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June 21, 2007

I have been wondering lately if you are in a bad mood for 27.5 days out of the month can you still call it PMS. Or are do you just have to face the fact that it is your personality and you are just a bitch?

I was talking to my friend Susan about it and told her that this past month I think I had my twelve good hours when I was sleeping.

PPMS: When your PMS is a permanent state of being.


My husband called me from work a little while ago and casually asked, “So, how is your day?”

During the long pause that followed I bet he wished he hadn’t called.

“I want to snap their little heads off and eat them.”

Yes it has been one of those sort of days.

But after I said that it brought to mind that little rhyme from when I was a kid. We would hold dandelions in our hand and say, “Mama had a baby and it’s head popped off.” And then flick the head of the dandelion off the stem with our thumb. Oh how funny it was.

Did anyone else do that? Or did I just have some kind of warped twisted childhood.

Anyway now it is stuck in my head.


Things that have annoyed me today in no particular order:

1) Why would someone decide to rip the side open on the jumbo 500 pack of bandaids, allowing them to now spill out all over the cabinet, counter and floor instead of just opening the top? And why would this person just leave all the bandaids laying around like some cleaning fairy was going to fix it all? AND when confronted why would this person lie about it?


2) Why would someone break the soap into a million little pieces and then use one of those pieces to write all over the window?

3) Why would a person think it was a good idea to to open the cabinet and throw the chess pieces inside rather than put them in the storage area at the back of the chess board?

4) While talking on the phone my husband remarked that I haven’t made pasta salad in a really long time, and hey we should make it and hamburgers and grilled chicken breast this weekend. And there are just so many things I can’t eat anymore that he mentioned that I want to punch him.

5) I’d like to be all happy and pollyanna-ish and say how great this new diet is going. But I can’t. It sucks. All my favorite things to eat… gone. Yes, I know there are good gluten, egg, dairy, seafood free foods out there. Yes, I know I can cook from scratch. But I hate it. You would think that I should just be dropping weight because of all the things I can’t eat, like bread, and french toast, and ice cream, and cereal… but instead I have been eating about 5000 calories a day in candy.

6) Larabars. I am so sick of you and your vegan, gluten free, less than 5 ingredient ways. Damn you for being so convenient to toss in my pocketbook.

I know there were more things, but I have forgotten them now.

Mama had a baby and it’s head popped off.

Posted by Chris @ 11:33 pm  

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  1. Donna says:

    Oh My Gosh, Yes! I could spend hours popping the heads off (the dandelions, not the kids).

  2. MamaGeph says:

    Ug, I had to eat lara bars when my midwife took away my sugar during my last pregnancy. Nothing says, “I am not a Snickers” like a chocolate chew lara bar. Blarg.

  3. ChristieNY says:

    Sorry it’s been one of those days. :(

    I’m sure you’ve seen them but we got a great breadmaker (Breadman Pro, I think?) from amazon that has a gluten-free setting and it’s been a lifesaver around here! :)

    Other than that, Whole Foods is eating hubby’s paycheck for pasta and stuff I can cook with these days… I commiserate, dahlin.

  4. Karen says:

    That’s it? THAT is why you wouldn’t let me ship Thomas to you today? Pah. Rookie.

    *ducks and runs*

  5. Tricia says:

    Oh, Oh, Oh,…a nightcap, maybe???

  6. Holly Smith says:

    Well, at least you can be healthy and laugh about it :) May the times when PMS come not be so very PPMS…and may you find something even more funny to laugh about tomorrow…it’s keeping that heart of yours healthy!

  7. HipWriterMama says:

    In case you’re interested, I have Mr. Linky set up so people can link to their favorite posts. Hope you stop by!


  8. Lucinda says:

    I feel you about the diet thing. I was just recently diagnosed with Celiac after being misdiagnosed and suffering in pain for over 10 years. I can’t have egg, dairy or gluten either. It’s hard. But the dairy should get better in time. At least that’s what they tell me. I just wanted to offer hugs and say that grumpy can also be part of the detox your system is going through. (((HUGS)))

    By the way, gluten free pantry makes an awesome brownie mix that can be made egg free. :)

  9. Mary (MPJ) says:

    I love it! And from our household today: Why would someone decide to pour a tube of toddler toothpaste and some glue on a cat? Sigh!

  10. Lilly says:

    I think that what you have might be PGFS - Permanent Gluten Free Syndrome. I’ve been mighty grumpy lately because I’ve restricted my diet because I went to buy a new bathing suit and EVERYTHING I tried on looked incredibly BULGY. Okay well actually the suits weren’t bulgy… Anyway, I’ll bet it’s the food restrictions that are making you extra cranky and I don’t blame you…

  11. qtpies7 says:

    Umm, yep, I think I have PPMS, too.
    And I used to pop the dandelions off saying that rhyme, too. I hope it doesn’t stick in my head now, it took years to forget the stupid thing.

  12. The Lazy Organizer says:

    An all sugar diet is not healthy and tends to make people grumpy. I definitely think you need to include more fat. Aren’t potato chips gluten free? And buttered popcorn?

  13. Monica says:

    We used to call a certain “flower” baby heads. They were brown with itty bitty white flowers growing around it. We’d always pop off the “head” while chanting that.

    I also liked to step on all the cracks in the sidewalk.

    Have you ever gotten tested for candidiasis? http://www.wholeapproach.com has a lot of info and tests. They also have a symptoms page so you can see if you have the symptoms. Adult onset allergies is one of the indicators. I know I can look up any obscure disease on the internet and suddenly I’ll realize that I have every single one of those symptoms, but I think candidiasis is very overlooked and often left untreated. It’s worth a look

  14. goodsandwich says:

    Yeah, we used to do that, but with plantain stems. (The lawn weed, not the funny-looking banana. To which you are probably also allergic now, sorry…) Sometimes, doesn’t it feel like “Mama had a baby and HER head popped off?”

    Sorry about the hard going on the diet. Gluten, egg, AND dairy just seems so unfair. Yeah, I know, one can cook from scratch, but … yeah, no fair.

  15. Maddy says:

    OK it’s Friday, well it is here in Aus so by the time you read this it will be there too, and that’s got to be a good thing right? Your hubby will return from work soon and if you’re quick you will meet him in the driveway and tell him not to turn off the engine, as you need to pop out for a minute. Then drive off into the sunset and find a shopping mall, beauty salon or a bar, the bar is only if you don’t find a shop or salon first. Then spend at least two hours of girl time, me time or selfish time whichever one sound the best to you. You will feel so much better on your return to the house were the family who love you dearly will have missed you terribly and will appreciate you all weekend. Hopefully! Good luck.

  16. Jennifer says:

    We say that little ditty too. I think there was more to it but of course, I can no longer remember.

    It’s just one of those days. Sorry! I think we all have those days, or weeks, or whatever, and really nothing anyone says makes you feel any better. You just gotta wait it out. And then it will all go away and you will wonder what you were bitching about because it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal in retrospect.

    Except that yeah, if someone came to my house and did all those things I’d be pretty ticked too.

    Hope you can manage to get away by yourself this weekend. Sounds like you could use a break.

  17. Brigitte says:

    Ummm . . do adult onset allergies ever go away as suddenly as they appeared? Because that would DEFINITELY give me PPMS.

    We did the “Mama had a baby . . ” thing with the dandelions as well, and we shot plantain (lawn weed) heads at each other, but we didn’t have any ditty to go with those.

  18. Holli Smith says:

    I’d be grumpy too if I couldn’t eat pasta salad from a box and had to make things from scratch! (and I’d starve to death too)
    Sounds like a very rough day w/ the kiddies… so sorry! Hopefully today is a better day for you!
    Yes, I played that game too… maybe if you went and rocked in a corner and started popping heads off of babydolls and barbies you’re kids would worry enough to behave?
    Okay - who am I kidding?!

  19. cole says:

    The whole diet thing sounds like the perveribal straw and I am sorry to hear you are so limited.

    Often I feel that I wish I were a gerbil or goldfish and I could just eat them and start all over again.


  20. Mom of All Seasons says:

    Oh, I forgot about the dandelions. Thanks for the memory.

    For annoying things 1-3, here’s something my mom told me the day we brought The Boy home from the hospital. “Don’t bother asking, ‘Why?’ You’ll just drive yourself insane.”

  21. allysha says:

    Don’t know if this will help, but I thought you might be interested…good luck with the PPMS.

  22. wookie says:

    Pasta salad is still possible, you’d just have to make it with rice pasta. I’ve found a poppy-seed/onion dressing that is dairy, egg and gluten free, I usually put a bit on the warm pasta, a little chopped up chives and a little chopped up sweet pepper.

    Ditto on the hamburgs (although you’d make them yourself or buy 100% no filler burgers) and chickenbreasts. I put a slice of tomato and a slice of pretend cheese on the top while it finishes grilling and enjoy!

  23. Fairlyoddmother says:

    We ALWAYS do that with dandelions—my kids will do it and it is pretty funny when they do it in front of an adult who has never heard it before. They will always turn to me and ask, “WHAT did they say???”

    I’ve been having a hard time with my kids too lately. Maybe the start of summer makes them particularly itchy (but why?!?? mine also do not attend school so this should not be a big deal)? Of course, you more than double the number of kids I have, but I also have two puking, deaf, old-as-s**t cats, so that must count for something in the annoyance department.

  24. peepnroosmom says:

    Hey, I’m with Monica. We would say that with those little brown weeds, too. Funny.

  25. suzanne (JoyfulChaos) says:

    i’ve never heard that one - i wonder if he even had it in the south or if i’m just outta the loop.

  26. suzanne (JoyfulChaos) says:

    oops. not “he”. we. good grief.
    haven’t had my coffee yet…

  27. Karalyn says:

    I remember that little ditty well. I taught my son that when he was two and he would frantically ask every time “Is that a true story? Did the baby’s head really pop off?” Of course it’s true son. Only the babies head didn’t just “pop” off.

  28. Brandi says:

    Are the kids considered gluten, dairy, and egg free? You could cook them up - from scratch.

  29. Brandi says:

    KIDDING! :)

  30. Annalise says:

    The dandelion rhyme scares me. :-)

    re the gf diet - I would imagine that you need to go a through kind of grieving process for your old lifestyle before you embark on the new regime. I mean, it is a big change, and it affects your life a lot - makes social events more difficult, makes meal planning and cooking more timeconsuming and probably more expensive … I suspect that once you’ve come to terms with the loss of your previous way of life, you’ll be able to find alternatives that you actually do like.


  31. Paulla says:

    I think the problem is the word you used - “person.” In my experience, this can’t be used when speaking of anyone under the age of… about… 22. Maybe older, depending on the non-person.

  32. Mir says:


    I suddenly understand why coming to my house to pack was a welcome respite. ;)

  33. Wendy says:

    Two things:

    1. Never heard that little diddy about the dandelions, but it will be forever stuck in my head. Must remember on those kinds of days.


    2. Thank you

  34. The Wooden Porch says:

    Your bad day just made mine seem a little better.

  35. Christine says:

    I sooooooo needed to be reminded that my kids aren’t the only ones with their heads up their butts.

    Hmmmm … how exactly would THAT work into the dandelion diddy?

  36. Playdate Susan says:

    At my house, I’m the one whose head pops off.

    I am researching egg/dairy/gluten/seafood free drinks for us to imbibe in Chicago. Fortunately, there seem to be a LOT of them!

  37. Mama Bear says:

    We had matching days yesterday! Hubby called me on the cell and asked how my day was, and I launched into a 10 minute rant on how all three of his children need to learn to do this, that and the other, and stop doing that, the other and this. Sigh… PMS sucks. (Other than you supposedly burn an extra few calories and I add something delish to my diet for a week. Heh)

  38. hamiam says:

    I concluded in my pre-pubescent days that yes, you can blame it all on PMS, all the time, because a woman is either:
    or POSTmenstrual at any given point in time, all of which = PMS.

    And for those of you thinking what about women who’ve passed menopause, well, that postmenstrual category can lump you in.

    See - PMS in all cases! No need to succomb to the title of bitch :)

    Oh, and Chris, (hugs) sounds like it was a rough day.

  39. Garnigal says:

    Always sang the song to pop the heads off dandelions. Then made chains, bracelets and crowns, staining everything we owned with dandelion milk.

  40. Anna says:

    It was a bad day here yesterday, too. I actually checked to see if it was a full moon.

  41. jenijen says:

    I’m in a similar boat, and it’s not fun. At least when the kids complain that something isn’t fair we can YELL at them and say, “No, NOT FAIR is when I have to make your cinnamon toast but I can’t have any. I’ll show you not fair!”

    It’s like being a kid again!

  42. ellipsisknits says:

    Yeah, we did that dandelion rhyme. We also had another one, which I can’t remember the beginning, but the ending was ‘and the baby peed down the hill’ and you rubbed the flower down your arm so it made a yellow mark - yeah. Mature.

  43. t in hd says:

    Re: the husband phoning home–same thing here. Today, as it happens. Oh, yeah…*twice*.

    Re: the dandelion rhyme–oh my, I haven’t thought of that in years! I guess we didn’t really think about how morbid that was in those days…

    Re: the bandaid mess, the chess pieces, the soap bits–why, you ask? Well, because why the bloody h*ll should your kids be any different from mine, LOL! Just an hour ago, my son ripped the curtains and rod right out of the wall. Asking why is as pointless as slamming your head against a brick wall.

    Re: your new, sucky diet–all I have here to offer you is buttloads of sympathy. Diets just plain SUCK. Allergy diets suck most of all.

    P.S. to jenijen: I recently taught my kids a new mantra “life is not FAIR”. I make them repeat it when they start to give me a hard time. It is usually recited with a rolling of the eyes but I don’t care as it puts an end to whatever I’m being hassled about!

  44. Mary@notbefore7 says:

    Yes yes Yes. I remember picking dandelions outside last spring with my dd (3 and 1) and suddenly singing that song.

    It sounded a bit sadistical singing it to children…

    Your day sounds tough. I am glad you are able to look at it with some humor online. Or, maybe at least let us look at it with humor :)

  45. JanB says:

    See, I think I have a theory about this PPMS thing. You know how if you are living with another woman you will end up coordinating cycle? Or if you work with them the same thing happens?

    Well, for people who are blogging, we are simply coordinating cycles with all of our readers and other blog writers that we read. We can’t win!

  46. Sherri says:

    I remember sitting under our willow tree on summer days “popping the heads” off. Maybe on my PMS days I should try it as a stress reliever…my kids would truly think that I have gone bananas….heh heh heh.

  47. kate says:

    I used to pop the head off mama’s baby too. We also used to take dandelions and rub them down our arms… something about “mama slid down the hill, papa slid down the hill, baby peed down the hill” and by that time, there would be yellow on our arms. I did this with 2 friends who were allergic to dandelions. Smart.

  48. Molly says:

    Is beer allowed on your diet? Sounds to me like you need a beer. Or two. Or five.

  49. Mishel says:

    Stumbled onto your site from another sie and as I mentioned on another blog: I am glad I did. This has to be one of the funniest blogs I’ve read today and in a long time and yes, I too want to snap heads off:) Dandelions not my child’s or husband’s though:)

  50. Maine Mom says:

    Thank you for the childhood memory of dandelions!

  51. Kathy says:

    Stumbled here from another website. I love the Dandelion Song and think of it daily… well, maybe not everyday but at lest a few times a week. Your blog certainly gave me a chuckle today and I really needed one. Thanks. :)

  52. Karen@FamilyBriefs.com says:

    I thought you had it all together and everything was put in it’s place? Oh - that’s you’re other blog :) I’m glad to know someone else has days like these and wants to eat their children (I usually want to list mine on ebay :).

    I always find if I stop trying to accomplish something and get down on the floor to play with them, the day gets a little better (or at least I’m not as frustrated since I’m not trying to get something done :).

    I hope tomorrow will be a better day

    PS I think you develop PPMS once you have children :)

  53. Ruth H says:

    I have never even heard of that rhyme before. Who knew I could be so innocent at age 70? We just said “oh boy, make a wish” and then blew or waved them around like wands, I still like to do that waving thing with them.
    I think it’s not pms, I think it’s having to think about every single, da.. thing you put in your mouth. EXTREMELY depressing. I cannot even imagine. If I couldn’t have bread I would really be whining.

  54. Jackie says:

    I feel your pain!

  55. Tricia says:

    You’re right, It does suck! My dd has an anaphylactic allergy to ALL dairy. The only good thing I can think of about this is that she has had it since birth and does not know what she is missing.

    Interestingly enough I developed an egg allergy while I was pregnant with her. Now THAT sucks. I KNOW what I am missing. I am missing egg sandwiches, and cake, and brownies and…not helping. sorry! I meant to commiserate. :o)

  56. Common Mom says:

    I can’t say I know what you’re going through, but I feel for you! I know how unpleasant I’d be if I had to restrict my diet like that! I do, however, know how you’re feeling about your “list” - my MIL just left . . . I was ‘this’ close to turning off that filter in my brain that allows me to be nice!

    Here’s to hoping you have a better weekend!

  57. Eve says:

    I sing it when I play with the nesting dolls with my daughter. Twisted. But true, so true. I think if I had all those allergies I would live off of candy too, I mean, what would my options be? Vegies? Don’t really like them. Fruit? Delicious when in season. But candy would be so easy…and I hate those Larabars.

  58. Jodi@OC says:

    I showed my kids that little rhyme this spring and they walked around popping the babies head’s off until every last dandelion was gone.

    At least none of them went to see to make more dandelions. ;)

  59. April says:

    Oh sweet, merciful universe I AM NOT ALONE!!!! Two. That’s right two. That is the number of days that I have not felt like a hormonal psychopath this last month. A hormonal psychopath in charge of aliens with absolutly no conception of how irritating they actually are.

    And then they go and do something REALLY annoying like be cute or loving or, damn them, both.

    Mama had a baby and HER head popped off. The mama’s that is.

  60. kit says:

    Chris, so sorry about your day!
    We sang that little song too, but we always said, “Mama had a baby and HER head popped off”…Mama’s head popped off…hmmmm, might be somethin’ to that…
    I was SHOCKED when my children started singing it, because I NEVER taught it to them. Amazing how things don’t change…

  61. Jessica says:

    The instant I read your comment to your husband about snapping their heads off, all I could think of was that rhyme. My husband thinks I’m nuts for even knowing it.
    If I had to be on a diet like yours I’d be PPMS ing too. In fact we should start a new acronym TSDSS - This Stupid Diet Sucks Syndrome.

  62. Laura K. says:

    I fall more in love with you every day.

    And yeah, I know the dandelion thing too hehe!

  63. but Momma says:

    Why would someone ask the procedure for not stopping up the toilet until after they’ve already stopped it up.

  64. Mary W says:

    Is wine or tequila gluten free?

  65. Rae says:

    We did the dandelion rhyme. Interesting how we never stopped to think of how disturbing it is. Hmmmm… So sorry about your lame diet and crazy kids. That’s what you really need to hear, right? The diet is LAME and it is really unclassy to throw chess pieces in the cupboard. Poor you.

  66. Melanie says:

    We used to do that “mama had a baby and its head popped off”, too, but I’d forgotten it until now. If you haven’t killed any of your children after today, you are obviously a saint. Because if mine did even one of those things I’d probably eat him alive.

  67. Jeanne says:

    I remember vividly the first time I heard about babies with their heads popping off while destroying a dandelion. I thought the little girl was sick and twisted. Was your name Margaret when you were younger?

    I grew up sheltered in Smalltown USA. Where would any of us be today without Margaret (or Chris)? Please keep us laughin’ and those heads poppin’ off.

  68. Lilly says:

    Ohmigosh a new template! Very exciting and professional looking…..

  69. Jen says:

    Had that kind of day today. Just to top it off, my hubby calls from NYC to say the hospitals computers crashed and he has to stay another night to fix everything. We were supposed to go on vacation starting tomorrow. I need chocolate.

  70. Bastet says:

    Two of my favorite health foods, Red wine and Dark Chocolate…it is a cure for PPMS!

    I loved the dandelion song…still do!

  71. amy says:

    Your day sounds horrible but your post cracked me up.

  72. Holly Smith says:

    Classy looking new template…I do like the baby shoe one, too! Somehow the baby shoe spoke of where I am, so I identified with it (and the “this is your brain on children”). Mine are 9, 7, 3 and 9 months, so I understand how crazy things can get. Today I kept my cousin’s three young ones (2, 5 and 7) and thought of you. They seemed to group into 4 and 3…and it worked really well. I was TIRED, though!
    Have a great weekend!

  73. sandy says:

    I like the old template. Bring it back…please!

  74. sarcastic journalist says:

    I spend a lot of time eating wheat-free chocolate chip cookies. I doubt I’ve lost much weight. But! Think! At Blogher? We’ll both sit and whine together.

  75. Genevieve says:

    Ohhhh, I’ve been having a couple weeks like this too. I find that copious amounts of chocolate help.

  76. Gwen says:

    We’d pop dandelions to that chant and then string the stems and drop them in water to watch them curl. I’d like to go back to those type of days when you have no worries or cares, but instead I too have to wonder why “someone” would turn on the bathroom faucet 80 times a day and leave it running and things like that.

    No wonder the heads popped off.

  77. My Minivan Is Faster Than Yours says:

    I’m new to this whole blog thing but I gotta tell you…you’re hilarious! Love it!

  78. Haley says:

    So I’ve never signed your site before, but here I am. I just had to reply to this post today. Your comment about candy in your diet cracked me up. That is totally me! I take this medicine to prevent migraines which makes pretty much everything taste gross, except sugary substances. I definitely had Laffy Taffy for breakfast this morning! Just don’t tell my mom…I’m 25, and I can do what I want! :) Anyways, I love your blog, and I will definitely reply more in the future.

  79. pamela says:

    Try Trader Joes semi -sweet choc. chips. I know that they are dairy free. I eat those with strawberries when I have pms .

  80. Lisse says:

    Oh, the Bandaid mess. I can relate. Hope tomorrow is better.

  81. CathyC says:

    Oh God, I feel for you. While I can’t imagine what the diet must be like, I do know what it’s like to have PPMS. Yes, my husband has commented, and amazingly he is still breathing. BTW, if you figure out what to do with kids who are currently making you insane, please please PLEASE let me know. Thanks.

  82. Paige says:

    I hear you. I’m like the only fat celiac person I know. Sugar, folks, sugar. Chocolate is gluten free, and don’t I know that? I’m sorry that you have to completely change your diet. It’s not fun at all.

    By the way, I love the moth and bionicle pictures.

  83. liz says:

    my husband gained weight after starting his gf diet cos his system was finally getting what it needed, instead of food flying out of his body and the dead celia in his intestines letting all the good stuff he needed go by. it all balanaced back out to normal once his body adjusted and got used to his new eating routines. he’s a lot more healthy now, so there’s hope- it will get better!

  84. liz says:

    Allysha- thanks for the link to our GF recipe site!

  85. Gem says:

    Over here in the UK, we used to sing “Mary Queen of Scots had her head chopped off” in the same circumstances…