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2007 April

The Day After- the finale

April 9, 2007

Sanity has been restored to my house.

Sanity Restored

I have vacuumed and washed the floors.

Candy

Tossed out all the candy I could find. And I have not eaten any of it today. But I really REALLY want to go dig it out of the trash and eat it.

No, you may not touch the throw pillows

Organized the toys and put them all away.

Toys are for looking, not playing

And answering all your burning questions:

1) No I did not run out and buy my daughter bubbles. I am mean and quite possibly lazy. But she hasn’t mentioned them once. I think she was satisfied with all her candy and assorted toys that she did get.

2) We did have Easter grass in the baskets. But I got rid of it all by 9:00 am yesterday morning.

3) The wall color is Barley by Benjamin Moore, their Pottery Barn collection. I really like it alot too.

4) Yes I do own half of IKEA in this one room of my house.

5) Yes I have a sickness. It is called clutter makes me absolutely mental. But you know what is even more frightening? I am nowhere near as anal as my husband. And it annoys me.

Posted by Chris @ 8:50 pm | 34 Comments  

surely you joke

Forlorn

Miles really thought I was kidding today when I put him down for his nap. But I was not kidding.

He laughed and jumped and rolled around in his crib.

And then did his new favorite thing, pull the sheets off the mattress. He knows when he screams, “My sheet, mama!” I will come back in and fix it. Because I can’t stand the thought of him laying his little baby face on the plastic covered mattress.

Still moving

Except for today.

After he did it for the third time this afternoon I yelled through the closed bedroom door, “Put your head on your blanket!”

Posted by Chris @ 4:33 pm | 11 Comments  

order restored

Yeah, I couldn’t take it any longer.

HEY!!!!

Miles screamed and scurried around the floor on his hands and knees trying to save as much of the candy as he could.

Have I mentioned how much I love this vacuum? I do. Possibly more than I love my children.

I know I have officially reached old fartdom when I can wax poetic about a vacuum.

Posted by Chris @ 3:04 pm | 13 Comments  

The aftermath

I had thought about liveblogging the aftermath of Easter.

This mess causes me physical pain

All the candy and wrappers strewn across my floor is causing immeasurable amounts of pain to my anal retentive heart. I have had to do some deep breathing to resist the urge to get out the vacuum and suck it all up. I am confident that my beloved Dyson could handle it.

Not so certain about the delicate psyches of my PRESHUS children.

But really how much fun would it be to look at photo after photo of blurry children.

Running in circles, hopped up on candy

Children who are blurry because they are so hopped up on sugar they can not sit still.

He hasn't sat still all day

Miles has probably run a marathon today. Just in a circle around the candy.

My blurry child

He pauses only to bend down and throw handfuls of candy across the room in an attempt to catch them in his mouth.

My daughter, however, has smartly parked herself in front of the candy bowl. Where she digs with her brand new Dora shovel selectively choosing the pieces she wants to eat. Chocolate pieces.

Further evidence of female superiority.

Posted by Chris @ 12:56 pm | 20 Comments  

The Little Known Holiday

Our people celebrate this holiday twice a year. The day after Easter and November 1st.

It is the Day of the Sugar Rollercoaster.

Also known as the Day Before Mom Throws Away All The Leftover Candy

Also known as the Day to Eat Candy Until You Might Vomit.

Also known as the Day Mom Makes Vague Threats of NEVER AGAIN.

Candy Frenzy

Hope you enjoy your day as much as I will be enjoying mine. Sarcasm is intended.

Posted by Chris @ 9:29 am | 12 Comments  

Happy Easter

April 8, 2007

Easter

Posted by Chris @ 5:56 pm | 23 Comments  

Conversation with a three year old

April 7, 2007

Wearing a hat

“Mommy, I can’t wait for the Easter Bunny to come. She is going to bring me lots of toys and bubbles!”

Thinking over the recent purchases the Easter bunny has made…

“Well, I don’t think she is bringing bubbles this year. She might bring you a small toy or two, but mostly she brings candy! Don’t you like candy?”

“Yes, but I know the Easter Bunny is bringing me bubbles.”

“Uh, I don’t think she is.”

“YES SHE IS.”

“I wouldn’t count on it.”

“YES.”

“I really don’t think so.”

“YES SHE IS BRINGING ME BUBBLES.”

Thinking over things I have in the house that she might be appeased with….

“Maybe she could bring you your own bar of soap! Wouldn’t you like that? Soap is bubbly”

“NO”

Sigh.

Posted by Chris @ 8:43 pm | 22 Comments  

Procrastination Station

I am a procrastinator.

I have known that Rob’s family is coming over for Easter dinner since Monday. (Back story, Rob’s sister usually hosts Easter, but she is a nurse and just found out she is scheduled to work.)

I have planned the menu, but not shopped for anything.

I have planned to clean the house to the standard that Rob’s family requires in order to not disown us, but not actually done it.

I have planned to finish all the laundry and have it all put away, but you know how that goes.

I am a really good planner.

My reasoning is that I don’t want to have to re-do anything. But I end up saving it all for the very last minute. When will I learn.

So today I will fight the masses of other procrastinators at my local grocery store for all the ingredients I need for this,

The Menu:

–Spiral Ham
–Wine
–Roasted potatoes
–Glazed carrots
–Vodka
–Salad
–Dinner rolls
–Wine
–Soup
Death of our savior cookies
–wine
–some sort of yet to be determined appetizers
–some sort of yet to be determined desserts

Rob’s mom will bring one of her cream soup, cornflake concoctions. But I consider that more of a decoration than a food item.

And then there is the other stuff:

–Fresh flowers for the table
–Replace candy that I ate which was supposed to go in baskets
–Plastic eggs, what happens to these every year? Do the children eat them?
–Figure out what the hell I am going to wear that is both Easter like and appropriate for 30 degree weather
–Also the outfit must attempt to conform to my daughter’s Black Tie standards
–Figure out what the boys are going to wear
–Fold and put away laundry
–Clean all bathrooms, whenever I only deep clean the ones I think guests are likely to use they go and use the other ones
–About a million other things that are too boring to detail, which I know seems impossible after this list, but it is true.

Sadly this year I will not be baking the traditional braided Easter bread, that I have affectionately renamed Death Bread, since the ingredients EGGS! WHEAT! MILK! will kill me now.

And don’t think it is lost on me that I am sitting here writing about all the things I need to do instead of actually doing them.

Posted by Chris @ 8:49 am | 25 Comments  

For those of you who celebrate (little update below)

April 6, 2007

Here is a cookie recipe just for you.

The Brutal Death of Our Savior Cookies

This recipe is only good for those who really want to drive home the meaning of Easter (or have a sense of humor).

Update: I am sorry that some of you found it not funny.

(Except for Kate. I don’t feel bad when people comment using a fake name for the sole purpose of stirring up trouble. It’s a small world, Teri. Can I call you Teri, since that is your name? All further comments from you will be deleted. )

I have long read the resurrection cookies recipe and have always thought they seemed a bit, uh uneccessarily cruel for children. So when I found this spoof on that recipe it cracked me up.
Here is a link to the original recipe, which aside from the sarcastic commentary is the same.

So if you think you are likely to be offended don’t go read it. Okay?

Posted by Chris @ 10:01 am | 78 Comments  

a man in training

April 5, 2007

Today my 11 yr old son’s “girlfriend” called him on the phone. This is always a big deal.

Their “relationship” consists mostly of ignoring each other and pretending the other person doesn’t exist when in public, punctuated by phone calls once a month or so.

After he got off the phone today I casually, okay maybe more like pryingly, asked what they talked about.

“Oh she said something about a dance.”

“What sort of dance?”

“I don’t know. She wanted to know if I wanted to go.”

“Did she invite you like on a date?” I asked and tried not to let my voice crack as panic gripped my very heart.

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Or is it some sort of dance lessons she was wondering if you would be taking?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Do you know when this dance thing is supposed to be taking place?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why don’t you know anything?”

“She was talking so much. I kind of got confused and stopped listening.”

That Y chromosome. In one minute I went from terror over the thought of him going out in a date to wanting to smack him upside the head for being the embodiment of the male stereotype.

Posted by Chris @ 10:56 pm | 24 Comments