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2007 April

and the winner is….

April 18, 2007

I am getting ready to bring my 6yr old to the doctor. He woke up this morning with a croupy sort of cough and complaining ( i.e. screaming on the top of his lungs while writhing on the floor) that his ear was hurting.

His ear hurts. He screams.
I see the doctor more than
most people see friends.

Just another haiku to make up for the fact that I botched the last one. ACK. As much as I would like to go back and change it I will leave it alone. (Though I will say that in my head I was saying the word along with one syllable. I have no idea why.) It is a shining example of what happens to your brain after you have children. I have a new tagline. Unable to haiku since 1994.

First I must give a couple honorable mentions:

This one made me laugh. And now I can look at my cellulite and call it my tiny life preservers.

jay, for this one:


thousands of tiny
life preservers that float but
refuse to deflate

This one because I can relate, although my boobs never came back once I stop lactating, they just up and disappeared.


I want my boobs back
Fourteen months seems oh so long
To be lactating

This one, which was sad.


Rain reflects heart tears
As parents grieve Hokie child
Hug your babies close

And Christine because she got a troll to come to her blog after leaving this. And that always deserves recognition :

Kids pissing me off.
At least I had sex last night.
Coffee and Zoloft.

Jeana, a woman after my own heart:

Vodka Martini
Smirnoff Coolers, Hard Liquor
Margarita, Wine

And the winner is:

babette says:

April was gloomy
Until sunrise on Friday:
First grandson was born!

Kristen says:

Taxes due today.
should have kept better records.
I hope I like jail.

Yes, two winners. You know should one of them not be able to fulfill their duties as the master of Bad Haiku Tuesday.

Babette because it made me smile. Hurray for grandbabies!

And Kristen because we all feel the same way. Receipts? What? Also, since she will be in jail maybe I can have that adorable baby of hers.

So you two email me your address so I can send you your super duper yet to be determined prize. If the box has air holes do not be alarmed. Toddlers like air.

Thanks for playing. And just for the record, it is raining here today.

Posted by Chris @ 11:57 am | 13 Comments  

Bad Haiku Tuesday

April 17, 2007

Monday rain was bad
It is over. You rejoice.
Along comes Tuesday snow.


leave your haiku in the comments.
The one that I like best, by whatever arbitrary standards I have at the time I read them, will win a prize.

Posted by Chris @ 11:18 am | 82 Comments  

Taking a break from building my ark

April 16, 2007

to point you over to my other blog, where I have the first post up in a series about taking better photographs.

I feel sort of weird writing about taking photos since I am not an expert by any stretch of the imagination. And there certainly are many more people who take much better photos than I do. But I keep getting emails and comments asking me for some advice. People assuming I have some top of line camera, which I do not. While I would love an SLR, I haven’t been able to justify the purchase.

Today I wrote about framing your subjects in the photo and show examples of “bad” photos of kids and then examples of how to take the same photos in a better way. Don’t you hate when you read and they don’t show you examples! I do!

Today’s post is brought to you by the number 6 (inches of rain in my basement), the letter F (the first letter of the word I keep saying– flooding! You thought it was a different word, didn’t you?), and the word CLOSER (where you should stand when taking photos of your kids).

So go on over and read, Taking good photographs: Framing your subject.

And maybe later I will have an exciting post to share about rain, ground saturation, the joy of spring, and, if you are very lucky, plans for building your very own Ark. Is that as exciting to you as it is to me?

Posted by Chris @ 10:03 am | 15 Comments  

Choose the correct answer

April 15, 2007

How you do not want to be woken up on a Sunday morning:

a) By a screaming toddler who is smacking your head, in spite of your best efforts to keep your head safely under the covers

b) At the crack of dawn

c) A toddler who is screaming, “SNOW!!! MOMMY!! SNOOOOOOW OUTSIDE!!!!”

d) All of the above in the middle of April

If you answered d, you are the winner! Please come to my house to pick up your snow and a screaming toddler.

Posted by Chris @ 8:24 am | 23 Comments  


April 13, 2007

May you have a twirly dress sort of day.


Posted by Chris @ 3:06 pm | 21 Comments  



Because nothing says Spring like an ice storm which will kill all the plants that had been tricked into blooming.

Yesterday we had hail, freezing rain, and wind. My driveway was covered with several inches of ice. If I had ice skates, and the desire to be pelted by hail and occasional falling tree limbs, I could have skated on my driveway.

Today it has warmed slightly. My thermometer says it is 36 degrees outside. Positively balmy, huh? But with the increased warmth and the increased wind, large chunks of ice are falling from the trees. Some small tree branches are coming down along with the ice.

6 yr old: “Do you think someone could be killed by the falling ice?”

Me: “Probably. It’s like frozen daggers falling from the sky.”

6 yr old: “Cooooool!!!”

Also, nothing says spring like baseball season.

In fact, nothing says spring to me like standing outside in frigid temperatures watching baseball.

Last night Rob came home with assorted baseball paraphernalia that the boys needed. Baseball socks, belts, batting gloves, regular glove, and cups. And I am not talking about the kind you drink from.

I picked up two packages of the cups and held them in front of my boobs.

“Do girls buy two of these?” I asked.

My eleven year old shook his head and rolled his eyes at me. Because at 11, he is soooo mature and I am not.

Posted by Chris @ 10:04 am | 20 Comments  

Must be nice

April 12, 2007

That was the subject line of an email I got this morning. On a morning when I already am in a funk wondering, WHERE THE HELL IS SPRING?!?

Hail? Ice storm? Three inches of ice covering my driveway?

What is next, locusts?

Must be nice to be you.

Well, yes it is actually nice to be me, thank-you very much. But not for the reasons that you think.

It is nice to be me because I have a house filled with people who love me. People who routinely drive me precariously close to the edge of the crazy cliff, but people who love me nonetheless.

You think you are so perfect

No, if I were perfect I would have made little people who wouldn’t drive me crazy. Also they would have better toilet aim, not color on themselves, and hang up their coats without being reminded.

Showing off all your perfect furniture

Most of my furniture is from IKEA. I had to cart it home in flat pack boxes. And then assemble it myself with a teeny tiny allen wrench. And while I do really like it, it isn’t Ethan Allen, nor do I pretend that it is.

It could be yours too along with a plate of Swedish meatballs for $1.99.

Ack, enough.


This week marks 4 years that we have lived in this house. Four years that we have been pouring our blood,sweat, tears, and even a thumb into making this house a home.

It may seem when I post photos that suddenly our house is fixed up like magic, but that isn’t true. I don’t blog about every little detail of everything we are doing to the house because it is boring. Does anyone want to read, “I painted another wall today” or “I stripped some wallpaper” or “My god if I have to look at this white peeling vinyl kitchen floor another day I might kill myself.” We constantly are working on something, usually more than one project at a time.

The rest of this is probably only interesting if you are renovating an old house, dream of renovating an old house (you poor poor deluded soul), or wonder what the hell I do with all my free time. So I’ll put below the fold. Every single thing in these photos that has been done, we have done ourselves. With our own hands.

Our own very tired hands. (more…)

Posted by Chris @ 4:48 pm | 117 Comments  

two is terrific… for driving you crazy

In the past two days my two year old, Miles, has:

pulled every single book out of our highly organized bookcases

and then danced on them

emptied an entire bottle of lotion onto his head, where he worked it into a frothy lather

picked the head off of every flower that was beginning to bloom in the front yard

colored “tattoos” with green marker all over his body

emptied a different bottle of lotion on the carpet in my bedroom

went into the pantry and got out a box of Nutrigrain bars, and then squeezed them all into mush while attempting to open them

learned how to both unlock and open the outside doors to the house

learned how to open, but apparently not close, the refrigerator

And all of these things have happened while I was actively supervising or momentarily distracted. I should be fired.

But since that can’t happen.

I need a cage. Some leg shackles to slow him down.

And a shock collar used to train dogs would be helpful too.

Posted by Chris @ 11:16 am | 37 Comments  

It’s like living on Fantasy Island

April 11, 2007

You know if my fantasy was to never eat bread again, live in a place Spring has forgotten, and be surrounded by needy people who are under 3 feet tall and can’t wipe their own butts.

My very own Tattoo.

Da Plane, Da Plane

“Da Plane, Mama! Da Plane!!”

Posted by Chris @ 3:30 pm | 17 Comments  

A drawing of me

April 10, 2007

Aside from the fact that my limbs come directly out of my head, I am a little frightened by the size of my nostrils.

Writing Mom on her paper

Posted by Chris @ 2:43 pm | 38 Comments