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again with the quotes, in lieu of real content

again with the quotes, in lieu of real content

November 27, 2006

After braving Home Depot shopping hell Thanksgiving weekend for things we needed, not for presents, I spied the candy aisle.

Me (picking up a gigantic sized Twix bar): I haven’t had one of these in a long long time. I think I am going to get it.

Rob: You don’t need that.

Me (picking jaw up off the floor): Excuse me?

Rob: I am just telling you what you should be telling yourself.

Me (jaw still dangling): Ex-cuse me?

Rob: You really don’t need it. You will be wishing later that you didn’t eat it when your pants don’t fit.

Me: (tossing the Twix bar into the cart): Kind of like later on tonight when we are in bed and you try cozying up on my side? And you will be telling yourself that you wish you hadn’t mentioned the candy bar?

Rob: (reaching into the candy display): On second thought, why don’t you have two of them?

Me (stony silence)

Rob: Or three?

Me (stony silence)

Rob: I love you?

Posted by Chris @ 5:35 pm  

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  1. Amy says:

    *snort* Poor silly, silly man!

  2. lorriane says:

    Note to Rob:
    Engage brain before opening mouth. LOL

  3. Miss Valerie Jean says:

    Ha! Hasn’t he learned by now? When your wife wants chocolate, you give it to her, ask her if she wants wine with her chocolate and then tell her how beautiful she is!
    Hmmm, now I need some mint M&M’s…..

  4. Mandi says:

    That poor man, he still needs some training I think. Or is he just a slow learner??

  5. Karen Rani says:

    Damn. Obviously he wasn’t thinking with his South Brain at that point?

  6. 1girl2boys says:

    Ha, how funny!

  7. Karen Rani says:

    Oh gosh, I didn’t mean that as though he was thinking with any brain. I meant he wasn’t thinking with his I Love You parts…but really, he wasn’t thinking at all.

    Much like me. Right now.

    *hangs head*

  8. Chookooloonks says:

    Bless his heart. They just never get it, do they…


  9. Kristi says:

    You are quick on the draw, girl!

  10. peepnroosmom says:

    Why is it they always think an I love you will fix everything?

  11. Daisy says:

    Love the question mark after the “I love you” part of it. He really didn’t know which way to go from there, did he?

  12. Sara says:

    I bet he didn’t know he could dig such a deep hole with a twix bar as a stand-in shovel…
    Those Y chrosomes get them in trouble every time.

  13. owlhaven says:

    What?!? Quotes aren’t real content? Well, there goes at least half my posts!


  14. Jenn says:

    Oh, that poor soul. Not only did he blow it then, from now on anytime he says something even remotely like that, you can just turn to him with a huff and say, “You mean like the TWIX bar episode?!”

    Will they ever learn??

  15. Chris says:

    Poor schmuck… they never think before they talk, do they?

  16. Janet Bowser says:

    Oh that is so funny! I just love it. My husband knows better, I am not sure who trained him, but I would love to buy her a twix bar!

  17. Brigitte says:

    Doesn’t he know how amazed he should be, each and every day, that you are still petite after bearing all those young? Silly man!

  18. Jess says:

    They never think before they speak do they? I wonder if it is just part of the male gene?

  19. Playdate Susan says:

    I heard this yesterday, after hanging the outdoor Christmas lights without ANY HELP AT ALL:

    Me: I was pretty much only using half my ass there.

    Him: Oh, don’t say that. You can do more with half your ass than most people can do with their WHOLE ass.

    Me: What?

    Him: Because your ass is so . . . It’s very . . . Uh . . .

    Me: Are you saying I’m fat?

    Him: The lights look GREAT!

    Men. Sheesh.

  20. liz says:

    Way to slap that Twix bar upside his head!!!

  21. Jennifer says:

    I think that should get you out of sex for the next few weeks or so. Any time he cozies up, just remind him in a chilly tone about the “Twix bar incident”. I’m waiting on a good excuse to come my way here. Any ideas?

  22. Danielle says:

    I love when they try to “help.” Mine’s not any better trained.

  23. Kristie says:

    And what cracks me up is that he (and by “he”, I mean the entire male population) totally thinks this is a valid, logical discussion. Until you mention the bedroom reprecussions. Then, and only then, does he (and by “he” ..et al) realize the error of his ways.

    (giggling at the two of you)

  24. Nicki says:

    I read this post aloud to my husband. He chuckled, look at me, and said “That sooo sounds like you and me.” He then proceeded to make some comment about manipulative women, which is likely to bite him in the a** later tonight. MEN!!

  25. Mary W says:


  26. Stevie says:

    One night, while getting ready for bed, I said to my husband “I’ve lost a few pounds and I think I’m seeing it, I feel pretty good”, and he said to me “Yeah, I can really tell - Your butt isn’t as dimply as it used to be.”

  27. Finelly says:

    I love using that one!

    You have no need to worry about eating a couple of candy bars. From what I can tell, your figure can handle it.

  28. Jennifer says:


  29. meredith says:

    You guys are funny :)

  30. Jen says:

    Wait a minute… There is a candy aisle in Home Depot??? Let me at it!

  31. mish says:

    I was reading this to my husband…before I’d even gotten halfway through, he said, “What hospital is he in? I want to send him a card.” He said he was surprised that your husband hadn’t figured out by now that such comments aren’t a good thing. However, my husband hasn’t figured it out entirely either!

  32. Katie says:

    Now I’m craving a Twix bar. Poor Rob, he may learn one of these days.

  33. Debbie says:

    Uh Huh. Well I hope he paid for that later…

  34. Nancy says:

    LOL! Sometimes they forget to turn that filter on - you know the one that should stop them from saying what they’re thinking.

  35. Mom101 says:

    Silly boy. Doesn’t he know that he missed the boat on “I love you” as ample reparations? I’m thinking jewelry. Big, fat, overpriced jewelry.

  36. Ella says:

    Oh my, this made me laugh very hard!

  37. Pave.Gurl says:

    I’m shocked there are ppl who are looking for excuses to get out of sex. My honey knows I can’t play that card ‘cos I don’t like to punish myself for his mistakes :P

    That said… Wow. All this time I’ve been reading your blog, I thought Rob had better sense than that.

  38. judi casey says:

    i was laughing so hard that my husband had to come over and see what i was reading……. he laughed even harder!

  39. Nicole says:

    That is exactly the kind of thing my husband says to me! I am astounded because I think that after 7 years of marriage he must have learned something, but apparently time makes no difference because you’ve been married to your husband for even longer. The other night he was eating someething I had cooked and looked very puzzled. Then he asked what I had put in the sauce. I started listing ingredients, and one by one, he said “no, thats not it”. Then he said, “no, it tastes more like…dirt.” Dirt. And then he tried to give it a good spin, like, dirts cool. I love dirt. I meant “dirt” in that it tastes earthy and robust. Yeah right.

  40. Laura K. says:

    wtf.. my own husband never questions what I eat and he SHOULD. YOU on the other hand could eat 100 of those candy bars and not even be near overweight!

  41. Meg says:

    Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. A comment like that would result in a swift kick in the nuts from me, pardon my french.

  42. Christina says:

    OMG, that is hilarious! Lucky that he lived through the experience…

  43. Stephanie says:

    toooo funny!!!

  44. merry mama says:

    Fantastic! Absolutely Priceless. Too bad that wasn’t a December Post….dang.

    Oh, and luvva the sexxa here, too.

    They’re just jealous.

  45. melissaS says:

    sometimes the most important lessons are learned the hard way.

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