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’tis the season for uncomfortable family gatherings

’tis the season for uncomfortable family gatherings

December 15, 2006

I am feeling decidedly lacking in Christmas spirit this holiday season. I am not sure if it is because the weather has been so freakishly warm or that my children already own every toy ever manufactured or that my mother is coming over to my house for Christmas dinner this year. Let that last one soak in a minute while I do a shot of tequila over here.

When I casually mentioned to her a month or two ago that she could come over for Christmas and see her grandchildren that she hasn’t seen in 7.5 YEARS, most of whom weren’t even born yet, well I didn’t really think she would say yes. But she did. And she is bringing scalloped potatoes. I am trying to be calm about it and adult like, but holy crap I have invited crazy to my house. Rob is less than pleased and keeps saying that there had better not be any drama.

I know that my mother will come out with some ridiculous story about how great Christmas was when I was a child and relate some heartwarming moment that she stole from a Lifetime channel movie and has now convinced herself really happened in our family, even though I don’t have a one legged brother who befriends the elderly shut-in neighbor only to discover she is our long lost grandfather who had secretly had a sex change operation and moved into the house next door in hopes of being a part of our lives. Somehow those pesky details will be overlooked. But I have promised my husband that I will bite my tongue, smile and nod, and agree that yes it was simply magical when Johnny hopped on his one good leg down the icy walkway to our neighbor’s house carrying the Christmas ham.

This isn’t what I intended to write about when I sat down here, it’s funy how that happens. I was going to write about my children and the fact that I am going to end up buying my children more crap this holiday season just like the crap they already own, don’t play with, and leave all over the floor for me to trip on. How many legos, matchbox cars, and pretend kitchen stuff can you have before it is too many? I am not sure of the exact number, but think I can safely say that it is significantly less than we already own.

I asked bargain shopping guru Mir for advice and she suggested laser tag guns, proving that she does not live with an army of boys who need no encouragement in this area. They would run and stomp through the house screaming and shooting at each other until the plaster fell from the walls and my hands shakily reached for a bottle of tequila and a bottle of pills.

So I am at a loss. So much so that I almost suggested we get a puppy for Christmas. Which would certainly break the tenuous grasp on my sanity I maintain these days. But then I weigh one hand against the other…. my sanity versus my children’s happy smiling faces, and the decision isn’t so easy. I am sure I could make some sort of tequilla bottle holster to wear at all times. Maybe with a straw.

And that holster would be perfect on Christmas day, enabling me to have my hands free for installing batteries, holding two wine glasses, or strangling someone in the closet.

Posted by Chris @ 10:30 am  

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Comments

  1. MJ says:

    You are my hero! A tequila holster must be patented quickly, you’ll make millions.

    Hm gifts … perhaps a nontoy xmas, yeah i know thats funny too. We do that with some of the family money sent, they draw a siblign name, take the money grandpa sent them and buy their sibling a non toy gift. Books, cds, pillows, towels, slippers etc are okay while toys are not, since they are already getitng those from santa.

  2. Kelly says:

    NO! Don’t do it! Restrain yourself! Don’t fall for the puppy guilt!
    I have 3 dogs, 2 cats (who hate each other), 2 kids, and, ok - 1 husband. Sometimes I realize that the animals require even more cleaning up behind than the children. How this is possible, I’m not sure.
    In truth, I LOVE my animals…even the new GIGANTIC puppy that we acquired as kind of a joke. (don’t ask)
    The cats are by far the easiest. . . are you a cat person? I love our newest…Abby…she is SO sweet and affectionate. Was hand picked from the shelter by my son. When a 7 year old can hold the cat upside down & it still wants to be held, THAT’S a good cat.
    Well, good luck and Merry Christmas.
    Kelly
    (I started doing the ‘wrap the Christmas book’ thing about 4 days ago & my kids LOVE it. thanks!)

  3. Lori says:

    Just get one of those camelbak’s for your tequila holster. You can strap it on your back and have it ready at any moment. Totally hands free! Here’s hoping you catch some Christmas Spirit–I’ve had a few of those years myself. Merry Christmas!

  4. Novaks8 says:

    wow

    I can relate. My mom seems to have a totally different version of my childhood with her than I do.

    weird.

    It should provide some pretty interesting blog entries!

  5. Sara says:

    Have you seen the baby bottles with a straw-like system? I think they’re called Podees. You could totally rig up something with one of those and a tool belt. Rob must have a tool belt, right? Booze from a baby bottle would surely cure what ails…
    We’re having the same weather, so I can relate.Hope the Christmas spirit calls on you soon.

  6. Steph. says:

    Perhaps you could design the tequila holster in a manner that it would convert nicely to a Mother muzzle for when your Mom starts up with the stories? Just a thought…

  7. Heather says:

    Having read some of the stories of your mother — send me your address I’ll send you A BOX of tequila - you’ll need it.

    For the kids - have you seen the science kits at Borders and Walmart? How about a wooden marble run (I got one for my almost 6 year old Thing - so you should torture yourself too!) what about those 20 question games - the little electronic ones?

    Dress ups are always good - boxes of wood and kiddie tools (and a FIRM explanation that DADDY will help you build stuff - OUTSIDE since it’s so freakishly warm)

    Earplugs (for YOU).

  8. momaloy says:

    Have you tried packing up half of their toys and putting them away for a while? We rotate through two sets of toys every month or so. It keeps the family room cleaner because there aren’t as many things out and my kid acts like it’s Christmas every time I switch them.

  9. Mary O says:

    Yeah! Get a puppy! Yes, they’re a lot of work at first, but totally worth it in cuteness. Also, your boys would have the time of their lives running around outside with their dog. Heck, you might as well get two puppies! =)

  10. Megan says:

    Please don’t get a puppy for Christmas. Read the ever-amazing Pet Connection blog, specifically this post for suggested alternatives to the Christmas-puppy temptation.

    Have fun with crazy!

  11. cassie-b says:

    I wish you the best of luck with your Mother. I’m thinking that she and my Mother must have studied under the same teacher. All is resonably well, as long as I don’t do or say anything that she doesn’t like.

    And I’m the favored child!

  12. random stuff says:

    Fish. If you get an animal, get fish. They teach responsibility, and don’t require long walks on snowy bitter days. And if you get stuck taking care of them it’s not as bad as with a cat or a dog or a bunny.

    Every Christmas one of our presents was a box of books, I loved that.

  13. Jordana says:

    And I thought we were the ones with every toy and every book known to man, but you have had longer to collect them and more kids insisting that they too actually deserve a present.

  14. jen says:

    Get them a giant tent and sleeping bags. I’m not joking. It sounds sooo lame, but my friend did it for her 5 kids and they LOVED it. She had a great time picking out a different sleeping bag to match each kids personality, too.

  15. Woman with Kids says:

    Step away from the puppy. I like the tent idea… then you could “accidentally” on purpose maybe perhaps lock the door? And if the holster doesn’t come through, just grab one of those beer hats and make sure it’s red. That makes it a christmas hat darn it. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

  16. (other) chris says:

    i’m in armpit deep for opting OUT of an extended family gathering this year. the fun never ends. gifts for my fearsome fivesome go: 1 book, 1 dvd, 1 cd, one toy. but we’ve done the tent thing and it is awesome! cheers

  17. Sherri says:

    Puppy ack, we have 1 dog, 2 cats and a rabbit. I (we) love the dog but when she was a puppy…. I would wait until your youngest are just a little older. We got our dog when our youngest was 1 and our other son was almost 3. I remember vividly sitting in the the bathroom with my oldest during potty training and watching out the corner of my eye the puppy peeing on the floor and the baby splashing in it..all in a flash.

    It is funny NOW.

    Deep breaths during the holiday!!! You’ll do fine, you may need some stitches from biting your tongue though..

  18. pat says:

    AHHHH, holidays and relatives, What a happy mixture.

  19. owlhaven says:

    LOL–Yesterday UPS brought us Legos (the HUGE new kind for two year olds). I got a dishes set at COSTCO for my 4 year old (whisks and ladles and mixing bowls and sweet little metal pans you can actually bake in!) AND the day after Thanksgiving I bought my 4 sons Nerf-Tag sets complete with the vests, etc (certifying that yes, I am truly insane.)

    That is one challenge when you have hordes of kids– coming up with toys you don’t already have!

    Still, they’ll love it all! And that’s what counts.

    I’ll worry about where to put it all later! Maybe we can throw away the dining room table or something.

    Mary, mom to a million

  20. carrien says:

    I have seen a tequila holster at a country bar that my frinds dragged me to in university. It had bottle holder on the side and little rings to hold the shot glasses all around the front. The shooter girls walked the bar and bent over to show their cleavage and behind to every one who bought a shot. (Rob mught like that)

    Is there anyway you can limit the time your mother is there? LIke have her come over two hours before bedtime and tell her she has to leave ’cause the kids need to go to bed, or can you arrange to need to go somewhere after dinner, ice skating, for a walk, caroling, anything that gives you a nice little time limit that you can drink/grit your teeth through and then it’s over. (Not that I’ve been there before or anything. Best wishes on that working out for you.)

  21. Corra says:

    I will never complain about having to buy for ‘only’ 3 kids again, lol. Although when they are all girls by the time the oldest one is nearing 10 you already own almost every girl toy that exists.

    Family board games, dvd’s, mp3 players (even for the younger ones) and books are just some ideas that came to mind. Outdoor toys are great too, or build your own birdhouse kits and things like that. How about a trampoline? My kids love theirs and then there’s always the added excitement of broken bones and casts to sign to add to the fun of everyday life, lol.

  22. Mir says:

    DUDE, that selective memory thing must run in your family, cuz that was not the ONLY suggestion I had. Sheesh. Pbbbbblt.

    Good luck with the crazy. I shall also be venturing into Crazy Territory, but as I am the one doing the traveling, when the crazy gets TOO crazy, I can leave. You know you have my sympathies.

  23. Ruth H says:

    PUPPY NOOoooo!!!!!
    Tents and sleeping bags, YES.
    Science kits, no.
    You will be amazed when your seven children grow up and each has a separate idea on what exactly happened when. They will agree in general but you know how bystander witnesses can be……
    I am from a family of seven and there are a number of views of each event. Only all five of us older children agree on the most magical Christmas ever when our younger sister was born on Christmas eve and missed being named Merry Noel by about 12 minutes.
    The next night, Christmas night, we all walked on a beautiful moonlit night, through the snow to see our blessed child. It was a most wonderful gift for all of us.

  24. jm says:

    Merry Christmas Chris!!!

    http://www.holsterup.com/

  25. Andria says:

    Actually, having a crazy in my family as well has actually turned into a positive thing. I allow my son to have contact with her in very small controlled doses. He’s getting old enough now where he’s picking up on the fact that she’s not normal. I think it will help to prepare him (or guard him) against falling victim to someone like her in the future.

    As far as the toys are concerned, every year I have my son gather up at least one big garbage bag full of toys and clothes (approved by me) to give away to the Christmas charities group in our city. Before they leave I have him sit down and make sure that all of the pieces to each toy are included and that everything is wiped down and clean.

    If something comes in, something else must go out. We have limited space. It teaches him that he needs to give back. It also makes them really think about what things they really want to keep.

    All in all, a win-win.

  26. Heth says:

    We get our kids each three gifts, because that’s how many baby Jesus got and why should they have more than Him? They certainly aren’t as well behaved as He was. :)

    It still comes out to be eighteen gifts between the six of them. Plenty of new little sharp things to step on in the middle of the night.

    Good luck!

  27. Ashley says:

    Do NOT get a puppy. I have 6 children, 9 months to 12 years, and a puppy. She is so much freakin work. Having a baby would have been easier. At least I would love one of those. And if you hate tripping over legos and matchbox cars, try having a clumsy puppy underfoot all the time. Sheesh!

  28. Mudderof3 says:

    Get the puppy! That will ensure us wonderfully hilarious blogs for the next year!

  29. Katie says:

    No puppies! Seriously our dumb dog ate our kitchen cabinets one night. (Okay so he chewed about a 6 inch section on the corner.)

    You do know that you have to be dead to be a saint, right? (In other words, good luck with your mom!)

  30. Playdate Susan says:

    The puppy will have fun playing with the pony I’m sending Miles.

  31. InterstellarLass says:

    See, but tequila in a holster would require actual work. Gravity is working against you and the flow of tequila if it’s lower than your mouth. My suggestion is to retro-fit a beer helmet to hold tequila bottles. You could get the smaller ‘lite serving’ bottles, and they’d probably fit. Then, gravity is assisting you with the consumption of your beverage. Your third choice is to just set up an IV drip.

  32. Kate says:

    I hope Christmas goes smoothly. You are doing a good thing allowing her back into your life. Goodluck. I hope she is good to you and your family!

  33. Holli says:

    No puppy - love the tent idea. You need one of those hats. Put the tequila bottle on the hat w/ a straw straight to your mouth and your good to go, constant drip kind of like an IV.
    I got a huge kick out of your posts. You are very funny - an awesome writer.
    Merry Christmas and enjoy those kids and whatever you end up bringing. Hope the crazy grandma doesn’t bring them a puppy!

  34. Lilly says:

    LOL about the tequila holster… Is your mom staying overnight? or is she just coming for a meal? You never know, contrary to evidence from the past, she might be a jolly addition to the day. :)

    (We had a couple of elder crazies in our family and I know it’s hard to not let them get to you, especially when you’re trapped at a holiday gathering. Be strong! It’s only a matter of hours before she’ll be on her way.)

  35. Liz in Australia says:

    Hope everything goes well with your mother… Mine is in the UK for Christmas this year which will be a bit odd for my 9yo, who’s had Christmas at/with Nannie and Pa since she was born.

    My 9yo still hasn’t opened/used/played with any of her major gifts from her birthday in July (not entirely her fault), so I’m not getting her anything big for Christmas. (We’re not going to re-wrap them and put them under the tree, either, altho DH and I did discuss it!). Last Christmas, when finances were really tight, I made up a couple of gift baskets - a big one for the garden (she loves gardening), a smaller one of junk food that I don’t have room for in the grocery budget so she doesn’t get very often. They were a huge hit with her - and no clutter! This year she’s getting a basket of girly stuff (nail polish, hair thingies, etc) as well as another of food. Other gifts: books and bookends. My toddler is getting bathtub toys, a hamper of dress-ups, and play kitchen stuff.

    We already have cats, rats, rabbits, mice, fish, chickens and a spider as well as our dog, so animal presents are definitely not an option *g*

  36. Kristie says:

    Ooh, once you invent the tequila holster, could I buy one from you? My mom isn’t coming for the holidays, but we’re traveling 700 miles to see her, and staying as guests in her house, which is almost equally as bad. Except, she’s not crazy. So, you win.

  37. Ani says:

    Hmmm…is it mothers of a certain generation who all seem to have Lifetime channel syndrome?

    Some of my mother’s “memories” of my childhood were my own invention, implanted into her when I was a teenager. I have her convinced that when my sister was born I asked for a puppy instead. (which would have been very smart, but near to impossible as a non-verbal toddler)

    May the Christmas fairies visit your mom and make her a good dinner guest.

  38. Mary Tsao says:

    I never thought I’d say this to anybody, but your mom makes my mom seem sane.

    I’m with you on the toy dilema, but you let me know how that puppy thing works out, m’kay?

    Tequila slammers all around!

  39. Nicki says:

    Coming from someone who got a puppy for her christmas present this year…..think long and hard. We (my husband, sasha the older dog and I) love the new addition. The two kids think it’s the spawn of satan. The fact that the new addition is the size of a baby minature pony might have something to do with that. I can just tell you that I’ve spent the week chasing the wrong end of a puppy with a mop and bucket. I do realize that he will be worth it, when he’s older….but darn it…..If your really serious about the dog, check out the book “A Perfect Match”..it’s great for determining what dog matches your family best.
    As for the present thing, we cheated and got MORE TRAINS…as if we needed more. But with a predominately boy household….might be worth something.
    Good luck with the mom, I totally fell your pain…in-laws are coming in for a week (WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING???).

  40. Mary W says:

    costco sells wine on a discount - if you buy six bottles you get 20% off - you could buy a dozen - one for each kid plus a few spares for the mother visit. Oh wait you want gifts FOR the kids…

    I caved and did the more Legos more cars more more more boy toy crap that we already have thousnads of.

    My FIL sent playmobile - I hate that stuff. all those damn little pieces end up under the couch and everywhere else.

  41. mary Anne says:

    A couple years ago my husband found a science set that our son loves called snap circuits. I bet the boys would love it right about now. It really makes learning about electricity fun and its safe!
    Forget the Dog!
    mak.

  42. MotherReader says:

    A puppy, nah. How about a monkey? Fun for the whole family.

    I did a book and related toy list on my blog if you’re interested in some ideas. Takes the edge of giving “just” a book.

  43. Ruth says:

    I wouldn’t go the puppy route either. We have one dog, one cat ( who hate each other), 4 African Land Snails that are disgusting, two house rabbits that actually live in the house and eat the furniture and a FireSkink. 7 kids and one dh. I look after all of them. I still have no dishwasher:) ( I am working on it tho). I just sent 11 boxes of toys to charity to make room for yet more.

  44. S says:

    get laser tag. it is so fun. and there isnt much fighting with it, bc you cant cheat a laser.

  45. Janet Bowser says:

    Ixnay on the Uppy Pay! You don’t need puppy poop and urine to clean up on top of everything else. The cute factor wears out quickly, then all you have is slobber, chew marks and poop.

    Second tip, develop a communicable viral disorder before the dinner and call off. You don’t need that grief. My in-laws are staying home for the first time in ten years, I am REJOICING!

    I vote for getting one of those blow up bouncy things that go outside and then emptying out one whole room and letting them have at it. They start at about ninety bucks and the kids will sleep like angels afterward.

    Good luck!

  46. liz says:

    Big hugs to you. We got your back when dealing with your mom, okay?

  47. Erin says:

    If you want a pet go with a cat or an older dog and you can still cling to your sanity a lot better then with a puppy.

  48. Joy H says:

    I think we have the same mother. (except mine STILL declined coming to see her grandchildren [1st time in 8-1/2yrs.] even when I was going to pay her way) I hope she behaves and you can enjoy the day.

    gifts?– magazine subscriptions; my kids love getting their own mail.

  49. Brigitte says:

    These are meant for babies, but they come in large sizes too, making them the ideal gift for all your kids. I bet Grandma would fit in one, too! Check out http://www.babycage.net, it’s hilarious.

  50. lisavc says:

    Very rare has been the family event with mother actually there.
    At the behest of my sister and after what appeared to be a heartfelt apology I now speak to her, after not doing so for the majority of my adult life.
    Well sort of. Last time was a yr ago but I sometimes send her some photos, etc.
    However she has still not seen fit to come visit her grandchildren. My daughter’s nearly 13 and she has’nt seen her.
    Her excuse is that her back could’nt withstand the journey on the bus or the train or whatever.
    After we found out that she went on a bus TOUR - for like a week - to the northern territory, we got a bit pissed at that.
    Good luck …lots and lots of luck.
    And the tent sounds like a fab idea..the house is big enough for it.

  51. Deborah says:

    OMG!! My long lost sister, where have you been all these years??? Did Mommy Dearest hide you in the closet behind all those perfect hangers? Trust me, don’t fall for the puppy routine!! Mine, 125 pounds of smelly, drooling lazy big-deaded pooping leg-lifting farting stupid nothingness, ok so I sound like Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation. :You get what MY Christmas is becoming now. Just DON’T DO IT!! For the love of everything you own. that’s nice. and clean. and sane. As far as the Tequuila, go for one of those caps with double barrelled cupss and straws. Good luck.

  52. Jill A. says:

    I felt like you were writing about my mom with the Christmas stuff…..after spending Thanksgiving with her this year I have officially sworn off any future holidays of family togetherness. Here’s hoping your visit is manageable and short and not too painful.
    -Jill

  53. Jean says:

    Chris,

    Look at it this way– maybe having a little crazy at Christmas will make it more memorable. You know how everybody remembers events more when there’s a disaster or two thrown in. Then years down the road your kids will be saying things like, “Remember that Christmas when Grandma came and …..” And everyone will laugh at the memory and it will be a family bonding thing.

    I’m with you on the new toy thing too. For the last two days my youngest children have played with a blanket. That’s it. Just a blanket. All four of them. WHY, WHY do I bother with toys?

    Hope your Christmas is good in spite of.

  54. Audrey says:

    It’s a funny thing about memories. When my brothers (all five of them) and my sisters (there are two of them) and I reminsce about our childhoods none of our memories of events match up! How is that possible! The gist of the event is the same but there are so many parts of it that differ. We’ve always been amazed at our different perspective of things.

    My father’s favourite saying when he was alive was, “It’s a good thing you can pick your friends because you’re stuck with family”. As I get older and I have less patience for some of the antics that go on with my family members I have to totally agree with my dad’s motto in life.

    Audrey

  55. Susan says:

    I clearly don’t have seven children to buy for, but last year (year before? I don’t remember), we got our kids desks… plus desk accessories. They loved ‘em and it felt like a sane investment. However with seven that might be a little hard to do!

    You know how nuts I am? MY gift from my husband is a puppy this year. We are picking up my yellow lab puppy from the breeder next weekend.

    On that note, go ahead and send your mom to my house. We already have crazy going on, anyway.

  56. jo(e) says:

    A puppy is way more work than a child. Just keep that in mind. My sister got her kids a puppy one year and lived to regret it.

    A tent, on the other hand, is a great idea.

    My mother-in-law also does the mythical retelling of happy Christmases past, complete with dramatic sobs about how lonely she is now. I just nod and smile, but it upsets my husband so much that he often has to leave the room.

  57. Elizabeth says:

    I hit the comments hoping to soak up some ideas, but most of what I see is:
    3. Get a puppy!
    2. Don’t get a puppy!
    1. Tequila holsters for all the mommies!

    LOL

    The tent and sleeping bags are an awesome idea if you have storage space for them. Plus, the opportunity to sleep in sleeping bags around the twinkling tree on New Year’s Eve! Or something.

    I also bought each of my kids a tool box when they hit 10 and then bought lovely things like measuring tapes, hammers, levels, etc. each year. They thought I was lame until #1 went to college this year and had so much great stuff in the dorm.

    Outdoor play equipment = moment of sanity in house. Do you have a basketball hoop outside? I know, winter, but the tween and teen boys in my neighborhood play basketball All Year Round. Sleds of all kinds. Spray bottles for colored water to spray on the snow.

    Another favorite of mine that works for older kids but not younger is to do events rather than stuff. We have also done flannel sheets to match new room decor. We also do new pajamas and a book for each child to open on Christmas Eve (the idea being they then get in the pajamas and read the book while falling asleep, already). Basically these are all ways to go for volume without getting more little pieces around.

    And for your daughter, the products of The Pleasant Company provide an endless stream of add-on collectible items. Some people trash the commercialism but my daughters got their money’s worth out of the dolls, clothes, accessories, books, play sets, paper dolls, backgrounds, furniture, more clothes and books, etc. for YEARS.

  58. Anna says:

    I have four boys and one girl. My boys are getting “one big present” between the four of them. We ordered a basement-worthy large rod hockey table. The only problem is that my husband will once again spend Christmas with a screwdiver in one hand and incomprehensible directions in the other. Note to self: bottle of single malt for husband under tree!

  59. Surcie says:

    Who knows, maybe this Christmas will be the best one you’ve ever had with your mom. Hang on to that sense of humor, honey. And keep cocktail fixin’s at the ready.

  60. ann-marie says:

    i know i don’t know you, but i wish you and your family peace this season. from what i can surmise, you have a wonderful, funny husband, and delightful children who are, at times, *children*. my guess is we’re about the same age, and i am just approaching my wedding, but at times i wish i were already in your shoes. your blog is always simultaneously entertaining, heart-warming, and thought-provoking, and i am glad to have stumbled across it.

    best wishes for a peaceful, fun, and happy christmas.

  61. rachel says:

    oh, puppies are so cute! awwww….

    but we always had the “no animals as presents” rule because that is what the shelter advises.

    I’d love to give you one of those hats where you can sip beer through straws. You could sub tequila or whatever in the cupholders.

    HEY! maybe that’s the best way for me to carry drinks on my scooter - so fancy!

    merry, tick-filled (they only hibernate, not die if it is under 40 degrees, feh), christmas to you and yours! :)

  62. Candace says:

    I LOVE the tequila holster idea. ^_^

    I was reading your black garbage bag story and thought I’d share that I threw away the MIDDLE of our Christmas tree one year. :-/

  63. Elizabeth says:

    I just checked the voting on that crazy Weblog award. I checked the blogs with more votes than you. I have to tell you, the only reason you aren’t stars and comets above the rest is clearly that only the cool people are reading you. ;o)

    Oops, I suppose emoticons aren’t all that cool.

  64. Cathy says:

    Consider it fodder for the blog. Perhaps material for a tell-all movie about your life when you get famous from writing. I’m trying, myself, to refrain from my refrain of “I hate Christmas” in an effort to not kill the spirit of it for the kids, but secretly, I wish myself to the Caribbean.

  65. Izzy says:

    “Johnny hopped on his one good leg down the icy walkway to our neighbor’s house carrying the Christmas ham.”

    lololololololol!

  66. Jes says:

    Ok…I understand why people are saying NO! to the puppy…but they are soooo much fun, and totally worth the effort after about 8 months or so :) We have two labs, both 3 years old, and we had maybe 10 times of “accidents” inside between the two of them. Of course, we had no kids to be focused on….

    Your boys would love it, your girl would think it’s her personal living doll. If you really have the want…go for it!

  67. Darren McLikeshimself says:

    What about a tequila hat? I’m thinking two bottles perpetually hanging upside down on either side of your head with a straw? How awesome would that be?

  68. karina says:

    your good

  69. karina says:

    your my best frind ever