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love you better

love you better

June 12, 2007

Today I am over at Parenting, like I will be every Tuesday.

There are times when I look around at my kids playing and I am suddenly seized by panic so great that there are no words to describe it. It literally takes my breath away.

A panic that says, “You do not deserve all of this.”

A panic that says, “You can not possibly sustain all of this good luck you have. It will have to end.”

And I look at my children as my heart squeezes tighter than I could imagine. And I think, “Oh please don’t let something happen to one of them. I could not live without one of them.”

So click on over if you’d like. There are four other bloggers over there, some you may know some may be new to you, who are worth the read.

As for me, I am going to the dermatologist this morning to have a “suspicious mole” checked out. I made the appointment about 4 months ago. I am not particularly worried, even though I am a white girl who slathered her skin with baby oil and laid outside on a reflective tin foil-esque sheet to maximize the baking in the summer sun. Like a French fry.

Update: Turns out the “suspicious mole” is a cyst. It is in my hairline so I couldn’t really see it to Dr Google my own diagnosis, which you know is probably for the best.

Posted by Chris @ 8:06 am  

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Comments

  1. Nicki says:

    I know that feeling. I love those late night rituals. The “goodnight Mommy, see you in the morning”. And the way she screams it until you answer her.

  2. Jeana says:

    That is really beautiful, Chris.

  3. Tal says:

    Jeez, that made MY heart clench and I haven’t even read the post in it’s entirety (or have kids, for that matter). Excellent, as usual.

    Good luck with the mole Chris.

  4. Eli says:

    Have you read “Expecting Birdy”? I am loving this book, and I am loving your blog. Same genre. I’d highly recommend it–I’m a picky reader.

  5. Megan L. says:

    I am no longer a French fry either. The “suspicious lump” removed from my leg when I was 35 did the trick.”

  6. Holly Smith says:

    Praying for your appointment today, Chris. I’m so glad the weather turned out fine for your vacation! Have a great day!!
    Holly

  7. jody2ms says:

    Oh, good luck. Hoping it is just a plain jane mole.

  8. Christine says:

    We say: I love you “up to the sky” and I learned it from my mother. It is fair to say that NO ONE will ever love them as much as I do?

    PS writing to you with three bandaids on my back - all benign, thank you very much!

  9. Crisanne says:

    I am so glad to see you get the kind of recognition you deserve for your terrific writing. We need more writers out there who will say what feel, not just what others want to hear! Thanks for being true to yourself!

  10. Sadie says:

    Wishing you a dermatofibroma like I had removed a few months ago…

  11. Holli Smith says:

    Oh you too?! I mixed iodine in w/ my baby oil. GOOD GRIEF!!!
    So, far cancer free. I had a spot removed that was cancer but my bodies immune system fought it and beat it and that is what created the ugly spot to appear on my leg. I’m going to be a wrinkled ugly old woman!

  12. Pastormac's Ann says:

    I know that feeling! I’ve felt it; it’s given me sleepless nights. I surfed over there and read the rest of your article Chris. Great job!

  13. Sleeping Mommy says:

    Clicked over to read the post–beautiful as always.

    I’ll keep my fingers crossed on your doctor’s appointment–I too used the baby oil, liberally.

  14. Ashley says:

    ha, I used to do that all the time.

  15. Daisy says:

    I’m so glad to hear your mole is a benign cyst! Pour on the sunscreen, baby, from now on.

  16. amy says:

    That feeling you describe still grips me today and my kids are 16 and 18. I can only say that the fear is much more intense and heartstoppingly real now that the things I imagine could happen to them seem almost out of my control. Parenting is not for the weak of heart. The only way I survive every day is NOT.TO.THINK. too much and try to enjoy every moment I have.
    (Very happy to learn that your mole is nothing but a cyst.)

  17. liz says:

    Much luck with the cyst. Will they remove it?

  18. Elizabeth says:

    If Eli means “Waiting for Birdy,” I second the motion. I read Catherine Newman’s blog and her articles on Wondertime. I like yours better (more kids = more to love, right?) OF COURSE!! I love your nearly daily posts and your sense of humor. But, Catherine’s posts at babycenter.com were my entry point to reading blogs. FABulous.

  19. halloweenlover says:

    I love this post. Now that I have a baby, I finally understand.

    Hope the cyst is easy to remedy.

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