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so you are jonesin’ for some crack

so you are jonesin’ for some crack

August 22, 2006

Wow, you people are crazy about dip. I got an untold number of emails yesterday requesting the recipe. Frankly I am embarrassed to share it because it is so easy to make. Also because now I will get an untold number of emails telling me that this recipe SUX!!1! and that there is a much better one out there and people will feel compelled to share it with me.

Please don’t.

Also, completely unrelated, if you do not like something I write there is a small red X up there in the right hand corner, click it. I do not need you to email me and tell me that I should change the way I write or you will no longer read my blog. Because, I hate to say it, I don’t care. I feel like I should write a string of expletives here to make my point, but really it is just uncalled for in this paragraph. Swear words have a proper place and time to be used. Maybe fucking later. See, not right there.

The other reason I hesitate to share the recipe is because I don’t really measure anything. But here is the recipe.

2 blocks of cream cheese

3 cans of vegetarian refried beans (why vegetarian, I have no idea other than that is what I always buy. One last hold over from when I was a vegetarian and felt a smug superiority buying vegetarian beans, because no one is sneaking pig feet into my beans!)

2 jars of salsa

2 packages of taco seasoning mix
2.5-3 lbs of ground meat (turkey, chicken or beef will do)

Brown the ground meat in a pan. Add the taco seasoning mix and cook according the instructions, which I think is universally add water and the contents of the packets and cook some more.

Take out a large pyrex baking dish. Mine is bigger than a 9×13…11×14? I don’t know. Are these things standard size? Do you see why I don’t give out recipes?

Spread the two blocks of cream cheese on the bottom of the baking dish.

Then spread the cans of refried beans.

Then pour the jars of salsa on top.

Then pour the browned and seasoned meat mixture on top. And sort of mix it around with the salsa a bit.

Then sprinkle the cheese of top.

Put into the oven… oh maybe 350 for like 20 minutes or so. Until it is hot and the edges are bubbly.

Then take it out and eat it with the LIME flavored Tositos, which are like crack by themselves. I can not eat enough of those chips.

This recipe serves 1-10 people depending on how piggish you are. And piggish you will be. This shit is fucking good.


Posted by Chris @ 9:31 am  

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  1. randomstuff says:

    Ooh, I have a similar recipe w/o beans that we call Taco Dip, I’ll have to try out yours, yum.

  2. Heather B. says:

    Well, now I know what I’m having for dinner tonight. Thanks!

  3. Geggie says:

    You crack me up. It’s times like these that I wish I lived in the NE and could come visit you!

  4. bluepaintred says:

    ohhh that sounds soooo good… wonder if it would work with sour cream instead of cream cheese… im not so big a fan of cream cheese LOL

  5. InterstellarLass says:

    Oh holy hell YES! I am trying this. And then when I have to work out for three hours on the elliptical to burn off these calories and I fall over dead…well, that’ll be your fault I’m sure. This sounds soooo yummy!

  6. Gigi says:

    Yum, Lime-flavored Tostitos are amazing. Best of all, my kids don’t like them so I get the whole bag. Heh.

  7. Julie says:

    Sounds really good, like a chili dip I used to make until my jeans all begged me to give it a rest for a bit. Now I’m itchin’ for some hot cream cheese and saucy dippin. (man alive, does that sound dirty.) Just a clarifier, any special type or amount of cheese? I’m guessing shredded chedder to taste, about 2 cups, but figured I’d ask.

  8. melissaS says:

    Why do people believe they are owed something from you?

    If you keep posting dip recipes I’m not reading anymore.

  9. Katie says:

    Yum! I’m so craving chips and salsa now.

  10. Cheryl says:

    Thank ye very much - can’t wait to pull this out of the oven for my hungry family!!!! They gonna love me!!!! :)

  11. wookie says:

    Word from the stupid corner… when my cousin instructed me to make this while all the grownups were somewhere important (could have been a funeral, it was awhile back)

    All her instructions for assembly was to “layer all ingredients, with the cream cheese at the bottom and the grated cheese at the top and bake for 20 minutes”.

    So guess who put the nacho chips inside the dip as a layer? And baked them for 20 minutes?

    They get really, really soggy when you do that.

    I was accused of being just as helpful as her 3 year old (I was in university at the time).

    Just posting it in case someone is as clueless as me and doesn’t know that the chips are not part of the layers.

  12. Much More Than A Mom says:

    Thanks for planning my dinner for tonight!

    (Oh, and thanks for adding to my already huge ass!)

    and seriously? People email you that crap? R

  13. Darren says:

    Then call in sick at work because you aren’t going anywhere for the next 24 hours exhibit maybe to the grocery to buy more chips.

  14. cassie-b says:

    Sounds great. And I’m always looking for delicious and EASY recipes.


  15. Becky S says:

    Great recipe. I never comment but read your blog religiously and cannot imagine what sort of mental deficiency one must have not to think that you are brilliant and hillarious.

  16. T in HD says:

    I’ve tripped across a lot of blogs over the last 2+ years since I first came across yours. Most of them I never revisited, none of them do I check on a (multi) daily basis. Oddly, I never felt compelled to e-mail the authors of the blogs I didn’t care for to tell them why. I don’t know, I just guess I assumed they wouldn’t give a shit? People are weird (yes, including me, LOL!).

    Refried beans: We got the vegetarian when we lived in the US too. Not because we were vegetarians (we were not and are not) but because I realized they do actually taste different than the regular ones and we liked the way they tasted better. Sorry, just felt as compelled to share that uninteresting bit of information as I don’t feel compelled to go write all those authors of blogs I no longer read detailing how theirs is not nearly as good as Chris’ and just how they could improve theirs so that they could win back my readership.

    I told you people are weird.

  17. Susan says:

    Thank you, thank you! I can not wait to try this.

  18. GG says:

    Mmmm! I think the dip looks divine. Anyone who tells you your recipe or your writing (WTF? Did someone actually do that?) sucks can stick it, if you ask me. Which, um, you didn’t, but that’s not the point.

  19. alice says:

    Swear words DO have a place. I fucking love your blog and you are fucking hilareous. Keep on truckin’. WTF? I don’t know, I’m weird.

  20. Daisy says:

    I don’t swear, but I don’t care if you do. I love the blog!
    Thanks for the recipe! If it doesn’t work for me, it’s my fault, not yours. Thanks for sharing!

  21. the womom says:

    I love fucking good shit.

  22. Mama T. says:

    This sounds so (fucking) good!!! Tostitos Lime chips are the shit. I’m the only one in my house that likes them, which means they are mine, mine, mine!!!

  23. Y says:

    If you don’t stop verbally abusing me, I will stop reading your blog.

    NOT your fucking neighbor,


  24. Novaks8 says:

    Okay, first off who in the heck said you need to write differently?

    I am ready to kick butt!

    You better not change a thing.

    I would like to read their blog and see what “good writing” is all about.

    That recipe sounds yummy and yes Lime tortillas are SO good!

  25. Chris says:

    Someone wrote you about how you write YOUR blog? They don’t likes? Are they from the fucking (oops sorry) planet Dumbass?

    My dip recipe is very similar to that, but with no beans. It is the BEST THING EVER!

  26. Debbie says:

    I dont cook but I am figuring I can do this and be worshipped in the same vein that you are. Can’t wait. I need extra brownie points in the mother/wife thing…

    Really, somebody complained about your blog? Er, can anybody tell me what I missed to deserve that??

  27. Allanna says:

    That is some delicious- (or “a-wish-ious!!”) sounding dip.

    And, really, if someone really doesn’t care for your blog (they’d have to be bloody insane to not like it!), they have the right to not read it … as opposed to being a jerk and writing mean crap.

    I think that you’re hilarious and a great role model. I just about idolize you and look up to your example when I get frustrated with my twins.

    Keep up the great work!!

  28. Chris says:

    yes, people actually do send me “helpful” emails. People with whom I have no prior relationship.

    this is NOT Mr Roger’s fucking neighborhood ;-)

  29. Jennifer says:

    If you change the way you write your blog I won’t read you anymore. Just wanted to let you know. Thought it might be useful.

  30. Joy H says:

    LOVE your blog…..don’t change a thing! Well, except maybe more yummy recipes.

    Tell those idiots to take a fucking leap.

  31. TC says:

    That sounds wonderful! I am going to try it for sure.

    From someone who likes your f*cking blog just the way it is! LOL

  32. Suebob says:

    My fucking X is black, not red. Can I still fucking click it?

    Just checking.

  33. Cathy C says:

    Chris, YOURS is my FAVORITE blog EVER!!!! As a matter of fact I would send you an award if I could for BEST BLOGGER EVER!!! I don’t get why people read something they don’t like. Duh! Make them go away!

  34. peepnroosmom says:

    Hey Chris,
    I make a dip that is similar, but yours sounds way better with the cream cheese and all.
    Ever since yesterday I have been saying “a-wish-ous”. How cute is she!?!
    I can’t believe people email you to change your blog. If they don’t like it, don’t read it! Hello!

  35. Chris says:


    If you don’t want to read… don’t read. I find it offensive that you would continue to come back to my blog.

  36. jennster says:

    lmfao- i love this post. i think it’s my favorite. it fucking cracks me up! LOL

  37. Mir says:

    Chris, your fucking blog has so fucking offended me that I fucking had to look and see what the fuck the fuss was about. But I still fucking hate you, you dirty-mouthed strumpet.


  38. Y says:

    Oh, to be so self righteous and pure.

    I find it hilarious that she had to bring up that she also “has a friend” who was offended. SO IT’S NOT JUST HER.


    And yet, here she is again, reading your fucking blog.

    [church lady voice] Now isn’t that special [/church lady voice]

  39. Debbie says:

    That woman is *so* going to get hate mail now….

    Not from ME ‘cos I don’t give a feck.

    See. I’m nice. I hope the nice lady comes and reads my blog. Except on Sunday….

  40. Crissi says:

    i usually dont comment.. but ever since i have discovered “the blog world” yours is the best one i have ever read. i love it. the first website i look at while i am drinking my Hot Chai tea is yours :) Cuss like a fucking dirty sailor if you want. Your great and whoever thinks you arent should seriously take a “DIRT NAP”

    keep on Keepin on :)

  41. glamgranola says:

    I’ve been reading forever but I’m not sure I’ve posted before. So now I think is the perfect time to let you know, that I only read blogs that talk about “fucking good shit” the rest are all so…amateur. Rock On!

  42. meritt says:

    I WAS going to post something about missing all the good stuff when I had no idea someone was snarky to ya… but by the time I read to the bottom of these comments to post MINE I saw hers. Answered my question.

    But… you know how sometimes when you call a number and get the answer machine, and you don’t want to be rude and just hang up so you leave a message saying ‘hi’ so they won’t have ‘hang ups’? Well I felt that way today. I had nothing to say but felt the need to say “HI!” anyway. LOL.

  43. marg says:

    hi there, chris –
    never commented before but have been reading for a while. you crack me up. i love reading of your big family. i grew up one of six and wish my mom spent half as much time with us as you do with your kids. i have two and want more but am afraid of not being able to give all what they need emotionally (maybe due to my own childhood in a big family). i read your blog and see your adorable kids and your trips to the library or your campfires and see that it is possible to have a big family and enjoy your kids. thanks for the inspiration — you’re giving me baby cravings! :) -margaret

  44. Susan says:

    I have loved your website from the moment I found it. You are funny, your kids are great, and I’m in awe of all that you accomplish. I’m also the friend that Neighbor Jane Payne spoke of. I’m sorry that it offended you that we feel this way. Now we will be the ones everyone loves to hate.

  45. CityMama says:

    Holy shite that sounds delicious! I am making chicken enchilada casserole for dinner (mmm, cream of mushroom soup and a ton of cheese) but I might need to divert the recipe and make this instead. Printed and placed in recipe binder!

  46. menoblog says:

    Anyone with seven kids NEEDS to swear. I only have one and i swear constantly.


  47. Tonja says:

    Hey there… the X is not red, it’s white, but in a red box!!1! LOL I just wanted you to know in case someone were to email you about that. You may want to correct it NOW, I’m sure you don’t want to lose all those picky readers!!1!

  48. ratherbequilting says:

    Goodness! I have been a VERY entertained lurker on your site for months now, and have been greatly encouraged. I have 4 children who I homeschool and they love to read over my shoulder while I read your posts(especially when I am lmao!). I have only had to shoosh them for reasons of @#$% language once or twice. Thanks for keeping it classy 98% of the time. As for the other 2%, we all have those days, don’t we?? And I’ve got to try this recipe—yum!

  49. Christina says:

    WTF??? I love your blog, don’t change a thing!

  50. Sara says:

    Love the blog. Love the recipe. Forget about the “ignoranus” (a person who is both stupid and an a**hole)and keep doing what you’re doing. ALL of it. Your “realness” keeps me coming back.

  51. rain on tulips » dinner tonight says:

    [...] Via Notes from the Trenches, a yummy-sounding, Mexi-style dip: 2 blocks of cream cheese 3 cans of vegetarian refried beans (why vegetarian, I have no idea other than that is what I always buy. One last hold over from when I was a vegetarian and felt a smug superiority buying vegetarian beans, because no one is sneaking pig feet into my beans!) [...]

  52. Maliavale says:

    Ohhh, the lime chips. They stole my heart.

  53. julie says:

    I’m starting that blogs should be more like books– if you don’t like what you’re reading, then leave the page!

    Your blog is part of my daily blog reading– and I don’t read many!

  54. Jen says:

    It always amuses me how many parents forgot to pass on a very important life lesson to some people - “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

    I can’t imagine taking the TIME to leave a negative comment, much less the time to open a new email and construct a paragraph or two about why I am NOT going to read someone’s blog.

  55. Angela says:

    Only you can post a recipe and describe it so well that it makes me snort out loud.

  56. Lucie says:

    I swear like a sailor on shore leave and I love your posts. My current boss has issues with swearing but so long as it is not direct at someone he is okay. He says sometimes it is refreshing to see someone not so bottled up.

    Keep doing what you do Chris. You are a daily dose of reality and clarity.

  57. Heather says:

    Fucking AY this sounds good! ;) will definately try it out.. Swearin like a sailor feels good sometimes.

  58. Tonja says:

    Me again… So excited about the recipe that I went out tonight and got everything. Ohmygosh… just to let everyone know, you’ll be spending about $30. (Chris, are you selling your kids’ organs for delectable dips??) lol And the bad thing is, I’ve opened the lime chips and will probably have to go out tomorrow and spend another $5 on a new bag. lol
    This better be darn good dip!!

  59. Gretchen says:

    Yum, and I’m glad you use veg refried beans, because that’s what I would be buying anyway. But you have misrepresented yourself; if you have to brown the ground beef then you ARE cooking. I will just have to come over there and let you make it for me :-)

    And while I swear only in certain situations (mostly save it for being mad at my husband!) and really not at all on my blog, my head is not in the sand so much as to think that no one else ever swears. I think the times you do, it is appropriate or adds humor. I won’t stop reading your blog, you can’t make me, so there! LOL Seriously, why DO people keep coming back just to say they are not going to come back anymore?

  60. Erika says:

    I think you rock, your hysterical, funny, smart and a great writer. I too make that recipe. my mom gave it to me, altho i like the spicy refried beans :D Keep on the way you are, you don’t have to report to anyone but yourself. If they dont fucking like it, tough shit! and BTW I lived in MA my whole life and am now right over the border in CT. How bout those red sox. FUCKERS…..

  61. surcie says:

    As we say in the South: OH, LAW!

  62. Grim Reality Girl says:


  63. becky (misspriss) says:

    ha! it’s “considerate” to tell you that she’s not going to read because of your language. classic!

    wait, we’ve talked. does that mean i’m part of your life and can tell you to fucking knock it off? :D

    the woman doesn’t get the point of blogging: my blog = my rules.

  64. Jennine says:

    That’s it! Based on what Ms. Payne wrote:

    “Hey commenters….that would be me that wrote Chris to say she had darling kids and great wit but her word choices were sometimes crude and offensive. I told her I would no longer be reading her because the language or me had to go, and since I only have control over me I chose to delete Chris from my blog reads, but I thought it considerate to let her know why.”

    I’ve decided to fill the massive void in Chris’s stat counter by reading each post twice….from now on.

    Who’s with me??

  65. kbeans says:

    ARGH! Fuck, who ARE these people? Though we know who they are….I sure don’tlike their kind. Somehow, I know they’re the ones who were always around the winter dd refused to wear socks, and I kept thinking just one more trip out into WI winter would teach her the benefits. Of course, I’ve been a mom long enough now to wonder if she enjoyed the attention from all the people who HAD to comment and set me up for it. And to all those people who felt called upon to bend down and rebuckle her shoes “right” causing something akin to a nuclear explosion, well I really don’t like you, either. I DO like you-whole lots. I’m thinking there’s a way to turn this dip into a main dish and call it good.

  66. kathryn, dym says:

    I find that recipe extremely offensive Chris. What have you got against pig feet? Mouthguard? Yeah, I thought not.

  67. biz says:

    I need to inform ya that I’ll be eating that damn dip with pork rinds, and that ain’t no shit! ;-)

    I love me LIMEY stuff, especially chips.

    If I were not so fuckered, I mean tuckered out - I would write a diatribe about faults and foilbles (sp~ told ya I am damn tired!) and the internet and holier than thou attitudes… Some other time. :-)

    AND if lotz of my spelling is wrong/bad/improper - judge not people, JUDGE NOT! ;-U

  68. Kbeans says:

    Because I’m one of those charming people who just can’t shut up, especially after 3 ice cold beers with those extra hot pork rinds. Just kind of tipsily, randomly wondering if the non swearing ones scribbled down the yummy recipe before rejecting you? Damn, meant to swear in this post……..Oh, guess I did. Is damn good enough? I do know others……….

  69. mary anne kormos says:

    I love your blog and read it every day. In it I see so much of my childhood in what you write. I grew up with seven siblings and never heard mom swear until a few years back when we were all together for Thanksgiving and trying to teach her a card game. My sister Sheila instructed her how to make her next move and then eukered her. Mom calmly turned and said ” You Bitch”. I thought I’d die laughing looking at the expressions of disbelief on my sisters faces. I loved your toliet tea party story! It made my morning!

  70. rachel says:

    regardless of the fucking swearing issue, would this taste OK without the grated cheese on top? I can use soy cream cheese and that tastes yummy, but I’m wondering if the cheese on top makes it kick ass vs crappy.

    have I said lately that I fucking hate food allergies?

    I’d just like a chip dip other than salsa & guacamole (which are lovely! really!). I was almost in pitiful tears yesterday watching my husband and in-laws eat the queso dip last night.

  71. rachel says:

    oh - and on a mac you click on the red dot or the grey x, depending on what you’re using to browse. Just so mac users know how to leave too. :)

  72. Robyn says:

    Chris, I am also a “closet” fan of yours, been reading your blog daily for about a year. I don’t often comment but thought I would surface to tell you thanks for brightening my day. Speaking of food, I have another favorite blog that is a great daily read— http://www.waiterrant.net

  73. Anna says:

    Jane and Susan-
    The point of a blog (I think) is not to be liked, but to be yourself. I like this blog BECAUSE she’s being herself. What a shame it would be to give in to peer pressure.
    I just had this conversation with my 4yo this morning. *sigh*

  74. Melinda says:

    Chris, you rock, your recipe rocks, and don’t worry about the naysayers out there. If they don’t want to read your blog, then they can just f@#$ off! There are millions of other blogs out there where they can lurk.

  75. zookeeper says:

    Variation for you: Mix taco seasoning with the refried beans- spread that on the bottom of the dish. Mix a block of cream cheese with a small container of sour cream. Spread that next. Top with shredded cheese, chopped tomatoes, and chipped olives. Serve cold. OMG_ to die for! Gonna’ have to go try yours now!

  76. Suebob says:

    A note to commenter Jen - Is that what the life lesson is - “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? Wow. Because I always say “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come and sit by me.” LOL

  77. Mother says:

    I think Lime Tostitos are from heaven.

    Really. God sent them down to make life just a little bit better.

    I’m trying the dip.

    What’s with all the cussing woman?


  78. Newbie blog reader says:

    Chris, yours is the only blog I read regularly. I think you should put all your blog together and head to a publishing firm - they’d jump at the opportunity to publish your blog into a book.

    I think it’s hysterical that people who no longer want to read your blog come back to post on the comments page and justify themselves…..get a life people!

    And hey in the real world people swear - especially people that have kids and can’t swear in front of them - those people swear in conversations with other adults and in their journals/blogs. Just because they use the occasional swear word that doesn’t mean that everything else they have to say isn’t worth hearing - in fact not being uptight and judgemental is probably what makes Chris’ blog such a popular one :0)

  79. becky (misspriss) says:

    chris, i have a stupid question about the recipe - wherein do you mention the cheese that’s sprinkled on top? is it just a couple of cups or so of shredded cheese? grazie.

  80. A Little Drunken Blogging says:

    [...] I made this dip for dinner, watched this movie with the BoyChild and David and I drank this bottle of wine all by [...]