night. I have been mentally composing blog posts about the experience of being at Blogher, but none really capture it. Instead it sounds like name dropping… or something. I’m not sure. I had a great time, and maybe I’ll write about it more. Maybe.

But for now I have to go spend time with my children, who unlike me, want to share every last detail about what they have done the past five days in excruciating, real time detail. I should probably give them my undivided attention. And show them all the free crap presents I got them. Post-It notes and hyatt pens for everyone! YES!

So I will leave you with these random notes I would write if my brain matter wasn’t already oozing out of my ears from the non-stop talking of my children.


Dear people flying cattle call airlines,

What is up with you people forming a line hours before the scheduled boarding time?

It makes me so angry to see you all staking your claim in the front of the line that way. Irrationally and homicidally angry. Then I am forced to cut in front of you in the line just to show you how you wasted the last two hours of your time. And listen to you passive/aggressively whisper about me while I look at you and smile.


Dear strange man from Texas who sat down next to me on my final flight,

When you get on a plane and see two women sitting in a row with a empty seat between them do not say, “There is the perfect seat for a dirty old man like me” if you want to carry on a conversation with either of them. Because if you say that you are a dirty old man, we will believe you. And that is not an endearing quality.


Dear myself,

When your husband tells you not to lock the car doors because the locks do not work anymore, believe him. Do not lock the doors. Because if you do not listen you will be forced to climb into the trunk and stuff your upper body through the hole where the arm rest in the back seat folds down and try to unlock the door with the ice scraper.


Dear my children,

While I appreciate your efforts to welcome me back home by being demanding and argumentative, I would have been just as happy to be welcomed home by all of you sitting in a circle, singing kumbaya.

Posted by Chris @ 6:24 am  

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  1. Jen says:

    Welcome back! Just in time for the horrible 100+ temps here in CT!

  2. Jaybird says:

    *snort* at the kids singing Kumbaya!

    You mean they didn’t all clean their rooms and learn camp songs while you were gone?!

  3. Gigi says:

    The last time my family flew a “cattle call airline” (*cough* southwest) a fight broke out over seats and one man had to be forcibly removed from the flight, leaving his pregnant wife and in-laws on the plane. That seating stress works some weird mojo on (mostly) normal people.

  4. Saucy Momma says:

    Re-Entry is hell! Good luck and don’t let it cloud the amazing time you had with the cool chicks at blogher.

  5. Carmen says:

    Good luck on getting through today. Monday was brutal for me, and today hasn’t been much easier.

    It was great to finally meet you and I had a ball. You are amazing.

  6. Novaks8 says:

    I bet Dad has some stories too.

    Although he probably won’t tell you all the horror stories, you will have to get those from the kids.

    You were awarded TWO perfect post awards for July for two seperate posts!

    I always told you your blog was the best!

  7. Daisy says:

    Welcome home! Of course, they have to make you feel at home by letting off steam and showing you what you missed. But I like to imagine them all sitting around you in a circle singing inspirational campfire songs.

  8. halloweenlover says:

    Welcome home! I want to hear the name dropping!!! Email me!

  9. CaliforniaGrammy says:

    Home again, home again, jiggity jig! My prayers are for this evening to come early with a margarita served to you under the shade of a beautiful tree by a dark and very handsome husband who is so glad for you to be home!

  10. Jordana says:

    Welcome home!

  11. Katie says:

    Welcome home! Now let me tell you about MY weekend… ;) Hope the kids give you a little breathing room and peace.

  12. Mary Tsao says:

    Chris, It was so great to meet you! Glad to hear you made it home safe and sound even though later than you expected. When I saw Liz’s pics from Woolfcamp and realized that you and Meghan were there, I couldn’t believe you had missed your flight! Argh. Glad you got to see the ocean, though. I thought it was a shame that most of the attendees flew to beautiful California and only got to see the Hyatt and the airport.

    I’m rambling, but I wanted to say how great it was to meet you and congratulations on that Johnson’s gig. It took a lot of courage to stand up in front of that audience and speak! You did great. I was right there rooting for you.

    Hope you’re finding a minute or two to relax!

  13. Beth says:

    What I really want to know is whether your husband used the good serving dishes the whole time you were gone, or if he served from the stovetop. ;^)

  14. peepnroosmom says:

    Welcome Home, Chris!

  15. LadyBug Crossing says:

    Congrats on your Perfect Post Award! I popped over to read about your baby’s poo (and stuck around to read the rest.) Thanks for the laugh - I’m sure it wasn’t funny at the time, but it sure was funny to read about it. I have enjoyed my visit and I’ll certainly be back!

  16. Debbie says:

    Welcome home Chris. You were missed by more than just the kids :)

  17. MommyHAM says:

    LOL at the DOM from Texas….

  18. Mocha says:

    Great little love notes you wrote! Except for the angry people, of course.

    Yes, you’re adorable. Yes, I groveled at your feet. Yes, I took the CUTEST. PICTURE. EVER of you. I would have taken you home in my suitcase, but you have that sweet family to get back to, so I’ll let them have you.

    For now.

    Such a pleasure meeting you and crushing on you. ;-)

  19. meritt says:



    That’s awesome.
    Welcome home.

  20. leahpeah says:

    when i heard you do the intro i was hoping to have a chance to talk. i think you are amazing.
    maybe next year…

  21. jennster says:

    it was nice to meet you!!!!!!!!!!

  22. foodmomiac says:

    I’m so glad you made it home. What’s with these kids not letting us ease back into real life??? Who do they think they are? Sheesh.

  23. Karen says:

    Welcome back home!

    and ROTFLMAO about the locks on your car

    Karen, melting

  24. Elizabeth says:

    Chris, we have similar traveling pet peeves. I can’t figure out why people on flights with assigned seats get all bent out of shape about getting to the front of the line. Don’t they know the *whole plane* takes off at the same time, whether you push and shove or not? It all lands at the same time, too. With luck.

    I once had to climb through the trunk of my Ford Escort wagon when 8.5 months pregnant - not a tight squeeze but an awkward one - because people on either side of me in a parking lot parked so close I couldn’t open a door. Grrrr.

  25. jes says:

    It was great to meet you at BlogHer.

    And, Gah: that man? That old man? From Texas? Ick. At least he didn’t have nasty B.O. in your breathing space, forcing you to inhale it.


  26. Heather says:

    Welcome back! I made a welcome home card and a cake for you too! But the kids ate the cake because you got in late! ;) LOL…

    I am sure you could see the repeated hits on your counter from me, checking like a mad woman to see if you were posting while you were there. I really wish I would have gone. It sounds like it was alot of fun. I am working up the courage to attend next year. (biting nails)

    You are the BEST blogger out there, and I truly mean that.

  27. InterstellarLass says:

    Awww. They missed you bunches. My kids just got back from a month with their dad and I’m trying to de-alienize them.