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February 20, 2007

Today my children are well on the road of recovery and have reached that ever so delightful place that all parents know, called Now That They Are No Longer Sick, I May Kill Them .

Today they are well enough not to want to lay on the couch in puddles of their own drool, watching tv and occassionally sipping Sprite. Yet they are not well enough to be normal.

Today I have a house filled with annoying, demanding, whining children. Who say they are dying, request a glass of Sprite, only to have a sibling bounce down on the couch next to them and send the glass flying out of their hand and shattering on the floor. Which makes everyone cry. And one person, who shall remain nameless, yell.

Today I will decree everyone is well enough to walk into the kitchen to drink Sprite. Today is the last day in the soda free for all.

Today they are well enough to fight over what tv show to watch, instead of being happy to watch endless HGTV and “What Not To Wear.”

Today they are well enough to run around and make a mess a with their toys, before collapsing into a sobbing heap when it comes time to clean it up.

Today they are well enough to request food to eat and will sit at the table and poke at it with their spoon before deciding that they ultimately do not feel well enough to eat anything, even that soup that I drove specifically to the grocery store to buy just for them.

Today will also be the last day that I am a short order cook.

Today I will talk on the phone with some tech person in India about my DELL computer. The DELL computer that is not working properly again, or ever really.

Today I will tell this tech in India that I paid extra money for in home service and I want in home service, and I refuse to accept anything less than in home service. Extra money that I should have used to buy an Apple.

Today this tech in India will try to tell me that I misunderstood the warranty I purchased. And I will tell this tech in India that no I misunderstood thinking I was buying a computer, not a lap warmer.

Today I will finish the Laundry-a-thon that was the result of Vomit-fest, and resume normal laundering activity.

Today I will get through minute by minute, of which there are 495 until bedtime. But who’s counting.

Posted by Chris @ 12:53 pm  

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  1. Jenny says:

    The only bigger joke than a DELL is their “extended service plan”

    Been there, got the t-shirt. they DO make excellent flying discs, though, by the way. Depending on the rage you feel when you chuck it, it might even make it to your charming friend in India!

    Love your blog…

  2. Sara says:

    Gah. I feel for you. Hope all are back to normal tomorrow and that the tech in India so surprises you with such a complete willingness to comply with your wishes that you decide to adopt him/her as an eighth child. (The advantage being that he/she lives in India and therefore must clean up his/her own laundry and fetch his/her own Sprite.) Good luck.

  3. meredith says:

    Good thoughts your way for your “today” :)

  4. Scout's Honor says:

    I am with you on the out-sourcing to India Dell service. The only thing that is worse is when they keep calling back to survey in an accent I really can’t understand (just a bit of a hearing problem here) the “resolution” and my expected “satisfaction.” They are like the worst of the worst cold callers. It just added insult to the injury of my unbacked up hard drive going kerplunk.

  5. Becca says:

    Dells are, and ever will be, the biggest piece of doorstop to ever give PCs a bad name.

  6. Elizabeth says:

    Hang in there, Chris. Sounds like a pretty rough day. You can totally mix vodka with Sprite, right?

  7. Jennifer says:

    Thanks for sharing the love…my youngest was up all night with the pukes. Want to just throw some of that laundry in with mine? I’ve got a load started…

  8. InterstellarLass says:

    Mmmm. Vodka and Sprite. Delightfully refreshing.

    By my calculations, you have approximately 402 minutes of bliss remaining.

  9. Julia says:

    I love you…seriously… You just described my house….

    My daughter puts a glass of ”’whatever on wherever and seriously 2.2 seconds later hits the cup with her elbow, knee, bum, brother…whatever.. I am FOREVER cleaning up spills… clumsy clumsy kids…and the screaming yelling, fighting…. whinning, complaining, everyone is always starving and thursty… until the plate/glass is in front of them… ahhhhh isn’t it great to be a parent….

    taking your idea about duck tape and children… I can think of a number of places to use it…LOL


  10. J. Fergie says:

    Way to put your foot down Chris! Let us know tomorrow if everything went as planned. Ha ha.

    Glad everyone is getting better.

  11. Still Standing says:

    I like to get the video camera out when things get that messy and they get that demanding. Then I like to have a family movie night a few days befor Mother’s Day. Grab a camera and document your hard work! You might even throw a couple of jewery commercials in “accedentally” at the end of the film.

  12. Sarah says:

    My husband would second your motion to buy and Apple. He’s a big tech guy and still can’t get enough of Apple.

  13. Keith says:

    I am new to the blog scene and I must say this one is very funny. Although I know it is all true I will try not to laugh at you, but with you!

    Thanks for the great stories!

  14. Nicki says:

    Apples rule!!! I used to be a PC (gateway) person. My husband converted me to an Mac. I feel in love. In case of fire I would save all living things first(kids, husband, dog), then my Mac second. I’ve had it for almost two years with no upgrades needed.

  15. LeeAnn says:

    I shouldn’t be laughing at your pain but this post is funny. I’m not sure which is worse: having to talk to someone in Bangalore or having kids at home!

  16. Christina says:

    We just went through three weeks of illness spread across all five in the family as well. By the time it was all said and done, I felt so disconnected from society and quite lacking in anything productive beyond laundry! So I decided to deal with it all by restoring order to the house, beginning with the kids rooms which had been annihilated after days on end of being cooped up at home. I guess it was a good way to feel in control of something, anything, once again.

    If you’re like me and decide to go this route, the company I work for has a great resource to help think through how to organize kids’ rooms. Check it out at organizingmyhome.com. (And there’s a fun little game you or the kids can play there too.)

  17. jules11 says:

    Absoultly great because its so true, I love this blog it makes me laugh and makes me feel that my family must be normal, I also love that you update it everyday, well done to you.

  18. Danielle says:

    Oh Chris,

    I almost always hate the days that they are almost better. Mine are all still young enough that they act extra rotten because they didn’t have to follow the strick rules while they were sick and now are shocked that they have to listen. I hate the laundry during those times as well.

    The one time it was while we were on vacation at my in-laws and we used their washing machine almost non-stop the whole time we were there. I was thinking that I would do MAYBE a load the whole week but the puking kids took care of that.

    Is it better that they were all sick at the same time and thus all in that same state or better when they each take a turn for seven weeks in a row?

  19. Playdate Susan says:

    It warms my cold heart to hear you say you should have bought an Apple.

    It’s not too late, you know . . .

  20. jody2ms says:

    I get so flippin mad at the Dell support center. I won’t even get started…..

    My next laptop is going to be a Mac. I hear that once you try them, you never go back.

    Glad you all are on the recovery. Damn the virus’ all to hell.

  21. Maddy says:

    I think India is one giant call centre.

  22. Meritt says:

    And I bet the person in India LIES TO YOU and swears their name is Dustin… or Brian… or Stephanie.

    At least that is who I get when I call India.

  23. jen says:

    Oh! Wow! I feel SO much better now. I thought it was only in our house that Now That They Are No Longer Sick, I May Kill Them existed. I just thought I was a terrible, terrible mom! Ha! I feel great - as if a huge weight has lifted. Misery loves company.


  24. Callie says:

    I am wishing you great strength to get thru the next few days. I always knew when my kids were starting to feel better also. When they started driving me crazy. Sounds mean to say but aren’t sick kids always so good. There usually very quite they just lay there it’s great. Sorry about that little tone of bliss.

  25. Archana says:


    I am from India and follow your blog almost daily and I love it.
    But today you disappointed me by your remarks about India.
    If you had said the call-center of Dell sucks, it was different. But emphasizing on “India” again and again, you have presented it as if this is a problem with “India” or “Indian” people. Do you think all the customer care centers in US are efficient and without any issues related to service department? It is not “India”’s fault that we have so many people who are ready to work in comparatively low wages because Indian rupee is not very strong compared to US dollar, even if Indian brains are quite superior, an acknowledged fact all over the world.
    Do you know the call center “Indian” employees are awake their whole night and they are MADE to speak in that “accent” and they are made to take that “Dustin” or any other “American” name because people in US or in other white countries do not like to “deal” with “Indians” or “browns” or “blacks” whatever u call them off our faces.

    I am truly disappointed and hurt by your remark and all the replies who so very much add to what you said.

    If the Dell call center was in US and some american guy asnwered you and told you the SAME thing, would u have mentioned him as “American” Dell call center person in your blog?


  26. julia says:

    Archana- I don’t think she was putting down india at all…actually Quite the opposite what I got from this is that she was putting down Dell (who I can say with experience does not take customer service seriously unless you are a corporation). The fact that Dell outsources their call center to India ends up being a problem because you are not talking to ‘the company’ you are talking to a company Dell has hired to pretend to be ‘the company’ which ultimatly means that they don’t have the amount of empowering necessary to really make the changes that need to be made. I have NO problem calling India and she made no mention of not wanting to talk to India…. I guess it would be more like an Indian owned/operated company outsourcing their customer serivice to another country and giving them only the basics of empowerment and saying ‘you handle it’…it is as unfair to the call center workers as it is to the consumer. It is actually pretty sad that you got from her saying she had to call india and turn it into a brain power issue ” even if Indian brains are quite superior”. That is offensive to me who honestly feels that all brains are made the same despite colour, race, location on the globe etc.


  27. Brigitte says:

    I have an issue with the support people in India only when they can’t understand what I am trying to explain in simple english, or I can’t understand their accents, or when (as happened most recently) they refuse to work with me because I am merely a “wife” and they insist on speaking only to the husband, who (sorry) delegates this stuff to me because he’s got a job out of the house. Sadly, this is 90% of my service calls, so yes, I do get a bit peeved.

    I have actually had one or two positive experiences, so I strive to be as polite as possible and treat every call as a fresh one, but damn! It’s frustrating.