And they labored with teeny tiny allen wrenches
September 4, 2006
Our day today in home improvement peaked when we assembled our IKEA furniture.
We accomplished most of the things on our list, including the original list before I began adding things just to cross them off, except for some plumbing that Rob didn’t get to do because the parts had to be ordered and a couple of other things I had written down for Rob to do because I am helpful like that.
I did accomplish everything on my list, however. Which mostly meant that I walked around the house with a paintbrush in my hand and a gallon of paint attached to me.
I did want to address the theft of the stuffed animal since some zealous people felt the need to email me about the error of my ways and how I am raising future thugs by condoning this behavior. ( As an aside I just typed thongs instead of thugs. But that seems even more appropriate since my children can
often sometimes rarely be pains in the ass. Perhaps that will be my new thing to say to them when they are acting up. “Stop being such a thong!” I kid. Maybe.) Obviously they don’t read here much or they would know that I am raising future circus people.
Honestly, she showed me the dog and I agreed it was cute. And then, because I HAVE SO MANY CHILDREN I ignored her like I ALWAYS do and didn’t notice she put it into her backpack. She has no idea at 3 years old about stealing something. She knows she can just cry, scream and roll on the filthy floor (”For the love of God, get up off of the disgusting floor!”) and I will buy whatever it is. Because in addition to circus tendencies I am raising spoiled brats. And I am proud of it.
Driving back to the store to pay? If she were older and it was done on purpose, sure I’d consider doing that or having some other sort of consequence. But the store is over an hour and a half away. I’d probably make the person write a note of apology and mail it back.
Enough of this.
Because did you read where I wrote about my daughter, the thief, drinking from some water bottle that was left sitting there on the floor? Did that just make you throw up a little like it did me?
I am a germ freak. I hate my children even sitting on public furniture. Or the doors to get in and out of public places. Or basically anything that is not inside my own home. This is why my children have never been to Chuck E Cheese or an indoor playground. I feel nauseous just thinking about it. A few years ago one of our local news staions did a story on those public indoor playgrounds and tested various areas of the playscape. They found all sorts of bacteria and e-coli all over the place. You know what that means? Shit! Shit on the slides! Shit on those balls in the ball pit that all the babies like to mouth And really, I have to draw the line at my babies putting shit, other than their own, into their mouth. Call me crazy.
I had walked away to go buy a drink, leaving Rob in charge when it happened. And when I got back to the seating area and found out what had happened. Well, I freaked out. I am sure that the other people in the waiting area were talking about me on their way home. But, you know you would have reacted the same way.
“Can I just leave you in charge for a minute without you allowing our daughter to ingest some potentially lethal liquid. What if the person spit into the bottle? Or what if they were sick or dirty? or had some sort of contagious disease? I DON’T KNOW WHAT KIND OF DISEASE! Flesh eating bacteria, or strep, or herpes, genital warts on their face! Oh my God. The germs! I can’t believe she drank that germy water. I don’t know if I could kiss her again!”
And then my daughter said, “I LOVE germs!”
I think it was probably at this point that Rob told me to get a hold of myself.
And I found myself wishing that Yvonne was with me. Because she is such a calm and rational person in the face of calamity.
Yvonne kindly left the link to her 911 calling bee story in the comments. I thought I’d pull it out here: the BEES!! And yes I was being sarcastic about her calm nature.
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