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Confessions

Confessions

February 9, 2007

Last night I was chatting with Susan when I mentioned that my 2 year old, Miles, was washing the floor with baby wipes. Not only was I ignoring the him and the ever increasing pile of discarded baby wipes, but I fully intended to put them right back into the box to use for their butt wiping purpose. My floor isn’t that dirty. Especially not the one foot square area he used half a box of wipes to clean.

Susan then said that she had something in her hair that smelled like syrup or possibly cotton candy and wondered why it would smell like those things. We chalked it up to one of those mysterious things that happens when you are a parent.

Today I noticed I had poop in my hair. I have no idea how it got there. And I am pretty sure it was not my own poop. But I used one of those baby wipes to wash that section of my hair.

At least syrup and cotton candy smell good.

But it got me thinking about other things.

1) I sometimes stay in my pajamas all day long, only getting dressed at 7:00pm before Rob comes home. Just so he doesn’t have to see me in my pajamas yet again.

2) Sometimes, when i am feeling even more lazy than usual, I say that I just changed into my pajamas when the kids got ready for bed

3) When I make the kids sandwiches for lunch I don’t serve it to them on plates. Or on napkins. I just put the sandwiches right on the table. Sometimes I shout, “Heads up!” and toss the sandwiches to them.

4) My children frequently sleep in their clothes, even though they own plenty of pajamas. A better mother would probably care. I care more that they go to bed.

5) Sometimes at night if I have only a few dishes that need to be washed, but the dishwasher is filled with already clean dishes, I will just put the dirty dishes in with the clean ones and rerun the dishwasher. I read somewhere that using a dishwasher saves water over hand washing. I take this to heart and refuse to wash dishes by hand. For the environment, you know.

Posted by Chris @ 4:05 pm  

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Comments

  1. Mrs Groovy says:

    I totally do number 5 and I’m so glad you admitted to doing it too! Now I feel so much better.

  2. Michelle says:

    Oh my, I used to always let my kids sleep in their clothes too. But now they are old enough that they choose to change. You know what they say, “Confession is good for the soul”! You are still a way cool mom in my book!

  3. Kristi says:

    I haven’t taught my five year old how to tie her shoes.

    Or her phone number and address.

    But she knows how to put a movie into the dvd player…that’s all that counts, right?

  4. Lori says:

    I didn’t stay in my pajamas all day, but I used to not shower until it was almost time for dh to come home. I am much more productive when I am stinky! You are truly a hoot!

  5. Stephanie says:

    *My* mom taught me to hide dirty dishes in the oven if I didn’t want to do dishes. This was before I got a dishwasher. She loves me! I’ll be teaching my son and daughter all these little gems also. :::giggle::: After all, what’s a mama for?

  6. Jeanne says:

    Fruit Loops is my claim to fame. In my hair and a trail from the elevator to my office. They smell pretty good.

    Thank you. I laughed OUT LOUD when I read this.

  7. MamaGeph says:

    Ha! Sometimes the kids sleep in pajamas around here simply because I don’t dress them in the first place…

  8. Angela says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only mom who doesn’t use dishes. My children also often all drink from the same cup or two.

  9. Arianne says:

    sometimes when i know we won’t be going anywhere, i only dress my one son who leaves for school, and the little guy and i stay in pj’s. i rarely change for hubby’s arrival home, maybe i should think about that? nah.

  10. Mary Jo says:

    Chris you really crack me up! I have a question for you. More like me asking for advice. I am having my first child (a boy) in a couple of weeks and for the first time have started to feel nervous about this upcoming event. My husband on the other hand is very laid back about this. What are some peices of advice as far as newborns and first time parents go?!
    Thanks!

  11. Jennifer says:

    Ha! This all looks familiar to me. My kids hardly own jammies-just the ones they get from Grandma. Their pajama-drawer is full of old t-shirts and sweats, just in case they’re feeling ambitious. I’m not complaining either ’cause it sure cuts down on laundry when they sleep in their clothes. Heck, when my kids were little I would just toss a handful of cheerios on the floor in front of them. Sick huh? If I gave them a bowl, they would dump it all out on the floor anyway. Oh, and I’m also guilty of peeking to see who is ringing my doorbell and walking away if I don’t know them. I don’t figure I’m any more obligated to answer the door than I am the phone! Especially when I’m still in my jammies. ;)

  12. Nicki says:

    I leave the clean clothes in the laundry basket until someone runs out of socks. I leave the clean dishes in the dishwasher too!!

  13. Chookooloonks says:

    I’m a number fiver as well. As a matter of fact? Just did it before sitting down to read this post.

  14. Toni says:

    OMG! you are too much!

  15. dani says:

    I thought I was the only one who did #5! love it. I also put away clean laundry sometimes by just sticking it back in the dirty hamper.

  16. txmommy says:

    #5

  17. Playdate Susan says:

    Dammit, what WAS that in my hair?

    Also, “HEADS UP!” made me laugh.

  18. Heather says:

    Thank God, as this is EXACTLY the sort of mom I am going to be. It’s better that way. There are too many real things to worry/fight about to be all concerned about things like cleanliness and such.

  19. Heather says:

    I had a tough week and this post really made me laugh. I am now going home to my pile of dirty dishes that I will not be loading in the dishwasher tonight as I am too lazy to unload the clean dishes. Rock on.

  20. bluepaintred says:

    i do the pajama thing too

    im in my jammies right now in fact

    my kids sleep in clothes or underwear. they also own jammies.

    my kids dont usually get dressed unless we have to leave the house.

    dishes are evil, dispatch them as you will.

    Myself, I often pick up sets of corell on sale and trash the dishes and open a new box.

    i save water better then you!

  21. Lacy says:

    I love you Chris. Thanks for making us all feel normal and “comfortable” - not lazy. :) I do all but #3 and that’s only because I have crappy aim.

  22. Pam says:

    You, are me only with better excuses, I only have three kids. Uh, and I wear my pajamas to the McDonald’s drive thru for breakfast.

  23. Jackie says:

    You crack me up, too! I would reuse wipes in a heartbeat, and if I could get away with no plates for dinner, too, I would!

  24. Jodi says:

    #4, not only for the children, but for me. I see this as an economy, not laziness.

  25. Polly says:

    My husband caught me doing your #5 yesterday. I had no explaination so I mumbled something about the other dishes weren’t clean enough so I would run it again. He bought it.
    Glad to know I’m not the only lazy mom on the planet!

  26. halloweenlover says:

    I just laughed so hard and so long that Gabe pulled off my boob and started crying because I scared him!

  27. Jennifer says:

    I have to go pick up my kids at school in the afternoons, so that’s why I have to get clothes on at least once a day. Otherwise I wouldn’t bother. I’ve reused wipes before, and my kids sleep in their clothes aalllllll the time (the baby and my 12-year-old choose to put on PJs. The other three don’t. I don’t care. Saves me on laundry….less PJs to wash :))

  28. Erika says:

    I just throw out the dishes :D

  29. cristen says:

    you are hilarious.

  30. Ella says:

    Lousy week here too but this made me laugh.

    I confess to number three. Sometimes I even clear the previous meal away and wipe the table first.

  31. Mary W says:

    Guilty of all but number 3 too - the sandwich stuff would end up on the floor. I also wipe the kids down with baby wipes. My husband has NO clue why we still use diaper wipes when all the kids are potty trained. I just tell the kids it’s winter and their skin dries out too much. In the summer I do make them bathe daily. My oldest kid packs wet wipes with his scout stuff when he camps just in case he has the need to fullfill the whole “A Scout is Clean” thing - that has yet to happen but hey he’s prepared

  32. geminishadow says:

    giggle, someday when I get a dishwasher, I’m SO gonna do that!

  33. Gina says:

    The only one I do (and that’s rarely) is #3. Yet I am no super mom. But SHIT I feel really weird now being the only one that doesn’t do these things.

    I can admit a few other things though:

    My kids are 5, 8 and 11, so my oldest cleans the bathrooms now (I always have some re-cleaning to do, but, still IT TOTALLY ROCKS.

    They also clean their own rooms and sometimes they put away their clothes. I also have them help with other things. Again, I tend to have to clean up after them (they’re messy boys like their daddy) but still…

    They’re not slaves by any means, but they do enough to say so, all in the name of teaching them how to take care of themselves.

  34. jen says:

    ok, so i will admit that i stay in my pjs all day, probably more days of the week than not. glad i am not the only one too lazy to get dressed!

  35. Tricia says:

    #3???? What, we’re supposed to make them lunch? Mine just eat whatever cereal or yogurt is left on the table from breakfast. Whoever can scrape the most caked on cereal off the table wins!

  36. Lesli says:

    I do #4 and #5, and will also add dirty laundry to clean, wet laundry that’s in the washer to re-run (as I haven’t yet folded that which is in the dryer, and so it sits) when I need a few things but am too lazy to gather up enough for a load (for which I always have more than enough dirty clothing available.) #4 for you sounds like a continuance of the clothing they wore that day, whereas I’m more likely to put people to bed in their sweats with the plan that they can wear them all the next day, and perhaps even the next night, too. This cuts down on the laundry a bit, which aids in justifying the addition of dirty clothes to those already clean in the washer instead of getting a whole new load, which leaves the clothing in the drier a bit longer, which will then necessitate (and justify!) the addition of those few needed articles of now clean, wet clothing to help de-wrinkle everything, and the cycle continues on and on…..

  37. Tammy says:

    Hmmmmmm.. How about I just opened the kids valentine’s candy (starbursts that were going on their friend’s cards) and ate it. I hid the wrappers in the bottom of the trash can. If my husband finds them, I’ll claim the kids did it. I don’t stay in PJs all day. Instead, I throw on work out clothes and a ponytail. When I see someone out, I apologize for my appearance and then lie and tell them I just finished working out. I sometimes forget wet clothes in the washing machine - find them the next day and have to run it again. Oh yeah - final confession - I sometimes tell my husband that I’ve been playing with the kids all morning when really, I’m reading Notes from the Trenches.

  38. Jess says:

    I normally change right into my PJ’s the moment I get home from work. Why dirty another outfit for the 4 hours I am going to wear it before going to bed. DS#1 sleeps in his underwear and DS#2 still wears jammies every night. Unless he is too tired then he will sleep in his clothes. I’ve done #5 too. I leave clothes folded in the basket for days until DH complains he has not clean underwear or socks. I’ve also forgot a load in the wash a time or two so I just re-wash it the next day. I need a maid.

  39. Impromptu-Mom says:

    We do the all-day-jammies thing so often that my three year old has begun asking me, “Where are we going?” if I tell her to get dressed or she finds me putting my clothes on. Maybe I should be concerned that I am becoming a little too ‘relaxed’?

  40. girlymama says:

    i say all-day-jammies doesn’t hurt anything. neither does sleeping in clothes. in fact - you’re saving on laundry, which uses less water, which saves the planet. so you’re doing the world a service by wearing pajamas all the time.

    now i feel better.

  41. kit says:

    This past week, I left the clean, unfolded laundry on the floor of our bedroom for so long that my husband suggested we just get a laundry rake so we can comb through to find what we need. While we’re at it, he said, why don’t we get rid of all these dressers and just buy several of those plastic kiddie pools and dump all the clothes in? It could be kind of like a Zen garden, only with clothes instead of soothing river stones.

  42. eve says:

    I’m new to this blogging thing, but let me breath in this moment and realize I am not alone. I do not even wear a bra for most of the day. I recently commited the act of #5 as well and it felt so good to be evil. Now I know I’m normal.

  43. Valerie says:

    Oh, Chris, how I love you. If you lived next door, we would totally be BFF. I rarely give the kids plates. I’ll have to start doing #5.

  44. khristalee says:

    there are 43 comments here on how we are so alike. isn’t it amazing how we all feel like we’re the only ones who do something so shameful like not being the *perfect* mother, or wife, and stay in our jammies all day, or ignore the kids when they eat off the floor? i am secretly proud of saving precious energy by taking more shortcuts! good for all of you! (i wish i had a dishwasher so i could put my dirty ones in w/ the clean ones!)

  45. Elizabeth says:

    My teenagers have found the love of the flannel pajama pant. They like to wear these to bed with whatever camisole or T-shirt they wore as a base for the daily layered look. I do not generally allow these to be worn out of the house, but they have on occasion had special events where “the girls” meet at IHOP in their pajama pants and sweatshirts for pancakes or some such. In the summer there are sleep shorts (like boxers) for the same purpose.

    I know several people who will run a load of laundry again because they forgot it was there and it got smelly in the washer, or wrinkly in the dryer. I used to be that way but the laundry doesn’t stop running through long enough for that to happen any more.

  46. peepnroosmom says:

    Alright. I have left more loads of laundry in the washer that have gone smelly than I can count. I also leave clothes in the dryer. My hubs has said it more than once that he doesn’t live out of the dryer. I just say yes you do. Thanks, Chris, for making me feel normal.
    I also do #5.

  47. ree says:

    I’ve re-washed the laundry, stayed in my pjs all day, let my kids sleep in their underwear, heck, I let them sleep on the floor because that’s where they want to sleep and when she was a baby and crawling, I even “fed” my daughter by sprinkling cheerios on the floor like chicken feed. But I can NOT believe it has never occurred to me to do #5!!! More blogging lessons learned, thanks Chris!

    p.s., recalling your post about your daughter’s “china” - check this out - http://thebiguglyhouse.blogspot.com/2007/02/who-knew-vagina-is-bad-word.html — our local theater took down the name of the Vagina Monologues in favor of the “Hoo Ha” Monologues, so as not to offend. WTF?

  48. J. Fergie says:

    i love this post. make me feel so much better! sometimes we just need to cut ourselves a break. well done.

    and what is it with 2-year-olds and wipes??????

  49. Amy says:

    I absolutely love the fact that you serve the kids straight off the table–I do that as well! It drives my husband nuts, but he knows better than to say something. If he makes a comment, I just sweep the crumbs from the table to the floor with my hand. REALLY DRIVES HIM BANANAS!

  50. kbeans says:

    Chris, I’ve read your blog for awhile and beat myself up regularly at how well you’re coping with 7, homeschooling, keeping a sense of humor, taking pictures, making fucking pies with them for God’s sake, and then you tell the truth. I’m almost in tears here. I only have 3, they sleep whenever, however it can finally happen.Food, well, we have food, and they are finally old enough to find it and feed themselves. Your post and all the comments have made me feel so much better after a very low mommy self esteem day. Thanks so much to all of you.

  51. meredith says:

    Thanks for making us all feel normal.

  52. Laura K. says:

    wow.. now I KNOW you’re a human and not some mombot! THANKS for embarassing yourself for our benefit ;)

  53. Laura K. says:

    I also am in PJs all day unless I have to go out and even so, the second I return home I strip as I walk to the bedroom for.. my precious PJS again!

    I hide stuff in the oven ;)

  54. Brigitte says:

    Lazy? Noooo - we’re just doing our best to make sure they built up immunities to environmental allergens (yeah, that’s the ticket).

    I let my daughter get addicted to using my lap as a chair when she wants to snack and/or watch TV, then I can’t possibly be up and about cleaning the house . .

  55. Susan says:

    I do all but #3, and only because my CAT is frequently walking across the diningroom table (my parents are turning over in their graves at THAT confession) and I am afraid that it might not be sanitary (even though I constantly wipe it down).

    You know what I did once? When my son was about 5, in the summertime, he asked if he could bathe in the sprinkler outside. I let him put on swim trunks and bring out soap, shampoon and a washcloth. Why not, right? He loved it and remembers it as a fond memory.

  56. my 2 cents says:

    Number three is something that I’ve always done. And I’ve been known to make a sandwich right on the counter, no paper towel underneath. Germs really don’t concern me like they should, a couple extra germs are good for the immune system, ya know

  57. thethinker says:

    If I could stay in pajamas all day, I would too!

  58. Jane says:

    I am a mother to 5 boys and grandmother of 2 girls. I was shocked, shocked I tell you when I would have my grandchildren over and my daughter-in-law packed clothes and more clothes. Clothes to change to for them to play in, pajamas to sleep in, dress clothes and play clothes for every day. I thought they could just sleep in whatever they were wearing, then get changed in the a.m. if it was absolutely necessary! Finally, my daughter-in-law conceded a little and sends the girls over in play clothes (things that can get dirty, for heaven’s sake!), which they also sleep in (why not?) and dress clothes packed in a bag just in case we suddenly decide to visit the president, or something… I really don’t know what they’re for! You rock, Chris!

  59. jm says:

    Um, Sensai? This is Grasshopper here. You know you are my hero, right?

  60. Amy Girl says:

    When I read about pooh in your hair, snot flew out my nose. I’m not a regular snot flyer, but I’ve been sick . . . all week. I needed that laugh.

  61. Trivial Mom says:

    I don’t clear the breakfast table until lunch on purpose. That way if Googie gets hungry, she doesn’t have to interrupt me.

    Laundry always goes sour in the washer. I rarely remember to change it.

    IF I do mangage to get the clean laundry out of the dryer I put it on the bed so we’ll HAVE to fold it before going to sleep. But most of the time it ends up in piles on the floor. And it goes back and forth from bed to floor until it’s all dirty again.

    My kids only wear clothes on bath days. Otherwise I just change them into new jammies before bed.

    I have a really hard time when my DH has a week off of work. Because I actually have to prepare 3 meals a day, clean up after them, get everyone dressed every morning, and I can’t just sit on the computer reading blogs because that would just be lazy! :)

  62. Cathy says:

    Move over,Flylady! A new system to replace you.

  63. julie says:

    Doesn’t everyone do this?

  64. Katie says:

    #3, so guilty here…

  65. Anna says:

    You ROCK. I’ve done almost all of those, but I’ll keep #5 in mind.

  66. Yet another Jennifer says:

    I do all but #5.
    Pajama days are a regular occurance around here!
    As for #5- if the washer is full of clean dished and I don’t want to empty it, I am a big fan of “soaking” the dishes so they come clean better. Everything goes into the sink full of water until we run out of spoons!

    Funny how we all agree to our dirty little secrets! Guess they’re not so secret after all!

  67. The Wooden Porch says:

    Oh my goodness, Girl! I think I’m in love with you. This is so fuuuunnny!!! I’ve always thought about doing #5, but never pulled te trigger. I think I will now.

    I sleep in my sweatpants so I don’t have to change the next morning. Sometimes I shower and then put them on and continue wearing them for 4 days or so in a row. My new goal is to try my best to shower everyday, sometimes I’ll go two full days without showering. (Isn’t that gross?) I’m working on it…

  68. Mrs. Schmitty says:

    OMG! #5! I thought I was the only one in the world that did that! LOL

  69. Jane says:

    If you felt like a change, you could go take a leaf from the children’s book and sleep in your clothes, then there would be no need to dress in the morning. I find my pyjamas look quite similar to my normal clothes anyway these days, though it’s not wearing underwear that makes me feel slightly unprepared for the day!

  70. rachel says:

    I’m right there with you. love the idea of the confession, but my mom reads my blog. I still feel like I need to pretend to be awesome.

    grinding my own flour outweighs not sweeping daily, right?

  71. Kristi says:

    Um? LOVE you!

  72. Michelle says:

    Actual conversation at my house: “She was out of bed, taking out the wipes, wiping her nose with each one”

    “I’ll just get a baggie and save them–they’re just going to wipe her butt anyway”

    “I guess they are her buggers.”

    So there with ya, sista.

  73. Heather B. says:

    Oh my god, that is awesome. I think I love you even more than I did before.

  74. Joy H says:

    Fantastic — I love my pjs. I’m sure my neighbors are sick of them by now.

  75. Lena says:

    That was great!Mothers are human too.My kids are grown but the hatred for dishes and laundry remains.
    I take my laundry out of the dryer and lay it flat on a bed somewhere .Usually the cats sleep on it for a week before I put it away. (yes cat hair and all)
    I must know if you “assembly line ” your kids though a bath? You know , you fill the tub and bathe one kid at a time, dry them turn ‘em loose..NEXT!
    I did this with my 3 sons , and my middle child actually threw it in my face when he was about 20 years old ! What a terrible mother to make him use the same bath water as his brothers.
    I can’t wait for him to have kids!!

  76. Holli Smith says:

    Okay! #1 - I totally do AND sometimes I don’t even brush my teeth (now that’s gross). Thanks for # 2 idea I will so remember that! #3 totally with ya sister #4 I wish my kid would fall asleep - in jammies clothes or any other thing! His jammies have to match or else he is uncontrollable. I’ve created an anal monster!
    #5 again great idea! That never occured to me! Thanks for the GREAT laugh on a monday morning!

  77. Lisa says:

    OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you!!!!! I do EXACTLY all of those things almost every day!!!!! I am not making that up either. The only time my kid wears Pj’s is if she happened to have a bath right before bed. Me I only wear real clothes if I happened to go somewhere that day. We only use paper plates and never real dishes except pots to cook in. Hey whatever makes life easier. Where is that rule book anyways???

  78. Lisa says:

    Oh and your kid eats at a table? Whats that? My kid gets her breakfast every morning on a paper plate on the end table next to the couch. Lunch? Is whatever she didnt eat from breakfast on same plate. Hey I got a 3 month old attached to the boob!!

  79. Karin Morrow says:

    I just have to tell you, I totally think you are wonderful. We are so alike (the dishewasher and the sandwich on the table, why dirty another dish?) I also am bad about clothes, if there is something that “just has to be washed” for the next day and I already have a load in the washer, I just put that it and run it again, no need to empty the dryer and washer for just one pair of pants or a shirt, then I put it in the dryer…no not the entire load, just the article of clothing…so lazy but jeez….I am a mom and I am tired!!

  80. InterstellarLass says:

    My daughter will sleep in her clothes because she says it ’saves time’ in the morning. She showers at night and then will get dressed after I’ve put her to bed. I told her to just lay her clothes out and it wouldn’t take more than two minutes to change.

  81. Meghan says:

    I must admit I laughed out loud about the poop in your hair. I let Maggie finish eating a cookie she set on the floor of a shopping mall. At least it was a shi-shi type mall full of bored rich people with too much money and too much time. Their shoes carry a higher class of germs, I am sure.
    I couldn’t bear the thought of the epic battle that would have ensued, had I tried to take it from her.

  82. clumsyraine says:

    Impromptu-Mom, LOL! My step-daughter asks me the same thing if we get out of our PJs, “where are we going?”

  83. crunchy carpets says:

    LOL..yeah..my kids use the wipes to clean my tv and walls..dusting and so on.

    we use the excuse of loving ‘unstructured’ time for our kids for the reason I am in my pj’s for a great deal of the day..even taking Adam to preschool in them.

  84. del says:

    I am new to your blog and love what I read - it was like you were writing about a day in my house (well with the exception of the poo in the hair).

    My entire house is cleaned (occasionally) using wipes. And on the off chance that the chairs are actually on the dining table as a result of the floor being washed, the kids chose to eat in the cubby house under the table.

    The kids bathe most nights in the hot tub outside - strict water restrictions, we need to save all the water we can! Many meals are eaten outside - who doesn’t love a picnic? Again the social conscience of water restrictions (huge here in Australia) stop me from #5, but if a plate doesn’t have anything growing on it, surely it can be used again!

    My son (5) only takes his pjs off if it is a school day or he is going out, my daughter (3) on the other hand won’t come downstairs unless in a co-ordinated outfit! Personally I wear pjs that pass for clothes or wear clothes to bed, it cuts down on decision times in the frantic morning rush.

    Thanks for the read, I look forward to reading more about a real mum!