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Multiple choice

Multiple choice

July 30, 2007

I am a pirate

How did I sustain this eye injury in Chicago:

a) I was hit in the eye when SJ threw a big pink dildo at my head. (It was in a schwag bag that we got at one of the panels lest you think she brought it from home)

b) I was attacked by the Pay Per Post people who stabbed me in the eye with one of their huge pens

c) I hit myself in the eye with my name badge when I tried to take it off

d) Brawl with the hotel when I found out my bar tab

Posted by Chris @ 10:06 am  

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  1. Katie says:

    The answer is ARRRR, there be pirates at BlogHer this year!

    (My deepest apologies for the pirate reference.)

  2. Mir says:

    B! It musta been B! Those assholes. ;)

  3. Woman with Kids says:

    I have to say, A sounds like the best story. I mean, not only were there dildos, there was dildo throwing.

    Patiently waiting for the rest of the story…

  4. sam says:

    Though the dildo throwing is tempting (because I heard there was a lot of dildos there) I’m going with the name tag. Those things are deadly sonsofbitches.

  5. Mongoose says:

    Definitely the dildo. You can’t be too careful with those things.

  6. Tammy says:

    I say: e) You did this so you would have something interesting to blog about. J/K :)

  7. peepnroosmom says:

    I have to say the pirate look is very becoming!

  8. Rebecca says:

    Tough one! I’m wavering between A & C, leaning slightly more towards C - A sounds too funny to be true. Looking forward to hearing the rest of the story. Hope your eye feels better soon!

  9. Laura K. says:

    I think C sounds most likely but A would be quite a story! That damn SJ.. I’m told she’s crazy ;)

  10. Trish says:

    I vote for C. That’s what I would have done.

  11. Busy Mom says:

    I’m not eligible, dammit. But, I hope you arrrrrrgh feeling better.

  12. Melissa says:

    Hey…just worked my way through all the archives the past week. Welcome to Chicago! (I’m just over here in NW Indiana.) I pick C because I’ve done it before…just not so bad that it requires an eye patch.

  13. Kris says:

    Oh, no! None of those options sound very good!

  14. Kathy says:

    None of the above. Since (according to Mir) you couldn’t use the bathroom, you were full of s*%@ up to your eyeballs, it became infected, thus the patch.

  15. Daisy says:

    C is most likely, but A is funniest. I’ll check back to find out the whole story.

  16. Beth F. says:

    As much as I’d love to say A…I pick C.

    and ouch.

  17. falwyn says:

    I dunno… sounds like a sure D to me….

  18. Maniac says:

    The suspense is killing me!!!!!

  19. becky says:

    I so want to hear the bar tab story.

  20. Jess says:

    I would say the name badge but the dildo story sounds much more interesting.

  21. fidget says:

    I’m HOPING it’s the dildo so when you are really old you can crab

    “Aww hell, my eye is bothering me again”

    “what’s wrong with your eye?”

    “It’s an old dildo injury”

  22. Y says:

    It was A. Because SJ was out of control with that dildo.

    (p.s. are you ok?)

  23. Chookooloonks says:

    I’m hoping it’s A. Say it ain’t C.

    (sounds like you had a great time!)

  24. diatribal says:

    Sadly…I’m bettin’ on the name badge. Oh how I wish it was the dildo, however!

  25. Blonde Chick says:

    I don’t know which one would be more interesting to hear about, but I’m waiting patiently!

  26. Lynda Hitt says:

    As boring as it sounds, I am going to have to guess C. The others, while making a really good story, just can’t possibly be true because of the dignified, refined nature of all of the ladies that attended the BlogHer conference.

  27. whoorl says:

    I was thinking of you last night - I hope navigating O’Hare with one eye wasn’t completely horrible. Get better, eye!

  28. Christine says:

    Well, now it just won’t be very interesting unless it’s A.

  29. Karen says:

    I know for a fact it was D, and that you’re going to blame 95% of said bill on Susan.

    *ducks and runs*

  30. Christina says:

    Definately D

  31. Mary Alice says:

    I think it was the name tag….that is something that would happen to me! Also I think a Giant Pink dildo would have probably required a CAT scan.

  32. Sara says:

    So, big fun at Blogher, eh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what they say…”it’s always fun until someone loses and eye”. Sorry about the injury, but perhaps eyepatches will be big in fashion this year, dahling.

  33. Sara says:

    AN eye, AN eye, for crying out loud!!

  34. jody2ms says:

    I vote A. Because, well, it is the only likely possibility.

    I mean, the vision of you three tossing a pink dildo around the room during your braiding, jammie slumber party…..makes me glad I went to the beach instead. ;*)

  35. Coleen says:

    My husband is currently at the eye doctor getting a patch because while he was organizing the pantry this weekend a box of cookies fell and hit him in the eye. I know this sounds about as likely as the dildo story… but yes, my husband did re-organize the pantry. He is amazing.

  36. Salsaqueen says:

    A. No, D. No, B. No, C. That’s it. Final answer C.

  37. Nothing But Bonfires says:

    Um, all four I’d say.

  38. bluepaintred says:

    whats wrong with ppp?

  39. CathyC says:

    A!!! That’s my vote. Are you trying to compete with Miles for head injuries?

  40. sarcastic journalist says:

    If you hadn’t played “Pin the dildo on the mommy,” this wouldn’t have happened.

  41. Jeana says:

    Hmm, after the well-deserved slam you delivered toward the PPP people, b seems like a believable answer. Except after reading a, I misread b the first time and thought you said the PPP guy attacked you with his…you know. And I’ll go on and say that sounded believable too.

  42. jm says:

    Someone has really good aim with dildos. That’s my guess. Perhaps a dildo ninja?

    (I don’t really believe that. But I do want this blog to be the number one search result for “dildo ninja”. You’re welcome.)

  43. kate says:

    I am going to say C for Chris because I know that is how I would have done it!

  44. Meagan says:

    I so wish it was A…

  45. Heather says:

    Well if it were ME, the answer would be C. A is much funnier though.

  46. Deputy's Wife says:

    I would have to say the dildo theory would be the best choice. Yet, I have heard those pay-per-post people are brutal!

  47. Jonathon Morgan says:

    A. Obviously. Anyone who’s ever conversed with SJ would know this.

  48. Andrea from Germany says:

    Um, I live way out here and am discovering that my English is lacking…

    What is a “dildo”???

    I must be way out to lunch on this, because I think this is comment 47 and I am the first to “out myself”. I honestly do not know…

  49. Sarah says:

    I’m gonna guess it was a combination of all four. You found out the bar tab which made you faint onto the point of a Pay Per Post pen and then to awaken you, SJ threw the dildo at your face, which got caught on your shirt, making it fly over your head where your nametag scrapped your retina.
    Am I close??

  50. Suburban Turmoil says:

    Hope you’re feeling better today… It was so much fun hanging out with you!

  51. Susan says:

    How about E) Susan beat me up when she saw what all I had charged to our room?

    And for the record, I was only responsible for 75% of the bar bill, KAREN. Sheesh.

  52. Stephanie says:

    Just for fun, I googled ‘dildo ninja,’ and this site did not show up on the first page. I guess we have to write it some more. ‘dildo ninja’ ‘dildo ninja’

    and since no one else was brave enough to answer andrea’s question, a dildo is a fake phallus.

  53. Jennifer says:

    As much as I would like to think it was A, B or D, it could only be C. Those name tags will get you every time.

  54. Stacy says:

    Although A sounds like the best story to tell I can just picture C happening…So are you going to fill us in or just make us wonder?
    Hope your eye is alright.

  55. ann-marie says:

    i’m gonna go with a, though, if it were me, c would be the more likely way that would happen.

  56. Maniac says:

    Dildo Ninja, Dildo Ninja….just doing my best to help out Stephanie! The suspense….the suspense…..and why can’t I go to conferences that give out dildo’s? We always get candy.

  57. Tamatha says:

    I always heard you could put out an eye with one of those things…or is it you’d go blind if you used it too much?

  58. Mom101 says:

    Having been there, I have to go with the Pay-Per-Post scenario.

    Good lord woman, take care of yourself! I’m still worried about you not eating two days ago.

  59. Charlotte says:

    All happened, but C did the damage.

  60. Andrea from Germany says:

    Oh, my.
    (Thanks to Stephanie (dildo ninja), you brave woman you, thanks for the definition…)

  61. Tricia says:

    Hmmm… and here I was thinking that maybe Andrea didn’t know what a dildo was because maybe there is no need for them in Germany…hmmm And, oh yeah… Dildo Ninja, Dildo Ninja, Dildo Ninja.