intense navel gazing
September 10, 2006
I am not a jealous person. To me jealousy implies begrudging someone of what they have and feeling, somehow, that you deserve it instead of them. I love when good things happen for people that I know.
I can say withough a single doubt that I never ever say a bad thing about someone with the sole intention of making them look bad so that I look good. Which is not the same that I can say for other people I have met. It’s one of those things that I have been trying to teach my children that when you talk about someone behind their back, people will not remember long what it is you were talking about, but they will remember your character. They will remember that you were the kind of person not to be trusted.
Whoa, way to go off on a tangent that has been bothering me for awhile.
Instead I suppose what I have is wistful longing.
In real life I don’t feel this way. I have children, lots of them so no need to be coveting other people’s kids there. I have a great husband, and frankly there seems to be a dearth of good men out there that I haven’t come across any others that I’d want. I have all the material things that I need. I have a house that alternately sucks my soul from my body with the amount of work that I do on it every week and makes me feel proud and capable. I have very little to actually complain about… other than cooking. Can they just stop eating for a few days?
So why do I feel exactly the opposite in the internet world?
I read about other women* who get to talk on the phone with people like Gloria Steinem, or are being offerred book deals, or are being paid for blogging and I can’t help but whine and stomp my foot. I concentrated in Wome’s studies! I want the chance to talk to Gloria Steinem on the phone and stammer and kick myself later for not coming up with a better question! Also, I like Amsterdam! And I really like getting paid for blogging, or at least I assume I would, since I really like spending money, surely I would like earning it too.
I was talking to a friend last night on IM and she agreed with me. She feels the same way. This struck me as odd. When I see her I see someone who is funny, confident, and a great writer. As well as being an all around wonderful person. We are going to form our own club… like the Lonely Hearts Club. But ours is going to be called the Wistful Longers Club. And we’re going to have our own t-shirts and everything.
* Do I need to say again that I really like these women, the ones that I know, I really like and that I am thrilled for them? I probably do.
Enough self indulgence and on to more important things.
Tommorrow morning I’ll have my tribute up to the person I was assigned in the 2996 Tribute Project.
2,996 is a tribute to the victims of 9/11.
On September 11, 2006, 2,996 volunteer bloggers will join together for a tribute to the victims of 9/11. Each person will pay tribute to a single victim.
I hope you will come back tomorrow and read something that is for once meaningful.
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