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spreading good cheer

spreading good cheer

May 25, 2007

I am not sure if I have mentioned it here before, but Miles has decided that he is the neighborhood greeter. Whenever anyone drives by he screams, “HELLO!” and waves frantically. Then he screams, “BYE!” All while running through the front yard toward the street. In the evening when people are coming home from work, his little legs get quite a workout.

He also does this to people who are riding bicycles, jogging, or the poor unfortunate souls who are just trying to take a peaceful walk. He screams, “HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! HI! HI! HI! HELLO!” until they reach the 3/4 mark and then he begins biding them farewell. “BYE! BYE! BYE!” I am sure it is the longest 350ft or so of their entire walk.

Most people shout hello back to him. Not that it matters much because responding to him does not make him stop. They usually will laugh while I give them an exaggerated shrug, because I can’t make him stop either.

The people who don’t say anything back to him are probably whispering to each other through their gritted teeth, “Don’t encourage him.” Either that or they of spawns of Satan himself because how can you look at such a cute toddler and not even wave. Oh wait, probably the man who walks his dog without a leash and let’s him crap in everyone else’s yard probably wouldn’t wave either.

So Miles continues to be the neighborhood greeter, though now he has a new passion for trucks.

Whenever a truck, or something even remotely truck-like, drives by he must run across the yard screaming his heartfelt greeting.

Only, being a toddler, he can not pronounce truck properly.

You know where this is going, don’t you? I should probably just end it here. Before I admit that I laugh every single time.

People in my neighborhood are now being greeted with, “FUCK! FUCK! HELLO! FUCKALLO! FUCKALLO!”

And then “FUCK-A-BYE! FUCK-A-BYE!” as they drive off.

I never realized just how many people drive trucks, jeeps, and SUVs.

Posted by Chris @ 11:25 pm  

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  1. Karen says:

    OH MY GOD. I’m drinking here, woman and I just snorted vodka and cran.


  2. bombaygirl says:

    I could not stop laughing…damn that was funny! My son says fock when he’s talking about Swiper (from Dora). Swiper the FOCK! Funny how the emphasis is always on FOCK!

  3. Queen of Spain says:

    I have been waiting so long for swearing here. I KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU. Or the kid, whichever.

  4. Melanie says:

    I wish I lived in your neighborhood - I would laugh every time, too.

  5. Deputy's Wife says:

    Now, I really like that kid…

  6. Tina says:

    Our son couldn’t say “Dump truck”. It started out “dum fruk” and then the ‘r’ got dropped (as I was trying to get him to say the ‘t’ sound–and see how it got worse as I tried to make it better, I stopped).It ended up “dum fuck”. Everyone at my husband’s office LOVED asking him to say dump truck. They were really sad when he learned how to say it correctly.

  7. jennifer says:

    My daughter said truck the same way she also has an Uncle named Chuck and guess how she said his name yep with an F as well ..ah nothing better for an Uncle to be in public and his neice yelling Uncle F Uncle F.Wonder what kind of Uncle people that he was ;) ..I might add to the truck part when people would tell my daughter to say” um truck” or “what the truck” and my favorite “keep on trucking”

  8. Nikki says:

    Hilarious — love the stories in the comments, too!

    When I was growing up, the neighbors across the street had a toddler who behaved in similar fashion, except we weren’t enduring it for a mere 350ft. No, we would be spending 2-3 hours working in the front yard, and he’d keep it up from their porch — “HI, MR. J!!! HI, MRS. J!!!” — the entire time.

  9. Hipwritermama says:

    This is too funny. I remember being shocked when my eldest used to say things like that when she was a toddler. Now I just laugh, now that my 3 year old is going down that same path.

  10. Lauren says:

    Oh, boy that’s funny. Thanks so much for a good belly laugh!

  11. katieo says:

    I’m with Melanie. I wish I lived in your neighborhood! I’m still laughing…

  12. Alison says:

    my little brother used to think his preschool teacher’s name was ‘miss shits’. it got me every time…

  13. Kellie says:

    And some walking by are muttering about the character of people who teach their children swear words at such a young age! Ha!
    At 3, my son wanted a Buzz Lightyear party, but couldn’t say the letter Z and he often wouldn’t complete long words. His cousin couldn’t say the letter g and was having a “Bug’s Life” party. They were so excited to tell everyone they were both having a “Bud Lite” birthday party! Their single, childless uncles were excited, too.

  14. JanB says:

    Rachel used to do that when requesting a fork. In restaurants she would say, “I wanna Fock! Fock Fock Fock!!!” It was not fun.

  15. Jennifer says:

    My daughter said that very word for “Thank you.” Which was hilarious. Someone brought her dinner and she replied, “F— you!” It went on for a full year. Hilarious. He sounds so cute.

  16. Shari says:

    Too cute! My niece calls her self Honey and can not say socks, it comes out F–ks. When we ask her to get her socks, she comes running with them screaming “Honey F–ks, Honey F–ks!!” We only ask where her socks are about a zillion times when we visit.

    Gotta love toddlers.

  17. Brigitte says:

    I also think evil thoughts about those who won’t even wave back at such exuberant toddler greetings . . . but then, pre-child, I WAS one of those heartless, bitter people, so some of the mental slings bounce right back at me. Ooops.

  18. Salsaqueen says:

    Hee hee! My hubby drives a blue fruck. I would love to drive past your house just to hear Miles. Might even give him a ride!

    My now 17 year old nephew used to call them frucks too. I was called “Ah Chew” for a couple of years. I miss those days. :/

  19. Mrs. Schmitty says:

    LMAO, that must be a hilarious sight!

  20. Jen says:

    When my oldest was 2, she also could not pronounce truck. So when I got a new truck at about this time, she would tell EVERYONE “My mommy likes her new fuck.”

    That went over really well at her daycare, the grocery store, family gatherings, the doctor’s office…..

  21. Sara says:

    BWAHAHAHA!! I need to be your neighbor.

  22. Kim says:

    ROTF! I don’t have any boys, just girls, so we haven’t had to worry about the truck passion yet. But my 2nd couldn’t pronounce “f” for a while. My mother gave me an aquarium when she was about 15 months old, and for months afterwards, people would stare at my little potty mouth when she’d point and scream “BISH! BISH!” as we walked past the pet store at the mall or the pet section of Walmart.

  23. Jess says:

    LMAO now that has to be a sight to see.

  24. CaliforniaGrammy says:

    I’d be the neighbor who would just walk back and forth in front of your house just to see how long he’d keep it up. Too cute! Adorable, in fact!

  25. diana says:

    Love it!!! My boys also had a similar problem with truck!lol They used to scream
    “look mama the firefuck!! the firefuck!!” it kept me in stiches for hours. Still does to think about it!!

  26. Maddy says:

    LMAO you have made my day.

  27. Sadie says:

    My now 5 year old went through the “truck” phase as well, so she’d end up saying “I like Daddy’s f***”, or “I love big f***s!”

  28. mere says:

    When my oldest was a toddler he had a thing about clocks. However, he could not pronounce the “L” sound, so imagine my dismay one day in Target, in the clock section: “Wook! Mommy, Wook! Wook at the BIG C*CKS! OOOOOOhhh BIIIIIG C****CK!….” It went on and on and on because he would get so mad everytime we’d leave the section.

    My second son had exactly the same problem as the above commenter, with “Dump Trucks”.

    I wait in great anticipation for what my last two toddlers will say!

  29. Love my sailor says:

    OMG. I am laughing so hard. My oldest girl had the toddler pronouncation of ocean. It came out sounding like “oh sh*@” My teenage nieces loved asking her were daddy works. “Oh sh#@.” The other one she had a tough time with was Mr. Crabs from Spongebob. Came out “Mr. Craps”
    You have to have kids to get this stuff.

  30. Sarah says:

    Get that on video; it could be worth $10,000!! :) LOL

    I love being around kids for this very reason!

  31. Cherie says:

    That’s way too cute… and reminds me of my now 15 year old son who had a hard time pronouncing “fork” when he was a toddler. I didn’t realize that my husband had told his brother about this little speech impediment. Imagine my surprise, when during our weekly Tuesday night pizza dinners at my mother-in-laws house, doesn’t my bro-in-law hold up his fork and spoon and ask my son what they’re called.

    With all the enthusiasm a toddler could muster, he shouted “Fuck’n spoon!!”.

    The look on my mother-in-law’s face was priceless. LOL


  32. Lori says:

    Thank you for yet another great laugh to start my day!

  33. April says:

    Yup, my son can’t pronounce it either. We love “fucks” here too. Especially “dumb fucks!” You know, the ones that haul big loads of dirt or sand to and from construction sites and then dump (or “dumb”) them. The best is when we are driving through town with the windows down and he sees a dump truck. Then the people on the sidewalk are treated to an enthusiastic “MOMMY! DUMB FUCK!!!! WOW.”

    Wow indeed. It never fails to make me snort with laughter.

  34. MamaGeph says:

    I am rolling!

    When the Princess was about 2, she would shout “All set!” Only it was in toddler-ese, so it sounded like she ws exclaiming, “Aw, shit!” every time she accomplished anything or got ready to go places.

  35. The Same Teenager says:


  36. Ashley says:

    That is so funny. 2 of mine did the same thing. Just don’t get a truck. Then he’ll start elling everyone that Mommy has a new fuck.

  37. Jennifer says:

    We have that too. Only the Italians don’t get it. So I am left laughing all by myself.

  38. Michelle says:

    Miles, meet Gabe. Gabe had this problem around the age of three. Mommy had a Big Black Fuck, Daddy was a dumb Fuck (dump truck). The best had to be when the entire family was standing in my mom and step dads drive way getting ready to say our good byes and Gabe looks up and yells, “Papas Fuck Mawmaw!!!” While pointing to Grampa’s truck Gramma. Least to saw he was often asked what that was (papas truck). :)

  39. peepnroosmom says:

    Laughing hysterically! Roo can’t say “fork” or spoon. It comes out “f*ck n poon.” He also calls frogs f*cks. I taught him they were froggies, now he calls them f*ckies. He also can’t say clock very well. Just like mere said before in Target he sees the “BIG COCKS!

  40. amy says:

    This was one of the funniest posts ever and brought back so many hilarious memories of the boy’s speech impediments at Miles’ age. I also loved all the comments and funny stories that your readers included. Yes the boy always loved F*ks too and screamed out in joy when he would see a F*k. I remember just dying from embarrassment. He also loved collecting nuts and at his preschool there were walnut trees. I will never forget one time he picked up a walnut and said proudly to his preschool teacher, “Oh I love Peanuts” but it sounded exactly like you know what. So between the love of the Pen*s and the joy of F*ks I can only imagine what they thought went on at our house. Thanks for the memories!

  41. elizabeth says:

    HA HA! How funny and adorable! I can just picture him. My 6yo still greets everyone with a cheerful hello…(strangers, dogs - you name it.)

    A funny - my husband’s first language is not english, so when he was first speaking words in the States people obviously were aware of his accent and the different pronunciations (whereas anywhere else in the world - if he spoke english, no one really knew to correct him.) For a time he promounced FOE CUS (focus) as FU** US — and I thought it so funny, so cute that I thought not to correct him. But then he went up for his ph.d dissertation and I thought he had better pronounce it *correctly* as not to sound to much the foreigner. It was fun while it lasted… ;-P

  42. elizabeth says:

    ignore misspellings and the wrong to-toos - ::sigh:: i can correct english speech but eye do’nt due sew goud width speling. :)

  43. DEB says:

    Ok…gotta tell ya. BOTH my boys did this same thing….I had them say…I’m a little dump truck…It would not come out that way!
    They would say..I’m a little dumb f—!!
    Very off color, but they did not know what they were saying and it was soooooo funny–DEB

  44. Qalballah says:

    I so needed that laugh today. Thankyou xxx

  45. Heather says:

    There is nothing better than cracking up in the wee hours of the morning!! He is just to cute! :)

  46. Mommymommy says:

    soo funny!!! Don’t you love that stage???

  47. meredith says:

    Go Miles, Go and say hi to all those passing *ucks.
    This reminds me of a friend’s toddler son who was very polite and always said his *uck yous when he was given something.

  48. Joy H says:

    LOVE IT!!!!! I hope he never gives up his passion for trucks.

  49. Grim Reality Girl says:

    You have brought back some HILARIOUS memories! I nearly wet myself when my son started his FRUCK obsession. He loved FRUCKS and they were everywhere. Daddy drive a fruck so you can imagine that hilarious period of time…..

  50. Rose says:

    I’m laughing at the story and all the comments!! My oldest son, when playing with his pokemon cards, would say, “See how big my deck is?” Only he said ‘dick’ instead of deck!

  51. theotherbear says:

    Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That is just funny. So are the comments.

  52. Big Mama says:

    This just made my Sunday night. Cracks me up.

  53. Holli Smith says:

    I feel your pain. I named my kid Tucker…imagine the horror of every little old lady who asked him when he was two what his name was! HAHAHAA

  54. Petey says:

    I am laughing so hard that tears are streaming down my face. My 2-year old daughter also could not pronounce truck and I would purposely ask her questions that would require she say it. It’s the little things that get us through our day.

  55. Laurel says:

    You REALLY need to write a book!!! If anyone can compete with the whole “BABY BLUES” cartoon empire, it’s the “NOTES FROM TEH TRENCHES”. We generally do not allow swearing in this house, but I was laughing so loud that I had to read it aloud for the kids to enjoy as well!

  56. kate says:

    I don’t understand the people who can ignore adorable toddlers. On the plane the other day (yes, I know, nobody wants kids to make noise on the plane) my daughter was being a sweetheart and the woman next to me was just stonily silent. She finally melted a little bit later on, but still… How can you sit in silence while a little girl repeatedly says, “hi! Hi!” to you.

  57. Poppy says:


    I love that boy of yours…stories about him always make me smile~

  58. Common Mom says:

    Hilarious! I’ve just found your blog from a link on a previous blog. Love it! My little dude (who is now 6) had the same problem - http://commonmom.com/?p=9 - you just can’t get enough of little ones learning to talk :-)

  59. Fullt Hus » Jeg leker Sonitus says:

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