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2007 February

and i was so enjoying my global warming

February 13, 2007

We have a winter storm warning in effect. It sounds so ominous, doesn’t it?

12-18 inches of snow are expected tonight into tomorrow. The children are excited in only the way children can be about snow that requires nothing out of them but enjoyment. No shoveling, no snow blowing, drying endless gloves,hats and scarves, serving hot chocolate, and worrying about losing power.

On the top of my agenda today is sending the children out into the yard to pick up all the sleds and toys before the snow comes and covers them until the spring thaw. I really don’t want a repeat of last year.

Also on the top of my list is finding Rob’s snow boots. If I don’t I will be stuck doing all the snowblowing myself. And if that isn’t motivation to find them, I don’t know what is.

If you are going to be snowed in too, you might want to go mosey on over to my other blog and find some suggestions for projects to do with your children.

treasure in a bottle?

want to get a handle on all the crap covering your fridge?

how about a fishing game in your living room that is both fun AND educational?

what about an edible bracelet?

If none of those ideas sound good, you may just want to try the shoveling game. What is that? You go outside and hide something like a marble somewhere in the snow on your driveway. Then you send the children out armed with shovels. The first one to find the marble gets a marshmallow in their cocoa. Yes, a marshmallow. I know, who wouldn’t shovel five miles of concrete for one of those.

You just want to make sure that you hide the marble at the farthest point away from the house where you want them to shovel. Alternately, you could just go outside right when they are finishing up and casually toss the marble on the ground near them. But that would be cheating.

Not that I would tell.

Posted by Chris @ 4:00 pm | 17 Comments  

what a drag it is getting old

Rather disappointingly there were no kittens on the ceiling. Instead there was a poster of a Renoir painting, which, while nice, was lacking that little something extra I have come to expect.

I forgot how much I like her. When we talked about switching medication she said, “Let’s try lexies.” Like they were some sort of illicit street drug. I liked that. I may stop calling them mother’s little helper and humming the tune by the Rolling Stones every morning, that is how much I like this new nickname.

Even though when I was asked if I drink alcohol I stuttered and stammered like we were still living under Prohibition or like she had just asked me if I give out blow jobs in exchange for crack. I ended up giving a non-committal, “Uh, you know” for an answer.

But we chatted. She asked questions. I answered them.

1) No, I don’t drink milk.

2) Like a stuck pig.

3) Only when I laugh really hard.

Then I got weighed. And I had to point out that their scale is wrong, as in eight pounds wrong. Also that my clothing was heavy. And my shoes. And my earrings were exceptionally large. And I hadn’t properly exhaled.

Clearly I am at least 12 pounds lighter than what is reflected on their scale.

Posted by Chris @ 12:06 am | 23 Comments  

Don’t be jealous men

February 12, 2007

Today I have my annual-ish obgyn appointment. I am so excited.

I can not believe that it has been over a year since I last heard the words, “Scoot down more to the end of the table. more…. more… more…” and “Let your legs flop open, like a frog.”

Also, I can’t wait to see if the poster of the kittens is still hanging on the ceiling. Nothing makes me forget the icy cold speculum like a cute poster of kittens with thought bubbles over their heads.

cat poster

In preparation of this visit I shaved my legs this morning. Yes, BOTH of them. I know, crazy. No one had better say that motherhood has made me boring and predicatable.

I will also be talking to her about switching to a different anti-depressant. The zoloft I am currently taking just isn’t doing it for me any longer. It has reached a point where the side effects are greater than the benefits, at least in my mind, which probably doesn’t say much.

Posted by Chris @ 10:59 am | 37 Comments  

Don’t let the angelic wings fool you…

February 11, 2007

Don't let the wings fool you

Posted by Chris @ 3:42 pm | 28 Comments  


February 9, 2007

Last night I was chatting with Susan when I mentioned that my 2 year old, Miles, was washing the floor with baby wipes. Not only was I ignoring the him and the ever increasing pile of discarded baby wipes, but I fully intended to put them right back into the box to use for their butt wiping purpose. My floor isn’t that dirty. Especially not the one foot square area he used half a box of wipes to clean.

Susan then said that she had something in her hair that smelled like syrup or possibly cotton candy and wondered why it would smell like those things. We chalked it up to one of those mysterious things that happens when you are a parent.

Today I noticed I had poop in my hair. I have no idea how it got there. And I am pretty sure it was not my own poop. But I used one of those baby wipes to wash that section of my hair.

At least syrup and cotton candy smell good.

But it got me thinking about other things.

1) I sometimes stay in my pajamas all day long, only getting dressed at 7:00pm before Rob comes home. Just so he doesn’t have to see me in my pajamas yet again.

2) Sometimes, when i am feeling even more lazy than usual, I say that I just changed into my pajamas when the kids got ready for bed

3) When I make the kids sandwiches for lunch I don’t serve it to them on plates. Or on napkins. I just put the sandwiches right on the table. Sometimes I shout, “Heads up!” and toss the sandwiches to them.

4) My children frequently sleep in their clothes, even though they own plenty of pajamas. A better mother would probably care. I care more that they go to bed.

5) Sometimes at night if I have only a few dishes that need to be washed, but the dishwasher is filled with already clean dishes, I will just put the dirty dishes in with the clean ones and rerun the dishwasher. I read somewhere that using a dishwasher saves water over hand washing. I take this to heart and refuse to wash dishes by hand. For the environment, you know.

Posted by Chris @ 4:05 pm | 84 Comments  

A great big enormous squash squished his hat real flat

February 8, 2007

There is just something about a toddler wearing a hat, that makes me want to squish him. And possibly dunk him in my hot cocoa and eat him…

Cute hat wearing toddler

I recently discovered that this holds true for preteens…

even big kids look cute in hats

Now if I could just get him to wear the hat at all times.

Posted by Chris @ 7:51 pm | 39 Comments  

colorful balls

Colorful Balls

Before my sister-in-law and mother-in-law came over to babysit for the kids I bought a bunch of new Playdoh. We haven’t had any in a couple of months when the last bit of it dried up and I threw it away. Since they have been deprived of it, I figured that they would have a couple hours of relative quiet, non-arguing, non-competitive fun.

That lasted until the first can was pried open.

My mother-in-law had the great idea of having a Play-doh building contest. She would be the judge. Whoever built the best thing would win a dollar.

What? Why? Dear God, WHY?!?

There was just no way for it to end well.

Guess who won? Go on, guess.

Did you guess the 12 yr old? Then you would be correct.

Of course there are no accomodations or allowances given for the younger children, don’t be stupid. I guess whatever world you live in where turning an innocuous afternoon of playing with dough into a competetive venture, complete with monetary prizes, doesn’t allow for that.

It does explain an awful lot about my husband though.

Personally, I think that my daughter should have won. She rolled her Playdoh into a long snake like shape, stood up on her chair and waved it in front of herself and yelled, “Look, I made a penis!”


Posted by Chris @ 11:28 am | 45 Comments  

Do you know what February is?

February 7, 2007

It is family fun month!

Okay, maybe not really. But over on my other blog, you know you want to click on the link, I am devoting the month of February to activities you can do with your children, other than eat them. A different idea for every day of the month.

I hate the month of February. It is so cold. And so boring. I have no real desire to do anything other than huddle 6 inches in front of my wood burning stove, periodically turning so that all sides of my body can be equally warmed.

Join me in reclaiming February. No longer will it be the month that you want to run naked screaming out of the house. Now it will be family fun month. And we will have fun, dammit.

That is my new family motto by the way. I may paint it on my walls in fancy letters: We will have fun, dammit.

Posted by Chris @ 10:14 am | 11 Comments  

the long awaited hotel post

February 6, 2007

perhaps only long awaited by me

Hotel Chelsea

The hotel is what it is. It doesn’t pretend to be the Marriot. Hell, let’s be honest it doesn’t even pretend to be Motel 6. My idea of roughing it is a 4 star hotel. It wasn’t any cheaper than any other “normal” hotel either, so it’s not like we got some sort of bargain.

I did not book the hotel. I don’t know what Rob was thinking, to be honest. But I am now adding it to the list with the green paint in the family room and the Audi. And perhaps with the box of Junior Mints that he gave me as a Christmas present one year. Why yes, it does suck being married to me. Or maybe to him.

I also have a thing about germs, dirt, and hotels in general. Stacy could tell you the first time I met her at BlogHer in San Jose I walked into her hotel room and was horrified that she had the comforter still on her bed. I helpfully tore it off and threw it in the corner, while Kris and I told her about the 20/20 special, or whatever tv expose it was that we had both seen. So to say that the Hotel Chelsea was not a good fit for me would be an understatement.

hotel lobby

This is the hotel lobby. Filled with kitschy artwork. I am an artist, or at least I was until I had children who sucked every last bit of my creative energy out of my soul, so I appreciate artwork.

artwork in the stairway

artwork in the stairway

Look at the awesome metalwork on the stairway. It really is incredible.

walking down to the lobby

Aesthetically speaking, it is a cool old hotel. But it is sorely lacking in it’s upkeep. The old home renovator in me would love to buy it and restore it, strip the 120 layers of paint that are slathered on all of the woodwork, polish the floors, repaint the ghastly colors. Did I mention give it a good scubbing?

And it smelled. Like all different people’s dinner cooking at once. And you could hear everything though the walls. A phone rang in the room next to us and we got to hear the entire conversation like he was sitting in the room with us. Also, some people near the stairs having really loud sex, or else killing each other, it was difficult to tell.


To get to our room, you had to walk through doors like these.

And there at the end of the hallway we were greeted by this. The man who worked at the front desk walked Rob up to the room because he said we could never find it on our own. Because there aren’t numbers. Not sure why, he could have just said take a left at the toilet. Unless of course this feature is on every floor, a fact I didn’t consider until just now.

just in case you can't wait until you get to your room

And here is our room. Our colorful little room.

the room

There were these adorable little bottles of shampoo and conditioner in the bathroom. free shampoo and conditionerAren’t they cute? I brought them home with me.

I wrote REDRUM in the steam in the bathroom mirror when Rob was showering. And then pretended I had no idea how it got there.

Posted by Chris @ 10:48 pm | 56 Comments  

where to begin…

The longer I go without writing, the more difficult that it becomes to actually do it.

The fashion show was cool, in a “that was fun let me check it off of my list of things to do in this lifetime so I don’t have to do it again” sort-of way. I think having children has made me very impatient. Every moment that I am away from them I want to use to it’s fullest. Standing in a mass of people waiting to get into the fashion show feels like a colossal waste of my precious child-free time.

I didn’t get very many good photos of the fashion show. A combination of dark lighting, people in front of me, and models who who kept moving.

Here is a photo from my seat before the show began. The woman sitting right in the middle of the photo is some famous person, I don’t know who though.

the crowd at the fashion show

This is probably the only non-blurry photo that I took:

the only in focus photo I took at the fashion show

After the fashion show was over I met up with Rob, who had been to the hotel already and begged me to keep an open mind and think of it as an adventure. And since it was too late to cancel our reservation anyway, I agreed. I am hip and cool and adventurous!

We went and had a quick lunch. At the coffee shop that is also a bar.

it's a coffee shop... AND a bar

It reminded me of a 1950’s style diner with a bar inside.

I walked by and looked longingly at the Marriot, knowing that inside there were clean beds, spacious rooms, and showers with hot water. All the things that spoiled people like me enjoy.

Marriot in Times Square

From here we went to the hotel. And I think it probably deserves a post all of it’s own. (Actually, my kids are scrounging around for breakfast and demanding I make them something, completely not caring that I have more important things to do like type on my blog. Like they didn’t just eat yesterday.)

Posted by Chris @ 9:52 am | 15 Comments