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home again, home again, jiggety jig

home again, home again, jiggety jig

August 24, 2006


I am sitting in the chair, reclining. My arms are folded over my body, hands clenched tight. My eyes are shut tight. I am wearing a paper bib and large sunglasses.

The hygenist picks up the tools. She begins to tell me about them. I wave my hand.

“I don’t need the details. It just prolongs the inevitable agony.”

“Are you in pain?”

“No. Just anticipating it.”

And so it began.

Turns out I needn’t have worried so much. There is no metal poking scraping thing anymore. It was like a high powered water pick that she used to clean my teeth.

Then after the cleaning she went around with that little tool to measure you gum recession or something like that. I am not sure exactly because I was busy practicing my deep Lamaze breathing, through my nose, to fully pay attention.

I did really well on the gum test. If they were handing out gold stars, I would have gotten one. The hygenist said that I had the healthiest mouth she had seen in years. Then the dentist walked in and she reiterated her statement.

“My teeth may be disintegrating out of my head as we speak. But damn my gums are good.” I said.

I started laughing. And the denstist started laughing. We had tears streaming down are cheeks we were laughing so hard. The hygenist did a little nervous laugh, but really she had no clue what was going on.

Finally we clued her in on all the work I have had done over the past 18 months and how it has cost me the equivalant of the gross national product of a third world country, not even neccessarily a small third world country. I’m not sure why it was so funny, just that it was. Perhaps there was a nitrous leak.

But it was good news. Good news that I needed to hear.

I immediately came home and told Rob that all the flossing he considers “excessive” has paid off.

Posted by Chris @ 7:22 pm  

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  1. Cathy C says:

    I’m so glad you came out laughing! I’ve had to cancel a few of my appointments because I thought I was going to have a panic attack. Can you imagine your bill if you weren’t flossing? Yeah, it’s called a SECOND JOB (for your husband, of course-hee hee).

  2. menoblog says:

    I hate the dentist so much that i too floss excessively. I can’t imagine laughing with mine. Laughing at him, yes.

  3. Susan says:

    I can top you all in the dental panic area–I once went seven years without seeing a dentist. SEVEN YEARS.

    And when I did finally go, he looked in my mouth and said, “You have perfect teeth.” Which only confirmed my crazy sense that I don’t need no stinkin’ dentist.

    Clearly, I have issues.

  4. mothergoosemouse says:

    I’ve had more dental work in the past eight years than I care to remember. I truly, madly, deeply feel your pain.

  5. Jen says:

    I had perfect, PERFECT, teeth until I started having kids. It’s like my body stripped my teeth of their enamel to pass it on to my babies in utero.

    After the first baby, I had to have 4 root canals and 8 regular fillings. That cost about as much as a down payment on a new home. After the second baby, I only needed 3 fillings.

    I am scared to think of what will happen to the rest of my teeth if I keep having kids….

  6. Elizabeth says:

    Note to self: Find a new dentist that uses high-powered water thing instead of metal poking thing. Check.

  7. madre-terra says:

    The dentist is ok for me. It’s the rubber dam that I could without. I hate that rubber dam!! It’s alive and it’s evil.

  8. InterstellarLass says:

    I’ve only had one root canal. And it needs to be redone by a specialist because the first guy didn’t get all the root! I’m not looking forward to that.

  9. TC says:

    That is great about your gums! Too funny that you just kept laughing and laughing.

  10. Meg says:

    Did you get nitrous? Because that’s all I really ever go to the dentist for these days…

  11. Darren says:

    I was JUST getting ready to comment that there might have been a nitrous leak. Sigh…

  12. Gretchen says:

    I was surprised at the water-pick thing too. Though I didn’t find it that much more comfortable than the metal pick, since they are less careful about avoiding your gums. I have the opposite problem from yours; my teeth are fine, but damn my gums suck. (Oops, did I just swear? LOL) Unfortunately not even a down payment on a house can pay to fix that; all I can do is use Sensitive-teeth toothpaste, and let me tell you, it ain’t workin’, at least not well enough. Glad you got the thumbs up at this appointment!

  13. Diamond Lil says:

    Apparently, now, there are “Dental Spas” where you can get a spa treatment while getting your teeth worked on. It’s meant for people who are nervous or anxious about the dentist (who isn’t?).

    Personally, I’d forgo a hand massage for some laughing gas.