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intense navel gazing

intense navel gazing

September 10, 2006

I am not a jealous person. To me jealousy implies begrudging someone of what they have and feeling, somehow, that you deserve it instead of them. I love when good things happen for people that I know.

I can say withough a single doubt that I never ever say a bad thing about someone with the sole intention of making them look bad so that I look good. Which is not the same that I can say for other people I have met. It’s one of those things that I have been trying to teach my children that when you talk about someone behind their back, people will not remember long what it is you were talking about, but they will remember your character. They will remember that you were the kind of person not to be trusted.

Whoa, way to go off on a tangent that has been bothering me for awhile.

Instead I suppose what I have is wistful longing.

In real life I don’t feel this way. I have children, lots of them so no need to be coveting other people’s kids there. I have a great husband, and frankly there seems to be a dearth of good men out there that I haven’t come across any others that I’d want. I have all the material things that I need. I have a house that alternately sucks my soul from my body with the amount of work that I do on it every week and makes me feel proud and capable. I have very little to actually complain about… other than cooking. Can they just stop eating for a few days?

So why do I feel exactly the opposite in the internet world?

I read about other women* who get to talk on the phone with people like Gloria Steinem, or are being offerred book deals, or are being paid for blogging and I can’t help but whine and stomp my foot. I concentrated in Wome’s studies! I want the chance to talk to Gloria Steinem on the phone and stammer and kick myself later for not coming up with a better question! Also, I like Amsterdam! And I really like getting paid for blogging, or at least I assume I would, since I really like spending money, surely I would like earning it too.

I was talking to a friend last night on IM and she agreed with me. She feels the same way. This struck me as odd. When I see her I see someone who is funny, confident, and a great writer. As well as being an all around wonderful person. We are going to form our own club… like the Lonely Hearts Club. But ours is going to be called the Wistful Longers Club. And we’re going to have our own t-shirts and everything.

* Do I need to say again that I really like these women, the ones that I know, I really like and that I am thrilled for them? I probably do.

Enough self indulgence and on to more important things.

Tommorrow morning I’ll have my tribute up to the person I was assigned in the 2996 Tribute Project.

2,996 is a tribute to the victims of 9/11.

On September 11, 2006, 2,996 volunteer bloggers will join together for a tribute to the victims of 9/11. Each person will pay tribute to a single victim.

I hope you will come back tomorrow and read something that is for once meaningful.

Posted by Chris @ 11:15 am  

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  1. kate says:

    Wow it is refreshing to hear other people are geniunly happy for others when good things happen to them. I could not agree more it is a great feeling to be happy for others. I think that is one of the best lessons I learned from my mom and I will be sure to pass that down to my children someday.

    The one thing I agree with on the internet thing is I dont know if I am jealous but damn I would love to get paid for blogging, I just want to know how to get in on that.

    I just completed my tribute it was an honor to post about the men and women that lost their lives 5 years ago tomorrow!

    Have a great Weekend!

  2. Daisy says:

    This sounds like envy, not jealousy. Envy happens when someone else has something (recognition, opportunities) that you would give your eyeteeth for even while you rejoice in their good fortune.
    I’ll be back to read your 2996 post. I don’t remember the exact quote, but here goes: When one person dies, it’s a tragedy. When 1,000 die, it’s a statistic.
    The tribute to individuals is a great idea.

  3. rachel says:

    i’d totally join the wistful longing club. that’s where i’m at right now.

    hope you had a good weekend.

  4. melissaS says:

    I’ve always had a hard time making the distinction between jealousy and envy.

    I never want people to *not* have what they get. More often I want it *also*.

  5. JJ says:

    Great post –
    You know, I am a very selective blog reader, and I can’t believe you’re not being paid to do exactly this. I think you know CityMama — I would be she’s a good source for how to get on that bandwagon. Really!

  6. JJ says:

    “I would BET…” Not “I would be…” Aargh.

  7. Steph. says:

    Hey, I’d join that club! A part of me feels the same as you a lot of the time. But, then, I also admit that I don’t put the time it takes into getting those writing gigs elsewhere nor would I have the time for them if I were to get one! I can only imagine that you’re in the same boat with juggling kids and schedules. Still, know that we enjoy reading you every day right here where you are and it does mean something to your blog fans!

  8. Jennifer says:

    I personally think you are amazing. You are touching and inspiring so many people with what you do. Your writing is superb. Thank you for all the time you devote to this.

  9. Mom of all Seasons says:

    Can I join? I’ll bring brownies. (They’ll be good enough to eat, but not so great as to induce envy among the other members.) I look forward to reading tomorrow’s post. PS - I finally fixed the link.

  10. Lilly says:

    Here’s the thing. You’re forming what you want in your head careerwise and you’re working toward it. Someday without a doubt you’ll be the one talking to the Gloria Steinems of the world if that’s still what you want. And the young and envious will be growing up with you as their example of success.

  11. Antique Mommy says:

    You are one of the best writers in the blogosphere and you do it so consistently. All of us can scratch out a great post once in a while, but every day? That you are being passed over is astonishing to me.

  12. nabbalicious says:

    I can definitely relate to that feeling of envy. I don’t begrudge any of my friends their successes — I just want them, too!

    That said, you kick so much ass, there’s not a doubt in my mind that you’ll be writing books and talking to Gloria Steinem yourself someday.

  13. Katie says:

    Meanwhile, a million underling bloggers read you and sigh, thinking, “I wish I could be as witty/creative/popular/well-versed/good as Chris…”

  14. Susan says:

    “I never want people to *not* have what they get. More often I want it *also*.”

    I agree with MelissaS.

    That’s all.

  15. Briar says:

    It’s funny, when I first started blogging there were maybe a half-dozen people in all of Netspace who were paid, professional bloggers. The rest of us were just weirdos who felt like putting our diaries on the ‘net.

    But within a year or so, it was all about the hit count and link count. How many people linked to you, how many hits a week? That was the measure of how ‘good’ a blogger you were. And the more you cared about that, the less your space was a diary and the more it was a series of articles, carefully crafted for the benefit of your readership.

    It’s actually what turned me away from blogging, though I’ve still got a small, quiet journal space out there, with a readership of perhaps eight people.

    Now it seems the mark of success, of being a ‘good’ blogger is the sponsorship and book deals and calls from feminist icons. And I’m sure that’s great fun, very exciting, very vindicating. But it’s not a mark of who actually writes the best or has the most important things to say, any more than the hit counts and links were back then.

    I read your blog because I like what you say and how you say it. I’d be willing to bet that most of your other readers are here for the same reason. Therefore, your blog is a success by my standards.

  16. Gwen says:

    Um, at least people read your blog. I think I would fall off my chair if I ever reached 10 comments on a single post.

    Whether or not you are compensated for your writing, think of how quickly your sitemeter went from 980,000 to 1,000,000! That’s a lot of people who benefit from your writing!

  17. Wooden Porch says:

    Heck, I’d just settle for someone actually reading all the crap I write.

  18. eko says:

    I think you are a rarity among women ;-)

    You are a consistently excellent writer, never needing to tear other people down.
    I frankly have found that women in the on-line world (groups or blogs/bloggers) can be quite snarky and sometimes full of themselves. I think the anonymity also gives certain people the thought that they can say anything they wish (in writing) that they might never say/do in real life. Often times even being cruel. I personally do not understand having to ridicule anything/anyone or anybody‚Äôs preferences (religion, politics, life choices) in ones’ writings. That - to me, is damn lazy, faddish, and will not stand up to the test of time.

    From day ONE, I have known you have a true gift without standing on top of anyone or anything to write the way you do.


  19. jody2ms says:

    I like what you have to day on a daily basis. I love it that you care enough to reach out to someone during a time of great worry. You are real, and good and true.

    I love ya, chic.

  20. Susan says:

    Do you know how many of your readers are envious of YOU? You’re adorable, incredibly talented, have amazing children, a handsome & loving husband, a beautiful home, are incredibly witty, and have what appears to be the ideal life (or as close to it as a person can get). You are looked up to by SO many, Chris.

  21. Elizabeth says:

    Well, I’m a wishful longer (?) too, and I think it’s part of my overall nature and not just what I’m doing on my way to becoming my future self or recognizing how truly lucky I am. The thing that gets me is that I really don’t approve of whining and if you get me thinking about it I could really take off like a helicopter just on the whining. Why can’t *I* have time like X to go to the beach condo for a week every year, why can’t *I* have a house that isn’t falling apart like Y, why can’t *I* either stay home with my kids or make more money at work like Z and the rest of the alphabet. It must remain silent because I realize how obnoxious it is. It helps when my kids whine (My 5 yo son: I wish we were rich. I’d buy all of the Legos). Then and only then the “right” thoughts come to me - we are rich. We have a home to live in. We have a car and can afford the gas to drive to work and to fun things. We have leisure time for you to play soccer and football and tennis and take swimming lessons. We have food to eat and extra we throw out, sometimes! We play games and spend time with the people we love, and we even have money and extra food and outgrown clothes to share with other people who need them.

    Man, when I talk like that half my brain is proud and the other half wants to pinch that bitch. After all, if we were satisfied with what we have, what would be our motivation to change and grow? RIGHT??????

  22. InterstellarLass says:

    Wishfully, wistfully, longing…

  23. Kristen says:

    Yeah, I know what you mean. But like some others have said, you are envied by many, even (maybe especially) those who love reading your site. I think it’s all a matter of perspective. But I think many of us (if not all) can relate to what you’re saying about the blogging recognition.

  24. Kristina says:

    I’m surprised you are not one of those rich bloggers given all those opportunities. I just assumed you were.

    What I don’t have to assume is how powerful your writing is.

    And ps - I’ll join your little club :)

  25. Alice H says:

    Have you tried just calling Gloria Steinem? Or emailing her? With a little detective work, I would guess you could track down some contact info - and the worst thing that could happen is…well, OK, I guess she could have you thrown in jail for stalking charges, while framing you for murdering her pet guinea pig and keying her car…but that’s not terribly likely.

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