Oh Dell, let me count the ways
August 27, 2007
Oh, how to wrap up the weekend.
Should I start with my beloved oldest child who, while pulling the chairs out from the kitchen table to sweep beneath the table, flung one of the kitchen chairs behind him and hit it into my brand new beloved freezer and DENTED it. DENTED it right there in the front.
The following conversation ensued. The Players:
Me: so angry I was talking in that scary calm voice,
Him: dripping with the attitude only an almost 13 year old can muster,
The Comedian: comic relief provided by an 8yr old with a speech impediment who thinks all of life is a Disney sitcom.
“You dented the front of the freezer!”
“No, I didn’t”
“Yes you DID. I was watching!”
“Well, I didn’t mean to.”
“ARGH!@$#%#$$$%$. Why did you throw the chair like that?”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“Yeah, he is just so strong the chair went flying out of his hand. It’s like he is the Incredible Hawk or something.”
Ba-dum-dum.
****
I was on the phone with DELL again this weekend. The laptop belonging to my 11 yr old is refusing to access the internet. I have tried all the obvious solutions. And so I called the customer service tech support for, you know, additional help. DELL, you make it hard for me to like you. Really I want to.
It was so nice when you replaced my obviously defective laptop with a brand new one. But why is it every single time I call your help line I get the advice to do PC Restore and wipe out my entire hard drive. Why? It is frustrating beyond all belief. Granted, he is only 11 and doesn’t haven’t anything of earth shattering importance saved on his computer. But a years worth of photos of his Bionicles will be gone. And if you are 11, that IS important.
The last time this happened with my other son’s computer on the third phone call I finally got someone who had a clue what they were doing and helped to fix the problem rather than just offer up the blanket solution to do PC Restore. I was happy with him. I wish he had a direct number so that I could just call him back again.
****
This past weekend was the annual book sale at my local library. Several heated arguments broke out. It was awesome. I was simultaneously horrified that people would argue so vehemently in public with strangers, and pleased that I live in a place where fights break out over used books and not things like Tickle Me Elmo (or whatever the hot new thing is to fight over. I am so out of that loop).
Not so awesome was replaying a conversation over and over in my head and wondering if I was being insulted and just didn’t realize it at the time. And the answer appears to be yes, I am just slow.
****
Today is the first day of school. This made one of my children cry at the dinner table last night. I told my kids they better shape up because from what I have heard their teacher is a real bitch.
****
My son was just making himself cinnamon/sugar toast for breakfast and when I suggested that he make it on a PLATE instead of sprinkling the sugar on toast while HOLDING IT BY THE CRUST OVER THE FLOOR, he said, “I don’t know where the plates are!”
That is because I hide them. In places like the GLASS front cabinets in the kitchen. Or sometimes when I am feeling particularly sneaky, in the dishwasher. Further evidence of my bitchiness.
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I was recently accused of hiding one child’s underwear. Because I had the GALL to put it in his DRESSER.
He apparently was looking for it under the bed. Go figure.
August 27th, 2007 at 9:38 amDo they realize that their teacher might decide to a) sell them or b) not feed them? Just because she can.
Their teacher’s not a bitch, she just needs a drink or seven or she can escape and come play with me!
August 27th, 2007 at 9:43 amI have gotten this excuse when the oldest is emptying the dishwasher - I don’t know where it goes. Seriously? How long have we lived in this house? (Hint: We moved here when you were eight. You are now 17. Work it out.)
August 27th, 2007 at 9:48 amThanks for the laugh this morning, Chris. You are too much. How’s the school work coming along?
August 27th, 2007 at 10:02 amwe must have the same children.
Me: “Use a PLATE”
One of them: Where are they?
Me: “In the same cabinet they’ve been in for FOUR years when we loved in here.
One of them ” OH I thought you might have moved them.
August 27th, 2007 at 10:14 amThanks, pure and simple. I loved this post.
August 27th, 2007 at 10:52 amBWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!
What Mary said.
August 27th, 2007 at 11:26 amthanks for the laugh out loud! I had just finished cursing, out loud (but to myself), one of my co-irkers, and needed a break — SO glad I clicked on your blog!
August 27th, 2007 at 11:45 amHehe, that could be my house! I get bent out of shape when I tell the kids to give something to me and they throw it at me. To them its just tossing it “right to you” but it never just lands in my hand and I am NOT a good catch, never have been, they just want me to have to fetch it to “show” me something. It never goes in their favor, why do they keep doing it?
August 27th, 2007 at 11:50 amOk, that wasn’t the point, lol. My kids do not know where the dishes go to put them away. They can always find one to eat the food they are not supposed to eat without asking, but they can’t remember where they go when they unload the dishwasher. The silverware NEVER goes in the same slot. Some kids think the forks should be on the left, some think in the middle, but always the knives go on the right. Its crazy. I gave up with that one. As long as it is in the same drawer, I guess I can live.
That’s awesome… I want to get into a brawl over books. The boys start school tomorrow. They’re doing their best to kill each other today.
August 27th, 2007 at 11:51 amMy 9-year-old routinely tells me he can’t find any of his socks after I’ve washed them. Even though he puts his laundry away himself. Even though he remembers me handing him half a dozen pairs and telling him to put them away properly so he can find them later. Even though, when I go up to his room and pull open his sock drawer, there are eleventy thousand pairs of socks in there. He still can’t find them. I guess his socks are tricky — like your dishes.
August 27th, 2007 at 12:06 pmLong time lurker and first time commenter but good lord girl you made me laugh today! “Their teacher is a real bitch” was the clincher. My son went back to school last week and just freaks out when I review the homework before it is turned in let alone teach it to him!
August 27th, 2007 at 12:45 pmHa! My children have even failed to figure out the cunning hiding place of the dishwasher (under the kitchen counter right by the sink). So they just leave their plates on the counter. You know, in worshipful admiration of my mad appliance-hiding skills.
August 27th, 2007 at 12:49 pmYeah, so not getting a Dell laptop…
Have fun with your first day of school!
August 27th, 2007 at 12:51 pmMy husband threatened the kids within an inch of their lives if they so much as got a fingerprint on our new fridge. Not two weeks later, guess who put a nice big dent in the middle of the door? If you guessed my husband, you would be absolutely correct.
August 27th, 2007 at 1:22 pmA plunger will often get a dent out of a car, especially if there are not large creases in the metal.
August 27th, 2007 at 1:30 pmKathy,
August 27th, 2007 at 1:39 pmI would be tempted to try the plunger, you know if it hadn’t already been in a poop filled toilet. Maybe I should buy a new one for this purpose….
Today is the first day of school. This made one of my children cry at the dinner table last night. I told my kids they better shape up because from what I have heard their teacher is a real bitch.
OH HOW I LOVE YOU.
August 27th, 2007 at 1:50 pmHmm did my reply not come?
testing 123
August 27th, 2007 at 2:27 pmWow! What a weekend.
August 27th, 2007 at 2:44 pmSusie missed the bus last week because her mom so called “hid” her clean clothes in the dryer. Of all the nerve of her mother. Hiding clean clothes in the dryer!
You crack me up
August 27th, 2007 at 3:08 pmI’m homeschooling my kids too. School started a week ago, and they were so excited for the first…oh…5 minutes or so. *grin* The new pencils were quickly dull, the bright new books suddenly a labyrinth of annoyance, the fresh wind of learning turned stale and sour…only 771 more hours of schooling till I hit the required mark set by my state. HA
Chewie
August 27th, 2007 at 3:25 pmoh, and I forgot to add…
the older two had only THIS to say after their science experiments all week…experiments I labored to prepare and led up to with excitement…
“oh..well..that was disappointing.”
yeah..welcome to life, kid. *grin* It ain’t always an exploding volcano out there, ok?
August 27th, 2007 at 3:27 pmARGH!
August 27th, 2007 at 3:30 pmThis weekend, my 2yo put several chips in my newly refinished table. We’ve had it back just under a month.
Oh no he didn’t [dent your new freezer]…if I were you, I’d only have six children now.
August 27th, 2007 at 3:32 pmYour life is so much more fun than mine. Do you want to trade?
August 27th, 2007 at 3:37 pmDo you ever want to morph into Nanny McPhee for the school hours? Wouldn’t that just leave them quaking in their little sneakers! Bummer about the freezer.
August 27th, 2007 at 4:44 pmOh how I love to read about your life!
August 27th, 2007 at 4:50 pmI really think it should be a law that school doesn’t start until after Labor Day.
August 27th, 2007 at 5:14 pmYou and I are living parallel lives. Check out this post of mine from April: http://suburbancorrespondent.blogspot.com/2007/04/obsessions.html
And my kids’ teacher can be a real b..ch also. But only when they deserve it.
August 27th, 2007 at 5:37 pmDudes, you SO haven’t lived until your five year old scratches her name in the paint on your VAN! There it was: JANE in six-inch-high letters. I totally lost my mind and my head spun around like that girl on The Exorcist and I said, “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING??”
And she looked up at me, batted those excessively long eyelashes and said…
wait for it…
“It was an accident.”
Kill me. Kill me now.
August 27th, 2007 at 7:20 pmYou and Dell seem to have a similar relationship to what I have with Mediacom. Today we spent a lovely 23 minutes together on the phone, over 9 1/2 of it in pure, utter… silence.
She could play her game of hoping I’d hang up but I play the game better.
I may never, ever win the war with Mediacom but I’ll die trying.
August 27th, 2007 at 8:18 pm… PS!
Barb - I just read your comment above mine. For us it was a 3 year old who decided to draw on our red minivan from front to rear on BOTH SIDES with a ROCK. He seriously DID NOT SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS. “Just wash it off Mommy….”
LOL.
August 27th, 2007 at 8:20 pmHahahahaha!
August 27th, 2007 at 8:48 pmYou think you’re slow - When I read what you said their teacher being a “bitch,” it made me stop and think
Wait, I thought she homeschooled, she’s sending them to public school this year?
but it finally hit me. Sheesh - I think my kids sometimes have that problem with their ‘teacher’
August 28th, 2007 at 12:37 amYour too funny!
Your sarcasm truly shows that you were meant to be a teacher. LOL
August 28th, 2007 at 12:57 amthat’s uncanny - we had the exact same cinammon toast conversation in our house a couple of days ago! And, what was the stealth insult??
August 28th, 2007 at 3:59 amLOVE your blog. When my 3 kids get to me, I read yours and feel just a bit better!
On Dell- my DH spent 2 hours on the phone last night with tech support in India because of internet issues. If you have wireless, they mentioned (after nearly 2 hours!) they were having problems with some of the Netgear routers. They finally pulled a Netgear person into the call and had it fixed in 5 MINS!!! Good luck!
August 28th, 2007 at 8:27 amI too have a Dell laptop. I too spent hours and hours on the phone (mainly on hold) trying to get my wireless internet to work. Only to be given the phone number to Linksys … only to be directed back to Dell.
The final solution…. plug the computer directly into the router the first time it needs to access the internet. Hmm… That doesn’t seem like 5+ hours of phone calls to me! I hope your situation is resolved.
August 30th, 2007 at 1:00 amI don’t know where the plates are….I love it. Oh that is so typically male.
August 30th, 2007 at 8:20 pm