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2006 October

not sure if it is love or insanity

October 19, 2006

Seven tie dye shirts.

Tie dye insanity

We did this at our homeschool co-op today. I am definitely not crazy enough to allow my children to do tie dye in my own house. I am hyperventilating at the mere thought.

They are purple because the children were finishing up a unit study on the ancient land of Canaan (Phoenicia) where sea snails were used to dye the clothing of the wealthy and powerful. It took something like 20,000 snails to produce an ounce of purple dye. I wasn’t paying all that much attention during the lesson instead trying to keep small children away from the caustic purple dye.

Miles is the only one who expressed his displeasure at being forced to pose in his purple shirt. The other kids were thinking it.

Posted by Chris @ 9:49 pm | 44 Comments  

Love is…

Making your mother a yellow pipe cleaner and plastic bead necklace.

100_6497

Love is wearing it, proudly.

100_6509

It’s Love Thursday again.

Posted by Chris @ 10:45 am | 18 Comments  

Suddenly my day is looking much brighter

October 18, 2006

Today I decided to clean my keyboard. It had all sorts of crumbs and dust in between the keys. At first I was cautiously going around the keys trying to stuff the q-tip and paper towel in between the keys. But then I decided to pop off the keys a few at a time so that I could really clean. You know where I am going with this already, don’t you?

I am not a typist. I use a total of four fingers to type utilizing the ever efficient hunt and peck method. Therefore, I did not know where the letters belonged.

WHERE OH WHERE DOES MY LITTLE R GO???

Right now when I hit the F key the R shows up. But oddly enough if I don’t look closely at the keyboard my fingers seem to know where to go.

I was thinking, “Damn, this stinks. I have to pop the letters back off and fix it. What a hassle. Whoa is me and my insurmountable problems. I should go drink a glass of wine or three except that it is only 3:00 in the afternoon.”

But then… I read this piece of news.

If there ever was a cause for the Bad Day song from American Idol to start spontaneously playing in the background it would have been then.

Me and my dyslexic computer are having a really REALLY good day.

Posted by Chris @ 3:24 pm | 25 Comments  

Tis the season to be mindful

Why yes, I did just steal that title from Mir. But it seems only fair since I am mentioning her awesome post today.

She gave everyone a challenge, to pick a charity and volunteer at least one day between now and Christmas. It sounds easy enough doesn’t it? But how many of us will do something? And just how many of us will sit back and hand out excuses instead? I include myself in this. If there were a prize for good intentions, you know other than paving the road to Hell, I’d have it.

And so I am going to take up this challenge. I am not sure what exactly I am going to do yet. I do know that I want to include the children in this endeavor.

My children are growing up privileged in a way that I wasn’t as a child. It is something that they take for granted.

And yet I want to teach them that with privilege comes responsibility. And I am not talking about money, giving money is easy. And while it is a good thing, charities always need money, it is also an easy cop out. Giving of yourself is more important. Giving of your time, your spirit, your energy. Teaching my children that everyone is worthy of our time. And that it is infinitely more fulfilling to give a part of yourself than the detached act of writing a check.

And so this holiday season, while we all run around buying presents, decorating our homes, planning our meals, remember that the season to be mindful is all year long. But what better time to start than right now.

Be mindful. You cannot get all worked up over everything being “just perfect” when your focus is on giving of yourself rather than on stuff. How will you help others this year?

What will you do?

Posted by Chris @ 8:52 am | 35 Comments  

it’s not me, it’s you

October 17, 2006

Oh internet, you are crazy.

Just when I think you can not get any crazier I open my email and find this gem.

Would you please not trap me! Allow users to back out of your site to the search engine where they found you. By not allowing me to hit my back button and go back to the search engine and leave your site, back to the search engine and list that was generated by the terms I am searching, I have to close my browser, open a new one, enter my search terms again and find my place to resume. This in no way makes me want to purchase from or use your product. I feel held hostage and very put out. I recommend you change the entrapment procedure. It is not smart.

Oh Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. I am so sorry that you are being put out and no longer want to purchase my product. I am crushed. Oh wait… I don’t actually sell any sort of product. Frankly I am not sure why your back button doesn’t work, because when I tested it out I was able to do it just fine.

So Jerry, the problem would appear to be you.

But in the spirit of being helpful I searched through my statcounter and pulled up the last few search strings that brought people to my site. Perhaps one of these is the search phrase that brought you here.

Are you a little pervy, Jerry?


cleavage shots

Or was it this one?

inappropriate costumes

Or this?

what would people in the trenches do in a normal day

Which I think I can safely answer as try not to go crazy? Just guessing here.

This one?

what kind of food did they have in the trenches

I’ll tell you tonight it was pork chops, mashed potatoes, and corn, not on the cob. It’s cobless state the cause of much heartache in small children living in the trenches with me.


going braless to make my breasts sag more

You want them to sag? Men aren’t supposed to have boobs, Jerry. Just so you know.


sparkly boobs

sparkly and saggy, huh?


trailer trash family on porch photo

Oh now you are just being mean, Jerry.

how to pay someone to organize my house

I am going to go out on a limb here and say with money. I know, crazy.

ate expired campbells soup

I didn’t even know canned goods expired. I thought that was why people stockpiled it. But if you are still alive and typing this, I would assume you are going to live. For future reference if the can is covered in an inch of dust and sealed with lead solder or if you found it in your grandmother’s cellar, you might want to pass on it.

thank you for showing me that best friends can not be trusted

You’re welcome.

i want a wife

Me too.

pain in the ass notes

This one was refreshing change of pace from all the people searching for love notes. And I wish I could ask what exactly a pain in the ass note would say.

I hope you find this helpful. Unless of course you were one of the people I skipped who were searching for disgusting things. If that is the case you deserve to be held hostage and not in the virtual sense of the word. But you would probably enjoy that, wouldn’t you?

Posted by Chris @ 9:32 am | 45 Comments  

out of nothing… something

October 13, 2006

I swear I have nothing. NOTHING to write about.

My mind is swirling with a million different things that I need to attend to, and yet I am having a hard time focusing on any one of them. Possibly because they are all mind numbingly boring.

I need to paint the outside of my house this weekend. It is only getting colder and already we had to extend the scaffolding rental because I didn’t finish it during the week.

I need to get more wood pellets for our wood burning stove that has been running intermittently the past couple of weeks before we run out.

I need to figure out how to add an extra few hours to my day so I can start running again, because my ass doesn’t fit into any of my jeans from last year. Unless the painted on jean look is what I am going for and I don’t think it is. And I can’t even explain how depressing it is.

I need to make a hair appointment.

And other stuff that is even more boring… I know you’re thinking how can anything be more boring? Trust me.

But, we did go rock wall climbing. And that was fun.

It was especially funny when a woman there commented that I always have my camera with me and asked, “Do you bring that everywhere?” And one of my kids answered, “She even brings it to the grocery store.” As the woman laughed I had to admit that it was true. I think it scared her.

Surveying the climb

I’ll stop now before I tell you what I had for lunch.

Too late. (A toasted bagel with butter, an apple, and a sleeve of cookies eaten right in the pantry so I wouldn’t have to share. Screw the exercise, maybe I need less hours in my day so I wouldn’t have time to eat.)

But there is always more photos here.

Posted by Chris @ 6:46 pm | 31 Comments  

Apple picking

Apples

Apples

Apple of my eye

Happiness

The apple orchard

heading to the orchard

He’s on the road to nowhere

He's on the road to nowhere

Apples really do grow on trees

Learning to pick the apples

(Full set here.)

Posted by Chris @ 9:59 am | 24 Comments  

Love is…

October 12, 2006

Discovering this…. (more…)

Posted by Chris @ 8:44 am | 53 Comments  

from the reject pile

October 11, 2006

We have been having the costume discussion for a few weeks now at our house. As I type this, everyone has a costume except for my 11 yr old son, who is indecisive and at that age where conformity is all the rage.

A family that costumes together….

I. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

I would of course be Snow White and the children could all dress as dwarves. (more…)

Posted by Chris @ 9:27 am | 82 Comments  

Letters from the disgruntled housewife, a series in the making

October 10, 2006

These are just things that annoyed me this morning. I have so many more.

Dear Makers of Generic brand Cereal that comes in those large bags with the ziploc top,

Please just do away with the “ziploc” top. It doesn’t work, ever. In fact I think it is a ploy by your company to make us buy more of your cereal. While we try to open the top of the bag in the manner that is instructed, the entire bag tears open and half of the cereal spills onto the floor. The ziploc top is strangely always in tact. I am tired of frantically trying to scoop the cereal off the floor without my children knowing and then telling them the bits of dirt and grass are part of the cereal when they discover it in their bowls.

What? I should sweep my floor better? Have you been talking to my husband?

*******

To my period,

I am really really tired of you and your insistence on arriving every 25 days. I know that after all these years I should be accustum to your visits, but frankly I am still shocked and always sit on the toilet using my math skills to figure out that it really has been 25 days since you last arrived. While muttering expletives under my breath.

And then I hope I had nothing special planned for the next few days that involved wearing white pants, having sex, or being outside of the 50ft ring of a restroom.

I walk down that aisle of the store and am so confused. Wings, no wings, petal soft applicator, no applicator, night time, daytime, light days, party days…. where is the box that says can also be used to sop up a slaughterhouse floor? That’s the one I need.

So what I am saying, period, is that you can move along now and leave me alone. I no longer have any use for you and the uterine shop is closed for business permanently. I thank you for your many years of valued service, but consider this slightly used panty liner your pink slip.

Also, can you please talk to your friend PMS? Because between the two of you I figure I only get about 13 good days a month.

******

Dear halloween manufacturers,

What the hell is wrong with you? Are there no normal costumes anymore? I do not want any of my children dressing up as a serial killer. I find it especially disturbing in the toddler set of costumes. Where are the cute costumes? The funny ones? The silly ones? And why don’t kids make their own damn costumes anymore, like we used to? Oh, that’s right, I am too lazy and my children have been too programed that they have to buy a certain one at a store.

Is it so weird that in this day and age, when serial killers are all around us, storming into schools and killing children, that I would not want my children dressed up as something that glorifies this behavior? And yet, when I was out shopping this weekend I saw parent after parent buying their child these costumes and it disturbs me.

Both of my little kids left the costume store crying this weekend. And more than one grown up laughed at them while they cried. This disturbed me even more than the inappropriate costumes. Is that what we are collectively teaching our children? Where is the compassion and love? Do we want our children to be so jaded that they don’t find these dripping blood costumes at all frightening by the time they are 8 or 9 yrs old?

And what the hell has happened to childhood as a revered and innocent time of life?

Also, please stop with the tramp costumes for little girls, and I don’t mean that term in the vagabond jumping the rails sense of the word.

******

Posted by Chris @ 9:35 am | 66 Comments