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Lessons for being a perfect mother: ignore your offspring

Lessons for being a perfect mother: ignore your offspring

June 7, 2007

Scene: 4 and 2 yr olds running through the room giggling. How nice they are finally playing a game together that is making them both happy.

The Mother Person: What fun you are having! What are you playing?

The 4 yr old: We are playing the scissor game!!!

The Mother Person looks up to see the 4 and 2 yr old chasing each other holding scissors out in front of them, pointy side facing out, opening and shutting them, while screaming at each other “I’m gonna get you!”

Disclaimer: This is meant for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Meaning, I will deny it to the death.

Posted by Chris @ 10:17 am  

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Comments

  1. Sleeping Mommy says:

    Dude, I’ve seen that game played before!

    Not in MY house. Nope. No way. Nuh-uh.

    *eyes darting back and forth*

  2. The Lazy Organizer says:

    What is your address so I can report you to the authorities?

  3. Jodi says:

    When my oldest was around 3 he was rocking in a small chair at my sister’s house. It was Christmas so there were lots of family members milling about and it was obvious to everyone that my son eventually was going to flip over backwards. They looked at me and waited. And waited. And waited. Child flips; hits hardwood floor. My parents asked me why I didn’t stop him before he flipped and my oldest sister said, “Well, now he won’t do it again.” And he didn’t.

    Just give them a pair of blunt tipped Fiskars and then mix up a blender of margaritas for yourself.

    And besides, stitches are so cool.

  4. Owlhaven says:

    LOL.

    Mary

  5. Sara says:

    Yep. Now you need to get them shirts that say “runs with scissors”.

  6. Susan says:

    Sara! Perfect!

  7. Holli Smith says:

    Oh my gosh!! That’s hysterical!
    You are such a better mother than me… I need to learn to let them kill each other rather than doing it myself!
    LOL!

  8. Courtney says:

    OMG - that is TOO funny!

  9. Jess says:

    Did The Mother Person crap her pants when she looked up? ;)

  10. Carrie @ Three-Girl Circus says:

    I love it! When I hear my girls laughing together about anything…I have to go investigate. They’re usually getting into trouble or eating each others’ boogers!

  11. Jennifer says:

    I’m sorry but that is too funny for words :)

  12. Rebecca says:

    Chris,

    You wrote that you have your blog to answer the question “how do you do it?” And now we know: you are way too cool and laid back to do anything else. You and your scissor-throwing children are my hereos!

  13. Lynette says:

    What couple of cuts ups!

  14. ~Tammy~ says:

    Mine played with pocketknives. One son was whittling a beautiful sword (out of his bed slats) and the next younger son decided to do so also. The second son (13) goes whittle, whittle, SLICE! Cut a gash on his knuckle requiring two stitches.

    I took him to the emergency room where he was stitched closed and splinted.

    Twenty-four hours later… Maybe just under 24 hours later.. the DD (older than both whittling sons) was sharpening HER pocketknife… and THE SAME THING! sliced her finger open with the pocket knife!

    I did NOT take her to the E.R.

    NO WAY!

    We cleaned and super-glued her cut and then bandaged and splinted it.

    God, What would the authorities say about that? Two kids with virtually identical injuries within 24 hours of one another? I shudder to think.

    Both recovered and both are still avid pocket knife collectors five years later. (And we have a wonderful collection of bed slats reincarnated as swords)

  15. Hol says:

  16. Becky says:

    haha, hey mom…(Tammy of the comment above me)
    I was reading your comment and thinking “hey that same things happened to us”….and about halfway thru saw that it WAS us…yes I am the knife totin daughter.

  17. Hol says:

    I’m betting that I played the scissor game when I was little. At least once.

  18. Chandra says:

    I love your stories! Thanks for the laugh :)

  19. nancy Sheppard says:

    Oh, deary me! Those “butterfly plasters” are so good, when you think a cut could maybe use a stitch or two. And try this old chinee cure: black pepper stops bleeding! It really does! And it doesn’t sting at all. Try! Just pack it into the cut. I may sound like a maniac, but I live in a tropical third-world country and the hospitals are full of virulent germs, so whenever we can deal with it at home, we do. My girlfriends and I have a horde of boys, so we have plenty of first-aid experience. My advice to anyone living far from medical help: please do a first aid course, and do refreshers regularly. You never know! Or like around here, you do know, its just WHEN the next child will turn up injured. My 4 boys take turns. Oh! Here’s another genius one, my eldest got a gash on his head,(bike ramp, yes he got the helmet lecture when he was better) and I could not get him to civillization till the following morning. We tied his hair together with tiny rubber bands as a temporary measure, to keep the cut closed. And when I took him to the pediatrician in the morning, the wound had knitted so well the Dr. decided not to stitch.thank you, aunty Sharon! My darling child was soon bungee jumping out of a tree holding onto a rope, to prove that he was all better. Oh my God. The rope burns on the hands. Anyone who can homeschool a hyperactive child is a saint. I need the mornings off! I love school!

  20. Suzanne says:

    I’m assuming when you say: “Any resemblance to persons, living or dead…”, you mean mostly dead.

  21. Karen says:

    And don’t you count yourself lucky that they both still have all their eyes and appendages!

  22. Brigitte says:

    Ah, the lovely games my poor only daughter may never get to play!

    Of course, it may backfire and she’ll play them long after everyone else has learned why you shouldn’t.

  23. Lisa says:

    I absolutely love this story!

  24. Becki says:

    My 3yr old and 4yr old are now playing the kicking game. They lay on opposite ends of the couch and kick their feet at each other.

    Why do siblings try to kill each other??