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Snippets of BlogHer

Snippets of BlogHer

July 30, 2007

So much to write, so few intact brain cells.

I met the Sarcastic Journalist for the first time and as we stepped into the elevator she grabbed my boob. That is how her people say hello.

And so I told her the truth.

“They come off, you know, you can touch them whenever you want.”

****
Tops on my agenda today was pooping. Those shutters at the hotel were not exactly conducive to uh, going. Luckily I lived on a mostly liquid diet. Is this TMI? Probably. I am a sharer.

****

My panel was good, except that I wish we didn’t talk so much about monetizing and advertising on blogs. Holy crap we didn’t just beat that dead horse, we dragged it around the square and stoned it until it no longer resembled a horse, but something else like steak. Or um a dead bloody thing.

****
Speaking of steak, I went out to dinner one night at this ridiculously expensive restaurant. The food was good. But I don’t think I have even been in the situation where we have all passed our money down the table and had someone say, “We are a little short.” And had that “little short” be $600. Honestly I wanted to call the waiter back over and get more meat to wrap in my napkin and take home in my purse. I already carry non-dairy coffee creamer in there. Might as well start practicing for my geriatric days now. Now where are my Chicklets?

****
Oh, back to my panel. Lena and I kept looking at each other and mouthing, “OMG she is like really, really smart.” Yes, Catherine uses big words. And somehow worked Marx and the true definition of politics into the discussion. Lena and I were both feverishly scanning our brains for important people to quote. But, uh, yeah. And so I rambled on and on and used my hands too much, because did you know that when you speak on a panel everyone looks at you? Yes, shocking, right?

****
Oh I did say a little something about Pay Per Post. And I stand by it. I was asked if there was anything that I would not do in terms of advertising on my blog or doing reviews. I don’t do reviews at all, except for the occasional book review. My reason for this is simple, I think writing well written reviews of products is an art I don’t posses. Now if someone wants to send me a car or something for keeps I may just hone these skills.

And I answered. Not as someone who works for BlogHer, or who has ads on my site, but as a blogger and writer. Places such as Pay Per Post do not pay a living wage, end of story. Being paid $5 for a post is ridiculously low. My point during the panel was that when people accept terms like that for their work, they are devaluing their work and that of other writers. You, all of you, imagine my sweeping arm motion here, are worth more than that. Unless you like working for slave wages.

I didn’t have time to fully get into the discussion during the panel, but I would have called out Club Mom too for other reasons. I am not pointing fingers at specific bloggers. When some one writes post after post after post promoting products that they have no interest or personal knowledge of, the writing almost always lacks authenticity.

Moving on, but not for long I am sure.

****
During her session Heather B was responding to something about race and she in turn said, “Do you write as a white person? Are you constantly talking about how you are white or feel this way because you are white? No, then why should I?”

Spot on, Heather. Though for the rest of the weekend I prefaced most things with “I am a white woman and I really like this wine.” “I am a white woman and lit candles in the lobby at 7:00am is just too hip and trendy for me.”

****
Speaking of wine, I don’t think naming your wine OOOPS is the best in terms of marketing strategy. I just can’t think of anything good to go along with OOOPS.

“Ooooops, we meant to make good tasting wine.”
“Ooooops, we come in red, white, and rose”
“Ooooops, we taste better the more you drink.”

It reminds me of the Ford Aspire. “I Aspire to own a real car one day.”

****

One of the most touching moments for me was when Redneck Mommy
came over to meet me. I would have cried except that I was sitting with someone who was having an anxiety attack. And I am not sure could have been the voice of calm reason if I were crying too. Though maybe we could have started a club.

****
My kids are totally into all the schwag I brought home from them. (”You have walked 343 steps. Now go away and walk some more.” I left the dildo behind. No need to go there yet. Although a part of me thought of bringing it home and telling Miles that it is my penis that fell off. But then visions of the story being repeated entered my head and I thought this is really not a conversation I want to be having at my grocery store while I am trying desperately to check out without purchasing every candybar in the aisle.

****

And the answer to the post above is C. Proving what a big dork I am. I was trying to get the lanyard off from around my neck and the name tag portion swung around and hit me square in the eye. And my god, I have new respect for the blind or nearly sightless. Also I think I need glasses because my left eye is sort of blurry. It misses it’s other eye.

****
This afternoon I was laying in the couch– the eye injury is the perfect excuse to just lay there with my other eye closed. The children are slightly afraid of my eye patch. I think some of them think my entire eye is missing. I haven’t corrected them yet because… Hello??? nap for me. Miles suddenly put his finger up my nostril. Turned out he picked his nose and had nowhere to put it. So he stuffed it up my nose.

Yup, I am home.

(links and photos will be up soon. Soon being relative)

Posted by Chris @ 5:59 pm  

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Comments

  1. Shari says:

    That post was absolutely the BEST! Thanks for the laugh.

  2. Nicki says:

    I think I love miles!! I now have this hilarious movie in my head of miles walking up, and inserting his boggie in your nose!! I needed that laugh today. Thanks!!!

  3. Mama Bear says:

    Miles is way too funny! If it happened to me however, I may still be pouring something antibacterial up my nose for a few more hours!
    Thanks for the notes on BlogHer as well. (and your views on PPP!)

  4. Emily says:

    So funny!! And it was so great to meet you AT LAST!!!

  5. Mocha says:

    But the meat was good. Remember to say that. Meat. Good. Gooooood dead meat on a stick.

  6. Jurgen Nation says:

    Great, now I have to wait until next year to grab your boob. I didn’t know it was permitted!

    Dammit to hell.

    ;)

  7. Heather says:

    Oh my god. I love, LOVE Miles for that. Is it wrong that I continue to be excited about having children, even after (or perhaps BECAUSE OF) stories like this?

    Hope your eye gets better soon, though I recommend keeping the patch for a while, if only for the sake of naptime.

  8. Kari says:

    Fabulous seeing you again - and wish I could have talked to you about Club Mom a bit more to find out your impressions since my expectations were different than reality.

    When we signed up we thought we were doing something far greater than what it ended up being. Still, with my small readership, I hope that I am making a difference in at least a few families whose kids are on the autistic spectrum.

  9. Redneck Mommy says:

    What!!!?? SJ grabbed your boob? I thought I was the boob grabber of the conference. (And trust me honey, if you hadn’t been comforting a cryer next to you, I would have totally grabbed those boobs.) I’d have licked you too. But that’s what free booze and meat on a stick does to me.

    It really was THE highlight of my trip to meet you. You were the beacon in my mist of foggy grief that reminded me to live. I just wanted to let you know that you made a difference, even if it was never your intent. That’s about as lyrical as I’m going to get.

    I’m still thinking of how the hell I didn’t manage to grab your boob….

  10. Crisanne says:

    Glad you had fun, sorry about the eye, and at least he didn’t stick it in your mouth!

  11. Deputy's Wife says:

    Great post! And a big Amen to your comment on PPP.

  12. lifeasamama says:

    so i want to know if the forthcoming picture is of someone else’s booger in your nose? if so, that would make my day. :)

  13. Carrie says:

    Love your re-cap, especially the last part about being home - nothing says “I love you mom” like a booger! Boys . . . (shaking my head because I’ve been there too).

  14. CaliforniaGrammy says:

    You just crack me up. And the Miles sharing his boogie . . . hilarious! Thanks for a bunch of great chuckles.

  15. Chris says:

    Redneck Mommy,

    Next year, grab away :-)

  16. Mamacita says:

    Not one person at BlogHer tried to grab my boobs. I’m disappointed. Then again, I generally keep them in my lap these days; maybe people thought I had dibs.

  17. Chris says:

    Enjoyed meeting you……finally. Great post!

  18. Susan says:

    Dammit now I miss you EVEN MORE. I didn’t think that was possible.

  19. moosh in indy. says:

    I was proud of your payperpost comment. I’m surprised so much poop hit the fan on that one.

  20. Barb Cooper says:

    I totally agree with you about PPP. I totally agree with you about the shutters and pooping. I totally agree with you about naming a car Aspire–I have had that exact same sentence come out of my mouth. I’m sorry about your eye and think you made the right decision about the dildo.

    I am still really bummed I didn’t go to BlogHer, though, so I’m sulking even though I think you’re wonderful. Pay no attention to me over here in Texas –I’ve had this sour look on my face for at least the last three months anyway. –Barb

  21. diatribal says:

    Little Miles has got to be the smartest little critter ever. Of COURSE boogers go in noses!!! They don’t even have to go back in the ones they came out of!

    Glad you had a good time.

  22. MamaLady says:

    Glad you’re back. Is there a video of your panel floating around somewhere? I’d love to see it.
    Now, all that boob grabbing sure makes a trip to BlogHer one to look forward to!

  23. Katie says:

    Amen to PPP. I signed up just to see what it was all about and never ever wrote a single thing. I’d love to hear more about the Club Mom thing, I applied and obviously didn’t get a job and am curious how it’s going for the others.

    Welcome home!

  24. Woman with Kids says:

    Wow. Just, wow. Miles is a really, REALLY good sharer.

  25. Carola says:

    You made me laugh with Miles’ story.

  26. Rebecca says:

    Eewww…that is worse than a wet willy. Gross! Though I must say that’s a creative solution to his problem. My son had a runny nose the other day, I told him to get a tissue, instead he wiped it to his arm and then onto my freshly washed pants. Why do I even bother washing my clothes sometimes?

  27. Lucy says:

    Now I can’t concentrate on anything else because I’m laughing so hard - I blame Miles.

  28. becky says:

    dude. i managed to grab kris’ boobs, but not yours. darn. and sorry about the wine on saturday night (thank gawd it was white).

    i thought what you said about PPP needed to be said, sponsor or not. maybe they’ll get the hint at some point. i wish i had stopped by their booth so i could tell them their pay scale is way too low. missed opportunity.

  29. Moose says:

    I had something profound to say about the arm sweep image, something along the lines of YES! WRITERS ARE WORTH MORE! But the booger stuffing story made me choke on my banana bread and possibly spit a bit of it onto my computer screen. Suffice it to say, my profound moment was lost.

  30. Mrs. Chicky says:

    Your comment on Pay Per Post was one of the highlights of the whole conference for me. There were very few “Hell Yeah!” moments last weekend but that was definitely one of them.

    And I’m sorry if I slobbered all over you at the W on Saturday night. Remember the drunk woman from Mass. who insisted on taking your picture? No? Well, that was me.

  31. Arianne says:

    aw man, sad i missed all the shenanigans. sounds like Miles is from the same school as my son…sharing boogers is an institution around here.

  32. Belinda says:

    I do know one blogger who left crying upon your PPP comment, but I don’t think she heard/got the part about the living wage, which is a good point.

    And that dinner? I enjoyed the people, and the conversation, but that dinner was RIDONKULOUS. Thank God you were there, or I’d probably have wound up having to chip in a lot more than the $20 above what I actually owed that I DID chip in. I felt bad for Mocha, because she was trying to come up with a unique and fun experience, and it wasn’t her fault that people didn’t check out the link to the restaurant to find out how expensive it was (I did, but I only budgeted for MYSELF, not people ordering $20 scotch), or that some people would try to get over on others by not paying what they actually owed for their food and liquor consumption. I’m glad it worked out, but sorry so many people left feeling taken advantage of.

    And you? You are awesome. I felt such a kinship with you, like you might have buckled your seatbelt in the taxi with me. I’m officially crazy about you, you amazing woman!

  33. Opal Tribble says:

    I thought about going maybe I’ll attend next year.
    Regarding the Pay Per Post there are may opps that are well over $5 in fact, I don’t think I’ve taken a $5 opp at Pay Per Post but I have at Blogsvertise. I really liked the product so I didn’t care about the money. I’d do it again if I liked the product. I’ve written many free reviews simply because I like a product.

    With sponsored reviews, I average $45 per review. I don’t do a lot of them. I’m very selective, but I did make over 1,000 in seven weeks doing reviews. I looked at it as “pocket change” I think I did ok. ;-)

    It’s interesting reading the thoughts of those who attended this event.

  34. Her Bad Mother says:

    I know. I’m a big fat brain-fart of a dork.

    Also, why didn’t I get to touch your boob? Didn’t my Marx-talk make you hott?