the un-blogher post
August 1, 2006
I arrived home late last night. I have been mentally composing blog posts about the experience of being at Blogher, but none really capture it. Instead it sounds like name dropping… or something. I’m not sure. I had a great time, and maybe I’ll write about it more. Maybe.
But for now I have to go spend time with my children, who unlike me, want to share every last detail about what they have done the past five days in excruciating, real time detail. I should probably give them my undivided attention. And show them all the
free crap presents I got them. Post-It notes and hyatt pens for everyone! YES!
So I will leave you with these random notes I would write if my brain matter wasn’t already oozing out of my ears from the non-stop talking of my children.
Dear people flying cattle call airlines,
What is up with you people forming a line hours before the scheduled boarding time?
It makes me so angry to see you all staking your claim in the front of the line that way. Irrationally and homicidally angry. Then I am forced to cut in front of you in the line just to show you how you wasted the last two hours of your time. And listen to you passive/aggressively whisper about me while I look at you and smile.
Dear strange man from Texas who sat down next to me on my final flight,
When you get on a plane and see two women sitting in a row with a empty seat between them do not say, “There is the perfect seat for a dirty old man like me” if you want to carry on a conversation with either of them. Because if you say that you are a dirty old man, we will believe you. And that is not an endearing quality.
When your husband tells you not to lock the car doors because the locks do not work anymore, believe him. Do not lock the doors. Because if you do not listen you will be forced to climb into the trunk and stuff your upper body through the hole where the arm rest in the back seat folds down and try to unlock the door with the ice scraper.
Dear my children,
While I appreciate your efforts to welcome me back home by being demanding and argumentative, I would have been just as happy to be welcomed home by all of you sitting in a circle, singing kumbaya.
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