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Disclaimer: no one was injured in the writing of this post

Disclaimer: no one was injured in the writing of this post

November 29, 2006

From the flurry of emails and comments on my recent posts I feel compelled to remind people that I wasn’t talking about them. I wasn’t talking about their turkey. And those of you who emailed telling me what an ungrateful bitch I am or commented anonymously, wow you are so brave. And also you have lots of time on your hands.

I don’t write anything here about my husband’s family that I wouldn’t say to their face. My sister-in law’s turkey cooking skills have been the butt of family jokes for years, more years than I have been a part of the family that’s for sure. I didn’t go through the list of things she prepared for dinner and tear them all apart. That would be harsh and uncalled for. But sharing a funny, I thought, quote from my 9 yr old was no way harsh.

Should I have prefaced the story by saying that he was sitting at the “children’s table” in a completely different room from the grown-ups and brought no attention the fact that he was putting an ice cube on his plate on top of the turkey? That my sister-in-law just happened to walk by and ask him what he was doing? Should I have shared that she laughed and came ito the dining room and related the story to all of us? Or how about my brother-in-law who told her that her punishment for making crappy turkey was that she would be forced to host Thanksgiving again next year? And then how one of her teenage children asked for the ice bucket? Christ she has teenagers, do you really think someone calling her turkey dry is going to phase her?

And the photo? It was one of many that I took that day. I have four or five others of my son standing there smiling in front of the food, even more of him smiling in front of the dessert table, but this photo struck me as funny. But that is really beside the point.

To me writing about that damn turkey was a metaphor for alot of other things that I couldn’t or wouldn’t write about. Things that are personal and have to do with our differring religious, political, and parenting beliefs, or based on the fact that some of us are sane and some of us clearly are not.

Instead I should have written the quote that my sister-in-law’s husband said whe his teenage daughter expressed an interest in working at a tanning salon in town, “Only degenerates and hussys go to tanning salons.” I wonder if that would have inspired such vitriol.

I could have written about how I host Christmas every year at my house and how every single year we make something that his family laughs at. One year it was a five onion soup, one year it was homemade gravy, another it was homemade cranberry sauce. I love me some homemade cranberry sauce, but no one else does and so I now buy the canned stuff and you want to know a secret, it really IS easier to use on a turkey sandwich later with left overs the next day.

Sometimes I think that people don’t realize that what I, or any of us, write and share are but obscure details in our lives. What is written here on the internet is but a tiny tiny glimpse into our lives.

I try to write about things that made me laugh, made me think, occassionally things that annoyed me. Sometimes writing helps me to find the humor in things that otherwise might not be humorous, like most of this mothering gig, or to find something positive to write about when everything in reality seems to be spinning out of control.

Everything that I write is true, but it isn’t the whole truth. This isn’t a diary that I keep locked and stored under my Hello Kitty pillow where I dot the i’s in my name with tiny little hearts or smiling faces.

My children don’t walk around amusing me endlessly every day with their funny one-liners. In fact I have to remind a few of them that we aren’t living in a sitcom and can they please tone it down a bit.

I lose my temper.

I yell at my kids.

My kids yell at me.

We watch more tv than I would ever like to admit.

And in just the past week my husband has run over two skateboards and a scooter that were left laying in our driveway.

And he fell over a bicycle that was left in front of the porch steps and he was unable to see it in the dark. And when he came inside and told all of us we laughed. Because a suit wearing Dad coming home from work late at night, in the dark, carrying his briefcase, and falling over errant toys is comedy gold.

I have threatened to call Santa to make sure the kids are on the naughty list.

My kitchen is filled with sheetrock dust, as is most of my upstairs. I have been living in a construction zone of a house for so long that it seems normal to me to ask guests to keep their shoes on.

My Christmas shopping isn’t even close to being done.

We forgot to go tag our tree at the Christmas farm last week and so now we will probably end up with one too big to fit in the house or else a Charlie Brown tree.

Oh and speaking of Charlie Brown, did you watch the special when it was on last night? We didn’t either. And yes I knew it was on when I sent my kids to bed.

And I like having sex with my husband. If I withheld sex everytime he said something stupid we’d only have one child. Likewise if he withheld sex everytime I complained about being out of shape and gaining weight, while sitting on the couch eating Lime Tostitos, cookies, or twix bars. Well we probably wouldn’t even have one kid. That is what makes it funny.

Perhaps I just need to have parenthetical explanations after every sentence that I write. (kidding, of course)

Or perhaps people just need to lighten up.

Posted by Chris @ 5:31 pm  

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Comments

  1. MamatoBrownheads says:

    BRAVA!!!

  2. Debbie says:

    Well at least it got you blogging again. Hurrah!

    And for everyone else: why does all this bother you so much. Could it be because you dont have your own life to amuse you?
    Just a thought (not kidding)

  3. Anna says:

    Jiminy Christmas…not sure who should be lightening up here ;-)

  4. AuntieB says:

    I agree.

    I don’t understand why people make such a big deal about it anyway. They may not have written their thoughts or “ha ha”’s down on a blog, but I bet they thought them none the less. Chances are, those are some of the same people who are the ones starting the “family jokes” at their get-togethers - and they’re going to get upset because you talk about your family? That’s stupid. It’s your family and you’re the only one who knows the dynamics between each member of that family. That goes for every one of us. If said SIL isn’t offended, no one else should be, either.

  5. Stephanie says:

    Your blog, your thoughts. They don’t like it they can feel free to not comment. Oh! And by the way from me to them… go Pi$$ up a rope! Sorry Chris…

    AND! At the ripe old age of 48, with a 25 yo and an 8 yo (hee!) I’ve FINALLY attained the ’status’ of degenerate and hussy. :::giggle:::

    Rock on Sister Girl!

  6. Meredith says:

    AMEN!

  7. Lisa says:

    It’s so weird to me that people would some on someones blog and say angry things in the comments section. I mean, c’mon, if you don’t like what you read, go somewhere else! I thought the story was HILARIOUS and relayed it to my husband…who didn’t think it was quite as hilarious as I did, but that’s an ongoing thing for us. I’m forever telling him stories that I read that are SO FUNNY to me and then I hear crickets chirping as I wait for him to double up with laughter. But I digress…I love your blog!
    As AuntieB said, if your SIL isn’t offneded, why on earth should I get offended on her behalf?

  8. cristen says:

    i love reading your blog and think you’re great. nevermind those other folks! i esp. loved the one about the candy bar and sex–totally with you on that one (I have 3 kids under 5).

  9. Morgan says:

    I thought it was funny. Ok, I thought it was hilarious! I’m sorry some people are so insensitive. Don’t stop posting the funny stuff!

  10. Stevie says:

    You know, Chris, I have been reading and loving your blog for this past year for one reason: I love the way you take the things that we are all dealing with and present them in such a hilarious, heartwarming way. I read this blog and I think “yeah, my boys do alot of that same crap.” Smarter-than-God-or-so-he-thinks 12 year old? Toddler -named Miles- who tears the entire house to shreds, and then doesn’t get into trouble because he’s so damn cute? Yes, they live here too!

    The fact that you find your kids funny, I think, is one of the greatest gifts that you give them. It tells them that you think they’re clever, and also that you understand the difference between malicious and silly.

    I’m sorry about the cranky, judgemental comments. I like you!

  11. Lauren says:

    Dude. People are lame. Keep your chin up. Damn the man. Etc.

  12. Daisy says:

    Lighten up? Darn right! You, and only you, are the best one to choose what you’ll share with the blogging world. I loved the turkey comment — and the picture! Enough with the exclamation points. You rock, girl. Keep it up.

  13. Emily says:

    Seriously. People COMPLAINED about your post/picture? Wow. Just wow.

    Keep up the posts. I think I’ve read every single post you have up, and I found nothing remotely offensive (or if I did I realized it would do no good to comment on it). I like your stories and have shared more than one laugh over your posts with my husband!

  14. Julie says:

    I laughed out loud at both the dry turkey post and the twizzler post! Who are these people that don’t have a sense of humor!?! You have to be able to see the humor in life! Ice cubes on the turkey - that’s funny!!!

  15. Jessica says:

    I read your blog all the time but don’t ever comment or even read the comments. It wasn’t until I read the most recent post that I went back and read them. Don’t let stupid people with nothing better to do than leave snarky comments upset you (easier said than done, I know). You’re funny, you’ve got really cute & funny kids and even if it’s not perfect (because nothing ever is)you guys seem like a happy family. People are just jealous. And have way too much time on their hands.

  16. Kirsten says:

    Preach it sister! You can write about whatever you darn well please… because all of it is yours and only yours– and you give us the pleasure of being able to read it.

    By the way, my in-laws ALWAYS over cook and dry out the turkey! Maybe next year I’ll be brave enough to take a picture of my child’s lovely reaction to it!

  17. Mary W says:

    AWWWW! I thought it was hilarious. We still joke about the infamous tirades of my sister at every Thanksgiving dinner. She even laughs about them ……..now.

    My three year old refused to eat the turkey this year - and it wasn’t dry - just flavorless.

  18. stephanie says:

    good for you. if i had your address id send you cookies :)

  19. sarah says:

    Yesterday I found my nearly 5yr-old son standing on top of the front verandah wall, stark naked, in full view of all and sundry, peeing from the wall onto the grass. “Look, Mum - it’s raining!”
    First thing I started to do was yell at him. Second thing I did was think of you and your tribe, stopped yelling, laughed and ran to grab the camera…..people seriously need to take a freaking chill pill. Screw ‘em!

  20. MAry Anne K. says:

    Yeah Chris:
    Some people just can’t see the lighter side.
    Maybe you have to be part of a big diverse family in order to see the humour. When my extra large extended family get together we laugh till we can’t breath about incidents like that one. We say we like to put the FUN in disfunctional!

  21. Heidi says:

    I also read you website daily hoping for a new post, but have never myself left a comment. I read your posts for entertainment and so I can laugh out loud for a few minutes. I couldn’t imaging judging you for posting your thoughts! People if you don’t like what’s said don’t read it anymore.

  22. Liz in Australia says:

    Wow. I haven’t been reading the comments, just the recent posts, and I’m astonished that anyone found anything to be snarky at. Some people really need to take a look at their priorities if this is what they think is worth getting uptight about.

    Chris, I love your writing, and I appreciate these glimpses into your life. Thank you.

  23. Chris says:

    Holy crap, I had to go back and read the comments.

    I know I don’t comment enough, but I come read your posts everyday. I thought the turkey dryness post funny. Actually, a good idea, I could have used it last Thursday…

    Don’t worry Chris. I yell at my kids too. They yell back. My almost three year old refers to me as stupid in public. Charlie Brown Christmas was completely forgotten last night until the 10 o’clock news when I said “Oh crap!” My husband fell down some steps last week and we laughed before we asked if he was okay. (You can’t pay for that kind of entertainment around here.) And everytime we have sex, I find myself praying that the vasectomy worked…

    If you can’t find humor in that kind of life, then those kind of people need to lock themselves up in a padded room.

  24. halloweenlover says:

    I can’t believe you are actually getting nasty emails about this. Seriously absurd. People are lucky that I don’t write about my inlaws’ thanksgiving, or I’d really be getting nasty emails. Did I tell you that my MIL thought it appropriate to leave the turkey outside on the porch all night instead of in a fridge? Because that is TOTALLY safe when you’re feeding your 8 month pregnant daughter in law. Hrumph. And the turkey was raw after she cooked it. Bring on the salmonella and e.coli.

  25. Joy H says:

    …..shaking my head…..
    can’t believe you even had to address this.

    Merry Christmas, YOU ROCK!

  26. susan says:

    That whole turkey thing is priceless. Keep doing what you’re doing, I love your stories! We have similar stories in our family that have been making the rounds for two decades, that’s what families do.

  27. Chris2 says:

    OMG..I didn’t read all the posts either. Anywho Chris, tell em’ if they don’t like what you wrote, well Lordy go hit the f#$cking X up there in the righthand corner…That’s what the “fu$%#er is there for!!! Sheesh……….

  28. Lara says:

    I’ve never left a reply on a blog before! In fact I’m pretty sure I’ve done it wrong already, under the ‘mail’ section, does it mean email address? Oh the confusion!

    Anyway, for the first time I feel compelled to comment on a blog. I’m 17, no children, from England… I have nothing in common with you, yet I love your blog. I have been reading for a number of months yet have never known quite what to say in a comment which doesn’t sound wierd/stalkerish/over familiar/strange/out of place, but I figured I’d give this commenting business a go, as I thought it was pretty crazy that you had recieved rude comments/emails about your posts. Your posts really make me laugh!

  29. my 2 cents says:

    Amen! Yeah, people need to lighten up, I do agree. Who knows, maybe those who posted said comments had had a bad cooking experience themselves on Turkey Day and were just feeling extra sensitive about it all… :)

  30. Crisanne says:

    You don’t have to read too many of your posts to know that you and your family have a wonderful love for each other. The worst thing is you guys are big enough to know that being together as a family is far more important than dry or moist turkey. Otherwise you wouldn’t keep going back every year, right??? Now as for the lady with food poisoning from the turkey, well that’s another story. Sounds like somebody else needs to host Thanksgiving! Thank you for sharing your family with us.

  31. CaliforniaGrammy says:

    My advice is to not take any negative comments personally because obviously they have no right to even be published. The writer definitely needs to lighten up and get a life, not rag on you - the most creative writer who combines humor with everyday life! I love your blog! Don’t change a thing!

  32. Ann says:

    All I can say is ………
    AMEN!!!!
    (ps-You entertain me every day- that you write- I would never, ever criticize anything you said or did - ever!)

  33. jenny B from Australia says:

    HOORAY!! I am so glad you told them so! I have been reading your blog for a while and it gives me great pleasure to get such a belly laugh whenever I read a new post - laughter definitely is the best medicine (perhaps those nasty people need to seek treatment to try and see the brighter side of life)…… It is simple - if you don’t like it or don’t agree with it, don’t read it - it is not mandatory to read this blog (except for me who needs it to be able to get through her own day) You keep blogging Chris!!!!!

  34. april says:

    Whaaaaat? People were offended? Uhhhhhh? I don’t get it.

  35. Nicki says:

    I love your blog. Many a time I have shared a post with my husband and friends. It often reminds me to laugh at life. It reminds me to find the humour in the things that would otherwise drive me crazy. It’s your blog, they don’t like it. quit reading the thing and let the rest of us enjoy it without stupid, absurd comments. I’ve got to stop commenting now. Some of those comments really hacked me off.

    Get a real life dissenters, and leave the rest of us to laugh, cry, and generally enjoy Chris’s blog!!!

  36. Mir says:

    Oh Chris, you ungrateful bitch you. Clearly your blog is an accurate representation of every moment in your life, and furthermore, you are too stupid to self-censor when revealing yourself to be a horrible person. I’m so glad that at least you have the internet to keep you humble with its scathing anonymous pronouncements.

    Now, get back in the kitchen and make me a pie. And be quick about it.

  37. Heather says:

    Oh geez, I thought it was hilarious! I actually am storing that ice cube on the turkey thing away in a nice little place until next year at Thanksgiving, where I will claim it as my own. :)

  38. Maclaine says:

    People can bite me. You just keep doing whatever you feel like and write about it however you want and I’ll keep reading daily.

  39. Kim says:

    Good for you! The world is so damn hypersensitive!

  40. Pastormac's Ann says:

    Amazing that some people feel like they need to “educate” you!! Gosh nobody’s forcing them to read your blog. Click away and don’t come back. Geesh. I’m a regular visitor here and I really love reading about life in the big yellow house, not because I can relate to everything or because I agree with everything you write. We’re not clones for pete’s sake. Isn’t that the beauty in life - that we’re all different and yet we share similar experiences and so can encourage one another with how things go?

    Blog on Chris! Blog on!

  41. Jodi says:

    Ditto to what everyone else said above! You are amazing and funny and heartwarming all rolled into one. I got a good chuckle out of the dry turkey pic.

    Tell the mean people to jump off a bridge.

  42. marie says:

    Sorry you got snarky comments.
    People are stupid!

  43. Lilly says:

    Your writing makes me laugh out loud often. That’s a wonderful thing. You have a way of looking at daily life and seeing the humor in all sorts of big and little things. Please just ignore the comments from people who don’t take your writing the way it’s intended and just keep on writing the way you do!

  44. Elizabeth says:

    I love your blog! Your posts usually fit in one of these categories:

    1. Oh, I’ve done that.
    2. Oh, that sounds like what I would do.
    3. Oh, I wish I would have done that.
    4. Oh, If that ever happens to me that’s what I’ll do.

    Including, I’ll post funny things on my blog even if they might incite people who don’t share my sense of humor to flame me. And - I’ll hope to get the good-natured folks to comment as well.

  45. Karly says:

    Another first time commenter here…I’ve been reading you for months and I check your website for updates way more often than I should. I’m surprised you haven’t banned my IP address for stalking you. If people don’t get you and your humor then they shouldn’t read. THIS IS YOUR BLOG. Grrr…people piss me off.

  46. Stephanie says:

    F the trolls who can only be snarky!!
    you are hilarious, so forget them!!!

  47. Heather says:

    I know the commenter you are talking about. Isnt she the same snarky itchbay that gave you a bunch of sh*t before about something you had said? My honest opinion? I think she put that comment because either a) she is jealous of your blog, b) she is nuckin futs or c) both! ;) I chose c. (ahem!) What a good way for her to get some traffic on her blog eh? I read hers and yawned the ENTIRE time, talk about stuffed shirt “very bad word” on the internet. Tell her to go get a real BLOG! (life) LOL.. Love your blog Chris, I read you EVERY SINGLE DAY, rain, snow shine! Please dont change a single thing… Hugs!

  48. Molly says:

    Well said, Chris. Well said.

  49. crunchy carpets says:

    It is really bizarre.
    I write stuff…and feel that the tone is fairly safe or up and I get comments that imply the post was a total downer or something really serious.

    I guess tone and the mood of the reader is really important.

  50. Kellie says:

    I agree with many who say if someone doesn’t like what you’re posting, hit the “x” in the top corner. I agree AGAIN with the majority and LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog. I don’t always comment but, I read you every day..sometimes checking several times a day so I don’t miss a single post!! Don’t change a thing!! The ones with nothing good to say can **insert bad phrase here*…

  51. mish says:

    i love your blog. and check it daily. you make me laugh! and make me wonder what the husband & i will be getting into once our human kids start arriving…

  52. carol says:

    Another Australian follower. A few months ago when we finally started receiving a good internet service, I asked my daughter if there were any good blogs that appealed to my sense of humour she gave me the address of your blog as she loves it.
    You have lightened my life and made me laugh so often. I only wish you would post more often.
    Enjoy life
    Carol

  53. Sarah says:

    Hussies and degenerates–now THAT’S funny!

  54. Jennifer says:

    Jokes about a dry turkey are as much a Thanksgiving tradition as watching the Macy’s parade or mind numbing amounts of football. How boring would life be if everything turned out perfect or if no one ever joked about the things that weren’t.

  55. Christina says:

    I agree with Mir :) Perhaps what is the funniest is that people found the need to comment like that.

  56. Leslie says:

    Pure Genius!!!! One of your best posts and a glimpse into reality!

  57. jessica says:

    you just keep writing. Some of us get what you choose to share with us. I thought Thanksgiving picture and quote summed it up perfectly. And as for husbands being the food police, I tend to eat standing at the stove alot (they just don’t get it….) and this is what he will say “oh, you’re not going to eat with us because you are already having your dinner! - HAH, but it doesn’t mean anything - good sex is all that is left to grownups with kids (and maybe some alcohol).

  58. Danielle says:

    Here, here. I also find it can be difficult to sensor myself on certain subjects. I would like to write more about politics religion and the like but do not want to upset people. It’s too bad that people have to take themselves so serious when we are already censoring ourselves.

  59. Kira says:

    *sigh*
    Sometimes the blogging world is like a dear friend who periodically goes insane and spews stupidness. Honestly.
    What, you never had a friend like that? Is it just me? God, now I’m feeling all self-concious…
    DAMN, I totally meant to catch the Charlie Brown thing this year. I BROKE CHRISTMAS.
    AGAIN.

  60. Maliavale says:

    Sometimes I really hate the Internets. And people. But mostly Internets-people. Not you, of course, but hate-filled commenters.

  61. Sue says:

    Chris,
    Thanks for the posts!!

    As I went through your previous posts to read some of the responses that prompted your post today, I was reminded of these:

    Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting. ~Christopher Morley

    Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
    -Anonymous

    Their responses mirror the days of old when the supposed reverant, but nosey and bitter
    neighbors would hide behind the cloak of religious zeal and gossip while wagging their fingers at anyone who made them feel inferior.

    As I have said in the past, you have a gift. Continue to send and share the smiles!!

  62. jody says:

    Whaddidi miss? Now that I have full time work behind me (YES!! Today was my last day!) let’s catch up in the a.m.!

    As for the nay sayers….the naughty list works for me. They will surely be on it and find nothing but coal come Christmas morning!

  63. my float says:

    Regular lurker, first-time commenter. Love your work! Your posts are interesting and amusing, and really? That’s all I ask for.

  64. Antique Mommy says:

    People definitely need to lighten up.

  65. Pave.Gurl says:

    Like you owe anyone an explanation? I think not. It’s your blog and your life. What you choose to share is up to you, and I (for one) am grateful to have a glimpse into your life.

  66. Karen Rani says:

    If you’re making a pie for Mir, I’d like a sliver please. :)
    I love how you addressed the asshats.

  67. Wendy says:

    I am offended that people were offended.:)
    Whatever happened to, “If you dont have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself”.

  68. Traci says:

    I just wanted to say that I thought the ice cube on the turkey was CLASSIC! I told my entire family…and they all laughed as well. I have a sister in law who bakes horrendous things every year and it has become the family joke to see what she will come up with next! I was really suprised to see people act so offended by what you had posted…either they don’t get it…or I just get you. As a mother of five…soon to be six, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your blog. It puts a smile on my face and makes me feel less alone on the days where the kids have stripped me of my sense of humor! Thank you again!

  69. sweethomealagirl says:

    This is your life, your space. Anyone who complains about what you post certainly has way too much time on their hands and probably shouldn’t be reading period, the nit-pickin’ fools. You keep doing what you are doing, and the rest of us will keep enjoying it!

  70. Audrey says:

    I love your blog. I always get a laugh out of it. Mostly because I come from a family of 8 children and everything you write about is so true. It brings back such wonderful memories for me. I remember many family dinners where something was overcooked, undercooked or just downright inedible. My siblings and I spend many hours remembering all the wonderful moments spent around the dinner table. It helps us to feel close to our parents, both of whom passed away recently.

    Audrey

  71. Jennifer says:

    Argh, I didn’t mean for my sex comment to come across snarky. I really kind of meant it funny. I don’t happen to like sex with my husband (or anyone, for that matter)…it was just a joke. Hey, if he gave me a reason, I’d cut him off for as long as I could get away with it :) I love reading your blog…you’re so honest and funny and your kids are adorable. I ‘poligize. Sorry :(

  72. Sock Girl says:

    Oh my heavens! Such a rant over people so defensive about their own dried out turkeys? I heart your blog… I heart your stories… and the dried out turkey people can keep their comments (and their poultry) to themselves.

  73. Maddy says:

    It’s your blog, write what ever you like.

    I was taught as a child that if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything at all. Perhaps these people need to get some manners.

    It is a privilege to read, and be able to comment on, someone’s blog.

  74. S... says:

    I’ve been reading here for a year and find almost all your posts interesting.  I was pretty shocked to see the comments about the turkey.  I never doubted that it was probably in joking but still it seemed like an insensitive thing to post by outward glance.

    I know if I had seen that comment by any of my friends on their blogs I would have certainly asked if it might hurt someone’s feelings. 

    If it were something  my kids had written, I also would’ve asked about it. (Secretly hoping that they would change it out of consideration. Being thankful is a BIG part of Thanksgiving after all!)

    I know you want to raise your children with respect and consideration, and almost always we get that impression.  This was a first for many who had disillusions of the perfect mom.

    I think you were being a little sensitive about the feedback.  Nothing that I saw was harsh.  Then again maybe your response is your own feelings of being misunderstood, and possibly wrong for assuming that we would know there was a joke behind it. You open comments for a reason, I am assuming that its not just for the praise. In order to appreciate the good you have to accept that sometimes we will not all agree with you. Otherwise we would just be a bunch of mindless fans. Then what would the compliments mean to you? Just as others should respectfully appreciate your comments, maybe you should of theirs also.

  75. Polly says:

    Well, I’ll fess up. I was one of the ones on the SIL’s side. But now that I know she was in on the joke, I don’t feel bad for her at all. I guess I was putting myself in her shoes. I am the “out law” in my husband’s family. They are oh so proper and PC about everything. I am irreverant and daring (in my own way) at times. There have been a few Monday mornings after a weekend family get together that my husband has receved a call from his mother/the MIL with comments about something I did, said or did not do.
    These people don’t have “our” kind of senses of humor. It has to be straight forward and plain for them to get it. Oh well…
    My comments to you Chris were in no way saying that I don’t appreciate you sharing your life here on this blog.
    Keep up the good work. You are a bright spot in many of our lives. You have a gift of turning the everyday ho hum of motherhood into smiles.

  76. Kendra says:

    I love you blog! Yes, it is sometimes confusing to get only a piece of the picture but I still feel like I know you through your writing! Are you my BFF? lol. People can just not read if they don’t like it. Keep writing!

  77. jm says:

    Wow. Just wow. I had read the entry about the ice cube and the turkey and laughed and thought, “What a smart kid! Hmmm. I wonder if that actually worked…” (Wandered off to find my dry leftover pork chop and an ice cube.)

    And then I went on with my day. And the candy bar thing? Totally what I would have said.

    I believe that asshat commenters are people who have their own real life issues that make them angry or fearful. Why are they defensive about the dry turkey? Because they know their life is as dry as your SIL’s turkey and it bothers them. Anywho. To hell with them.

    And listen to the brilliant song “Please Stop the Asshattery” by Cortex of Mefi. It’s awesome and will make you laugh for the rest of the night. Just don’t play it for the kids or they will never stop singing it because it is also VERY catchy.

    http://music.metafilter.com/mefi/480

  78. Fire says:

    I thought the story was hilarious and the picture was worth a million bucks. I love reading your blog. As someone else above said, you’re just saying what every one of us has thought (maybe even said) at one time or another,

  79. Tricia says:

    Well put! You don’t like it, DON’T COME!

    Hey and here’s another one… If you can’t say something nice… well, you know the rest

  80. Sasha says:

    Wow, I had to go back and find out what there was to be offended about. I had actually told my husband the story about the dry turkey and the ice cube and we both agreed your kid is really smart!

    Another thing… these are children. My husband and I just inherited 5 kids and we sat down to our first Thanksgiving with them and held our breath. Children say and do the darndest things and we were just waiting for the comments. With 5 kids you aren’t going to be able to please a single one. We laughed about their comments because they were funny and not in any way intentionally trying to hurt us.
    To even take it there is nothing but pure ridiculousness. If your SIL is a horrible cook (which I am not saying she is), it wouldn’t be news to her. But I would doubt a child’s comment would destroy her for life had the situation indeed been different then you described.

  81. Colleen says:

    I thought the Turkey quote was really cute. Your SIL’s turkey can’t be any worse than the year my husband’s grandmother set her lighter on the cookie sheet and blew up the rolls hee hee. That was at least 9 years ago and one of the uncles this year said “What are those? Those can’t be our rolls! Where are the bits of green plastic?”
    Anyway every family has these little moments that are brought up year after year. Anyway you don’t have to quantify. People should just stop assuming the worst of people they meet through a blog….

    Take care,

    Burgee who’s cranberry sauce has can ridges ;)

  82. Jen says:

    Yowsers. I read your blog faithfully b/c other people’s kids are what crack me up. I am eternally grateful for every ice cubed-turkey, princess outfit and precious Miles picture. Thanks.

    Now, the non-sentimental part…WTF?!?!?! I thought maybe you were off your rocker or something b/c I didn’t believe people would leave nasty comments about a turkey. Judas Maude. They did. They really did. Maybe the holiday weekend left a few folks a little too stressed out.

    And…only smart and nice kids would put an ice cube on the turkey. The bad ones would complain about it and refuse to eat.

    Your kids rock.

  83. momslo says:

    You should never have to explain or defend yourself on your own blog! That’s just wrong- I don’t get people who don’t have a sence of humor- and you know what?- I don’t generally like them either!!- There you go people- come get me now!!

    Geez, if life has no laughter, then we really are in trouble.

    PS- I love the tanning salon-hussy comment from your BIL-that’s funny:)

    In our family, my little sister dosen’t cook at all for her family-nothing- and that’s what we laugh about and joke and she is the one making most of jokes!

  84. Kellie says:

    Now we all know those who were offended were the same ones guilty of destroying one of the simplest things on earth to cook. ;)

    We also are “Lucky” to have a SIl who likes to flaunt her lack of cooking skills, to the point that she claims to have taken a cooking class and then showed up with tater tots wrapped in bacon. She was fool enough to unveil this delicacy in front of my littles only to be met with large amounts of laughter and the 11 year old telling her that she wasted her money on that cooking class and for $20 she would get the 5 year old to teach her how to make mac and cheese!
    I do believe my 11 and your 9 would get along just fine!

    Keep up your good work, love stopping by and peeking thru the window of your soul.

  85. Tammie says:

    Great post, as always. That picture cracked me up, and I cleary saw the humor. People need to loosen up, this is your blog, you can write what you feel!
    Keep posting and keep writing!!!! (And share more pictures, they always make me smile).

    tam

  86. judi casey says:

    wow
    people were upset with those posts?
    life must be a bitch for folks who can’t find the humor in everyday circumstances.
    consider yourself lucky that you are not one of them.
    and keep on writing.

  87. Novaks8 says:

    Wow
    I went back and read the comments too.

    I guess with internet “fame” comes that crap.

    My gosh people need to lighten WAY up.

    You are still my favorite blogger Chris and many others feel the same way!

  88. peepnroosmom says:

    Well said, Chris. Well said.
    I love your blog.
    I love your pictures.

  89. karen t says:

    such venom from both sides - over a ‘thanksgiving’ turkey. how ironic.

  90. Cathy C says:

    I love your blog, your stories, and for heavens sake, even the pics of your house (and your shoes, hee hee). You just keep writing whatever you want. I will keep reading and laugh along with you.
    Cheers!

  91. Lisa says:

    Well crap, now I’ll have to go read the comments.

  92. Brigitte says:

    Aw, Chris, too many comments! But I agree, you don’t have to defend yourself. Anyone with a shred of normalcy thought the posts were funny. Those trolls who don’t have never been around kids, can’t remember their own childhoods, or (if they do have kids) wonder why the kids can’t wait to move 3000 miles away to live their adult lives.

    And even if I don’t feel like having sex, I agree about not using it as a weapon - you never want him to have to look ELSEwhere, after all!

  93. Gillian says:

    I vote for the lightening up. You lighten my days a lot of times. In fact, if I think of the dancing baby and the soy milk and the diaper and the towel around baby ‘net dropping from the sky’ routine I have to sit down. Because I can’t stop laughing.

  94. SoftballMomma says:

    I think you’re hilarious! And I love reading your parenting w/comedy. I look forward to reading more and seeing such great photos!

  95. Mary says:

    I just want to comment so that your comment numbers will get even closer to 100 on this post.

    You are funny, no complaints from this very amused reader.

  96. jeana says:

    Preach it, sister. Boy can I relate.

  97. emily says:

    Delurking here to say Hallelujah!

    Don’t change!

  98. Jennifer says:

    I’m sorry something fairly innocent and funny turned into something so unpleasant for you. I thought it was funny, along with everything else you write.

  99. Meg says:

    Man, you know I love you, girl. Nothing to say that hasn’t already been said.

    We need to get together and have, like, a week of “BitchBlog” - think about the greatness of THAT! The whole thing could be a week of posting stuff that is mean or that simply doesn’t end in a neat “Family Circus” kind of a moral lesson…I’m so in…

  100. Maggie says:

    people are absurd. i love your blog.

  101. fancythis says:

    The problem here Chris is simple. Clearly those who felt the need to criticize are perfect and those of us who aren’t are infecting their world.
    But probably, we’re (the imperfect) a little more exciting, which is why the perfect feel the need to read and comment in the first place!

  102. Jen says:

    You go Chris! You shouldn’t have to justify what you write on YOUR blog… Although, it did make for an entertaining post!

  103. Denise says:

    Will you marry me, Chris? Pretty please? I know, you are straight and already married and I don’t actually believe in marriage (tool of the patriarchy and all that) but this sort of post is why I love you.

    People are idiots. Complete idiots.

    Your son, his dry turkey experience - FUNNY! Your family knew it was FUNNY. It wasn’t mean, evil, ungrateful or anything else negative. It was just FUNNY. Duh.

  104. Wendy says:

    You’re truely talented…as evidenced by the number of people who have commented on this blog. Hang in there, and don’t let a pathetic few discourage you from doing what you do so well! And by the way, not only did I send my kids to bed when I knew the Charlie Brown special was on, but I didn’t even record it for them because there were two shows I wanted to record for myself instead. Nice, huh!?

  105. Darren McLikeshimself says:

    “Sometimes I think that people don’t realize that what I, or any of us, write and share are but obscure details in our lives. What is written here on the internet is but a tiny tiny glimpse into our lives.”

    I’m going to preface every single post with this quote from now on. I’ll credit you, of course.

    It seems that there are two kinds of blog readers: those who read and share a laugh and those who read and judge.

    I think you know what my advice is for the latter.

  106. Jana says:

    You go girl!!! We don’t read you religiously because you’re politically correct…we read you because you’re honest, open-minded and so damn funny!

  107. Sherri says:

    Don’t let the bad comments get stuck in your head. I’m one of those dwellers, you have 12 lovely events you can think of occur in one day and one nasty one - the nasty one gets replayed.
    You make a lot of us think, sometimes cry and most of the time laugh out loud.

    Remember the good, remember the good….

  108. paisley says:

    Wowzers! I can’t believe someone was complaining about that. Of course, they are probably perfect in every way.

    I read you as much as I can and the large volume of comments intimidate me into not leaving them sometimes, but I couldn’t skip over today!

    I think you are great. Your writing rules. You are a “daily must” for so many people out here in internet land. You rock!

  109. Salsa Queen says:

    Agreeing with everyone else that you have no-one to answer to but yourself. We, the faithful will continue to read and laugh and cry with whatever you write. The others can just go pound sand. My only regret is that I did not think of the ice cube trick on top of the drier-than-the-blue-box-they-came-out-of macaroni & cheese at the Thanksgiving dinner we attended!

  110. alice says:

    Hooorah! Chris I love your site. I hope you never get beat down by the screaming asses and want to quit because there are those of us who look at your site multiple times a day (yes, I know I should comment more) and hope you have posted something new, but also know you are busy and we will just have to wait. People that take time to comment with nasty hateful words think that their shit don’t stink ( sniff*what’s that smell) so don’t let them get you down. And although I got a giggle out of todays post, don’t feel like you ever have to explain yourself to them or us. That’s what delete is for. I love ya, you are fabulous and I wish we lived closer to each other so that we could throw your 6 boys + 1 girl and my 4 girls out in the backyard, lock the door and sit inside and sip wine, eat lime tostios and twix and bitch about whatever we want to.

  111. Cakes says:

    You’ve only had sex seven times?

  112. Linds says:

    Hi there…..I read your blog and it makes me smile. Keep saying what you want. It is just fine with us!

  113. Jenna says:

    Chris your blog is the best! I enjoy reading and getting advice from a mother of 7. Please don’t let any stupid ppl bother you, look at all the support you have.

  114. TexasMomma says:

    For the last 16 years my DH’s family has only allowed me to bring salad or rolls to Thanksgiving or Christmas. This year, we decided to have the meal at our house (26 people) and I planned to roast a turkey. My DH tought of everything he could so I “wouldn’t have to.” Thus is their opinion of my cooking.

    Of course, my “fondest” family memory is spending Thanksgiving at Shoney’s because my father wanted to take us out and forgot that no restaurants would be open!

    It’s all about the family and not the food! My kids wanted to head straight for the pumpkin pie!

  115. Carola says:

    Chris, you don’t need to give ANY explanation…you are a marvelous writer that happens to be honest and funny and is willing to share personal stories with the world for which I am grateful because your experiences inspire me. Just ignore them.

  116. stacey says:

    You know people are just mostly stupid, we blog to get things out there and off our minds and to share funny stuff in our lives, if they don’t want to be here they should just go away. I have been told lots of stuff that they didn’t need to to say just to be rude and ignorant. I don’t comment much but come for a giggle most of the time, I can sooo relate to all this. Sorry they are so stupid and comment on stuff that they have no right to. Hang in there. Love you blogs!

  117. santa cruzin' says:

    I have to second Anna’s sentiments! Let’s AAAAAALLLLLLL lighten up.

  118. Katie says:

    Holy crap that’s a lot of comments…

    I hate how we need to put disclaimers on everything nowadays. More people really should use their hair dryers in the shower.

  119. Heather says:

    Me thinks some people need to lighten up, not just in their comments but in life in general. I thought of a whole lot of people out there stewing over their sawdust like turkeys and you who dared to speak of it! BTW, your 9 y.o. is a great problem solver!

  120. Allanna says:

    I love your blog. And I love that you’re not Mary Friggin’ Poppins. I love that you blog about the sweet, lovely things; the funny, endearing things; and the not-so-lovely, not-so-funny things.

    I thought that your conversation with your husband was funny and that your son came up with a great solution to the dry-turkey problem. I’m glad to know that your sister-in-law laughed so much about it.

    I think that you’re amazing. Keep up the good writing. It’s a highlight of my day to read your blog. And I worship you and your family from afar. (And I try not to be a stalker. I really do try!)

  121. Katie W says:

    My boyfriend despairs over my blog-reading habit, however when I showed him the turky post and told him to read it, even he laughed out loud at the sheer comic genius of that momment!
    Posts like that are why I read your blog, keep them coming!

  122. eko says:

    My sister so hates the way her mil makes/prepares the turkey that she and her hub ALWAYS have a ham sent ahead to mil’s house so it is there for THEM to eat.
    There are some definite sanitary issues - lol.

    What the hell is wrong with people that we can’t be REAL, especially in our OWN blogs!

    Keep on keeping on girlfriend! ;-)

  123. liz says:

    Amen.

  124. DDM says:

    I am cracking up at the tanning salon-hussy-degenerate comment!! I work in a tanning salon and I agree. :-) The teenager is on to something though, it’s the best job in the world. Dude. I get paid to read a magazine 90% of the time. Beats the hell out of the job I held for 15 years that utilized my college degree. Tanners are HAPPY people who come in because they want to, and most of the time they walk in smiling. Degenerate or hussy-ish, I’ll take ‘em. Heeee!

  125. nes says:

    Wow. I can’t believe there are actually people out there who gave you shit about your dry turkey comments. It’s times like these that I am grateful hardly anyone reads my blog. I’d probably get lynched or something!

  126. Woman with Kids says:

    Amen sister!

  127. Michele says:

    FAB-ulous intro to your blog. I am not even sure how I got here but i will be back.

  128. guinness girl says:

    OMG! I missed all this drama! This is what I get for lurking around, not commenting (let alone reading other people’s comments). GOOD FOR YOU, Chris.

    You deserve a case of vodka.

  129. Rae says:

    My motto in my real-life community and in the web community is giving the benefit of the doubt. For one thing, you are hilarious, and you’re pretty much amazing. I can’t imagine doing all that you do and then having the brain cells left to write about it. And I think that if anyone stopped to think before becoming a nuclear reactor they would realize that in all that you’ve ever written the main current is of kindness- therefore, even if they don’t understand just how funny those posts were (VERY, VERY funny) then they can say to themselves… hmmm. Is Chris ever mean? Nope. Okay, I won’t post that self-righteous thought that first came to my mind because obviously its stupid and doesn’t apply.

    The same thing works in non-internets life. Let’s give each other the benefit of the flipping doubt! Anyways.

    You’re awesome. I can’t say how much I love reading what you write, or how much I don’t want you to second guess your humor. What is it with Turkey anyways?

  130. Karin says:

    I think you are wonderful. I am a mother of 5 (3 of my own that are grown and 2 step children…yes, I am doing it again…crazy as it sounds) and 4 grandchildren…I like them way way better. Keep writing, I sit and laugh and think of my own children when they were young (and I don’t even like MY children, ok I do…no I don’t..well).

  131. Jess says:

    Holy crap Chris, whomever was rude and thoughtless should be shot. I for one love your blog and your ourlook on life.

  132. amy says:

    I think I’ll make it an even 130.

    Thanks for saying what we are all thinking. Motherhood needs its little diversions, so we can go at it fresh, yes, once again another day!

  133. InterstellarLass says:

    Get ‘em! I thought the quote was hilarious.

  134. Kara says:

    I am really amazed, and I wonder if anyone else caught it too, 2 of the infamous posters have posted on this topic(excluding the one who explained herself) in favor of everyone lightening up…
    Everyone to this side of the fence…
    No, wait back to the other side…
    There will always be those who will look for a fight, drama, whatever anywhere they can find it.
    Loved the candy bar post.

  135. GaftGirl says:

    You are amazing and I check your blogs everyday. Your children, with their one-lines, two-liners, or no-liners, and your sense of humor in dealing with everything inspires me. You make me think that despite my battle with PPD, I can have the large family I’ve always dreamed of. You are truly an inspiration and everyone I’ve told the turkey story to thinks its hilarious. Please keep blogging! And that’s my two cents. :-)

  136. Bethany says:

    I thought the story was hilarious. My sisters could have written that about me & I would have laughed too. It’s funny.

  137. Sarah says:

    Just for the record. I read your blog religiously because I think it’s hilarious. You are hilarious. And I love the way you represent the things that are a part of your life. Reading your blog generally makes my day and I laugh and/or groan the rest of the day. I am INeloquent, and I love reading your elegant, funny writing each day!

  138. Ashley says:

    You are awesome!

  139. Alisa says:

    chris, I think you are just like so many of us moms, its reality-and you just blog it like it is! I love reading them-you go girl!

  140. Lori says:

    Well said, Chris and I apologize for my comments. I shouldn’t have been nasty about the cooking. I truly know better. Thank you for your writing, you brighten my day!

  141. kerflop says:

    I’m usually reading you on my feed reader so I missed all the commentary until today when I clicked through to see what this was all about. My goodness! I thought the ice on turkey was hilarious, I shared the story with my grandmother who ALWAYS makes dry turkey and cries over ruined pies every single year. We laughed together until tears were streaming down our faces.

  142. Miss Peach says:

    I’m seconding what Darren said. This was all so eloquently put. And it sounds like these commenters are the types of people who need to condemn everyone else to make themselves feel okay about their own lives. Screw ‘em!

  143. kate says:

    People are idiots. Nosy idiots. Busy-bodied idiots.
    You’ve got my favorite non-knitting blog so thanks for the stories and the humor and everything.

  144. Angela says:

    OK…at 143 coments..I’m not sure I should bother but just wanted to say that your entries are the ONLY ones (and there are two blogs “I” relate more to) that I read to my husband or whoever is standing next to me…that is how funny they are.

    People are way too sensitive…I’m the horrible cook in my family, plus I talk loudly, and take FOREVER when playing Scrabble so it is all fodder for jokes in my family. “um…Ang…is this chicken or turkey?” “here comes your aunty…what..you can’t HEAR her? (and I’m way out in the front yard) “Either place the darn word or we leave!” - They are jokes…yes, at my expense but still funny and not reason enough to feel sorry for myself. My turkey always comes up dry too by the way and next year I’m going to put a plate with ice in it and tell people about your kid and that they are welcome to put ice on top of my turkey!LOL

    People really need to lighten up a bit.

  145. kathy says:

    Well, I just hope the commenters aren’t reading your blog. you know, it is the internet, and they just might find this post.

    Especially the commenters who don’t know you have sex. Now you’ve really gone and done it!

  146. Fiddledeedee says:

    Well I totally get your humor. And I love it. Some days, when we moms are face down in the carpet, we need the levity of finding a booger smeared on our shirt by a sneaky toddler. We HAVE to find the humor in the obscure, or we’d never get up off the carpet to fix dinner.

  147. daring one says:

    Your blog is like the totally best blog in the world Chris. I hate your sister-in-law’s turkey too but I hate your meetloaf more (just kidding (about the turkey (and the meatloaf (but not about your blog)))).