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2007 March

Someone stage an intervention, quick

March 7, 2007

I love shoes.

I know it is no secret, since NoBloShoMo.

And, yes, I realize that it is terribly cliche.

But yesterday Mir posted on her Want Not site about a shoe sale. I wasn’t planning on buying any shoes. But then, she began showing me the shoes she was thinking of buying for her wedding. And then I found myself looking at shoes. You know, to help her. Because I am nice like that.

Somehow I ended up buying 6 pair of shoes. Only spending between $8 and $12 a pair, for shoes that are regularly priced over $100 and in a few cases closer to $200. So it isn’t like I spent a ton of money. Really I spent less on all six pair than I usually spend on one pair of new shoes. Or was it seven pair?

Either way, like I told Rob, I saved money. Saved lots of money.

Yes, I can justify anything.

But now I need to stop looking at shoes. Because the website (link here) keeps posting new fabulous shoes, just to taunt me.

Posted by Chris @ 3:58 pm | 22 Comments  


March 6, 2007

Discussing wall paper stripping technique

Not only do I traumatize my son by yelling at him on his birthday. I also force him to sleep in a bedroom with flowered wallpaper for almost four years.

At least we are calling it wallpaper. It has the texture of contact paper. And given the other things that were done to this house, like pink velour fabric glued to the dining room walls, contact paper as wallpaper would not surprise me in the least.

I am not sure there is enough therapy to undo all the damage I have inflicted upon him.


I am not sure that there are words to explain how much I hate stripping wallpaper. Tedious, mind-numbing, rage invoking, all come to mind but are hardly adequate. Even when strung together with expletives in between.

Melissa does a pretty good job of expressing the wall paper stripping hatred. We seem to be living paralell home renovation lives recently, though her house is almost done. And mine, well, let’s just say some days I look around and think I will die here. Possibly of wallpaper stripping fumes.

Posted by Chris @ 9:50 am | 35 Comments  

You look like a monkey, and your mama does too

March 5, 2007


Blowing out the candles on the cake he made all by himself.

Moments before the two of us had a “discussion” about the size of the pieces of cake he was cutting. And I ruined the evening with my inability to keep my mouth shut.

Pieces that were the size of small continent, but it doesn’t really matter, does it? I am only pointing it out to make myself look better.

There may or may not have been yelling. Perhaps some vague threats of if you can’t do it properly I will have to do it myself.

He may or may not have stormed out of the room leaving us to enjoy his birthday cake without him. “Enjoy” being a relative term. As much as one can “enjoy” cake with the stares of gaped mouthed children surrounding you.

And I may or may not have had my heart torn from chest so great was my guilt.

I am comforted slightly by the fact that he had already made his birthday wish before The Incident, as it will henceforth be referred to, so I know he could not have wished me to drop dead on the spot.

I did it for him.

Posted by Chris @ 12:52 pm | 58 Comments  

Hypothetically speaking

March 3, 2007

If you are pulling out of a parking space and people decide to walk directly behind your already moving vehicle, would it be wrong to just run them over?

Now to be clear, I am not advocating speeding up or steering the car in a direction that it wasn’t otherwise traveling in. Just staying the course.

At the very least I think the threat of grave bodily harm would make people walking through parking lots pick up their pace a little, instead of acting like they are strolling down the clearance aisle at Walmart.

Posted by Chris @ 11:03 pm | 38 Comments  


March 2, 2007


Posted by Chris @ 12:14 pm | 9 Comments  

132 things i love about you: a birthday letter

March 1, 2007

1) That you were born on February 29th

2) You laugh at my joke every year that you don’t have a birthday this year, so no presents

3) And that you are not even three yet

4) Though this year you pointed out the false reasoning behind that statement

5) “I may have only had two birthdays, but I have still been alive for 11 years.”

6) That you love all things electronic and gadgetery

7) That you read all the manuals of everything that ever comes into our house

8) And then you explain them to me

9) The way you change the ringtone on my cellphone

10) So that I don’t recognize that it is my phone loudly ringing in public

11) and am all huffy and looking around to see who it is that is so rude as to not answer their annoying phone promptly

12) That you put absurd ringtones on my phone like birds chirping

13) or embarassing ones like the song, “I like big butts”

14) And then I pretend it isn’t my phone even if I realize that it is

15) That you read the entire tivo manual and set it all up

16) And then when you were explaining it to me you put your hand on my arm and said, “I know. It’s hard to learn new things at your age.”

17) The way that you sprang back to life so quickly after I killed you

18) That you know where everything in this house is,no matter how obscure

19) And if you don’t you will not be able to rest until you locate it

20) That every day you tell me the exact temperature outside

21) Several times a day

22) That you never get any joke we tell the first time

23) The way you get so angry if we dare to talk in the front seat to each other and you can’t hear

24) Which makes us whisper

25) Just to bug you

26) Your ability to laugh at yourself

27) Your self confidence

28) though it borders at times on delusions of grandeur

29) How you spent hours rigging up a system of strings and pulleys so that you wouldn’t have to get out of bed to turn the light off in your room

30) That it actually worked

31) though anyone over 4ft tall had to walk through your room hunched over

32) You have the biggest heart

33) And your capacity for compassion and forgiveness is immeasurable

34) For that I am thankful

35) I am counting on it

36) The way you sleep in bed with the covers wrapped around your entire body, including your head

37) like a cocoon

38) Though I really wish you would learn to make your bed

39) The way you prefer vegetables and fruit to junk food

40) You will turn down cookies in favor of celery with peanut butter

41) You are clearly your father’s son

42) That you want to bake your own birthday cake this year

43) A carrot cake

44) To the horror of your siblings

45) And you will do it all by yourself

46) And it will taste delicious

47) You love every present that you have ever been given

48) Including the time we gave you a wooden remote control holder as a joke

49) You unwrapped it and proclaimed it to be just what you always wanted

50) So the joke was on us

51) But we gave you your real presents anyway

52) You still have that wooden remote control holder next to your bed

53) It holds your ipod, palm pilot, electronic suduko, and other assorted little things

54) like gum wrappers

55) You have an endless amount of patience for your youngest siblings

56) You let them sit around you when you are working on your computer

57) You find them things to do on your computer

58) That you are a leader, not a follower

59) But you are not bossy

60) You are quick to apologize

61) and mean it

62) You will help around the house with anything you are asked to do

63) And almost never grumble

64) You bedroom looks like a cyclone went through it

65) But you oddly know where all your stuff is located

66) We can spend half a day cleaning up your disorganized and messy room

67) And within half an hour you would never know it had been cleaned up

68) You need very little sleep

69) And stay up reading until the middle of the night

70) I have learned that parenting different kids differently isn’t favoritism

71) it is meeting their individual needs

72) I know what it feels like to have a child drive you bat shit crazy

73) The joy and relief of coming out the other side of that

74) That I am not a perfect parent

75) And that’s okay

76) No one is

77) I have learned the child who is the most challenging is also the one who teaches you the most about yourself

78) I guess I had a LOT to learn

79) That you won’t care if I can’t get to 132 things

80) You won’t think I love you any less

81) You have beautiful big brown eyes

82) And an infectious smile

83) You are incredibly athletically inclined

84) Without even trying

85) Again, your father’s son

86) Maybe I am not really your mother

87) You potty trained yourself

88) Before you were two years old

89) because your brother who is a year older potty trained

90) And your competitive nature took over even at that age

91) You used to think that one day you would be older and bigger

92) I think you still do, secretly

93) You walked at 9 months old

94) Were talking in sentences at 12 months

95) But were completely bald and had no teeth

96) And were on the small side

97) It was pretty freaky

98) Everyday I am thankful that you are my son

99) And I am happy I didn’t toss you out the window during those colicky days

100) That lasted for nine years

101) You have a personality that other people gravitate towards

102) unlike me

103) You don’t take yourself seriously

104) You refuse to eat at fast food restaurants

105) Because you read the book Fast Food Nation

106) You are very particular about your clothes

107) A few years ago you went through a phase where you would only wear blue button down oxford shirts

108) Your wardrobe is slightly more varied now

109) Slightly

110) Your father and I fully intend to live with you when we are old

111) We used to say it was going to be payback

112) But now I think it might be because your heart is so big you would welcome us with open arms

113) Please live somewhere tropical

114) I

115) love

116) you

117) very

118) very

119) very

120) very

121) very

122) this is starting to look like essays you are forced to write

123) very

124) much

125) I am lucky to have you

126) So are all the birds in our neighborhood

127) that you keep well fed with all your bird feeders

128) If not for you I would never have known

129) that my phone has a calculator

130) and plays tetris

131) I probably wouldn’t have cared

132) But still.


Happy Birthday Capooh Bear.

11 years ago today: minutes old

Posted by Chris @ 11:16 am | 63 Comments