My ever expanding to do list
December 19, 2006
1) Hang wreath on the front door, again. My wreath keeps falling off my front door. I have tried everything short of driving a 5″ nail through the door to keep it hanging with no luck.
2) I need to call the rental place to rent stuff for Christmas like tables, chairs, chafing dishes, a housewife…
3) Finalize Christmas day menu, shop for food, cook and bake. Wonder where the rental wife is.
4) Finish wrapping the gazillion presents I have, none of which are a puppy.
5) Go to liquor store
6) Clean house. Especially bathrooms. Forbid children from using them again, instead directing them to the great outdoors.
7) Order a new battery for my laptop. Right now it is just a lightweight desktop. And if my children trip over the power cord while I am typing one more time, cutting all power to my computer, so that I lose everything that wasn’t saved, well, let’s just say I’ll be spending Christmas in prison.
Tell children we will not be baking cookies until they clean their rooms, which does not mean piling everything on their beds and covering it with their comforter, stuffing it in the closet, or putting it all in the hamper. Do this every fifteen minutes for the next 5 days.
9) Give self full frontal lobotomy.
10) Bring the kids to see Santa so they can ask for and be promised presents that I have not bought. So that I can tell them Christmas morning that they should have been better behaved because obviously Santa took that present off of his sled. Too bad. So sad.
11) Throw wreath in the middle of the road and run it over a few dozen times. Shout expletives out the car window.
12) Revisit liquor store.
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Unbelievable! I have the EXACT SAME LIST!!
December 19th, 2006 at 12:50 pmWait!! That’s MY list!!! ROFL! I have to laugh because it feels good to know I am not alone. Except I have go to liquor store one more time than you do.
December 19th, 2006 at 12:57 pmCan you use a wreath hanger to hang the wreath?
Something like . It goes over the top of the door and has a hook for the wreath.
December 19th, 2006 at 1:02 pmWell, I screwed up THAT url.
http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/sr=1-1/qid=1166547649/ref=sr_1_1/601-8673855-7532950?ie=UTF8&asin=B000G1542C
December 19th, 2006 at 1:02 pmoo-oo-oo me too!
December 19th, 2006 at 1:05 pmCould be worse! Do all that and then find out wimpy family houseguests decide to cancel EVEN though you told them they should fly, not drive months ago because the weather in Seattle is unpredictable.
Ah well, I used the guilt of the kids NOT cleaning the playroom (can’t walk an inch without stepping on something!)as the reason the grandparents aren’t coming. I am soooooo evil, but then again, I learned the guilt trips from the masters-the family that cancelled.
December 19th, 2006 at 1:07 pmCan I borrow this list? I’m already on number 9. I didn’t think you’d mind.
December 19th, 2006 at 1:09 pmAlice H: Did you notice that wreathe hanger is OUT of STOCK! Woman, you are just adding to the agony
…add a trip to the confessional for murdering the next person who brings the pine needles dropping from said wreathe, without wiping their feet, onto my motherfudging white carpet.
December 19th, 2006 at 1:12 pmAh, liquor!!!
December 19th, 2006 at 1:16 pmMy list too minus number 7.
December 19th, 2006 at 1:49 pmChris, I’m sitting here laughing out loud at your list…..my list is a bit shorter, BUT….if my 16 year old doesn’t change is ugly attitude about life we will be having a Christmas funeral because I’M GONNA RING HIS NECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
December 19th, 2006 at 1:59 pmCan you pick me up some Rum while you’re at the liquor store? If you want, we can get drunk together just so we can get through it all.
December 19th, 2006 at 2:02 pmHey, if we can’t FEEL that Christmas spirit, we can always buy it at the packy!
December 19th, 2006 at 2:09 pmTis the Season!
December 19th, 2006 at 2:09 pmMay I borrow #5, #9 and #12? Thanks!
December 19th, 2006 at 2:12 pmI’ll be the rental housewife if you buy me a puppy. But it better be wrapped nice. Oh, but I must mention I ransom Santa for at least 20 bones.
December 19th, 2006 at 3:13 pmI was wondering why #5 wasn’t #1 in the first place but including it twice does the trick. Congratulations on NO puppy!
December 19th, 2006 at 3:16 pmWow, I’m kinda glad that I don’t have a wreath. And I’m glad that I’m not a wreath. Especially your wreath. Everybody has it out for wreaths. And I would volunteer to be the rental wife, except that you would probably be much worse off, and you’d have to add, “refrain from giving rental wife withering put-downs” on the list.
December 19th, 2006 at 3:21 pmAlice’s wreath hanger link! My wreaths kept blowing off, then I got one of those thingies from Michael’s and bent the hanger part to hold the wreath really tight. Even in this forsaken Idaho wind that never ever stops, the wreath has stayed put. Hurrah!
December 19th, 2006 at 4:33 pmYou mean I’m not the only mom/wife that finds Christmas less than the 1950’s movie version??? BTW, making your own wine is really easy, and you make it by the gallon. You can count all the steps as a science project - and you get to “clean up” the results.
December 19th, 2006 at 4:57 pmOK, so we don’t have kids, but my mil, fil, sister in law and her dh will all be here at my house for Christmas. That’s why “visit the liquor store” is the NUMBER ONE thing on my list this year!!!
December 19th, 2006 at 5:22 pmcan you go to the liquor store for me??
December 19th, 2006 at 7:22 pmI agree with eveyone, this list is international and should be posted for all to print and put on their fridge.
December 19th, 2006 at 7:41 pmI went directly to #11. And from thence to the liquor store.
Happy freaking Christmas.
December 19th, 2006 at 8:43 pmHey, we’re more than halfway through Hanukkah. Come on over! Bring the liquor and I’ll fry up the latkes. We’ll get drunked up and stuffed with deep friend deliciousness, with nary a wreath in site and you don’t have to worry about gifts or Santa or anything! See you tomorrow. (Hey, could you bring an extra lighter, too? Thanks.)
December 19th, 2006 at 9:06 pmLOL! Make that deep FRIED deliciousness, but what a wonderful typo… deep friend deliciousness… SNORT!
December 19th, 2006 at 9:08 pmMy favorite is #10 - why didn’t I think of that?
December 19th, 2006 at 10:02 pmUmmmmmmmm, I give up. I’m just doin’ the liquor store and God help anyone who doesn’t appreciate my choices, or the major effort involved in sobering up enough to drive there.
December 19th, 2006 at 10:22 pmGod Bless my Mother-in-law! At some point in the distant past she gave up on a fancy Christmas meal and went with the deli tray method. Tray of meat, tray of cheese, deli rolls, condiments, plates of Christmas cookies, and raw veggies cut up. And a shrimp cocktail platter thing they have at the deli. And, my DH decided this was a Christmas tradition that we had to carry on. The trays go in and out of the fridge throughout the day and everyone grazes, nobody curses and drops and hustles and cries in the kitchen at all. It’s a beautiful thing.
May I point out that you may possibly be the mother-in-law to seven spouses in the future who may bless you for instilling this fine, fine tradition in your sons and daughter? It’s not laziness, it’s an obligation to the future.
December 19th, 2006 at 10:23 pmSpeaking of liquor stores, didn’t they used to deliver? Does anyone else remember the Linda Blair after school special about teen age alcaholism, or however you spell it? About that sobering up thing…………
December 19th, 2006 at 10:27 pm#6 is great…having boys has definite advantages
December 19th, 2006 at 11:50 pmAmen Sister! I should be wrapping, but I’m uh, reading… where is that wine?….
December 20th, 2006 at 12:24 amYou probably don’t want to know that I’m done. Except for the 3 hour car ride on Friday night, which will likely turn into 6 hours because we’re driving through Toronto…we are DONE. You should just come with us.
December 20th, 2006 at 2:45 amI laughed out loud from your list - God, you are blessed with an awesome sense of humor!!!My kids clean their room just like that, making my laundry pile bigger even though half the stuff is unworn!! Merry Christmas!
December 20th, 2006 at 9:01 ama mouse ate our cool fleece wreath. no, I’m not joking.
so glad you can laugh about it. I have a shorter list and need to adopt your sense of humor!
December 20th, 2006 at 9:10 amSounds very familiar to my list except I have visit liquor store as number 1, 2 & 3.
December 20th, 2006 at 10:07 amMe too. Except liquor store is every other item on my list.
December 20th, 2006 at 1:08 pmSimply hilarious. I hope your list gets completed…hopefully by a rental housewife!
December 21st, 2006 at 6:40 pmChris, your only problem is that you’re making the wrong Christmas cookies. Here is my favorite Xmas cookie recipe…
Christmas Tequila Cookies
1 cup dark brown sugar
1 cup (two sticks) butter
1 cup granulated sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit (dried cranberries or raisins)
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans
2 cups all purpose flour
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila (silver or gold, as desired)
First, sample the Cuervo to check quality.
Take a large bowl.
Check the Cuervo to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour another 4 ounces in a measuring cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of the butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon sugar. Beat again.
At this point, it is best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK.
Try another 4 ounces, just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break two eggs and add to the bowl and chunck in the cup of dried fruit, picking the frigging fruit off the floor.
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a screwdriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt or something.
Check the Jose Cuervo.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your Walnuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.
Cherry Mistmas.
December 22nd, 2006 at 9:39 am