I never wanted to be one of those people. You know the type. The ones who can never eat anything you have to serve, have a list of ailments a mile long, and generally seem so persnickety you have the urge to tell them to lighten up. or maybe that is just me.
I don’t like to bother people, or inconvenience them. Even to my own detriment. A fact that was glaringly obvious when I was in NYC a couple weeks ago and didn’t want to bother anyone with my food allergies. And Mir yelled at me, in a loving way, and pointed out that my dying would be even more inconvenient to all of them. I had to agree, though it didn’t make me feel any better.
And yet, here I am. I am one of them.
At the risk of sharing TMI, but really isn’t that what this blog is all about anyway sharing too much information about the minutia of my life, I have had stomach “issues” since I was a small child. Over they years the “issues” have changed and evolved from constant constipation to the clenched cheek sprint. Bloating, debilitating stomach cramps, and a host of other maladies of which I will spare you the details.
So to make a long story short, I am now gluten free. This in addition to already being egg free, dairy free, and shellfish free. Did you know gluten is in everything? Well it is. At least everything that has been prepared for my convenience by other people in factories somewhere.
Basically you never want to invite me over to your house for dinner, or if you do just make sure you grab a handful of grass out of your yard and toss it on a plate for me. If you happen to have some dairy, egg, and gluten free dressing I’ll take that with it. And I can’t have beer.
Tonight I am making hamburgers, yellow rice and salad for dinner. And I am really wishing that I had bought those ridiculously overpriced gluten free hamburger rolls, because eating a hamburger without a roll is just not right. I can’t bring myself to do it. But when I was in the healthfood store and saw them for $5.99 for 4 rolls I was all on my high horse, “I can MAKE those myself. I am not paying that amount of money for some tasteless frozen hamburger buns.”
But of course I haven’t made them.
I did buy several different kinds of gluten free flour and something called xanthan gum, which apparently I need to make gluten free goodies, though I have no idea what it actually is. I have them all lined up on the counter next to me, where they are mocking me from their incredibly small and yet incredibly expensive packages.
I have eaten most of my chocolate covered sawdust cookies and really they aren’t half bad. They are almost like cookies. Almost.