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Hypothetically speaking

Hypothetically speaking

March 3, 2007

If you are pulling out of a parking space and people decide to walk directly behind your already moving vehicle, would it be wrong to just run them over?

Now to be clear, I am not advocating speeding up or steering the car in a direction that it wasn’t otherwise traveling in. Just staying the course.

At the very least I think the threat of grave bodily harm would make people walking through parking lots pick up their pace a little, instead of acting like they are strolling down the clearance aisle at Walmart.

Posted by Chris @ 11:03 pm  

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  1. Adventures In Babywearing says:

    I almost did this once- when pulling out at Target and *then* someone decides to walk behind me… I had to haul it out of there because that woman was coming after me… not happy.

  2. cole says:

    Yes. Stupid people need to be weeded out of society. It sucks, but the stupid must go.

  3. Jeanne says:

    In these circumstances, I have found people seem to “pick up the pace” if I put my vehicle in neutral and step on the gas. Try it sometime, works for me!

  4. Jen says:

    My friends all think I’ve got issues because I constantly have to hold myself back from running people over. I can’t help it. I just have this urge to give people that are in my way a little nudge. Or if they’re clearly idiots, I want to smoke ‘em good. I’ve even gone as far as to assign point values for people…old people, guy with an annoying girl friend, bratty 12-year-olds freaking out on their parents directly behind my car…you name it, they’re each worth a different amount of points. Not like the points are redeemable for anything, or that they’ll let me out of jail any faster when I do hit someone just because I have a lot of points.

  5. InterstellarLass says:

    Yeah, I’m all for weeding out the parking lot wanderers. They’re a major public nuisance.

  6. Bre says:

    So long as they are old enough to comprehend what the white “reverse” lights on the back of your car mean, I vote for flattening them.

  7. Joy H says:

    Ahhhhh, pet peeve #452 — people who think they rule the world and you only reside in it. Parking lot people and middle school kids who walk in the middle of the street and DO NOT MOVE rank high on my list of peeves. (ESPECIALLY when they give ME an attitude if I honk after being patient, ugh!)

    Maybe we could come up with a points system for who can kill the most :)

  8. CathyC says:

    Oh, how many times have I wondered this very same thing. I try to park far and forward facing as often as I can to try to prevent this as much as possible.

  9. meredith says:

    You don’t get many points for hitting someone that walks directly behind your moving car. For mega points it has to be a little more challenging than that, like hitting the guy rollerblading in the bus lane, hypothetically speaking….

  10. Kristie says:

    And an add-on to this question is ….. if I’m already backing out of the space, and have managed to avoid all slow-poke pedestrians, why is it I *still* have to stop because a car zooming down the lane refuses to stop for me? I can be over half-way backed out and they fly by like they’re a Nascar competitor. If they don’t want to wait and have my space, fine by me. But at least pause long enough to let me finish backing out! In hindsite, it’s probably those very drivers who will walk behind moving vehicles on the way back out to their own cars later. Dumb-asses.

  11. Sara says:

    Well, even the Commander-in-Chief advocates “staying the course.” How can it be wrong?

  12. fairly odd mother says:

    Thank goodness I have that little ‘beeping thing’ in my van so it tells me when someone leaps out in back of my car (although it didn’t stop me from plowing into my mother’s brand new car when it sat in my driveway). Sometimes, I think people WANT to be hit just so they can sue the pants off of you. Not a nice way to think about humans though.

  13. Elizabeth says:

    Thanks for making me laugh this morning…
    I am alwasy so tempted to just keep on truckin…
    However my biggest fear is the family who lets their under 3 ft child run ahead and I can’t see them at all.

  14. Brigitte says:

    It would be just helping “natural selection” along, after all.

    Although there is the corollary: shall we key the cars of those who shift into reverse and start backing up AFTER we’re already walking behind them with our slow toddlers?

  15. Brigitte says:

    Holding the hands of said toddlers, of course - letting them run ahead anywhere near moving vehicles is just plain dangerous . .

  16. cce says:

    Don’t you love the look that the wanderer inevitably unleashes. Like, “How dare you back out of your space when I am treading blindly behind you?”
    It’s up there with the look that I give people who steal my parking spot. It happened yesterday and I had to reign in my violent reaction b/c my 5 year old was onboard. There’s no satisfaction in silently cussing someone out.

  17. Grim Reality Girl says:

    You have hit upon one of my pet peeves. It makes me insane.

  18. zookeeper says:

    This is a huge pet peeve of mine. It’s almost as if they have a death wish! It also pisses me off when I’m backing out of a space- already in motion mind you, and someone coming down the parking lot aisle has the nerve to honk at me. As if they were there first and I just decided to back up and chance hitting them. PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION!!

  19. peepnroosmom says:

    I hear ya’.

  20. jody2ms says:

    Twang! You plucked a chord in me. I hate, hate, hate when people do that.

    The whole pedestrian-right away thingie is majorly abused, and I feel very justified by continuing to back up, ever so slowly, when someone walks behind my ALREADY BACKING THE FLUCK UP van.

    Hypothetically speaking, that is.

  21. dionna says:

    Here here! I’m also all for running the people over who leisurely stroll down the middle of the parking lot aisle - picking neither the left nor the right side, so I am forced to roll behind them at approximately 2 mph.

  22. Jan says:

    And if you do have the nerve to keep moving, they look at you like you are the worst person on earth! I say just run ‘em over.

  23. Lisa says:

    I know those in the way are mindless, rude and selfish but when I get mad in my car, I imagine I’m on foot and I actually personally know the people I’m angry with. If you’re not in a giant hunk of metal and you’re face to face with people, and they’re in your way, would you want to push ‘em down or would you just be gracious and wait?

  24. Cheryl M. says:

    At least in a vehicle there is the trusty brake….what about when little-ole-me is pushing a very loaded grocery cart along and someone walks right in front of it - it takes every ounce of strength in me to stop the heavy thing…..I’ve had thoughts of just continuing on my merry way…..

  25. Jonathon says:

    Word. Make pedestrians accountable. Especially at grocery stores.

    Walkers of the world: this is your final warning.

  26. chris says:


    No, I’d still want to push them down. I wouldn’t, of course. But the desire would be there ;-)

  27. Kate says:

    Heh….um, well, it’s all funny unless you actually DO it, which I did the very first time I took the car out by myself. I was inching out and a guy walked diagonally towards the car. I just brushed him, he cussed at me and walked away, but even 15 years later I drive VERY slowly in parking lots!!!!!

  28. Antique Mommy says:

    Those kind of people are just praying that you will hit them. They have the number of some sleazy lawyer on their speed dial.

  29. Jen says:

    Okay, here are some of the points rules:
    1) 12-21 years old
    - hit one of them 1 pt, hit a pack of them 5 pts.
    - make their shoes or bags or stupid basketball or can of beer or cell phone go flying 10 points.
    - Also, if anyone in this age group is walking on the side walk in wet, mucky, cold weather and not dressed properfly, you can get 5 points for splashing them.

    2) you can’t hit old people, but you can give them a gentle nudge, which if you do so w/o them falling down 5 points

    3)Lady with 4-7 year old. The child is pushign the cart acrosst the little lane from the store to the parking lot. Lady is watching from two feet back and talking on phone. You can’t hit the kid, but you can hit the lady. 5 points. If you figure out a way to hit the lady so that she flies into the cart and drops her phone 20 points.

    4)Anyone reading anything while crossing the street - 10 points. Destroy whatever they were reading and get 5 extra points.

    I’ll stop now before law inforcement or some vigilanty civiliam figures out where I live and tries to come see how many points they can get on locking me away or beating me up.

  30. Christina says:

    That reminds me of that scene from “Fried Green Tomatoes” where she rams the sports car that stole her parking spot 5 times and totals their car - I’ve always wanted to do that, too.

  31. theotherbear says:

    And this is why I have a brand new car - because if I got a bomby car, I wouldn’t worry so much about damage to it, and would be sorely tempted to hit those people. I’d also hit people who cut in front of you changing lanes, causing you to brake suddenly or hit them. Oh, and I also have a mental points system!

  32. Anne says:

    OMG lol I hear ya. Always I mean they see you backing up and of course they know pedestrians have the right of way so they exercise that fact often. Now me I stop and wait for them to pull out. You know in case they don’t see me and run me over. lol Same thing with morons in cars though, I’m trying to back out and they keep inching forward either to squeeze by or because they want that parking spot but come on if I can’t get out of that space there is NO way you gonna get it. lol

  33. Deborah says:

    OOPS. I thought I was the only one with issues! WRONGO! Coalition Forces are a must here girls! and men, sorry. I agree, weed ‘m out and flee. If they’re stupid enough to keep walkin, hey,……. nuff said….

    I once had the crazy idea of wanting extended bumpers, like ramrods on my vehicle. Sort of push idiots out of my way. Some people just deserve to moved out of the way of harm.

  34. maria says:

    Often the single most stressful part of my day is backing out of the parking spot at my children’s day care. It’s in the middle of a big block - side walk ends and it’s clear that this is a parking area - and people just keep walking without even looking as I’m trying to back into busy traffic w/a 5 and 2.5 yr old each trying to tell me about their day.

    As a frequent pedestrian I know cars can be thoughtless - but good grief people. Use your heads! For your own !@#$ safety you need to realize that I’m watching a lot of things and if I’m backing out - I might not see you walking.

    Thank you - I feel better.

  35. Oh, The Joys says:

    I’m saying no. Nope. No. Nothing wrong with it. Run ‘em down! Wheeeeeeee.

  36. ben says:

    Paint giant teeth on the back of your car, like they used to do on fighter planes.

    That way they can’t say they weren’t warned.

  37. Chickadee says:

    Run ‘em down sista. They know what they’re doing. They are the abusers of the “pedestrian has the right of way” law. ;)

    Another pet peeve of mine is the people that take their time walking across the crosswalk. When I’m walking in front of a car,I have the courtesy to at least pick the pace up a bit.

  38. Dave Hughes says:

    I tied a rubber arm up under my car so the hand and wrist can be seen hanging. That seems to keep people away from me. ;)