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A weekend in bullet points

A weekend in bullet points

January 22, 2007

because who has time for developed paragraphs, punctuation, and segues.

–My computer has decided it hates me and now freezes up constantly. Oh it will tease me and zip along for 30 seconds before deciding that it needs a rest.

–We installed our new hardwood floor on Saturday, after spending the entire day encouraging the kids to just sit down and watch some tv already with unprecedented unfettered access, which they were not interested in, OF COURSE. Much more fun to ask when we will be finished every 3.5 minutes.

–Discovered that once again those will any ability to help are not the ones who want to help. My 2 and 3 yr olds were more than happy to “help” and throw random boards to me, usually when I wasn’t looking. And as annoyed as I was, watching them trying to help so earnestly was too cute.

–Some people say that they know there is a God, feel His presence when monumental things happen in their life. Like the birth of their children, near death experience, or the like. I had my moment this weekend. When we disovered that laying our wood floor across the 24ft and an inch or so room, that we never had to make a cut. (except for around the platform where the wood stove is located) We were able to to just lay the boards down. I turned to my husband at one point and said, “There is a God. And he loves me.” To wit he replied, “No, maybe he loves me.” Eh, whatever. I still reap the benefits.

–Today we kept smelling something that was really horrible. We could not pinpoint what it was.
We had moved the couch into the breakfast room and the smell seemed to be around it… or the kitchen sink… or the layndryroom. We couldn’t decide. Finally, I lost my ever loving mind, or what was left of it, and demanded that we get rid of the couch, RIGHT THEN AND THERE. The kids wanted to see if there was some sort of dead mouse inside the couch, so I flipped the couch over and let them slice open the bottom with knives. I stood a safe distance away on top of the benches in case there was some sort of mutant half decomposed, yet still alive, animal in there waiting to lunge at the first throat it saw. We found lots of crumbs, lots of change, a few small toy pieces, but no decomposing animals. I didn’t care, the couch smelled. Out the back door it went.

A hour or so later my husband discovered that it was the sponge in our kitchen sink that smelled. I threw it out the back door on top of the couch.

–The family room is completely empty. I keep going in there and staring at the shiny floor. I have never had a brand new shiny wood floor. We have only had the refinished 100+ year old floors, which while nice, are not the same. This floor shows every crumb and fingerprint, or foot print. Therefore I have made a new rule. The children are not allowed in the room unless they wear those furniture/chair pad things on their feet. Or maybe I can invent some sort of swiffer slippers… they can clean as they play. Not that they are allowed to play with anything or do anything in there, except perhaps make shadow puppets.

– I had said that once the floor was down I would roll around on it naked, that was how happy I would be. But it is way too cold for that. I told Rob to just imagine that I was doing it. And also imagine me looking like I did 15 years ago.

– Rob kept giving me “helpful” instructions on the way that his friend, let’s call him Steve, paints. Apparently Steve is some sort of painting “expert” Steve is full of good advice and suggestions. After a day or so of hearing this “helpful” advice, I finally said that he was free to take Steve’s advice and paint the damn rooms himself. Steve doesn’t “let” his wife paint. I wish I was as smart as she is and could figure out how to get my husband to not “allow” me to paint.

— If you are waiting for an email from me, I’ll get to it one day. My computer is going to work with my husband where his IT guy will bring it home and work on it, for a tidy sum. I know I promised to get to everyone who left me a comment on my delurking post. I was really good at the beginning… and then really good at the end.

Those of you smack dab in the middle are just like Jan Brady. Overlooked and seemingly ignored. But loved just as much. The beginning of the comments I was all excited and over anxious. Then I had to get back to my life and shower and stuff. Oh yeah and take care of all those kids. The the last hundred or so commenters were all, “I know you’ll never reply to me because I am so far down on the list” and I was compeled to email and say, “Yes, Yes I will! See!”

– I’d love to share photos, but see the first bullet point.

Posted by Chris @ 9:10 am  

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  1. Jennifer says:

    Oh wow, swiffer slippers. Just picturing that in my head made me laugh out loud! Now the trick for my kids would be to convince them that I most definately did NOT want them to wear those swiffer slippers on the new floor…which of course would mean shiny
    floors for me at all times!

  2. Jennifer says:

    Not bad for a bullet-point post. Those slippers, they have them in Italy. (Of course). I forget the word. But once I went to visit a castle and you were supposed to wear them over your shoes so you wouldn’t mess up the gorgeous intarsia floors. Of course we used them to “ice skate” when no one was looking. Skinny G says that there are still a bunch of old Italian ladies who live in nice houses with polished floors who still make guests/family members wear them when they come in. See? I bet you’re thrilled to learn you had the spirit of an old Italian lady. Your husband will be proud.

  3. Playdate Susan says:

    The couch! I love that you let the kids dissect the couch.

    We had a similar situation a while back, although our smell turned out to be milk-sodden dishtowels. And we discovered it before any furniture was harmed. Unfortunately, because I’m jonesin’ for a new couch.

  4. Katie says:

    Our smell is the garbage disposal. But only when the water runs. So I’ve just quit using the kitchen, problem solved! ;)

    Enjoy your new floor and happy new sofa shopping!

  5. Erika says:

    funny post chris, love the swiffer slippers ;)

  6. abbey says:

    “A hour or so later my husband discovered that it was the sponge in our kitchen sink that smelled. I threw it out the back door on top of the couch.”

    Made me laugh so loud the kids left Dora to come see what was so funny.

  7. Kendra says:

    Ooo instead of swiffer slippers you could get those funny looking surgical booties that doctors put on their feet when you have a baby. Know what I mean? I’m sure your kids would love those!

  8. rachel says:

    you have my immense sympathy for bullet point #1. *sigh* I hope your computer comes home safely and healthy soon.

    ooooh on the floor. sounds lovely! Do your kids love swiffering as much as mine do? I think the 2 & 3 year olds could actually be helpful with that!

  9. jody2ms says:

    Get that computer fixed! I can’t wait to see the floors!

    You must market the swiffer slippers…..along side the wax-on wax-off slippers.

  10. The Wooden Porch says:

    Laughing here. Oh, I needed to read something funny this morning.

    DO you have a 2004 eMac? Because they are all freezing up and are worthless and unfixable, and blogging sucks if you are trying to blog on one. Especially with dial up.

  11. Darren McLikeshimself says:

    You got your new floor, the kids got to slice open the couch. Sounds like everybody was a winner this weekend.

  12. Pia says:

    I can just imagine all the help you have had. Today my 20 month old helped me wash the dishes by pulling all of the clean, drying dishes into the sink, so I had to do them all over again. But who can get mad at a helpful charming curly head? Not me. She can almost put her pants on herself now. That is enough for me.

  13. owlhaven says:

    We installed new wood floor in our entry, and opted to finish it with polyurethane, one coat per number of children in the house. At the time we had five kids, so 5 layers of poly it was. Stinky as all get-out– but that floor has been pure awesome. Even now, three more kids and 7 years later, it looks good.
    Enjoy your floor!

    Mary, mom to many

  14. Mary W says:

    we are doing wood this spring I hope. I hate carpet with kids. I swear there is a thing with the Y chromosone that begs them to mar any shiny surface and test the “STAINMASTER” capacity to it’s fullest.

  15. Jen says:

    It’s too bad they don’t make those surgical/paint booties in kiddie size. Maybe you could tape swiffer sheets to their socks or shoes? Better yet, swiffer body suits for the younger ones… I might make some of those for my kids.

  16. julie says:

    My family room, kitchen, and eating area are all wood. The best decison I ever made with kids. Can’t wait to see a pic.

  17. jm says:

    Ask and ye shall receive. If you google “cleaning slippers”, you will find slippers that look like they have dust mops glued to the bottom.

    If nothing else, I can send Grace “Dust Mop Butt” to your house to scoot all over. She is really good at dusting our floors that way :)

  18. Marie says:

    Why bother with booties? You could achieve the same effect with kleenex boxes.

  19. InterstellarLass says:

    oooh, and those kitchen sponges can get to stinkin’ to high heaven.

    You are very lucky you didn’t have to make many cuts. Very lucky indeed.

  20. theotherbear says:

    Hahahahaha - that is too funny that you cut up the couch, then discovered the stinky sponge. I might go and hide a smelly sponge in my lounge now because I totally need a new lounge. Only my hubby might not notice the smell.

  21. peepnroosmom says:

    Swiffer slippers! I want some, too. I can’t wait to see the pics of the floor. I’ll bet it is just beautiful.

  22. zookeeper says:

    We just had a wood floor put down in the kitchen and refinished the dining room and hallway ones while at it. There are scratches here and there because my children have a death wish and insist on dragging buckets, rolling matchboxes, and actually live on the floor! The nerve!

  23. Lane says:

    I could not stop laughing about the couch. We did the same thing last year. The couches smelled and I was determined to rid the house of them. I knew they were beyond repair. Now they are at my MIL’s and the odor seems to have vanished. Maybe it’s me that smells.

  24. Paula says:

    A “family” room that no one is allowed to play in? Hmmm….

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