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what a drag it is getting old

what a drag it is getting old

February 13, 2007

Rather disappointingly there were no kittens on the ceiling. Instead there was a poster of a Renoir painting, which, while nice, was lacking that little something extra I have come to expect.

I forgot how much I like her. When we talked about switching medication she said, “Let’s try lexies.” Like they were some sort of illicit street drug. I liked that. I may stop calling them mother’s little helper and humming the tune by the Rolling Stones every morning, that is how much I like this new nickname.

Even though when I was asked if I drink alcohol I stuttered and stammered like we were still living under Prohibition or like she had just asked me if I give out blow jobs in exchange for crack. I ended up giving a non-committal, “Uh, you know” for an answer.

But we chatted. She asked questions. I answered them.

1) No, I don’t drink milk.

2) Like a stuck pig.

3) Only when I laugh really hard.

Then I got weighed. And I had to point out that their scale is wrong, as in eight pounds wrong. Also that my clothing was heavy. And my shoes. And my earrings were exceptionally large. And I hadn’t properly exhaled.

Clearly I am at least 12 pounds lighter than what is reflected on their scale.

Posted by Chris @ 12:06 am  

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Comments

  1. Dani says:

    Funny, all of my doctor’s seem to have that same scale. It’s good to know I’m not alone

  2. elizabeth says:

    The one thing that sucks about *lexies* is that there is NO generic, and our insurance will only pay generic prices. Yeah - they suck, but lexies don’t ;-)

  3. daring one says:

    Yeah. My doctor’s scale does that too. I’ve been thinking of asking him if I can pee first, strip nude in the hallway and rest my head on the counter while being weighed. That’s how I do it at home and I weigh the same now as I did in High School. Granted, back then I wore those really heavy earrings and I would include my brain’s weight in the total. But my brain was a lot smaller then and I really don’t think I should have to justify myself to you.

  4. Merry says:

    Yeah, our home scales do that. They’ve gone really wrong actually, as they claim i’ve put on a stone in 2 months. And they are vindictive; they keep telling my dh he hasn’t put on any. And he doesn’t NEED to lose 2 stone, so what’s their point?

  5. Jenny B from Australia says:

    Well I am sorry girls - you need a set of scales like mine - I weighed less tonight than I did this morning - - - how you may ask? By doing something I hadn’t done in 10 yrs - by donning my favourite ‘comfy’ shorts and going to a gym class. Did you know it what possible to drip sweat from the elbows? or to have it running down your glasses? Needless to say I think I will enjoy it more next time when I have the forsight to pop some ‘lexies’, have a glass of chardy and just plain not go! BTW after seeing myself in that big gym mirror - those ‘favourite’ comfy shorts no longer exist…
    Love your blog - laughing everyday when I read it is the best exercise possible. Keep it up.

  6. Heather says:

    That’s not old. It’s a world professional scale conspiracy to make us all jumpy and slef-conscious.

  7. Brigitte says:

    Mmmmm, lexies . . . wish I had the guts to speak up to my doctor and get something! (The Catch-22 in those Paxil social-anxiety ads: when you’re so pathologically frightened of talking to others, you’ll never get the medication now, will ya?)

  8. Jeanne says:

    “Lexies” are the best and followed with “Xanaxies” it’s my scales, their scales, who cares?

  9. Woman with Kids says:

    My doctor’s scale does that too. And? Each year? Seems to be off a little more. Stupid scale.

  10. Crisanne says:

    properly exhaling…never thought of that one! Hope the meds help.

  11. Jess says:

    Gee we have #2 & #3 in common.

  12. Karly says:

    I love me some lexies. They really, really help.

  13. Kerry says:

    Regarding answer #2, Two words.
    http://www.divacup.com/
    Life changing! No more feeling like a stuck pig. No more cleaning the bathroom after every use. No more replacing the sheets on the bed monthly. I’m telling you, LIFE CHANGING!

  14. wookie says:

    But will your little pills be yellow?

  15. Jen says:

    At the risk of sounding like a moron… Can someone tell me what lexies are??

  16. Laurie says:

    Lexapro, I’m guessing. ;)

  17. emmasometimes says:

    what happens when the scale says, “One at a time please?”

    My kids now call it the “Make Mommy Cry Machine”

  18. nabbalicious says:

    I want to take out a gun and shoot those doctor’s office scales! They are inaccurate, dammit! Except, not when they show that I’ve actually lost weight.

  19. amy says:

    The scales at all the doctor’s offices and at Weight Watchers are wrong. Definitely. Even my scale at home is wrong. But my driver’s license is correct. It has been for the past 40 years. Yep I weigh exactly what I weighed when I was 16 years old. Don’t you?

  20. Jen says:

    You know, they determine how many milligrams of the drugs you need by your weight, so maybe that false 12 lbs lifted you into the next bracket! Higher doses! Yeah!!

  21. Anne Glamore says:

    Hey– I went today, too. Saw a picture of a steaming cup of coffee and green and yellow swirly cookies. Was not on drugs.

    Heavy scale, even though I am trying to gain weight it made me wonder how I could possibly be wearing my favorite jeans.

    Was entered, biopsied, smashed & pummeled, ultrasounded, and pricked, and it took so long I had to cancel my dental appt for a ROOT CANAL. No lie. I’m doing THAT tomorrow. Good times.

  22. Suzanne says:

    I love the lexapro, too. They made me SUPER tired the first couple of weeks (the kind of tired where you sleep 10 hours at night then take a couple hour nap during the day…) but I feel much better and I lost 10 pounds without trying - YAY!

  23. The Wooden Porch says:

    Good lord! I want some lexapro if it did makes you lose weight like Suzanne says!