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2007 March

and the shelf life is 27 years

March 31, 2007

“Look at this box of cookies I bought at the healthfood store today. The packaging says that the cookies are soy, dairy, nut, egg, corn, gluten, fish, and shellfish free.”

“What’s in it?”

“I suspect they are made of plastic. With a handful of sawdust and some glue thrown in for flavor.”

“Sounds tasty.”

Posted by Chris @ 9:57 pm | 22 Comments  

Spreading the love

March 30, 2007

Did you know today was Stop cyber bullying day? Well it is. And in honor of it I am spreading the cyber love with some links. And I am not just doing that because I have writers block and nothing to write. Nope,not at all.

Antique Mommy
, who writes about becoming cool, and now I am sure that I am the very last peprson in America still using a walkman so large I should probably hoist it up on my shoulder to carry it around.

Jurgen Nation, who shares her hilarious prom photos, though the fact that she went to her high school prom in 1995 makes my geriatric head explode. I wonder if parents let their daughters buy ridiculous prom dresses just so they can have the photos for purposes of bribery later.

And patio dresses! My eyes!! MY EYES!!!

Not that Fluid Pudding needs anymore links, but I have been there before. And lived to laugh about it later. Also, are kids smarter these days, or are we just getting stupider in our old age like I suspected when I was 14 years old.

Another blogger who probably doesn’t need anymore links, but she is so darn cute and has the most adorable accent I want to put her in my pocket and make her talk to me all day. Also, I want her hair. Miss Zoot asks a bunch of questions about blogging concepts that she wants answers to dammit. So go answer them.

Susan who was going to liveblog taking shelter and wearing a bicycle helmet in her bathroom during a tornado for me. Instead we talked about the most boring minutia of our days that isn’t even worthy of blog fodder. Although now it is.

And of course Mom101, who writes about spreading the nice on Stop cyber bullying day.

So, who are you spreading the love to today?

Posted by Chris @ 10:55 am | 16 Comments  

The love that surpasses all others… shoes

March 29, 2007

There are times when I look at my daughter and worry that she is going to turn out just like me. That I am going to somehow hand down all my neurosis and insecurities to her, just by virtue of being her mother. I worry about her in a way that I don’t worry about my sons.

But then there are times that I realize she is turning out just like me, and that it is okay. In fact, it is more than okay. It makes me want to scoop her up and plant kisses all over her until she pushes me away.

Yesterday she was tidying up her room. She had lined all of her shoes up and called me into her bedroom. When I came into her room she was standing there with her hands on her hips. She gestured with her right arm towards the shoes in a sweeping motion.

“Look at my shoes!” she said.

“I see them! You did a great job organizing them.” I replied, a little confused by her seeming annoyance.

“Do you see that I don’t have sneakers? I NEED sneakers. With laces.”

Little Girl Shoes

She was right.

And I knew exactly how she felt.

Posted by Chris @ 10:34 am | 48 Comments  

my mother is annoying

March 28, 2007

my mother is annoying

Posted by Chris @ 11:56 am | 23 Comments  

something different

Are you tired of reading about me and these stupid allergies. I know I am tired of talking about it. I had coffee, with non-dairy creamer, for the first time in almost two weeks this morning. And look… not dead! I really need to stop with the melodrama.

I have a new post up on my other blog for the first time in a week, about instilling a love of reading in your children. I know most of us who have blogs are also voracious readers, so go on over and put your two cents in.

Posted by Chris @ 9:24 am | 3 Comments  


March 27, 2007

Every since I had the anaphylactic reaction to something last Saturday I have been paranoid to eat food. I examine every single label and if it has something in there that I can not readily identify I don’t eat it. That eliminates a whole bunch of foods. A whole bunch of yummy yummy foods.

On the plus side, I have lost those few extra pounds that were hanging out on my ass since the Christmas cookie eat-a-thon that lasted well through January.

The one thing I confidently ate, and ate with abandon, the past week and a half was bananas. Mir looked at me skeptically one day at the deli as I purchased yet another banana. “Are you sure you want to eat another banana?” she asked.

“Who cares if I never crap again. At least I know I’m not allergic to them.” I had laughed.

And eventually I did become more brave and branch off into eating other things, like apples and lettuce.

Leading up to my appointment with the allergist today I wasn’t sure what to hope for. On one hand, being told, “You are allergic to eggs!” on the other hand being told, “You aren’t allergic to anything, you crazy woman. Quit your over reacting and bitching. Don’t you know that there are people with real problems in this world?”

I went in and told the doctor the whole long story and he said, “This is a textbook case. I almost feel like we don’t have to do testing just based on what you went through.”

But of course we did. Probably to justify my $25 co-pay.

My back was pricked with a million little shots, or at least it felt like a million.

And then after it began to get itchy the doctor came in and looked at my back.

“Huh,” he said.

“Huh?” I said.

“You aren’t reacting to eggs the way I thought you would. Though I would say you are in the 10% who are actually allergic and don’t show up on the skin test. But you are highly allergic to bananas. I wouldn’t eat those anymore if I were you. Oh, and apples too. And here have a script for a second Epi-pen since I really don’t know what the hell is wrong with you.”

Okay maybe I embellished that last sentence a bit.

But, seriously? There go all my aspirations of being the next Carmen Miranda.


Later as he walked out the door he turned and said, “Try not to make yourself crazy over this.”

Too late for that. As in years too late.

Posted by Chris @ 9:42 pm | 40 Comments  

In which DELL redeems itself

March 26, 2007

It has been three weeks since I wrote this post, detailing my DELL laptop woes. The very next day I recieved an email from someone named Rick, a DELL superhero. I think his actual job title is something more like customer advocate, but really superhero sounds much better.

The short version of the story is that on March 15th a new replacement laptop was shipped to my house. It arrived at my house bright and early last Monday. I unpacked it and ooooohed and aaaaaaaaahed, clutching it to my breast like it was my prodigal child returned home.

a package from heaven...

I did not put the packing material over my head.

a helpful note

I am so glad that this helpful note was on the packing materials because I was planning on wrapping the plastic around my face while I danced around the house with unbridled glee. And that would have been bad. But DELL, they are looking out for me.

Alas, I needed a special fancy cord to transfer all my stuff from my old laptop to my new laptop. And that confused my poor adled brain. I know Rick is thinking right now, “What, we gave a new computer to her? She so is not worthy. She probably broke the old one herself.”

I was too busy freaking out over my allergy attack, packing for NYC, and freaking out about the possibility of having an allergy attack in NYC. Finally on Wednesday, in an effort to procrastinate from doing all the last minute things that I really did need to get done like fill the car with gas, take a shower, buy the Eragon movie on dvd for the children, and threaten those same children to behave for the sitter, I bought the special cord. But, I ran out of time to use it before I had to leave to catch my train.

I ended up leaving my power cord at home along with the special cord, so I had no working laptop with me. Yes, Rick is shaking his head again, thinking, “Really? You are not worthy of any computer. Go back to a pencil and notepad.”

But finally, yesterday…..

New Laptop

a working laptop. One that does more than just warm my lap.

Posted by Chris @ 10:23 pm | 28 Comments  


I had an incredible time at Blogher Business. I learned so much, about things I didn’t even know that were out there to learn about. I talked to so many incredibly smart women who are smarter and more savy than I could ever hope to be.

There were many times when I looked around and felt very mom-like. I’m not saying that in a bad way, just as a matter of fact. Like I was looking at the path not traveled. Like I was a poser. “What are you doing out of the house during the day wearing grown-up clothes and nice shoes? Get back in your house with your kids where you belong!”

Other people have already summed it all up, so why reinvent the wheel. I’ll just link to them and say “DITTO!” and “DITTO!!

And these are people whose blogs I will from this point on be stalking mercilessly.

Kristin, who brought her 5 week old baby. I tried to sneak him home in my bag of schwag. It was so awesome to meet her since we never got to meet in San Jose and the shirts she made for me from her t-shirt business went home with someone else. An event which neither of us completely understand.

Jen who is Kristin’s sister and the most calm and peaceful person I have met in a long long time. I wanted to stick her in my bag too.

Isabel, who kept grabbing my arm and saying, “Seven, really? Seven?” and Liz made sure we went out to eat at a great restaurant when they realized Mir and I were planning on grabbing something from the deli next door to the hotel and eating in our room. And though I had to revive Mir when the bill came, it was well worth it.

Megan, Beth, and Rita had the unique fun of having dinner out a restaurant with me while I tried in vain to conceal my panic attack over the the thought of eating food not prepared by me. They reassured me that the chef would not want to kill me.

The whole food thing was stressful, though Mir made sure that I was fed and watered, even when I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone, and promised to stab me with my Epi-pen should it come to that.

Our last night in NYC we went out to a restaurant where I had the pleasure of being served the smallest steak ever. Seriously, when it came to the table I couldn’t stop laughing. Elisa, being a vegan, could eat nothing at the restaurant except for a salad. Luckily, I could have the steak with my salad.

There are so many other things I could write about. And other people I met who I should link to. But my children are busy stuffing their faces with the gold foil covered chocolate coins that I brought back to buy their love, and really I should supervise it. After spending all that time with “Fun Daddy” I thought I had better do something, lest I lose them forever.

Although my daughter was happy since I think I successfully bought her every cute outfit in her size that I came across in NYC. Along with two more pair of shoes. I just whisper occasionally to her, “Daddy doesn’t like shoes.” No, I have no scruples.

Posted by Chris @ 1:54 pm | 13 Comments  


March 25, 2007

Damn, I miss these kids when I am gone.

Today is my fourth son’s birthday. The big 8. He is very excited. I am not sure if the day can possibly live up to his expectations and the plans he has been thinking about for the past six months or so. He is currently out at the bakery getting his birthday cake, which I have affectionately called, the Death-for-mom-cake, since it will likely not be made out of cardboard or vegetables, basically the two food groups I am regularly eating from these days.

This lack of carbohydrates in my diet is killing me. How do you low carb people live? I feel like I am perpetually light headed from a lack of bread, bagels, pasta, etc. I have some dough turning into bread in my breadmaker as I type. I realize I can buy and bake egg-free things, but I haven’t gotten around to it yet.

It is a heck of a lot quieter here in my house than it is in NYC. Holy cow, what is everyone shouting about. Inside voices, people! INSIDE VOICES! And there is just so many people. Go home, people! GO HOME! (Yes, I do realize the irony of the fact that I am also a tourist.) Also, get out of my way.

I learned this week that there is no such thing as comfortable shoes. You might think your shoes are comfortable, but they really are not.

Posted by Chris @ 4:22 pm | 27 Comments  

Live Blogging

March 23, 2007

The links to my BlogHer live blogging posts will be listed below as they are ready.

Please excuse any typos, grammatical errors, or other craziness that results when typing as fast as possible in spite of not being able to type properly.

How To Build Your Audience

How to Measure Social ROI

An RFP fro the Management community

Posted by Chris @ 1:32 pm | Comments